Paki Kēhua
52 episodes
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Creator: Te Wānanga o Aotearoa
Solo Horror Anthology Audio Book
Synopsis:
Paki Kēhua, meaning ’ghost story’, is a set of audio stories from the Māori world that will lead you on a journey beyond your known truths. Brought to you by Te Wānanga o Aotearoa with support from Te Māngai Paho. Parental guidance is advised, some content may scare younger listeners.
Format: Audio Book
Continuity: Anthology
Writing: Scripted
Voices: Solo
Genres: Horror
Completion status: Not applicable
Not tagged: [Maturity] [Creator demographics] [Character demographics] [Country of origin] [Transcript] [Content warnings]
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Episodes:
Pukemon (Part Three) - Gotta catch ‘em all
Wed, 29 Nov 2023 05:52:00 +1300
Episode 52 - Pukemon, gotta catch em all, Part Three
Welcome to the Final Boss battle. Anyone who’s faced the final Boss at the end of a game for the first time knows what happens next. Game over… game over… you get the picture. But for Whero and his son Mikaere, they suspect that "game over" for them will literally mean… game over. The end. They will need to work together, old school and new, if they are to have any chance of making it through what seems to be a game that is within the spirit of Pukemon… evolving. They will need to put all the clues together if they are going to figure this last challenge out. The real question is: who is the antagonist, the baddie? I’ll give you a clue… it's not who you think. Final round. Fight!
T.A. Whero
Pukemon (Part Two) - Ultra Son
Wed, 22 Nov 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 51 - Pukemon Ultra Son, Part Two
Mobile games are fun. They can be the perfect release after a hard day's work or even while you're still at work… when the boss is not looking, of course. But what happens when your game comes alive and the little characters in your game crawl out of your phone and start attacking you for real? Is this the latest tech like Virtual Reality or Augmented Reality, simply called “Reality”? The pint-sized Māori Pukemon warriors called Mohoa seemed pretty real after Whero had his car roof redecorated. Then there's the strange greenstone tititourea that materialised after the Mohoa were defeated at the McDonald's drive-through. Their weakness? A Big Mac and fries. BTW, Whero has a major weakness… a Big Mac and fries. So, what or who’s next? Get ready for the next round!
T.A. Whero
Pukemon (Part One) - Whero – Pukoro Monsters
Wed, 15 Nov 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 50 - Pukemon Whero, Part One
This story is about a 50-something year old former-gamer with 9 kids and 9 mokopuna. Oh, hold up, that’s me! I didn’t set out to make it about me, but I was there when Space Invaders hit Aotearoa. I spent most of my time in arcades, making me the foremost 80’s arcade expert, so it just made sense, hence the Whero at the end of the title. But, the Whero also plays on the game name, Pokemon Red. We have to jump forward a few decades, of course, to get to Pokemon, which of course means pocket monsters. I know! But it was one of my moko who came up with the title "Pukemon". He was doing the little kid thing, making up his own little waiata, which only had one word in it, "Pokemon". Except he was saying "Pukumon", and I thought, "Hey, Pukoro monsters, Pocket monsters, same thing." I adjusted the final title though to "Pukemon", as "Pukumon" sounded like monsters in desperate need of Keto… Anyway, this is what I call a whāquel. You know, sequel, threequel, and fourquel in Māori equals Whāquel. And it’s a game/story about gods, monsters, epic battles, and betrayal. Without spoiling any of the stories, all I will say is that all of the taniwhā in these stories are real. Every single one of them. To be honest, I knew some of them; others I had to hunt down... on Google, of course, but hidden under obscure keywords. Some appeared to me as if they were trying to be found. Get ready for realities to merge and blur, where the delicate balance of our world is about to be throttled by a hidden darkness. Long-forgotten taniwhā crawl and slither into our world. Get ready to push the start button. Let's go!
T.A. Whero
Wed, 08 Nov 2023 07:31:00 +1300
Episode 49 - The Rainbow in the Sky (Based on a True Story)
Thirty years ago, I had a strange dream. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was having a premonition, and I didn’t share it with anybody because I didn’t know that what I was dreaming about was about to come true. But you know how these types of visions go, where the details are cloudy at best. I remember that I was in the pool at my house, underwater, looking up at the house. I could make out the pool steps and thought it was odd that I had all my clothes on. I couldn’t move or swim, nor did I feel the need to. Anyway, a year or so goes by, and I’ve forgotten about the vision, and then tragedy strikes, and only then did I make the connection. I thought the dream was about me, that it was me in the pool. I was wrong.
T. A. Whero
Wed, 01 Nov 2023 06:08:00 +1300
Episode 48 - When two iwi go to war (Retelling of an Old Story)
E ai ki ngā kōrero, the battle known as Maikukutea, marks the final confrontation between Manaia and Ngātoroirangi. However, it wasn't so much a battle as it was a slaughter. Ancient tales recount how war canoes of Manaia assailed the pā of Ngātoroirangi on Mōtiti Island. In response, Ngātoroirangi dispatched his war god, Aitupawa, to decimate the taua from Manaia. The devastation was so immense that the sole remnants of the conflict were the bleached fingernails—or the Maikukutea—of the warriors belonging to Manaia, which washed ashore the next day. Yet, what occurred in between? Records are absent. The mystery deepens when considering how those fingernails became bleached, as there are only a handful of plausible explanations, given the circumstances. I promise I won't turn full-on CSI, but I've done my research. This story fills in the missing strands of DNA and to speculate on the fate that befell the ill-starred warriors from Manaia.
