No Return
91 episodes
Web <link> from RSS feed:
Database link:
RSS Feed:
https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1981798.rss
Creator from RSS feed: Kier Zhou
Database Creators: Kier Zhou
Synopsis:
No Return: An Audio Drama by Kier Zhou
Enjoy yourself in the chaotic, fantastical world of "No Return," where the worldbuilding ambition rivals Robert Jordan, the humour channels Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, and the violence echoes Tom Sharpe—all wrapped in the indie punk aesthetic of a one man band making content on a laptop powered by a potato.
This full cast comedy fantasy spans a diverse array of tales:
- Clumsy Divine Quests: Join researchers on accidental divine missions.
- Mercenary Chaos: Witness comedic clashes between mercenaries and foreign warships.
- Eerie Mysteries: Delve into the haunting search for lost children.
- Ancient Secrets: Unearth treacherous truths in the Darklands.
- Sinister Plots: Navigate a city's dark underbelly filled with kidnappings and dark schemes.
- Ensemble Comedy of Errors: Dive into epic fantasy battles where magic and mayhem reign supreme.
- Actual Play: Follow the gripping saga of a burning city and the heroes fighting for its survival amidst chaos and intrigue. Told through a tightly edited TTRPG actual play.
And remember, for those seeking extra tales and behind-the-scenes magic, check out:
https://patreon.com/NoReturnAD
Language: English
Format: Audio Drama
Continuity: Serial
Writing: Scripted
Voices: Full cast
Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Maturity: Mature
Content warnings: / Abusive behaviour / Alcohol and drug abuse / Explicit language / Mental illness / Self-harm and suicide / Sexual content / Violence
Country of origin: United Kingdom
Not tagged: [Framing device] [Transcript]
Click here to update these tags.
Episodes:
Alien Robot Space Jesus From the Future
Tue, 15 Jul 2025 15:00:00 +0100
A collaboration between Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales and The NoReturniverse.
Be sure to check out The Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales Podcast Feed!
Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future is a surreal and irreverent sci-fi comedy about a well-meaning but bewildered time-travelling saviour who arrives on Earth hoping to fix humanity, only to be met with indifference, bureaucracy, and a media circus. As he stumbles through job centres, detention cells, and diplomatic summits, his mission to stop the world from destroying itself becomes increasingly farcical. Skewering political theatre, messiah complexes, and the absurdity of modern life, this radio play blends dry satire with a healthy dose of cosmic futility.
Voices From the Vortex of Bureaucracy and Beyond
- The Jaw-Dropping John Kennard as the indomitable Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future
- The Astounding Abbie Jordan-Tickle brought practiced dispassion to the Job Centre Clerk
- The Kinda-Knavish Kier Zhou tried his best as the Angry Job Seeker
- The Jubilant Jim Cogan lent machine-like charisma to the Job Centre Terminal
- The Kinetic Kat McQueen served up sass as Job Centre Agent 1
- The Commanding Cameron Gergett countered with indifference as Job Centre Agent 2
- The Mighty Matt Evans brought polite peace making to the Police Officer
- The Luminous Lauren Deakin investigated truth as the Journalist
- The Gravitas-Gilded Girunduu governed gloriously as the Prime Minister
- The Blazing Brandon Gamblin oozed menace as Agent Orange
- The Charismatic Chris Bauso made mayhem as President Biggle Guff
- The Justifiably Jaded Joe Killcar almost kept secrets safe as the Secret Service Agent
- The Dynamic Danielle Thuen reported on reports as the Reporter
- The Stoic Stephen Newhand offered the voice of the everyman as Man on the Street
- The Kinda-Kooky Kier Zhou multitasked heroically as both Woman on the Street and Ambiguously Gendered Pedestrian
- The Divine Dylan Smith pontificated perfectly as The Pope
- The Kinda-Confused Kier Zhou also moonlighted as Supreme Leader Bum Suk’s Interpreter
- The Legendary Loretta Chang diplomatically decoded for the (totally fictional) President Wei Ni Xiong
- The Magnificent Michael Secha translated tyranny for President Tupin
- The Electrifying Emily Morse-Lee transcended reality as the Alien Robot Space God
Script Sacrificed by the Chronically-Chaotic Kier Zhou
Sound Sculpted by the Begrudgingly-Busy Kier Zhou, with Consultant Conjurer Jim Cogan
Produced with Unearned Confidence by Kier Zhou & Jim Cogan
Lyrics for The Apocalypse Hymn
Originally written by Kier Zhou. Scrapped and rewritten in its entirety by Jim Cogan 🤣
Music composed, performed, and sanctified by Jim Cogan
The Apocalypse Hymn was gloriously butchered by “The Cast”
17: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: You Know What Doesn't Have An End?...
Mon, 07 Jul 2025 00:00:00 +0100
Things start to get tense in the city. Cracks start to show. Swifty indoctrinates his newest Barrel-Man. Ceanni tries to lead Swift further astray. Factions plays nice in the colleges. Factions scheme in the shadows. Salryn has a surprise visitor. Salryn struggles to unpack Vita and Alaric's byzantine schemes.
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Malcolm Rigby: Girunduu
Gavin Fern: Dylan Smith
5: Mageslayers: WELCOME TO THE REACH BATTLE ARENA!!!!
Mon, 30 Jun 2025 00:00:00 +0100
While others scramble to clean up Dec and Seilbh’s boozy bloodbath, Pog takes the opportunity to move the plot forward... with a bit of backup.
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Nikhol Ashorn- Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Danielle Thuen
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle- Dylan Smith
Chancellor- Kat McQueen
Cinnte Micheart- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Shain Sotalach- Adam Robinson
Addison De Ara- Laura Duncan
High Seer- Jen de Haan
Grommuk- Girunduu
Snargle- Madeleine Buttitta
TURBOMURDERBUTCHER- Girunduu
Warden of the Household- AJ Fidalgo
Pogrim Pogglefield/Herrand/Tran- Kier Zhou
Biksune Ree- Taylor Michaels
Magedad- Jim Tuohy
2: The 2teg: Are You Sure You're Not Just Really, Really, Really Ill?!
