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Cookie Girl



Full cast Comedy Serial Audio Drama


Synopsis:

"Never has a midlife crisis been so sexy, intimate and funny." 


Cate is Cookie Girl, a legendary character in West Londons Notting Hill. 

From early years walking around Portobello Market selling cookies from a basket, via a best selling recipe book and popular column, she has worked hard to establish her successful baking business. 

But now her mid life crisis has hit hard. Her beloved mum has died which has made her alarmingly aware of her own mortality. She is filled with regret at not having worked harder to make her ambitions as an actress and writer a reality. 


Now, she has woken up to the fact that her Dream Guy, husband Dick, is a nightmare. Since being forced to give up his career as a credible musician to become a jingle writer, the only pleasure he gets is from drinking and parting which he does to excess. Terrorised by her two young daughters and with little support, Cate is desperate to escape. Then she meets neighbour Boy, still in his 20's... Is he just the distraction she needs? Or is he about to blow her life into tiny pieces?


Cookie Girl is a fictional comedy drama directed and written by Xanthe Milton with additional material by the cast. Who are; Xanthe Milton, Zeb Jameson, Henry Gatehouse, Juliet Cowan, Diane Langley, Simon Wilson Stephens, Jenny Dyke, Cosy & Teddy Jameson. It was edited by Zeb Jameson and produced by Juliane Wilson Stephens.


 All music was written, produced & performed by Zeb Jameson & Mo Morris, ‘A Mountain of One’. 


For visual content go to: @realcookiegirl on Instagram



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Format: Audio Drama

Continuity: Serial

Voices: Cast

Genres: Comedy

Not tagged: [Framing device] [Maturity] [Creator demographics] [Character demographics] [Country of origin] [Transcript] [Completion status] [Content warnings]

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Episodes:

Lullaby

Sat, 18 Nov 2023 01:23:33 GMT

This is the final episode of season 1:


Cookie Girl was in deep, she realised that. What had seemed like a harmless distraction, a delectable dalliance to refuel her libido and spark up her life- had gone so far.

To start with, she had wanted to be consumed by it. To be eaten alive. But now she wondered if the

cold, stark, blueish twinge of day, would reveal what they had to be flimsy and insubstantial, a fragile cobweb, to be torn apart with the slightest tug.

Would the multitude of daily antagonisms and confrontations pull the very thread of the delicate gossamer causing it to become unanchored and float away.


She knew that this affair, this fantasy if transformed into reality might cost her everything. Her children, her marriage, her home. The very fabric of her being. She had never imagined that it could come to this. That Boy could ask so much of her.


But she was also strangely exhilarated by it. Being in his company filled her with excitement, energy and optimism. The danger of the unknown, the thrill of leaping with no idea of where she would land. He made her fearless, he filled her with youthful vitality and she was not ready to give that up.

She was addicted. Her need was an unquenchable thirst.

The clean musky smell of him, the taste of his skin, the erotic charge that flooded her body like electric waves shuddering from her core.

She was lit up by his very touch.


But just maybe her addiction was not to him but rather to her own self image that his gaze reflected. The way he saw her was how she so wished to be seen, for in that mirror, she was the fairest of them all…..



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Kill Room

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 22:22:31 GMT

Cate's every waking moment was filled with thoughts of Boy. Filthy thoughts, hopeful thoughts, unrealistic thoughts. Imaginings of a new life, distracting and all consuming fantasies of what they could have. It was an intoxicating mix of passion, guilt and hope. Hope that somehow this Boy, with his youth and vitality, charm and vigor could bring her back her youth-fullness her promise and future. That somehow by being with him all her mistakes and misdemeanors would be washed away as surely as tears in the rain.... It had been so long that she had almost forgotten what it felt like to desire and be desired like this. She needed him to obliterate all thoughts of anyone else. She had entered Wonderland and there was no way she was turning back for never had the Emerald City so glittered in the moonlight.


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Black Apple

Sat, 01 Oct 2022 08:05:26 GMT

Cate had reached a crossroads. She could play it safe and keep on pretending that her life was perfectly fine or she could step into the fire of carnal desire and risk burning it all down. 

Now, would she tread the narrow line of correct, moral behaviour or might her foot slip and descend her into a world of lies and deceit alienating even her closest friends? 

For now she felt as if every step, every decision, every move she had made in her life thus far has been inching her ever forward to this precipice.

She knew that it was a form of madness, a folly, but she was so far into it, so gripped by it that it was impossible to let go. She has become so heavily invested in Boy; body, mind and soul, that to not even consider his offer seems impossible. And yet, she was well aware that it could cost her everything. 

So, despite his tantalising offer, the serpents apple must be declined and she would now put away all thoughts of her own fulfillment, her own pleasure and reward. Once more, she would sublimate her own needs for that of her children and husband. But Boy oh Boy the temptation was strong. 

It was as if Boy had placed some kind of enchantment on her. Some kind of sexual voodoo that kept her imprisoned.

Her longing for him had gone on for what seemed like an eternity. It had burrowed deep into her core and had become the very thing that defined her. A journey deep into her very being was what she sought from him but now she couldn't help wondering. Was he really up to the task? Had she fantasised in too much detail. Was there any way that this young guy had even the slightest hope of living up to, what could just prove to be, Cates wholly unrealistic expectation?

But still Cate couldn't help but wish, just this one time she could let herself fall down the rabbit hole, rather than clinging onto the edge for dear life



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Squeeze

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 13:57:27 GMT

Cookie Girl has never been quite so excited about her future. Nothing too far off but a thrilling experience that promises to come to fruition sooner rather than later....it is so close she can almost taste it on her tongue.....