T. A. Whero
Wed, 25 Oct 2023 04:00:00 +1300
Episode 47 - Robert and the Totara tree (Based on a True Story)
There are many true aspects to this story. Back in the day, when our koroua was young, logging companies would help themselves to trees on Māori land. Our koroua kept shotguns at the ready to scare off would-be thieves. Most importantly, there is something otherworldly in the woods. I'm talking about Fairies and Patupaiarehe. They're everywhere if you know where to look. Many years ago, when we were making pūreke, our rōpū went to harvest harakeke. We came across tiny spiders unlike anything we had ever seen. They were silver, like glitter, and shimmered when the light touched them. They had laid web lines across the harakeke as if they were protecting it. We immediately stopped, and the spiders seemed to smile as we left. When we returned home, we learnt that we had encountered patupaiarehe, the kaitiaki of the harakeke. We were fortunate; other flax gatherers had met far more aggressive Kaitiaki, the kind that leave bite marks and welts. This incident taught us the importance of asking before taking, even if it's on your whenua. But what happens when you're a logging company, it's not your whenua, and you're after the entire forest?
T. A. Whero
Wed, 18 Oct 2023 06:06:00 +1300
Episode 46 – Witches, Part Two (Based on a True Story)
When we last left off, three Māori women had been arrested and charged with practicing witchcraft. A formidable armed force is poised to defend the town, while a war party waits for the signal to reclaim the women by force. Standing between the two groups is a koroua who, let's just say, has provoked the soldiers to shoot at him. Big mistake! Shooting him is only going to enrage him further, for this koroua harbours a dark secret he's about to reveal to the soldiers. They're on the verge of learning why one should never cross the Māori. Think you know how this unfolds? Think again! Three witches hanged, right? Yes, but—and there's a significant "but"—listen closely...
T. A. Whero
Wed, 11 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 45 – Witches, Part One (Based on a True Story)
There is an urban legend of three witches who were hanged in the 1800s. They are believed to haunt the current Auckland Domain where the Auckland Museum stands. There are stories of sightings of tall, slender-man-type figures that have frightened joggers and late-night strollers. Our story begins just before these hangings. Three Māori women are arrested for making rongoā, or as it was called back then, practicing witchcraft. The women are held under heavy guard in the nearby town. The local Māori have assembled a war party and are poised to strike when an old koroua suddenly appears, halting everyone in their tracks. The soldiers defending the town breathe a sigh of relief and lower their guns. If they knew what the koroua was about to do, they'd run while they still had the chance.
T.A. Whero
The Boy Who Didn’t Wash His Hands
Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:02:00 +1300
Episode 44 - The Boy who didn’t wash his hands (Tikanga Based Story)
Why wash your hands when you leave an urupā? As kids, the choice was straightforward: wash your hands or get a kick in the pants from Nan. And with the decision always came a foreboding "beware curse" from Nanny, delivered in a chorus of voices, warning of the dire consequences that might ensue if you neglected this ritual. Nowadays, I gently remind my moko with the sweetest intonation, "Horoia ō ringaringa." Man, what whimps we've become! But what if Nan was right? And yes, I can hear her voice from the other side chiding, "Of course I am, you silly boy!" This tale delves into the repercussions faced by a heedless child (not me!) who disregards Nan's sage advice.
T. A. Whero
Wed, 27 Sep 2023 12:02:00 +1300
Episode 43 - The Rescue (Based on a True Story)
A whanaunga of mine once told me a peculiar story from her early days working in the South Island, where she advised trampers about the weather conditions in the local mountains. One day, she received a warning on her walkie-talkie about a swiftly approaching stor, which curiously wasn't showing up on any other early warning equipment. The mountain was promptly evacuated, much to the chagrin of several trampers who insisted that, according to their reports, the weather forecast was clear. Sure enough, the storm hit. Had the trampers continued on their journey, they would have found themselves in grave danger, perhaps even losing their lives. My whanaunga received a commendation for her quick thinking, which she humbly attributed to the man on the radio. However, when she shared the identity of this man with her colleagues, she was met with an unsettling silence. She vividly recalls her boss's response: "No, you must be mistaken... that's not possible."