Mon, 02 Jun 2025 00:00:00 +0100
Wow, the 'old fashioned approach' really is much easier to follow. But... I mean... dead men showing up contrary to every rule in the book.. selective memory from the prime suspect... I'm not buying it.
Samael Vine/Rayan/Matthias Alaric/Weiguan- Kier Zhou
Lars Xu- Blake White
Scurlott Tupou- Marta Hodgson
Gnilfiet/Lucca- Krissi Williams
Leda- Lilly Inverse
Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Cole Lumbo- Chris RR Bauso
Selwyn Janicek – Stasi Dimitrova ig
Niillas Janicek – Dylan Smith
Lady Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Brother Absalom- Girunduu
Luobo Ironside- James Hart
Ang Von Overton- Rachel Pulilam
Dallen Gersia- Daniellelanois
Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
1: The 2teg: It's Like Dranekian Theatre!
Sun, 01 Jun 2025 00:00:00 +0100
Thank the silent gods! We have finally dropped that insane story telling device (literally) and now we can get to the bottom of what is happening with some good old fashion interrogation!
Commander Vine/Matthias Alaric/Rayan/Saurians: Kier Zhou
Domina Elyra Lightfoot: Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Nyalie Alaric: Glenda Villimar
Constable Lucca/D'Brie: Krissi Williams
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Cole Lumbo P.I: Chris RR Bauso
Selwyn Janicek: Stasi Dimitrova ig
Niillas Janicek: Dylan Smith
Anzhlo: Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde: Lauren Littlewood
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Implied Sexual Themes
3: Anderkant 2: You Truly Know Nothing!
Sat, 03 May 2025 00:00:00 +0100
Min explores the temple. The Lessee has a fiery reunion. Herrand tries to walk a tight rope. Gnilfiet drinks some soup!
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen - Gemma Maclean Mair
Everyone else- Kier Zhou
Content Warning:
- Torture
- Violence
- Lazy Crazy Oversexed Goddess Trope
Bonus Content: The Last To Leave
Sat, 03 May 2025 00:00:00 +0100
The final days of the last age were filled with sadness...but for some... cosmic calamity was new...
Across many worlds and many lands, amongst many creatures... The Fall brought many ends and many beginnings... these are the tragic words of 'One of Many', 'The Last to Leave'.
One of Many: Justin Fife
Angau: Kier Zhou
2: Anderkant: I Have No Idea What's Happening!
Fri, 02 May 2025 12:00:00 +0100
Are you finding Anderkant confusing and difficult to follow? Well how do you think Min feels?!
Min finally makes it to Anderkant and encounters one of it's denizens. Gnilfeit makes gets more involved with the Lessee's plans... H keeps manipulating our hapless hero.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen - Gemma Maclean Mair
Miner 1 - Adam Robinson
Miner 2 - Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Everyone else- Kier Zhou
1: Anderkant 2: I Just Want Out...
Thu, 01 May 2025 01:00:00 +0100
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
Patreon
Who is 'H'? Who is The Lessee? Who is this enigmatic sister?...Well...actually...if you've been listening to the other stories and bonus episodes...you might be able to figure out the latter... and the former...
This episode follows our villain's backstory and begins to unravel the mystery of what they are really up to with the Anderkant Project.
Be prepared...it...gets...weird.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning:
-Foul Language
-Death...lots of death...
- Violence...lots of violence...
- Mind Control
- Extortion
- Hostage
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams
H/Tran/Min/Billy/Tran/Torriq/Lessee/Teresa/Everyone else: Kier Zhou
743$736: F33dErr0r: 9a2t 53v3N.
Wed, 30 Apr 2025 17:00:00 +0100
Original release date 20 Apr 2024
I've fixed this bloody thing three times now! Why is it being so weird!? I think we might have to drop this story telling conceit if it carries on any longer...
Cole Lumbo - Chris RR Bauso
Elyra Lightfoot - Abbie Tickle
Matko- AJ Fidalgo (AKA Mr F)
Vasa - Lilly Inverse
Selwyn Janicek- Stasi Dimitrova ig
Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
6: The Orillian 2egiment: That's The Way He’d Want To Go!
Sun, 06 Apr 2025 06:00:00 +0100
Gazi struggles to make friends with the Red Shirts... Colonel Wilifred struggles to put the evidence together... Gnilfeit and Third continue their battle... Tommo gets a touching moment...
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Gazi | Graham Capobianco
| Gnilfeit | Krissi Williams
| Layna Jareg | Rae Witte
| Major | Chris (One Wall)
| Olda| Anne Marie Lebeau
| Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall)
| Sushila | Loretta Chang
| Tommo | Jack Duncan
| Von Overton | Rachel Pulliam
| Wilifred | Ed Craggbarber
5: The Orillian 2egiment: He's Not Going To Make It, Is He?
Sat, 05 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0100
Gazi and Von Overton return to the lines just in time for the fight back... Von Overton receives some bad news. Luobo leaves Dagrun at the Row and goes looking for the Guard Commander. Tommo gets some peculiarly timed grief from one of his Vir.
| Anan | Skyler Giordano
| Bezeroa | Tyler Moody
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Dagrun | Kier Zhou
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Door Man| Graham Capobianco
| Gazi | Graham Capobianco
| Ivanic | Justin Fife
| Jinu | Anna Gąsecka, also known as Ren_Overshares
| Kane| Tyler Moody
| Layna Jareg | Rae Witte
| Luobo | James Hart
| OR Guard | Tyler Moody
| OR LT | AJ FidLAGO
| Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall)
| Sendat | Rae Witte
| Sharp | Kier Zhou
| Tommo | Jack Duncan
| Von Overton | Rachel Pulliam
| Wedder | Chris (One Wall)
| Wilifred | Ed Craggbarber
4: Flashback: The Orillian 2egiment: There Is Nothing But Harmony In The Row!