Of course she is still having doubts about herself. Her age, her lack of relevance as a wife and mother. But she is beginning to feel she is on the cusp of renewal, rejuvenation, Is it just possible she could be about to have the ride of her life? For there is nothing like being pursued by a gorgeous man half your age to make you feel life is filled with promise. 

Surprisingly, despite the fact that she is still struggling to think of anything but Boy, things don't seem to be going as badly as she expected.

Rather than being the arbiter of Cate's fall from grace (due to a fortunate/unfortunate tuna flavoured cupcake),YouTube superstar, Dan Wolf seems set to open up a whole new world of opportunities to Cate. And, is it just possible that Jen's crazy idea could have legs? All be it stockinged. 

As Cate is beginning to rediscover happiness her relationships seem to be improving. Dick is no longer being so unkind, her mother in law is starting to help out with the kids and even they seem to have become less demanding. Her only worry is that Mummy Squirrel seems to have mysteriously vanished, which is concerning. But maybe it's no bad thing to go a while without the pitter patter of tiny, furry feet. After all, Suzie, who, despite the fact that she has still not laid one single egg, is proving to be quite the loyal companion and confidant to Cate.

Now, with Boy on board, even cake making has taken on a magic that is inspiring Cate to new levels of experimentation. And as for his audience participation with her burlesque routine....Well, who wouldn't be flattered? Is it any wonder that Cate is becoming reckless as she seems unable to think rationally? Her longing for Boy has completely taken her over but surely it can come to no good..It's almost like her romance with Boy exists in a different realm. As if it isn't happening in real life but in an enchanted land far, far away...



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Secret Garden

Sun, 17 Apr 2022 00:17:16 GMT

Cookie Girl Cate, may live in London, but stepping through her home you enter a magical realm. A communal garden that she is lucky enough to share with her best friends and neighbours. And within it, an enchanted glade, hidden from prying eyes, the Secret Garden is the perfect place to meet someone you shouldn’t be seen with…

Cate is coming undone. Since Boys made it clear she doesn't need to use a script as an excuse to say dirty things to him, she's finally abandoned that idea. But how much longer can she hold herself back from it developing into something more than she can manage, and does she even want to? Sure she told him a little white lie about being single, but Dick does so little with the kids it’s pretty much true. And heaven knows if she could afford to leave him she would. The prospects of that happening are looking less and less likely as her business slips further into chaos. She is now terrified of the fallout from sending a box of 'tuna spiked' banana cupcake to one of the most influential YouTubers in the country. 

Mummy squirrel is admonishing her for oversharing, after promising to help with the kids Dick is once again proving 'Dick by name, dick by nature'. Cate's dream of freshly laid eggs from her new pet Suzie has not come true and she's left wondering is it possible she's menopausal?


Now, as if she hasn't got enough of a menagerie on her hands. Her kids have drawn her into saving a baby bird which seems a lost cause. But at least it's an excuse to spend more time with Boy.

The only thing is, when shes not with, he's all she can think about which means that everything else in her life is falling apart.

Sometimes she can't believe that their time together is real and not a fantasy. Surely there's nothing wrong with her recording their dalliances as a way of reminding herself that it is all happening in real life....



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Eggs

Sat, 19 Mar 2022 01:04:07 GMT

Cookie Girl's life is falling apart. Since having kids and realising that Dick, her supposed Dream Guy is actually a nightmare her world has come off its axis. The promise of success that was so close she could taste it has turned to ash in her mouth. Despite looking impressive on social media her baking business is crumbling. She is desperate for freedom and searching for a way out. But is she looking in all the wrong places? She is becoming more and more distracted by Boy, her 24 neighbour, using random gifts as an excuse to hang out with him. Now, is an accidental touch about to move their relationship on to the next level?


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Squirrel

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 19:53:49 GMT

Cookie Girl is a skewed fairy tale character. She is surrounded by animals much like a Disney Princess. But her pet chicken pisses people off by drinking booze from their glasses, the baby bird they saved life is hanging by a thread and the squirrel in her garden seems to be inhabited by her dead mum. 


Behind the scenes of her successful media image she will expose us to the seamy underbelly of the baking world. Don’t be fooled by her instagram shots, push back from the frame and see the real ‘story’. The mess and chaos is a reflection of her inner world. Her cakes may look like they could be served at Versailles, but what were her and Boy doing with that piping bag and did they wipe down the kitchen Island afterwards? Cookies spiked with hallucinogens, phallic cupcakes and tuna in the biscuit mix, all conjured up in a kitchen that is far from hygienic. And are there really elves doing her baking, are the gingerbread men & women actually making babies Is it all a symptom of her drug use or just a sign that she is on the verge of a mental breakdown?



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Baking Bad

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 06:58:40 GMT

Cate is Cookie Girl. She has worked hard for years building up her baking brand. From a humble start selling cookies to customers in their offices via a popular column, a bestselling recipe book and a huge social media following.


But she is not happy. Her beloved mum has died and that has made her question everything. Having hit middle age she is filled with regret at not having pursued her dream to be an actress and a screen writer. She’s also woken up to the fact that her dream guy is in fact a nightmare and constantly terrorised by her children she is desperate to escape. When she meets her neighbours young son she realises he is the perfect fit to play her love interest in the script she is developing…… But is he just the distraction she needs or is he about to blow her life into tiny little pieces?



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