T. A. Whero
Wed, 20 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 42 - Pona... Hemi Pona (Based on a True Story)
I'm sending this message encrypted in case it's being monitored. The encryption is so complex that it will appear as a normal message. I knew a koroua who thought he was a spy, code name 0013. The whole shebang. He said he was recruited straight out of the bush, a tough and clever Māori kid with no family ties, making him a perfect candidate for the CIA's black ops program. Our response was just "Oh, that's nice, koro." But then one day, he died, and what followed was subtle, designed to go unnoticed. However, being the observant and sharp-eyed individual that I am, or as some might call me, nosy, there were several alarm bells ringing that all was not as it seemed. Let's just say that moments after his death, a high-ranking military officer made contact. And the person who took the message couldn't recall taking the phone call. Tapped wires? Mind wipe? You be the judge. This story will self-destruct in 13 minutes.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 13 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 41 - The Three Strike Back, Part Two (Retelling of an Old Story)
The race against time is on. Literally! With the fate of the world in the balance and the destiny of all humanity resting on three haututu Māori boys and an irritating little brother, what could possibly go wrong? Well, let's take a quick look at the Three's chances... The Three's plan hinges on the hope that a mythological being, whom no one has ever seen, will show up to help within a tiny window of about 3 seconds. After that, they must somehow challenge the Sun, Tamanuiterā, in open combat, much like Māui did — but without the demigod powers that Māui has. Oh, and they lack the mighty brothers and the magic ropes that Māui had... However, they do have the magic jawbone from Murirangawhenua, though it has a habit of turning into false teeth at the most inopportune moments. The only thing they seem to have in their favour is their makeshift plans held together with bandaids and chewing gum that have miraculously worked so far. Brace yourselves for the Three's final showdown in the very last story of the series. Oops.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 06 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 40 - The Three Strike Back, Part One (Retelling of an Old Story)
The boys are still patting down the flames after their last encounter with Mahuika. They, like Māui, were able to entomb her into a Kaikomako tree for all eternity. The boys are counting their lucky stars, having barely made it out alive, when a new threat arrives on the scene: an upset husband named Tamanuiterā! Yes, the very sun in the sky! While Mahuika might have been content with burning the boys to a crisp, the plans of Tamanuiterā are bigger... much bigger. It seems the boys are mirroring the deeds of Māui. The fate of the entire world was at stake in Māui’s battle with Tamanuiterā, and now it could be in the hands of the boys. But fear not. The boys have survived The Ririo, Mahuika, and her 10 children of flame. What’s one more super-being? I’m sure the boys will be just fine. Now, I don’t want to spoil the ending, but FYI: this is the very last story in the series about the three. Oops.
T.A. Whero
The Return of the 3 (Part Two)
Wed, 30 Aug 2023 15:17:00 +1200
Episode 39 - The Return of the Three, Part Two (Retelling of an Old Story)
So, it was Mahuika!
See, I told you that I told you. Anyway, the boys are still alive, albeit a little crispier. How long can they keep this up? Their blend of luck and Māori boy ingenuity has worked against the fingers of flame, who are really just kids like themselves, but they’re not out of the woods yet... literally! If they do somehow manage to get past the rest of the flame children, they know that they will eventually have to deal with the māmā; Mahuika herself. And believe you me, every Māori boy knows what happens if you’re dumb enough to try and stand up to your māmā – let alone a māmā with godly powers! I feel a song coming on… "It's getting hot in here… so dial 111." I'm not sure if those are the lyrics, but cross your fingers for the boys and their fiery conclusion!
T.A Whero
Wed, 23 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 38 - The Return of the Three, Part One (Retelling of an Old Story)
“The Three” are a bunch of likeable non-bullies who are hot off the back of out-playing the Ririo, “the King of the Elves”, thanks to a scary old kuia, a bunch of stones and a bag of chips. Long story. Now, a strange mushroom cloud of smoke has appeared from within the heart of the dark forest, not too far from their school. While most would run in the opposite direction, “the fearless three” (or as Hemi, the leader of the gang’s irritating little brother might say “the clueless three”), head towards the smoke cloud. Little do the boys know, they are jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. The burning question (and it's hard to put a finger on it) is: who is the old flame smouldering at the heart of the mushroom cloud waiting to set their world on fire? FYI, I just told you who.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 16 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 37 - Picture Picture on the Wall (Based on a True Story)
I knew a girl who was bad news. It turned out she was possessed by a malevolent spirit, but she was also bad news. She was a special kind of nasty and was totally head over heels in love... with herself. She had the whole Snow White's Evil Stepmother thing going on, right down to the mirror... well, in her case, a picture, lots of pictures. She was a real narcissistic piece-of-work, and the pictures were the source of her power. I always thought there was something strange going on with this one picture in particular. I thought it was just me, and then one day, like in that horror movie... it smiled at me.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 09 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 36 - The Return of Hape (Retelling of an Old Story)
Our world is replete with famous duels of tohunga. The Hokianga Whakapau Karakia is one such encounter. Here in Tūwharetoa, it's the race up Tongariro Mountain between Ngātoroirangi, the tohunga of the Te Arawa waka, and Hapekitūārangi. The race was more of a battle as both used their powers to defeat each other, but it was Ngātoroirangi who vanquished his opponent by freezing Hape in snow and ice. For Hape, it was assumed that he died, the story ends, and there is no further mention of him anywhere. This story imagines what might happen if Hape didn't die."