Fri, 04 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0100
We flashback in time to give you all the context you were missing!
Anan- | Skyler Giordano
Dag'r - | Lilly Inverse
Kova Dagrun- | Kier Zhou
Deky- | Cameron Gergett
Gav- | Dylan Smith
Gazi- | Graham Capobianco
Guildmaster- | Girunduu
Ivanic- | Justin Fife
Jarna - | Daniellelanois
Jinu - | Ren @Ren_Cant
Kane- | Tyler Moody
Kongol- | OneWallChris
Luobo- | James Hart
Mal- | Girunduu
Olda- | Anne Marie Lebeau
OR Guard- | Tyler Moody
Sam - | Kier Zhou
Sendat- | Rae Witte
Sharp- | Kier Zhou
Sushila- | Loretta Chang
Theras- | Dr Lou Sutcliffe
Tommo- | Jack Duncan
Von Overton- | Rachel Pulliam
Colonel Wilifred- | Ed Craggbarber
99 Problems was performed by Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
DiceAndDesire | Twitter, Instagram | Linktree
3: The Orillian 2egiment: I Told You, Didn't I?
Thu, 03 Apr 2025 00:00:00 +0100
Original Release Date: 22 Apr 2024
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
The Guard Commander refuses to explain. The Colonel takes drastic action. Gazi and Von Overton head to the Aventine. The captured boys encounter old 'friends' and 'family'. Sharp has to deal with the political fall out. Gnilfiet confronts Third.
Cpl Deky - Cameron Gergett (Recap played by Luke Scarrow)
Tpr Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Tpr Nuori Gazi- Graham Capobianco
Sgt Gavin Fern - Dylan Smith
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
Col. Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Ang Von Overton - Rachel Pulliam (Recap played by Angela Yih)
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Theras O'Phil- Dr Lou Sutcliffe
Sushila Tommo - Loretta Chang
Dag'r Tommo - Lilly Inverse
Olda Tommo - Anne Marie Lebeau
Violet Marshall Ivanic - Justin Fife
Guard Commander Samael Vine/Third - Kier Zhou
2: The Orillian 2egiment: Well, You Might Well Have Killed Us All!
Wed, 02 Apr 2025 00:00:00 +0100
The Boys return and things get dangerous!
CSgt Malcom Rigby- Girunduu (@Girunduu)
Sgt Gav Fern - Dylan Smith(@DylanandDragons)
Cpl Dek Ana- Cameron Gergett (@Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink)
Constable Ang Von Overton- Rachel Pulliam
Captain Luobo Ironside - James Hart
Tpr Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Tpr Tomo - Jack Duncan
Col Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Sgt Mjr Kova Dagrun- Kier Zhou
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Anan- Skyler Giordano
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
1: The Orillian 2egiment: These Barbarians!
Tue, 01 Apr 2025 00:00:00 +0100
The next chapter in the journal of the Chief Signalman of the HNS Deliverance.
16: Fate of Daya: Journey to the World-Scar.
Sun, 16 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Delicate Hammer has left the city... but where did he go? and what did he find?
Ignatius Leon - AJ Fidalgo
Thae Oraen- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Gnilfiet- Krissi Williams
15: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Everything is Going to be Fine...
Sat, 15 Mar 2025 20:00:00 +0000
Our heroes reminisce. Delicate Hammer provides words of encouragement. There is scheming in The Colleges. Salryn and Jorvin give Swifty a job!
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
14: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Need You Aid?
Fri, 14 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
HOLY SHIT IS THAT A LERNIAN QUAD!?!
I guess you should probably listen to find out!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
13: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: We All Died For Daya!
Thu, 13 Mar 2025 12:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
They have faced a feinting force. They have faced insurgents in the city. They have faced the mysterious machinations of Alaric Sylwraith and they have faced the political arena of the colleges. But now the Warlords are here to play for real.
Will the party be able to muster the motley band of Sun and Moonshields to defend the city walls against a prepared and disciplined force?
I guess you should probably listen to find out!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
12: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Everything Is Totally Normal!
Wed, 12 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Jorvin rations the city and bestows Swifty with a new title. Swifty puts Delicate Hammer through 'the trials' and Salryn speaks with the Vashjek Inaia.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
11: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: The Clothes Maketh The Man..
Tue, 11 Mar 2025 06:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Vita is dead... the city is still under attack... what will our heroes do?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
10: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: You Wouldn't Believe Me, Even If I Told You...
Mon, 10 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Can Alaric talk his way out of this one?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
9: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: I Am Quite Concussed!
Sun, 09 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Jorvin and Swifty investigate Alaric. The Party reunites to see Vita.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
8: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: What Manner Of Gobsh**e Is This!?
Sat, 08 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
The battle for the streets ends...the battle for the city begins.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
7: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: Keep That Blade Sharp, Yeah.
Fri, 07 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Salryn rises to the occasion!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
6: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: If You Have To Step Up, You Step Up
Thu, 06 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Will Salryn rise to the occasion?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Malcolm Rigby: Girunduu
Gavin Fern: Dylan Smith
Hupsu Tommo: Jack Duncan
5: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: I Require It, Nonetheless
Wed, 05 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
An assassin in the warehouse, a mysterious character under the temple, and a useless commander of the guard- the story continues.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Padah/Zarif: Benjamin Sharp
Malcolm Rigby: Girunduu
Gavin Fern: Dylan Smith
Hupsu Tommo: Jack Duncan
4: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: "What Do We Do?"
Tue, 04 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
The city burns, the farms burn and the enemy army is marching towards them… what will our heroes do?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Captain Nuori Gazi: Graham Capobianco
Pilot: Girunduu
Padah/Zarif: Benjamin Sharp
3: Actual: Play: The Fate of Daya: The Battle of Nuur
Mon, 03 Mar 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Our heroes thought the war was over…but the battle has come to familiar shores.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Captain Nuori Gazi: Graham Capobianco
Pilot: Girunduu
2: The Fate of Daya: The Adventurers and The City
Sun, 02 Mar 2025 06:00:00 +0000
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
All seems well in Daya and the war is finally going the right way! Daya’s Army and it’s allies are marching to the destruction of the warlords who have plagued the land for almost a century. Hope is in the air, a new future just on the horizon… nothing could possibly go wrong.
