The Stars Aren't Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play
32 episodes
Web <link> from RSS feed:
http://linktr.ee/thestarsarentalright
Database link:
https://shows.acast.com/the-stars-arent-alright
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Creator: The Stars Aren't Alright
Full cast Horror Longform Audio RPG
Synopsis:
The Stars Aren't Alright is an Actual Play comedy/horror podcast, blending the Lovecraftian mythos with a far future, sci fi setting. The Keeper, Brian, uses the Call of Cthulhu TTRPG system to lead Alex, Catherine, Tom, and Leah through a series of mysterious events, unfolding into eldritch horror that stretches their character's sanity - and, in the end, learning that the true reality bending beings from outside time and space were the friends we made along the way. Find us everywhere at linktree.com/thestarsarentalright (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Format: Audio RPG
RPG system: Call of Cthulhu
Continuity: Longform
Writing: Improvised
Voices: Full cast
Genres: Horror, Science fiction
Not tagged: [Maturity] [Creator demographics] [Character demographics] [Country of origin] [Transcript] [Completion status] [Content warnings]
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Episodes:
Mon, 20 Jan 2025 08:37:15 GMT
Juno and Pyotr contemplate some light reading. Glade takes charge once again. Alastar is here for the vibes. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S2E5: Put On Your Walking Pants
Sun, 05 Jan 2025 11:45:48 GMT
Juno contemplates hypnosis. Glade keeps her mask on while taking her mask off. Alastar networks while on a work trip. Pyotr and Doug speculate on real estate - tactically. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Holiday Special: A Very Pyotr Christmas
Tue, 24 Dec 2024 17:00:33 GMT
SEASON 1 SPOILERS - IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED SEASON 1, GIVE THIS A MISS UNTIL YOU DO. In this non-canon aside, the cast drinks a bunch of egg nog and tries to recreate A Christmas Carol from memory. Our success? Limited. The plot? Unhinged. The lessons learned? Dubious. Enjoy this lil' holiday present from our messed up comedy/horror family to yours! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 22 Dec 2024 13:21:51 GMT
Pyotr traumatizes hospital staff. Juno and Glade carpool. Alastar takes a detour to diss an old man before getting a bad performance review from his boss. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S2E3: Dream a Little Dream of Me
Sun, 08 Dec 2024 11:21:09 GMT
We decide we're going to learn more about Pyotr's backstory, even if we have to put him in a medically induced coma to do it. Juno and Glade's reunion doesn't go the way we all thought it would. Alastar's boss is being a real capital B - oh yeah, and he drinks wine out of a bedpan. Doug and Glade argue about capitalism. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 24 Nov 2024 17:53:19 GMT
The crew makes their way back to where it all started - Gate City, baby. Juno, Pyotr, and Alastar debate with Siri. The Mask tries to bond with Juno. Doug tries to be a gentleman. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 10 Nov 2024 13:25:58 GMT
WE'RE SO BACK, BABY! Meet Alastar Bran - an enormous CORPSEC agent with a penchant for violence and an anime-inspired loadout. The familiar faces - Juno, Pyotr, The Mask, and Doug - make good their escape from Gizen-Sha Station. Picking up where we last left off at the end of Season 1, things go...well, pretty much exactly as you'd expect. There's a fart shuttle in this one! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1.5 E4: Descent into the Sanctum
Sun, 27 Oct 2024 12:20:18 GMT
Marmot, Maeve, MawlEah and Celery finish up Season 1.5 in style - boot wings included. Reeling from revelations, feeling the crushing weight of corporate greed, and unnerved by the promise of something even darker, our crew descends into the bowels of Gorto City. Save the sister, save the galaxy? Maybe let's just aim for survival. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:45. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised. TW: Depictions of police violence frequent throughout this episode)
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S1.5 E3: A Steaming Pile of Exposition
Sun, 20 Oct 2024 12:19:48 GMT
Marmot, Maeve, and MawlEah investigate Lucas Firinn's apartment. Celery keeps watch with eyes big and small. We stay on brand with more sci-fi lube content, and you know what comes back this episode? That's right, the TRAIN BABYYYYY THE TRAIN IS IN THIS ONE TOO CHOOCHOO LETS GOOOOOOOOO - DOWN TO BUSINESS: 7:45. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 13 Oct 2024 12:19:20 GMT
The crew of the Anserina makes their way to an allegory for late stage capitalis- I mean, Stevald IV in their search for Maeve's lost sister, Abigail. Celery uses vanity to get past the space TSA. MawlEah COEXISTS with toxic unicorn toys. Marmot enters the Matrix and wishes he hadn't. Maeve, as always, keeps us on track - her perpetual curse. Oh - there's a train in this one if that's your thing! It comes back later in the series too. Choochoo DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:14. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised. Specific trigger warning: 1:44-1:46 contains a depiction of police violence. )