T.A. Whero
Wed, 02 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 35 - Funkihi Town (Based on a True Story)
Why or when does an Atua choose to show up, ā-tinana? Through karakia... perhaps? Or maybe after the death of a noble? You'll know if an Atua is nearby. We often see their presence, especially at tangi, but don't realize it. You might see a greenstone patu run red, or te huingā manu arā manu gathered in unusual groups on a lake. I've seen it all. Sometimes Atua will come a little closer, but so as not to scare the living daylights out of you, they will move stealthily under the cover of fog. Here in Tūwharetoa, it's called Te Huringā Taniwhā. In days gone by, if you were really fortunate, one of the gods might show up at a pakanga, drawn to the bloodlust of a warrior in full rage mode, or like in our story, a warrior in mid-battle... on the dance floor.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 26 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 34 – Mauri (Based on a True Story)
When a Wharenui is built, someone dies and becomes the Mauri for the whare. This is the old way of our people. Our family has always wanted to build a Wharenui, but they hesitate because of this and the randomness of who is chosen, so to speak. Sometimes our tipuna would avoid losing one of their own by choosing the person or people (often called a sacrifice) who would become the Mauri. I know of a whare, an old whare here in Tūwharetoa, where four slaves were given as the Mauri for the whare. One was buried alive underneath each corner of the whare. The question of Mauri and how it works, how it passes from a person to a whare, is often shrouded in mystery, and most either are afraid to ask or don't even care how it works. I care. This story is the beginning of the answer.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 19 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 33 - The Caveman (Based on a True Story)
Caves are the ancient burial sites of our people and should be treated in exactly the same way as an Urupā. Because we have Western practices and are so used to burying our dead in the ground, most of us have forgotten the old practices of hiding bones in caves and among the rocks. The kupu of the old ways still remains... tūpāpaku. We use this for the "body" nowadays, but it really means to sit up in the smallest of ways, i.e., the fetal position, and this is how our people were positioned when they died. So, what happens if you walk into a cave and find a waka huia full of bones or a skeleton buried in the old fetal position? You moonwalk the heck out of there. Bones don't take kindly to being disturbed. This story is about a group of kūare tourists who find out what happens when you tutū with the dead.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 12 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 32 - The Last Goodbye (Based on a True Story)
You might think that talking to the dead is abnormal, but not if you're Māori! We communicate with them all the time through our whaikōrero, karanga, and waiata. Sometimes, if you're lucky or unlucky (depending on the circumstances), they might even speak to you. A few years back, one of my wife’s whanaunga passed away. We were all very close, and my wife and her whanaunga kept in touch over the years through Facebook, Messenger, and the occasional phone call. One day, we received an odd phone call from the whanaunga....... a year after she died. It was weird because my wife had a personalised ringtone, whanaunga calling – the whole bit. So, we freaked out when her name came up on the caller ID, we hesitated to answer but couldn't help ourselves and picked up. This story is inspired by what awaited us on the other end of the line.
T.A. Whero
The War God (Part 2) – Te Korenga
Wed, 05 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 31 – The War God (Te Korenga) Part Two (Tikanga Based Story)
Te Pāpaka and Te Korenga: twins! One alive and the other...something else. Separated at birth, māhanga, neither knew of the other's existence. Yet, as the old saying goes, 'toto ki te toto' or 'blood attracts blood', the brothers were destined to meet on the battlefield. For Te Pāpaka, the question wasn't about facing a warrior of unimaginable power, nor the realisation that only one of them was destined to walk away from their inevitable clash. No. The burning question for Te Pāpaka was far beyond life or death, and in fact, much simpler... how does one face a fight to the death against a brother he has never met?
T.A. Whero
The War God (Part 1) – Te Pāpaka
Wed, 28 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 30 – The War God (Te Pāpaka) Part One (Tikanga Based Story)
Prepare for the censorship whānau to have a field day on this one. I have thought very carefully about what I should include or exclude in this story. I have decided…. to include every blood-curdling, upsetting and controversial detail. To do otherwise would be inaccurate and insulting to our tipuna. We can all guess that the inception of a War god and let's be specific here, a Māori War god, could be considered by today's standards of morality, cruel and ruthless. All true, but that’s not what’s interesting. Today's paki explores the disturbing creation of a War god and follows two power-mongering tohunga. They are hell-bent on capturing the soul of a newborn baby, the key ingredient needed to create the ultimate weapon. Listener discretion is advised.
T.A Whero
Wed, 21 Jun 2023 18:00:16 +1200
Episode 29 - Kia ora, is Statue? Part Two (Based on a True Story)
Paki, Tame’s cousin who bullied Tame about his imaginary moving statues now finds himself a born-again believer. Being surrounded by an army of moving statues can indeed shift one’s beliefs. Now Paki, Tame and Tame’s loyal cousin Hori can all see that the statues are alive and ready to strike. To get out of this one, they first need to answer a few questions about the statues and before time runs out. Like, how are the statues moving? What do they want? Why have they chosen to reveal themselves now, and to all three of them, no less? For now, however, we must address the minor issue of the army of statues. That's one thing they definitely have an answer for. It's time to run!