Welcome to our vibrant world where gods have abandoned mortals and an intriguing adventure awaits you.
Uncover the secrets of the city of Daya together with our exceptional players - Cameron, Gemma, and Jack and, our amazing GM, Dylan (Kier is also present).
Follow us as we navigate through Daya’s bustling streets and uncover the city's complex dynamics.
We introduce Jack's character, a gentleman in patchwork armour with an intriguing morning ritual and a peculiar fixation on barrels. Meet Gemma’s character, a half-nix, ex merc, member of the Moon Shields! And Cameron’s character! A noble son from the lands to the west, down on his luck and forced to thieve to feed his need for fine clothes!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Tai Jiong: Kier Zhou
Lady Vita Riven/Gavin Fern: Dylan Smith
Malcolm Rigby: Girunduu
Hupsu Tommo: Jack Duncan
1: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: What is an Actual Play?
Sat, 01 Mar 2025 06:00:00 +0000
Hey all!
We, here at No Return, are returning to our roots!
As some of you may know, Erset La Tari; The Land of No Return, began life as a 'homebrew' Table Top Role Playing Game (TTRPG) setting.
Thanks to the immense talents of Dylan Smith (GM of Hearthfire Tales, as well as the voice of Sergeant Gavin Fern and Niillas Janicek on No Return) we are able to bring No Return to you in the form of a TTRPG Actual play.
Co- Gamemastered by Dylan and Kier Zhou and played by the recognisable vocal talents of Jack (Tommo), Gemma (Ysenda, Thae Oraen & Cinnte) and Cameron (Amghar, Jyce Inacio, and the new voice of Deky and Ayelen). We are truly excited to bring the world of No Return to you in a more improvised, player led and spontaneous format where the players decisions and the whims of the dice will decide 'The Fate of Daya'.
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
74310v3e5: FeedError: 9a2t 51x.
Fri, 28 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Yep.... yep... definitely in need of repairs...
Originally published 26 Feb 2024
Samael Vine: Kier Zhou
Niillas Janicek: Dylan Smith
Selwyn Janicek: Stasi Dimitrova ig
Paela: Dragonbait
Matko: AJ Fidaglo AKA Mr F
Vasa: Lilly Inverse
Bonus Content: The Bards of Sada Emedu
Fri, 07 Feb 2025 16:00:00 +0000
It's not all doom, gloom and adventure in Erset La Tari- especially not in the Emeduan capitol.
Sit down, listen and enjoy a little low stakes comedy-drama from the Bards of Sada Emedu.
Lanlen is played by Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Ered Rada is played by Connor Hodgson @JC_Twosteps/ http://jcandthetwosteps.co.uk/
Celia Joyce is played by Abbie Tickle.
Putrack Winesworth is played by Mario Guttadauro
The Dry Egg's Master of Ceremonies is played by Kier Zhou
The Emeduan Hymn (Lyrics) were written and performed by Kier Zhou with strangled crowd vocals by Ying Zhou and Nieves Cohen
Era of Silence is written by Gemma Mclean-Mair and performed by Abbie Tickle and Gemma McLean-Mair.
This is Not a Warning! is written and performed by Stuart Bullock
This is My Goodbye (lyrics)- were written and performed by Connor Hodgson
5: Anderkant : It Was The Leps!
Thu, 06 Feb 2025 18:00:00 +0000
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Min runs for his life to escape the darkland creatures- only to begin running out of air...is this our hero's final goodbye?
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:00:00 +0000
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Patreon
Sounds of movement in the dark spook our trapped pioneers. The Lessee's sister visits with warnings and 'H' finally convinces Min to head into Anderkant...but boy does that Kabouter like to dilly-dally...
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams
3: Anderkant: I Said Don’t! Interrupt!
Wed, 05 Feb 2025 16:00:00 +0000
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The Lessee shows his true colours and the Specialist pays the price. Min and 'H' spend some time staring at the stars.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Suicide
2: Anderkant: Please, Call Me 'H'
Tue, 04 Feb 2025 17:00:00 +0000
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Pahttps://patreon.com/NoReturnADtreon
Trapped and alone in the Darklands, Min considers his options.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
1: Anderkant: I Can't Do This.
Mon, 03 Feb 2025 07:00:00 +0000
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Journey into the deepest depths of the Darklands.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
Sat, 01 Feb 2025 11:00:00 +0000
I think the title of this episode says it all…
The Saga Of Thadene Orillian: Part Five.
Sat, 01 Feb 2025 06:00:00 +0000
The Saga of Thadene Orillian forms the founding mythos of the peoples of the North Hub and is referenced regularly in the No Return universe.
Listen and enjoy to the Lyrical Poems which form The Saga.
Please excuse the self-indulgent academic analysis.
743$736: FeedError: 9art F1v3.
Fri, 31 Jan 2025 20:00:00 +0000
Sorry guys... the LUDEN is still malfunctioning!
Constable Lucca- Krissi Williams
Constable D'Brie - Maddie Williams
Matthias Alaric/Rayan - Kier Zhou
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Selwyn Janicek: Stasi Dimitrova ig, Bones of the Land
Niillas Janicek -Dylan Smith, Heartfire Tales
4: Mageslayers: Who Sh*t In Your Büno?!
Sat, 04 Jan 2025 00:00:00 +0000
Whilst most of the party try to advance the plot and explore a little lore, Dec and Lif's antics derail the story.