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S1.5 E1: The Beginning of an Interlude
Sun, 06 Oct 2024 12:17:58 GMT
Join the crew of the Anserina - Maeve, Marmot, MawlEah, and Celery - as they pursue a contract for their mysterious benefactor, The Officer. An engineer, a hacker, a socialite pilot, and a 126 year old barber might just be the crack team this galaxy needs to save it (but probably not). In this interlude, an all new cast helps us prepare for Season 2 in the best way we know how - crude humor and cosmic horror! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Mon, 30 Sep 2024 05:20:28 GMT
Curious about what you're in for with The Stars Aren't Alright? So are we! Have a quick listen, and then have a longer listen - described as "Absurdist Horror", fans of Aliens, Monty Python, and The Room should feel right at home. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 3 of 3
Sun, 22 Sep 2024 12:17:28 GMT
The horse traps? Knitted. The customers? On hold. The Phil? Collins'd. The Lord's? Justice. Join Cathy, Lonestar, Howie and Craig as they finally discover who is responsible for their misfortune, and the misfortune of the Call Center itself, in the blood gargling conclusion to Catherine's three shot. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 9:25. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 2 of 3
Sun, 08 Sep 2024 16:51:54 GMT
Cathy, Lonestar, Craig, and Howie delve deeper into the mysteries of the Call Center. A Caesar cypher makes all of us confront our fragile masculinity. Brian gets to recycle a lot of old sound bites from previous episodes. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 8:56. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 1 of 3
Sun, 25 Aug 2024 13:19:50 GMT
Catherine leads us into the godless pit of despair that is customer service in the Call Center of Cthulhu! Join Howie (Brian), Craig (Alex), Cathy (Leah), and Lonestar (Tom) as they try to keep their sanity in the multidimensional horror of the call center. We commiserate on the service industry for about 13 minutes - skip to that point if you wanna get to the goods! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 17:16. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 2
Sun, 28 Jul 2024 12:09:44 GMT
After the planetary landing went sideways, we meet up with our Extreme Tour Guides Sidd, Marco, Adella, and Buddy the Bear on the surface of Radwin V. Things get spooky as the architect of their misfortune delves into their fears and insecurities, and we most certainly do NOT split the party (citation needed) in the uberduber super spoopums finale to our Most Astral of Adventures! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 3:12. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 1
Sun, 14 Jul 2024 13:24:08 GMT
Join Marco, Adella, Sidd, and Buddy the Bear - elite tour guides with Astral Adventures LLC - as Tom Keepers us all down to the surface of Radwin V, to lead some rich people on a tour that costs more than most people will make in their lifetimes. This tour was planned and executed using machinery and software sourced from the absolute lowest possible bidder - what could possibly go wrong? DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 2
Sun, 23 Jun 2024 13:03:33 GMT
Our gals continue their unintentional spelunking through the cave of horrors in the bloodcurdling conclusion to our GayKeeper series. Brigitte demonstrates how well she can climb. Jessica does her best. Coleen embraces an open-door mentality. Tonya makes statements about democracy. Cathy is glowing. There's a gun in this one. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 2:05. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 1
Sun, 09 Jun 2024 11:55:51 GMT
This time we hand Leah the reins, as she leads Brian, Tom, Alex, and our new friend James in a dark and scary cave, for what is probably the third-worst bachelorette party you've ever heard of. Join Brigitte, Coleen, Tonya, and Jessica as they slowly unravel the mystery of missing appendages, and girlboss gatekeep gaslight themselves into and out of trouble. PT 2 coming soon! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 5:05. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Alex's D&D Oneshot: The Kids Aren't Alright
Sun, 12 May 2024 13:46:51 GMT
We give Alex the reins, and he leads us to glory (chaos) and (mis)adventure!
As would-be transfers to the prestigious Knockleberry College of Swordsmanship, Spellerey and Sneakerey, our band of rampaging hormone homunculi must navigate the inscrutable and arcane world of a college admissions interview for the pre-eminent adventuring academy in the land. Will Sol's perfectionism be her undoing? Will Hael purge the groups demons? Will Mot get a spot on the basis of being tall and good looking? What the **** is Brendan doing here? Only time and our adventurers will tell - maybe all they need is a little perspective.
DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:28. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Season 1 Recap: I Thought We Had More Time
Mon, 15 Apr 2024 23:26:52 GMT
Keeper and cast unite to discuss season one while we get progressively sillier, until the whole thing devolves into nonsense (even more so than usual). Join us while we discuss characters, storylines, behind the scenes details, tidbits of what might be in the future, and Catherine's childhood office supplies - all while serenaded with a random splattering of music from Season One. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Mon, 15 Apr 2024 23:26:30 GMT
Religious Extremists? Check. Wanted Terrorists? Check. The Puddle? Check. Our flimsy plastic bag of humanity makes a desperate attempt to escape Gizen-Sha station in our season 1 finale, still reeling from the revelations of Lift (and Glade)'s memories... DOWN TO BUSINESS: 7:00. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E10: The Fundamentals of the Principles of Historical Astro-Economics
Sun, 17 Mar 2024 15:56:08 GMT
Glade gets in touch with her inner child. Juno realizes our 'ship is sailing through some rough waters. Pyotr decides what he's gonna be when he grows up. Lift tells chatGPT to get bent. Doug completes a Sudoku (subtextually - he's not in this one). DOWN TO BUSINESS: 9:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 03 Mar 2024 15:58:22 GMT
(TW: Suicide 2h36m) Our mishmash of marginally lovable misfits have a chat with the architect of their suffering. Lift and Glade take a walk down memory lane. Juno is humbled. Pyotr closes a deal. Doug is not in this one. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 12:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E8: An Industrial Amount of Lube
Sun, 18 Feb 2024 19:01:39 GMT
Our puddle of sentient chaos continues their journey on the Violet King Henry, making their way to Gizen-Sha Station. Juno and Glade open up after taking inventory of the ship's leftover cargo. Lift, Doug, and Pyotr induct Juno into the Thot LLC while she's hammered. Glade and Pyotr demonstrate their conflict resolution skills. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 7:55. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E7: No Ships Like Friendships
Sun, 04 Feb 2024 21:42:00 GMT
The increasingly battered and bruised group finally get themselves off the station. Pyotr puts two and two together, and wishes he hadn't. Juno eats crackers and tries to do therapy at Glade. Lift uncovers details about his past that provide more questions than closure... DOWN TO BUSINESS: 8:00. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E6: A Spooky, Soylent Hallway
Sun, 21 Jan 2024 22:52:23 GMT
Our merry gang of degenerates plunges into an alternative route suggested by Special K. Juno starts her electrician's apprenticeship. Pyotr learns about the drip of the future. The evidence of darkness and evil grows stronger - Lift and Glade do violence about it. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:50. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E5: Sympathy for Oxygen Tanks
Sun, 07 Jan 2024 17:07:08 GMT
[Note: There was a strange audio glitch on Brian's track for a few seconds - it's not you, it's us] Our beat up group deals with the aftermath of Juno's gunshot. Pyotr experiences empathy for inanimate objects. Secrets are revealed, but only bring up more questions. Brian is required by law to offer his apologies to the country and peoples of Australia. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:50. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Fri, 22 Dec 2023 19:50:54 GMT
Our ragtag gang leaves the station to do a 30 km spacewalk. Their oxygen? Limited. Their tempers? Limited. Their experience? Limited. But, it's just an EVA - how hard can it be? DOWN TO BUSINESS: 5:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Sun, 10 Dec 2023 16:52:49 GMT
[Note: This episode was recorded in a much different space than our first episode - as such, there were some issues with the sound. Let us know if it needs work!] Low blood sugar, explosions, getting shot at - it's not been a great couple of days for our heroes. Maybe assembling the team will help? Doubtful. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 3:29. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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S1E2: Blackmail, Booze, and Burning Buildings
Sun, 26 Nov 2023 19:00:27 GMT
[Note: This episode was recorded in a much different space than our first episode - as such, there were some issues with the sound. Let us know if it needs work!] Our heroes cover up crimes not committed by them, commit some new ones, and uncover new secrets that drag them deeper into conspiracy...also we dunk on the British Empire a bunch. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 11:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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Mon, 13 Nov 2023 00:22:01 GMT
Welcome to Gate City - a massive Beam Gate Station approximately 6000 light years from Earth! (Also, learn WTF that means.) In this episode, we meet our characters - Glade, Pyotr, Juno, and Lift - as their lives are turned upside down...(This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)
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