T.A. Whero
Wed, 14 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 28 – Kia ora is Statue? Part One (Based on a True Story)
I went to a marae once that had creepy white marble statues, tonnes of them at the back of the wharenui. I still remember the very first thought that came to my mind, it looked like an urupā. I think they were actually art sculptures, but they looked like they were headstones made by a kaiwhakairo and as such there was an air of unease about them. Tame, a marae kid seems to think that the statues at the back of his marae move when no one is looking. No one believes him of course, especially his older cousin Paki who can’t stand him and thinks Tame is a straight out liar. Highly possible, or maybe Tame simply has a creative imagination. He could of course be seeing things or there is one other possibility to consider….the statues are alive.
T.A. Whero
The Train Ticket (Part Two) - Māori Vision
Wed, 07 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 27 – The Train Ticket (Part Two) - Māori Vision (Based on a True Story)
You could call the last story an extraordinary example of “Luck”. One life saved by a twist of fate. But could luck strike twice on the same night and to someone seemingly disconnected? Well, fate has an interesting way of twisting back on itself, and two destinies are about to collide in an extraordinary way. It's December 23, 1953, and Pāora has a “not-to-be-missed” end-of-year party with the boys to attend. But Pāora has been seeing strange things all day. Come morning, Pāora will think that he has been dealt a cruel blow in life when, in actual fact, he will end the day being one of the luckiest guys in the world.
T.A. Whero
The Train Ticket (Part One) - The Missed Journey
Wed, 31 May 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 26 - The Train Ticket (Part One) - The Missed Journey (Based on a True Story)
It's December 23, 1953, and an old school friend has turned up out of the blue, offering to take Emily on a whirlwind trip across the countryside, back to their hometown in Taumarunui. Why take tomorrow night's express train when you can have a chauffeur-driven ride right now, and catch up with an old school friend at the same time? But there’s something not quite right about the old schoolmate that Emily can’t put her finger on. Emily and her old buddy, Billie, head off the night before the scheduled train trip, all set to surprise Emily’s whānau a day early. And what a surprise it will be, but not for the reasons Emily thinks. The trip home is about to rock not just Emily and her family, but the entire world. Get ready to relive the ride of Emily’s life.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 24 May 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 25 - Happy (Ghost) Feet (Based on a True Story)
If you ever spoke to a dead person, would you know it? Would anyone else be able to see the dead person and witness the conversation, or would it look like you're talking to yourself? I'm trying to steer clear of a "Sixth Sense" scenario here, but I've heard many stories where the dead return for a final farewell. I remember my Māori teacher from college talking about a kid who missed school, turned up in the afternoon on his horse, and then left, only for a message to arrive at the school later that day saying the kid had died earlier that morning. This tale is true, and secondly, I'm going to let one fact out here that's not in the story but needs to be said: one of the characters quit her job after the incident. We know that the dead can indeed come back, but this story is not about that; it's about why the dead choose to return.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 17 May 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 24 - The Old Man, Part Two (Based on a True Story)
Herana is being hunted by a malevolent spirit from the nightmare world, and if that isn't bad enough, the spirit seems to be able to physically hurt Herana. She has woken from the nightmares with marks and bruises all over. Herana and Hona have reached out to their mother's brother, Uncle Tipene, whom their mother forbade them from seeing when she was alive. They are hoping their uncle will be able to help. What they don't know is that there was a reason their mother wouldn't let them see their uncle. It's a secret that's intertwined with all the nightmares. Buckle up because things are about to get worse. Much worse.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 03 May 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 23 - The Old Man, Part One (Based on a True Story)
Have you ever had a dream that was so real that you didn’t know it was a dream until you woke from it? I have grown up knowing that when you dream, you cross over to the spirit world. I remember my koroua saying that you should never wake anyone suddenly, as their body might return while the wairua stays in the dream world. That always troubled me. If you could cross to the dream world then it would stand to reason that something could also cross into this world, which is fine if you’re talking about marsh-mallows and butterflies, but what if it’s demons and monsters?
Herana and her sister Hona are all alone after their mother died a year or so ago and they are about to discover that the veil between them and the demons is thin……real thin.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 26 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 22 – Mata(ku)riki (Based on a True Story)
Hawaiki is our ancient homeland, but where is it and how did we forget its location in less than a thousand years? Here's an answer that I grew up with. When we asked Koro if he knew where Hawaiki was, he would always point upwards. "We're from the stars," he would say. "How else could we know without cartography tools that the North Island looked like a fish? The only way you could know is via an aerial view... from the stars." There are clues everywhere that we are from the stars. The instructions from Kupe are "whakatau ki a Atutahi mā Rēhua." Everyone assumes he was mapping the ocean pathway using the stars as a guide, but have we considered the possibility that when Kupe said, "go via Atutahi and Rēhua," he meant it - "whakatau" or visit Atutahi via Rēhua - and was giving us the true location of Hawaiki... among the stars? It's obvious when you think about it, which brings us to our story of the stars of Te Waka o Rangi and a young man's terrifying journey that would bring him face to face with the captain of Te Waka o Rangi, Taramainuku, the soul collector.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 23 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 21 - Pounamu (Based on a True Story)
Pounamu, or greenstone, is more than just a precious stone. It is a living treasure, the 'fish of Ngahue', as the old stories say. As such, it is considered more valuable than common stones such as gold or diamonds. We wear pounamu, we fight with it, we even liken it to the magnificence of the glistening ocean. But in its beauty lies a tūpato. Pounamu can be a vessel, a conduit where emotions, especially the more insidious type are captured and the, let's say “karma” is passed on to the future owner. This is why one must be careful when buying pounamu. You should not buy it from just anyone, and only a fool would buy a second-hand pounamu. Well, my friends, this is a story about a fool I knew.