Want to learn more about Terrq and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Nikol Ashorn - Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Daniellelanois
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Pogrim Pogglefield-Jack Duncan
Flavian (Jaggerz) Jagari- Girunduu
Biksune Ree- Taylor Michaels
Gorluk The Inspired- Graham Capobianco
3: Mageslayers: It May Already Be too Late, Eunuch Boy!
Fri, 03 Jan 2025 00:00:00 +0000
The Mageslayers head to the ancient city of Reach in the Terrq'n Mountains to investigate their mysterious artefact!
Want to learn more about Terrq and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Nikol Ashorn - Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Daniellelanois
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Pogrim Pogglefield-Jack Duncan
Flavian (Jaggerz) Jagari- Girunduu
Librarian- Kier Zhou
Biksune Ree- Taylor Michaels
Sister Jiaomei- Lyssa Jay
2: Mageslayers: Revenge of the Cult Teens Of Terrible Darkness
Thu, 02 Jan 2025 00:00:00 +0000
The story continues!
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart/Silda Grass- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Mr Grass - Robb Clark
Nikol Ashorn - Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Daniellelanois
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Pogrim Pogglefield-Jack Duncan
Flavian (Jaggerz) Jagari- Girunduu
Magekid -Ryan Andrew Dillon
Dark Mistress- Kiyana Morgan @KiChanVA
Gore Drinker- Girunduu
Keith- Kier Zhou
1: Mageslayers: This Time, It's Me!
Wed, 01 Jan 2025 23:00:00 +0000
This is a story about heroes. No, that’s too much. This is a story about what it takes to make a hero. Welcome to Erset La Tari, the Land of No Return!
This strange and mysterious realm teeters
ever on the verge of disaster, barely having survived the apocalyptic world curses! But from the ashes rose the Treaty of Budan and the nations of La Tari achieved a hard won peace. The starving were fed, calamitous war averted and a safe and prosperous zone established. But there were those who opposed the treaty- who chafed at silken shackles of peace. Villains who sought power at the expense of the land’s very survival! These vile ne'er do wells found power in the study of dark magicks and used their martial prowess to enslave their neighbours- forcing them to toil under a repressive yoke to further their selfish hunger for dark esoteric knowledge. So vast became the gap between the power of these villains and those of the forces of peace that the nations were forced to once again band together commissioning a fellowship of heroes, of champions, to meet the crisis head-on. Each a master of their respective art, willing and ready to meet these wicked casters in battle if and when the need arose.
This is a story of heroes and what it takes to make a hero. So turn back ye faint of heart! For I tell no word of a lie: Shit gets fucked really fast!
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Captain Competent- Kier Zhou
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Nikol Ashorn - Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Daniellelanois
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Pogrim Pogglefield-Jack Duncan
Flavian (Jaggerz) Jagari- Girunduu
Preacher- Graham Capobianco
Mage Dad- Jim Tuohy
Magekid -Ryan Andrew Dillon
Dark Mistress- Kiyana Morgan @KiChanVA
Gore Drinker- Girunduu
Keith- Kier Zhou
Wed, 01 Jan 2025 00:00:00 +0000
"Anderkant doesn't make sense and it's boring!"
So have a trailer for a new comedy series set in the No Return Universe.
Mon, 07 Oct 2024 11:00:00 +0100
Hey all!
I am not going to clog up the No Return feed with all this crazy worldbuilding, but for those who are interested:
The Lore of No Return will have it's own feed where I nerd out in detail (but not too much detail!) about Erset La Tari and the No Returniverse more generally.
If you hate it, fear not! I won't be dropping more of it on here!
But if you like it, you can find it on Spotify:
743$736: FeedError: Part Four.
Tue, 30 Apr 2024 00:00:00 +0100
These bloody LUDENs! This one is on the fritz...but wait... is that Lars and The Dockmaster?!
Introductory Speaker: Stuart Bullock
Captian Luobo: James Hart
Lieutenant Lars Xu: Blake White
Theodore DeLafontaine/Random Guard 1/Random Guard 3: Girunduu
Commander Vine/Dockmaster Alaric/Baron Halywyn/Wieguan: Kier Zhou
Grok (The Crimson Gammon): Adam Robinson
Jyce Inacio: Cameron Gergett
Kareth: Glenda Villamar
Random Guard 1: Danielleanois
The Saga Of Thadene Orillian: Part Four.
Mon, 29 Apr 2024 06:00:00 +0100
Listen and enjoy to the Lyrical Poems which form The Saga.
Please excuse the self-indulgent academic analysis.
4: The Ansa Enclave: It Appears We Are Being Watched.
Fri, 05 Apr 2024 08:00:00 +0100
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As Tal and Helga argue something or someone approaches the camp.
Helga- Brenna Anderson-Dowd (@The_WitchyWoman)
Saryn- David Wandelt (www.DavidWandelt.com)
Ayelen- Luke Scowen (@duderooni)
Tal- Kier Zhou
Yav- Poppy Hodgson
Robin - Oliver Hodgson
Written & Produced- Kier Zhou,
Introduction Music by Abbie Jordan Tickle & Gemma Maclean-Mair
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Child in Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
3: The Ansa Enclave: Everything is Good, If You Stay with Me.
Thu, 04 Apr 2024 18:00:00 +0100
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The party rest and chat after days of sleepless searching, little do they know how close is their quarry.
Yav and Robin make their way through the brush, and things start to get stranger.
Want to learn more about Lern, Emedu and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Helga- Brenna Anderson-Dowd (@The_WitchyWoman)
Saryn- David Wandelt (www.DavidWandelt.com)
Ayelen- Luke Scowen (@duderooni)
Tal- Kier Zhou
Yav- Poppy Hodgson
Robin - Oliver Hodgson
Written & Produced- Kier Zhou,
Introduction Music by Abbie Jordan Tickle & Gemma Maclean-Mair
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Child Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
- Racism (Fantasy analogue)
2: The Ansa Enclave: Into the Wildland.
Wed, 03 Apr 2024 18:00:00 +0100
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Tal, Helga, Saryn and Ayelen enter the Wildlands against the advice of the Township looking for the missing children.
Want to learn more about The Ansa Enclave and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Helga- Brenna Anderson-Dowd (@The_WitchyWoman)
Saryn- David Wandelt (www.DavidWandelt.com)
Ayelen- Luke Scowen (@duderooni)
Tal- Kier Zhou
Yav- Poppy Hodgson
Robin - Oliver Hodgson
Written & Produced- Kier Zhou,
Introduction Music by Abbie Jordan Tickle & Gemma Maclean-Mair
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Racism (Fantasy analogue)
- Peril
- Child Peril
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
1: The Ansa Enclave: Lorrin and The Kerret.
Tue, 02 Apr 2024 18:00:00 +0100
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Young Lorrin returns home after being missing in the Wilds and is being tight-lipped about what happened out there. Will the story of how the Kerret found it's teeth be enough to convince him to speak?
Want to learn more about The Ansa Enclave and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Ru - Girunduu
Tal- Kier Zhou
Lorrin- Matthew Zhou
Written and produced by Kier Zhou
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Implied child peril
Mon, 01 Apr 2024 01:00:00 +0100
There is no requirement to listen to the Ansa Enclave before any other story but characters and events in this story will intersect with the others later.
The Saga Of Thadene Orillian: Part Three.
Sat, 30 Mar 2024 06:00:00 +0000
Listen and enjoy to the Lyrical Poems which form The Saga.
Please excuse the self-indulgent academic analysis.
Fri, 15 Mar 2024 23:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Content warnings:
Violence,
Death,
Discrimination,
Criminal activity.
This story follows Lucca, as she is transferred to the Investigations Department, where she navigates a new culture and a peculiar boss.
We are also introduced to Dockmaster Matthias Alaric as he navigates the macabre demands of his employment alongside his hopes for his children.
Constable Lucca- Krissi Williams
Cyril Alaric - Apollo Williams
Occial Alaric- Griffin Williams
Constable D'Brie - Maddie Williams
Commander Vine/Theras/Elvire/Bulgan/Rayan/Matthias Alaric - Kier Zhou
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Constable Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
Finale: Wide-End: Less Than An Animal!
Thu, 14 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0000
Part one concludes.
The part of Anzhlo was played by the magnificent Matt Evans
Lady Yvonna was played by the luminous Lauren Littlewood
Brucco was voiced by the charming Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda was acted by the ever graceful Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura and The Domina were played by the accomplished Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Fuzhlo was played by the Dazling Dontae Majors
Turzhlo was played by the Daring Drew Hupfa B and, on occasion, Kier Zhou
Orryn was voiced initially by the magnificent Mario Guttedauro and later Kier Zhou
Mikkel was played by the audacious Adam Robinson
Tobin was played by the sensational Sophie Spoof
Gnilfiet was reprised by charismatic Krissi Williams
Semion Quietknife was embodied by the indefatigable Dave Hodgson
Saurian 1 was played by Lilly Inverse
Saurian 2 was played by Taylor Michaels
Saurian 3 was played by AJ Fidaglo AKA Mr F
Saurian 4 was played by Lyssa Jay
and Everyone else was played by the Knuckle Dragging Kier Zhou
Except for Kerren Nadar who was played by the sagacious Stuart Bullock…. But wait… Kerren Nadar? The Lernian? He wasn’t in this was he? The name is familiar but did the character show up? Hmmm… probably a post credit scene then right?
11: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Shadow
Wed, 13 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
Gidia: Gemma Maclean-Mair
Thurkearix: Glenda Villimar
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Hogyn: Kier Zhou
Malikor: Ray O'Hare
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
10: Wide-End: I Shall Deliberate...
Tue, 12 Mar 2024 19:00:00 +0000
It. Gets. Real.
The part of Anzhlo was played by the magnificent Matt Evans
Lady Yvonna was played by the luminous Lauren Littlewood
Brucco was voiced by the charming Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda was acted by the ever graceful Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura and The Domina were played by the accomplished Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Fuzhlo was played by the Dazling Dontae Majors
Turzhlo was played by the Daring Drew Hupfa B and, on occasion, Kier Zhou
Orryn was voiced initially by the magnificent Mario Guttedauro and later Kier Zhou
Mikkel was played by the audacious Adam Robinson
Tobin was played by the sensational Sophie Spoof
Gnilfiet was reprised by the charismatic Krissi Williams
Semion Quietknife was embodied by the indefatigable Dave Hodgson
Saurian 1 was played by Lilly Inverse
Saurian 2 was played by Taylor Michaels
Saurian 3 was played by AJ Fidaglo AKA Mr F
Saurian 4 was played by Lyssa Jay
and everyone else was played by the Knuckle Dragging Kier Zhou
9: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Sun
Mon, 11 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
Gidia: Gemma Maclean-Mair
Thurkearix: Glenda Villimar
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Hogyn: Kier Zhou
Malikor: Ray O'Hare
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
Bonus Content: The Parable of Elra and the Whispering Willow
Sun, 10 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0000
Why did Semion keep calling The Domina, 'Elra'?
Is it because my Dad doesn't know how to pronounce the 'Y' in Elyra?
No! It references an ancient Halfling Fable from long before the Fall...
And also because Dad doesn't know what ys are for... things can be multiple things... okay?
Enjoy!
Narrator: Faye Holliday
Elra: Anna Gąsecka, also known as Ren_Overshares or @Ren_Cant
Mrs Pottersby: Faye Holliday
Malvin: AJ Fidaglo AKA Mr F
Elder Thorne: Chris RR Bauso
Elder Mara: Lilly Inverse
Mage: Umbriels Shadow
Villager: Taylor Michaels
Villagers: The Cast
Written, produced and edited by Kier Zhou
8: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Stage
Sat, 09 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
Gidia: Gemma Maclean-Mair
Thurkearix: Glenda Villimar
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Hogyn: Kier Zhou
Malikor: Ray O'Hare
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
7: Wide-End: Someone In This Family Needs To Dare!