T.A. Whero
Thu, 20 Apr 2023 07:14:11 +1200
Episode 20 - The Burning Mattress (Based on a True Story)
You're supposed to burn the mattress that a tūpāpaku lies on. It's based on an old tikanga whereby a small 'whare mate' was built specifically to house the tūpāpaku, and then burned immediately after the body was taken to the urupā. I mean, would you really want to sleep on the same mattress after a dead person has been on it?Today's Māori are different, and the old ways are often traded off for convenience and expedience. Young Māori of today, beware. There is a reason our tipuna put laws in place – unbreakable laws to be broken at one's own risk, as the unfortunate man in our story soon discovers. If you think you can hide behind the "I didn't know" card, don't be surprised if a kēhua chews it up, spits it out, and blows hūpē on it. Don't say you weren't warned.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 16 Apr 2023 17:02:00 +1200
Episode 19 - Te Kaingaroa a Haungaroa (Based on a True Story)
This is a tale about inheritance. Not something as common as money or assets, but something far more intriguing: magic! I know of several practices to acquire occult powers. There's knowledge of karakia and incantations, of course, but more is needed than just words. The Ngau Taringa rite involves the passing of power through biting the ear of a dying tohunga. Then there's the magic diet, where you know... eat someone with the power. Finally, there's whakapapa, where the ability stays within the family and can resurface in later generations under the right conditions. Our story follows a group that ventures into the Kaingaroa Forest and encounters trees that have come to life. They realise that a young girl in their group is a descendant of the woman who cursed them originally, turning them into cabbage trees. This story is about one thing: revenge.
T. A. Whero
Wed, 12 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 18 - Over the Blood Moon, Part Three (Retelling of an Old Story)
Fighting out of the brown corner, weighing in at 200 pounds, all the way from Rotorua... Koro Pat (aka Hatupatu)! And in the red corner, weighing in at a trim 950 pounds, 1000 pounds if you include the wings, Kurungaituku! Oh, also, this is a tag match, and Kurungaituku's tag-team is an entire army of Amazonian bird warriors like herself. Koro Pat's tag team are Kara, Nikau, and their class of gifted Māori kids from Tutunui School. It sounds like an unfair fight, but don't worry, the class has one thing going for them that the bird army hasn't anticipated: they're small and insignificant. Nobodies. Just a bunch of clever, nerdy little kids. Well, that's what the bird women see, but the bird women have made a grave mistake. As every parent should know, never ever underestimate your kids. Especially when they're Māori kids. Clever Māori kids at that. Let's get ready to rumbllllllleeeeeee. DING! DING!
T.A. Whero
Sun, 09 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 17 - Over the Blood Moon, Part Two (Retelling of an Old Story)
Our two anti-heroes, Kara and Nikau, have been separated from the rest of the class (their own doing, of course), and they've just heard a monstrous scream from a terrifying creature that's shaken them to the core. They've decided to do what any typical Māori kid would do and run... towards the scream. If you reckon the boys are going to run into some kind of unimaginable, grotesque demon, well, you'd be right, but there's more to it than that. Also, Koro is acting more squirmy than usual, and he's definitely super grumpy (that's probably normal). Then there's the mysterious guide, Ingo, who seems like she's up to something. Is the blood moon affecting everyone? Oh mate, you have no idea...
Wed, 05 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 16 - Over the Blood Moon, Part One (Retelling of an Old Story)
Kara and Nikau are a pair of typical haututū Māori boys who have been blessed with an extra set of brains. They are on a class trip to New Zealand's Geothermal Wonderland, Te Puia. It sounds harmless, but they visited Te Puia on November 19, 2021, which some of you may remember as the night of the Blood Moon. Now, haututū Māori and anything with the word "blood" are never going to end well. There's also something up with their guide; the boys have noticed that there's more than meets the eye. However, Kara and Nikau don't care as they have their own plans. They are about to launch a clever little scheme for some unsanctioned fun and will soon learn that they might be a little too clever for their own good.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 02 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +1200
Episode 15 - Why Y Wai. (Based on a True Story)
I hesitated when writing this story about breaking the karanga. The rules are absolute, so I wasn't sure how, or even if, we could record it. The ancient law of karanga was instilled in us from a young age: If you break your karanga, someone dies. The problem is that most people, especially the younger generation, do not believe in this anymore. The young woman in our story is about to learn that this is the law, and there are consequences, whether you believe in them or not.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 29 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 14 - The Tia Hunter (Based on a True Story)
Let's say you had actual DNA evidence of creation. You would be solving one of the greatest mysteries of mankind.
For a Pākehā, I guess it would be like finding the golden apple core that Adam discarded, or a fig leaf. Heck, I don't know. But for a Māori, it would be a much more interesting prospect. To accept our version of creation would mean that everyone else's version would need to be re-evaluated.