Fri, 08 Mar 2024 01:00:00 +0000
Brucco and Ysenda get closer. Anzhlo's plans begin to come together. The Little Luiren Families are getting involved.
Brucco- Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda -Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura/Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Anzhlo - Matt Evans
Saurians/Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Turzhlo: Drew ‘hupfva’ B
6: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Severance
Thu, 07 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Vizier/Special Representative : Kier Zhou
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
5: Wide-End: Swimming in the Endless Sea.
Wed, 06 Mar 2024 01:00:00 +0000
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Patreon
Anzhlo recalls his time in the camp and his run ins with Fuzhlo. Yvonna secures permission for the Saurians to stay. Brucco and Yvonna get closer. Semion takes a stroll around Wide-End
Want to learn more about Lern, Emedu and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Anzhlo: Matt Evans
Yvonna: Lauren Littlewood
Semion Quietknife: Dave Hodgson
Fuzhlo: Dontae
Turzhlo: Drew ‘hupfva’ B
Ysenda: Gemma Maclean- Mair
Brucco: Christian Maclean-Mair
Sister Always: Glenda Vilimar
Everyone else: Kier Zhou
4: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Struggle
Tue, 05 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Headmaster Jareth/Student/Herald/Councillor Branton: Kier Zhou
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
3: Wide-End: Let's See What All The Fuss Is About, Shall We?
Mon, 04 Mar 2024 13:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Brucco returns to the camp and Lady Isolde attempts to befriend Anzhlo. Fuzhlo and Gnilfeit meet with Semion Quietknife.
Anzhlo- Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Brucco- Christian McLean-Mair
Ysenda - Gemma McLean-Mair
Orryn- Kier Zhou
Fuzhlo- Dontae Majors
Chura- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Explicit Sexual Themes
- Reference to Drug Use
2: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Strife
Sun, 03 Mar 2024 00:00:00 +0000
This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Gidia: Gemma Maclean-Mair
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Thurkearix: Glenda Villimar
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Hogyn/Fara: Kier Zhou
Coronation Elder 1: Dylan Smith
Coronation Elder 2: Lauren Deakin
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes of intense magical combat, explicit violence, physical abuse, and death.
Discrimination: Depictions of slavery, caste systems and ableism.
Psychological Intensity and Emotional Abuse: Features high-stress situations, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and threats of peril.
Disturbing Imagery: Includes descriptions of bodily transformations, injuries, and torture.
Mental Health Triggers: Portrays panic, distress, and abusive language, which might be triggering for some viewers.
Threats and Lethal Challenges: Characters face lethal environments and situations with explicit threats of death and cruelty.
1: Wide-End: Bloody Ungrateful Creatures
Sat, 02 Mar 2024 18:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
Patreon
The Isoldes get a surprise visit late in the night, Brucco finds the Rain Chapel camp less than welcoming.
Want to learn more about Lern, Emedu and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Anzhlo- Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Brucco- Christian McLean-Mair
Ysenda - Gemma McLean-Mair
Orryn- Mario Guttadauro
Captain Ironside- James Hart
Fuzhlo- Dontae Majors
Chura- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
- Reference to Drug Use
Fri, 01 Mar 2024 01:00:00 +0000
These events occur before the arrival of the Barque in 1: The Orillian Regiment & 1: The Steg.
There is no requirement to listen to the stories in season order but characters from this story will appear later in others and so it wouldn't hurt to start your exploration of the city here.
The Saga Of Thadene Orillian: Part 2
Thu, 08 Feb 2024 06:00:00 +0000
Listen and enjoy to the Lyrical Poems which form The Saga.
Please excuse the self-indulgent academic analysis.
Wed, 07 Feb 2024 12:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Jiloat and Scurlott relive their return to Emedu and the horrors of the Nunyus Gap as they try to escape the Capitol. Lars and Lucca continue their investigation by speaking to the dead.
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Lucca - Krissi Williams
Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Tickle
Rada and Ash - Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Jiloat Levi - Connor Hodgson
Scurlott - Marta Hodgson
Skyler Giordano - Gerant (The Official)
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Implied PTSD
- Death/Dying
- Sexual Themes
5: The Orillian Reg1ment: An All Singing, All Dancing One.
Tue, 06 Feb 2024 12:00:00 +0000
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Gav and Mal finally get the prisoner back to Colonel Wilifred. Deky, Tommo, Gazi and Von Overton engage the enemy. Dagrun and Luobo prepare a surprise from the skies...
Col. Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Gav- Dylan @DylanandDragons
Mal- Girunduu @Girunduu
Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Deky - Luke Scarrow @Duderooni
Tommo - Jack Duncan
Von Overton- Angela Yih @Girlmadeofjade
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
4: The Orillian Reg1ment: You’re Military? You Sound Military.
Mon, 05 Feb 2024 01:00:00 +0000
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Mal and Gav find themselves in a spot of bother in The Row whilst Deky and the Troopers prepare for battle.
Gav- Dylan @DylanandDragons
Mal- Girunduu @Girunduu
Performer 1 - Aaron @Zed1Pod
Performer 2- Katie @Zed1Pod
Door Man - Graham Capobianco
Anan- Skyler Giordano
Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Deky - Luke Scarrow @Duderooni
Tommo - Jack Duncan
Von Overton- Angela Yih @Girlmadeofjade
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Kidnapping
- Sexual references
Bonus Content: The Soldier, The Skinner And The Weasel
Sun, 04 Feb 2024 00:00:00 +0000
What was all that nonsense about a weasel!? Here is the story .
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Mild Peril
3: The Orillian Reg1ment: The Weasel Bit It!
Sat, 03 Feb 2024 23:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
The boys find themselves in trouble as they try to navigate the streets of the capitol.