Years ago, I heard a story about an incident back in the 1960s. One of the axes, either Te Awhiorangi or Whironui, had been found deep in the forest in the Aotea region. Without even seeing the axe, the old people knew by the description of the wave of emotion felt when the finder approached it, that it was indeed one of the sacred toki.
I was a young toa in training at the time, so I was fascinated by what it might look like or feel like. How petty I must have been. This discovery was way more than I could have possibly understood at the time. The discovery, and what it means, is really simple: if the axe is real, then Tūmatauenga is too.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 26 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 13 - The Power of Three ... Plus One (Based on a True Story)
“The power of three plus one” revolves around four boys.
Three likeable bullies and the little brother of the leader.
The three bullies are not mean or nasty, but instead are more like older brothers who throw their weight around.
I based them on Māori boys from my childhood who were dynamic, cheeky, tough, and dramatic. They were the ones who gave the teachers a hard time, but they also knew their limits. If they pushed too far, the teachers would call their mothers and it would be over.
The three are like the Scooby-Doo gang in that they solve mysteries using their wits and Māori instincts, always managing to get themselves out of seemingly impossible situations.
This story is the first in a trilogy, with the boys facing off against the King of the Patupaiarehe.
The story contains several real-life elements. For example, the boy ‘Te Hamuti’ is a real person, and there is a waiata that recounts Te Hamuti's encounter with the King of the Patupaiarehe. The tūāhu or altar is also real, as well as the practice of leaving kai on the altar for the King of the Patupaiarehe.
Most importantly, the King of the elves, Te Ririo, is a real entity.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 22 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 12 - The Ash Men – (Part Two)
Bam takes Kore on a ‘classy’ date to a fish and chip shop called "Lucky Takeaways". However, their romantic evening is interrupted when one of the Ash Men (a deadly entity from Kore's past) shows up. This Ash Man was responsible for the death of Kore's parents, and now seems to be targeting Kore. The situation is dire and Kore knows that the Ash Man will not hesitate to harm anyone who stands in his way, including Bam. As Kore tries to find a way to escape the Ash Man's wrath, she can't help but wonder about Bam. Is he just a he-man fireman, or is there more to him than meets the eye? Despite the danger they face, she can't help but feel a sense of curiosity about him.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 19 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 11 - The Ash Men (Part One)
Bam is a hotshot fireman that has (excuse the pun) “the hots” for Kore, a fellow firefighter. The problem is that every time he’s in her presence, he gets tongue tied and his fiery passion is quickly extinguished... OK, I’ll stop.
Kore's past is coming back to haunt her as an ominous entity from her childhood has reappeared, stirring up long-dormant embers.
The heat is on for Bam and Kore to extinguish the problem in this fiery paki that is sure to set the story ablaze. Sorry… I couldn’t help it.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 15 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 10 - Kiddy Karanga (Based on a True Story)
There's a reason why, in the time of our tipuna, only the pakeke of each whānau would perform the karanga: It's dangerous, and there are many rules to adhere to, including being a pakeke or a kuia. If you're a rangatahi, to put it bluntly, wairua can smell blood (if you know what I mean). Karanga on a marae raises the stakes - it's a wāhi tapu, and even what you wear is a factor. It should be a panekoti. "Whenua ki te whenua", as the old kuia would say. But most importantly, whenever you call out to the dead, you have to accept the real possibility that they might hear your call and answer it. Karanga is like the old party phone lines where anyone on the same party line could listen in. And just like a phone, anyone can pick it up and make a call - anyone. There's the 'never, ever karanga at night' rule, and the list is endless. The responsibility is enormous. Many years ago, I was at a wananga when a child wearing jeans stood on the marae at night and did a karanga. Oh dear... I didn't see it, but I heard about it. Everyone did. This story is a reimagining of the chaos that ensued.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 12 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 9 - The Unholy Spirit (Based on a True Story)
There's more at stake here than just an exorcism of two rather nasty spirits. The fact that both the father and the son are being possessed at the same time suggests that this is more than just a coincidence. Something more dangerous is brewing beneath the surface, an ancient darkness after more than just the lives of a father and son. Can this darkness be stopped before the spirit and the person become one and the same? If that happens, separating the spirit and the host always ends badly. Normally, it would make sense to tackle one spirit at a time, but Te Kani, the paranormal expert, has a gut feeling about these two spirits. He wants to let them face each other.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 08 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 8 - The Son (Based on a True Story)
“The Son” picks up where “The Father” left off. The father is possessed by a malevolent spirit, and you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to guess from the title that the same fate probably awaits his son. Now remember this is a true story…. with a bit of extra hot sauce and you should know before we go any further what we’re dealing with here….so you can choose whether you should listen to our next story or not. Last chance to turn back…. OK, now when the son (the real life one) was asked what the whole possession thing, he simply said the movie, “The Exorcist” was all true right down to the projectile vomit…. but this story is not about possession, we’re way past that. This is about how a spirit chooses its prey. How it hunts. Hand to hand? set a trap? or from a distance like a sniper. Put it this way, just knowing about it is enough for it to line you up in its sights, or reading of its existence like what you’re doing now….is enough. Once it knows that you know….it's just a matter of time.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 05 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 7 - The Father (Based on a True Story)
One of my jobs over the years was teaching kapa haka at the local prison. During my travels, I had come across a social worker helping Māori inmates cope with the harsh realities of prison life. He told me about an inmate, a relative of his, who was in the "Hannibal the cannibal" category - extremely dangerous, to the point of having to wear a face grill in public. However, this inmate was an old man, a koroua, who seemed unassuming and rarely spoke. But appearances can be deceiving. The entire prison, both inmates and guards, were terrified of him, and everyone knew to keep their distance. There was something about this old man that frightened everyone so much that no one dared to even look at him. The social worker was convinced that he could help this inmate, but he was about to learn two important lessons: first, that some people cannot be helped, and second, the real reason why everyone feared him.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 01 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 6 - Night Whistle (Based on a True Story)
I can hear my koroua very clearly, with his dramatic voice, saying, "Never ever whistle at night." But Koro, why not? What's the big deal? We never actually voiced our questions, as we knew better than to challenge our elders. In fact, whistling wasn't the only thing forbidden at night. I remember my grandmother warning us, "Never ever cut your hair at night." I don't think she meant it simply because you can't see well in the dark and you might end up with a bad haircut. There was genuine fear in her voice. She didn't need to explain what might happen if we did. The very thought of the consequences was enough to cause concern. This story makes me wonder about the worst-case scenario.
T.A. Whero
Sun, 26 Feb 2023 05:00:00 +1300
Episode 5 - The Talking Taiaha (Based on a True Story)
I know what you're thinking, it's metaphorical, right? Or, when you swing the taiaha, it makes a swishing sound and that's your taiaha talking. Or, the movements of the taiaha are a complex three-dimensional language. All of these are true. I teach these lessons to my tauira. But when our tīpuna said that if you listen carefully to your taiaha, it will talk to you, I don't think they meant it like the sound a basketball makes when it goes through the hoop. I know, "swish!" is another word for smart and fashionable. No. I believe that a taiaha talking to you actually means talking taiaha. I mean, if we can believe that our tipuna brought snow to our mountains on Tongariro and volcanic fire to the bowels of the earth, then a talking stick doesn't sound too much of a stretch. Our story follows the trouble that might follow if you did, in fact, one day have a good old yarn with your taiaha.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 22 Feb 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 4 - Pukapuka o te Mate (Based on a True Story)
In my family, we have an old book written in Māori. Because I was considered the Māori one in the family, I was invited to look at the book, but I declined..
The only thing I know about the book is that it is as thick as the Bible and was hand-written by my great-grandfather in the old cursive style of the time.
Growing up, I heard stories that anyone who touched the book died, so it was kept locked away at the old family homestead in a cupboard. Twenty years or so ago, there was a fire that burned the old homestead to the ground, but every single part of the house was burned to a crisp except for one cupboard that held the book.
I have heard of other similar books over the years, including an urban legend that this story is based on, about a group of hikers who were found dead in an old, abandoned church. The cause of their deaths was unknown, and the only clue was a curious book found beside their bodies.
T. A. Whero
Sun, 19 Feb 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 3 - One Spirit Too Many
One of my pakeke was raised by his koroua around the 1960s and 1970s. His koroua was a cannibal. I was always intrigued by what he was saying, given the time period, but we were too scared to ask, isn't that illegal? A few weeks ago, I came across a picture of his koroua on Facebook and saved it. But when I went to retrieve the picture this morning, it was gone. When I tracked it back, there was no record of it ever being saved. I feel another story coming on. Anyway, this makes me think of another tradition we have in Tūwharetoa. The practice of whetero has been outlawed. On the kapahaka stage or else where, if you're Tūwharetoa, you are forbidden to stick your tongue out, as that was a sign that you were a cannibal. That law may have been appropriate 200 years ago, but today, that would only make sense if there were still practicing canni...... oh, I see.
T.A. Whero
Wed, 15 Feb 2023 17:00:00 +1300
Episode 2 - Half Cooked (Based on a True Story)
Our story today is based on a strange visit to a local marae a few years back. Let's see... the wharenui had no pictures on the walls; in fact, there was nothing on the walls. I remember thinking at the time that the pictures on the wall were hiding from something, even though that seems like weird thinking. Then, a mouse jumped out of the oven after the oven had been on for a while, and the chicken we cooked was both raw and burnt. Hence, the title of the story. These things were obviously all signs... but of what? Perhaps it has something to do with the evil laughter coming from the shadow-like creatures.
T.A. Whero
Fri, 10 Feb 2023 15:30:47 +1300
Episode 1 - Te Riroriro (True Story).
A close uri of mine locked up all the doors and windows at the marae after a wānanga, unaware that she was cutting off all avenues of escape for herself. Something ancient, an entity not of this world, stood silently on the marae ātea, watching and waiting like a hunter. It was a presence that would normally stay in its realm, but for some reason, it was moving openly and freely, breaking the unspoken pact that keeps the realms of the dead and the living apart. As the last door was locked, she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Despite her instincts to run, she did what every Māori would do – she made the mistake of taking a closer look.
T.A. Whero