CSgt Malcom Rigby- Girunduu (@Girunduu)
Sgt Gav Fern - Dylan (@DylanandDragons)
Cpl Dek Ana- Luke Scarrow (@Duderooni)
Tpr Nuori Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Tpr Hupsu Tomo - Jack Duncan
Col Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Sgt Mjr Kova Dagrun- Kier Zhou
Capt Luobo Ironside- James Hart
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Kidnapping
2: The Orillian Reg1ment: It’s a Ship…Not a Boat.
Fri, 02 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Sergeant Major Dagrun and Contuburnium One receive their orders.
CSgt Malcom Rigby- Girunduu (@Girunduu)
Sgt Gav Fern - Dylan (@DylanandDragons)
Cpl Dek Ana- Luke Scarrow (@Duderooni)
Tpr Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Tpr Tomo - Jack Duncan
Col Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Sgt Mjr Kova Dagrun- Kier Zhou
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Kidnapping
1: The Orillian Reg1ment: HNS Deliverance.
Thu, 01 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
The following is an excerpt from the journal of Chief Signalman Olinwa Aora Galondel Nossiter. They were part of the Holy Mission to the North Hub. The Chief Signalman is presently missing in action and this document is marked for destruction. I have chosen to share it here, because it contains disturbing accounts of conduct by the Uruk Helots and our Presiding Patriarch. Please leave any questions until after the reading.
Written and produced by Kier Zhou
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Peril
- Monsters
- Violence
- Death/Dying
The Saga Of Thadene Orillian: Part One.
Thu, 11 Jan 2024 06:00:00 +0000
The Saga of Thadene Orillian forms the founding mythos of the peoples of the North Hub and is referenced regularly in the No Return universe.
Listen and enjoy to the Lyrical Poems which form The Saga.
Please excuse the self-indulgent academic analysis.
Wed, 10 Jan 2024 01:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Lt Lars Xu's memories are played out by the Commander's LUDEN. Things are as muddled and confused as he promised... but he seems to be recalling a meeting with a mysterious woman in The Narrows and the start of the investigation into the attack at The Row...but REALLY! why does he keep narrating everything?!
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Lucca - Krissi Williams
Commander Samael Vine - Kier Zhou
Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Tickle
Leda - Angela Yih @Girlmadeofjade
Rada and Ash - Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Jiloat Levi - Connor Hodgson
Scurlott Levi- Marta Hodgson
Selwyn Janicek- Stasi Dimitrova ig
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
- Implied Sexual Themes
Finale: The Nymphaeum: This Is Going To Be A Lot Of Fun!
Tue, 09 Jan 2024 19:00:00 +0000
All the characters finally arrive at The Puddle but it looks like someone is keen for a fight!
Will Pekko reveal what the hell is going on? Honestly... probably not...
Adrastea- Angela Yih @girlmadeofjade
Gnilfiet- Krissi Williams
The Dissident - Dr Loup Sutcliffe
Ravi- Kier Zhou
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Violence
- Threats of Violence
-Threats of Cannibalism
- Stupidity
- Nudity
- Tasteless Dick Jokes.
The Nymphaeum: Persona Non Grata
Mon, 08 Jan 2024 23:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Pekko tells a meandering story of 'the great cosmogony'. Gnilfiet listens impatiently waiting for her moment.
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams
Pekko: Kier Zhou
7: The Nymphaeum: You Came From Somewhere Else?
Mon, 08 Jan 2024 22:00:00 +0000
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Ravi reflects on the benefits of death. Gnilfiet upsets Pekko.
Adrastea: Angela Yih @GirlmadeofJade
Ravi/Pekko: Kier Zhou
The Dissident: Jak True @TrueJak
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams @xKrissix
6: The Nymphaeum: This Isn't Fun Anymore...
Sat, 06 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Ravi and The Dissident play catch up. Adrastea calls out Pekko and has her mind blown. She arrives.
Adrastea: Angela Yih @GirlmadeofJade
Ravi/Pekko: Kier Zhou
The Dissident: Jak True @TrueJak
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams @xKrissix
Ilkea: Maddie Williams
5: The Nymphaeum: Damn! You're Fast!
Fri, 05 Jan 2024 21:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
Patreon
The Dissident learns that much has changed since he died. Adrastea deals with the Berserkers and Pekko travels more memories.
Want to learn more about the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Adrastea- Angela Yih
Dissident- Jack True
Ravi/Pekko/Bikhu Ram/Vayu- Kier Zhou
4: The Nymphaeum: It's Best Not To Think Too Deeply About it...
Thu, 04 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0000
If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Ravi Returns, attempts to find Adrastea and makes a new friend. Pekko and Adrastea continue playing games en route to the puddle. A new threat emerges.
Adrastea- Angela Yih @girlmadeofjade
Gnilfiet- Krissi Williams
The Dissident - Jak True (he/him) @jak_true
Ravi- Kier Zhou
Jerome - Dylan @DylanandDragons
Bingo-Bangle - Jim @_QuiGonJim_
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Mild peril
- Death/Dying
3: The Nymphaeum: A Quest, It Is!
Wed, 03 Jan 2024 12:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Pekko and Adrastea head off to 'The Puddle' to bring Ravi back to life, playing games, invading dreams and revealing big secrets en route to the their destination!
Adrastea- Angela Yih @ GirlmadeofJade
Pekko/Ravi - Kier Zhou
Young Ravi - Matthew Zhou
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Child in peril
- Death/Dying
- Mention of miscarriage
- Mention of still birth
2: The Nymphaeum: We Don’t Need to Take a Thing!
Tue, 02 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000
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https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
Brother Ravi and Sangha Adrastea investigate the mysteries of the universe and they are, quite frankly, dull.
Brother Ravi/Pekko: Kier Zhou
Sangha Adrastea: Angela Yih
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Mild peril
- Death/Dying
1: Listen To This First: How The Show Works
Mon, 01 Jan 2024 01:00:00 +0000
https://patreon.com/NoReturn882
In light of recent feedback concerning the highly irregular release format that The Seminal Work 'No Return' has chosen to follow... Acclaimed Artist and Genius Kier Zhou... has asked me to release this statement...