The Gospel According to Sir Desmond Stirling
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Creator: Anthony Keetch
Comedy Single-voiced Serial Audio Book
Synopsis:
Patriot, author of best-selling Satanic chillers, proud nudist, and upstanding subject of Her Majesty. What the uncouth call a 'blog,' I like to think of as an epistle to my apostles
Format: Audio Book
Continuity: Serial
Voices: Single
Genres: Comedy
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Maturity:
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Transcript details:
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Episodes:
Christmas at Scarhelldeath Hall episode 3
Sun, 17 Dec 2023 18:49:45 GMT
Christmas stocking? More like Christmas shocking!
Is the late Reverend Maestri really haunting Scarhelldeath Hall? If so, what will it take to expunge his ghostly ghastly presence?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Christmas at Scarhelldeath Hall episode 2
Sun, 17 Dec 2023 18:36:07 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling has awoken to find a glowing monstrosity in front of him. Is it really the spectre of The Reverend Dougal Maestri returned from beyond the grave to exact revenge? Is Sir Desmond's bottom safe from the swish of the spook's cane?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Christmas at Scarhelldeath Hall episode 1
Wed, 13 Dec 2023 15:20:59 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - horror author and bon vivant - returns to his alma mater in the sleepy Scottish village of Kilcarcass to hand out prizes. But he finds something even worse than Latin prep and cold porridge - a ghost!
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and perfomed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Tue, 23 May 2023 18:56:44 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - best-selling author of Satanic chillers - discusses the uncanny legend of the Nuns of Gavarone...
Written and Performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sat, 13 May 2023 15:21:33 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling opens himself up to you all. Written & performed by Anthony Keetch. (c) Anthony Keetch 2023
The Gospel According to Sir Desmond Stirling
Fri, 05 May 2023 22:27:04 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling opens himself up to you. Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
Sir Desmond Stirling’s The Coves in Black episode 8 - the thrilling conclusion!
Wed, 08 Mar 2023 18:35:47 GMT
The Coves in Black episode 8 - the nail-biting conclusion!
Sir Desmond and the Major are seemingly prisoners in the secret base underneath Whitehall. Our hero has had enough of being baffled - he demands answers! But will he get them? Will we?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling’s The Coves in Black episode 7
Sun, 05 Mar 2023 18:00:39 GMT
The Coves in Black episode 7!
Who has barged uninvited into Sir Desmond’s bathroom? Is his personal privacy a thing of the past now? And the people of Quigley Godfrey…? Where on Earth - or indeed off Earth - are they, and are they all having their bottoms probed?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling’s The Coves in Black episode 6
Thu, 02 Mar 2023 18:00:38 GMT
The Coves in Black episode 6!
We last left Sir Desmond under attack from the Coves in Black. Has he survived? Has he been abducted by aliens again? Is his posterior unscathed?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
c) Anthony Keetch 2023
#podcast #ufo #alienabduction #covesinblack
Sir Desmond Stirling’s The Coves in Black episode 5
Mon, 27 Feb 2023 18:00:05 GMT
The Coves in Black episode 5!
Atop the Devil’s Ballsack, Sir Desmond confronts both Mavis Peebles and the Coves in Black! But which can he trust?
And what’s that in the sky…?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling's The Coves in Black episode 4
Fri, 24 Feb 2023 18:00:47 GMT
Who are the Coves in Black?
Where is Quigley Godfrey?
Who is Mavis Peebles?
What is the Devil's Ballsack?
Will Sir Desmond find the answers to these questions? Will he tell us if he does?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling's The Coves in Black episode 3
Tue, 21 Feb 2023 18:00:07 GMT
Sir Desmond has learned under hypnosis that he was kidnapped and rudely probed by aliens!
Now he wants answers... but from whom?
And who are the Coves in Black who are following him?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling's The Coves in Black episode 2
Sun, 19 Feb 2023 18:00:16 GMT
Hypnotised by the strange Professor Tintenfisch, Sir Desmond Stirling relives that fateful night... but will he like what he finds...?
WARNING: Contains scenes of uninvited rectal rummaging.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sir Desmond Stirling's The Coves in Black episode 1
Fri, 17 Feb 2023 18:11:43 GMT
While drunkenly staring at the sky one night to see a meteor storm, Sir Desmond Stirling - best-selling scribe of spine-tingling yarns - has a disquieting flashback to something disturbing… but what? What on earth could possibly spook a war hero like that?
If it was from Earth…
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2023
Sun, 18 Dec 2022 18:00:33 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - author, playboy and ambassador for nudism - anticipates the annual Christmas visit of those tiresome and self-righteous ghosts.
Sir Desmond Stirling Is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas episode 6 - the conclusion!
Sun, 11 Dec 2022 18:00:35 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas
Episode 6 - the bowel-clenching conclusion!
(A Derek Playfair Mystery)
Christmas 1971:
The full horror has been revealed - and it isn’t Mother Goose’s bloomers.
Do we all face a world of dread and fear? Can theatrical agent and playboy Derek Playfair save the world from the clanging chimes of doom?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas Episode 5
Thu, 08 Dec 2022 18:00:42 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas
Episode 5
(A Derek Playfair Mystery)
Christmas 1971:
Oh no, he isn’t..?!
Oh yes, he is!
But what…?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas episode 4
Tue, 06 Dec 2022 18:40:20 GMT
Christmas 1971:
The First Night of Mother Goose is nigh. But will anyone survive to see the Second Night…?
It’s not just the critics who are out for blood…
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas episode 3
Sun, 04 Dec 2022 18:06:39 GMT
Christmas 1971: Derek Playfair - theatrical agent, trendy playboy & fearless adventurer - is about to watch the Dress Rehearsal. But a Dress Rehearsal for what…?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas Episode 2
Sat, 03 Dec 2022 19:50:45 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas Episode 2
Episode 2 of this Yuletastic shiverfest from infamous horror yarnsmith, Sir Desmond Stirling!
Christmas 1971: Derek Playfair - theatrical agent by day, trendy playboy by night, and fearless adventurer by nature - senses something is wrong in the seaside town of Heelmouth.
Who is Northfield Loveday?
Is his magic just tricks - or are they for real?
Chippy or the Wimpy for supper?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas Episode 1
Sat, 03 Dec 2022 19:44:41 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Carrion Christmas episode 1
(A Derek Playfair Adventure)
Christmas 1971: Derek Playfair - theatrical agent, trendy playboy & fearless adventurer - is visiting the seaside resort of Heelmouth to see his client in the title role of Mother Goose.
But it’s not just the weather outside which is frightful…
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s Hallowe’en
Mon, 31 Oct 2022 15:21:43 GMT
Sir Desmond reminisces about a Hallowe’en past
written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Who The Hell Is Sir Desmond Stirling?
Fri, 02 Sep 2022 14:47:30 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - world-renowned wordsmith - has decided to open a crack in his carapace and let you all in.
This episode serves as an introduction to those who - shame on you - dont know who he is `(for which there’s absolutely no excuse unless maybe you have a medical reason, but this requires a note from your GP.)
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling: Evil - Yay or Nay?
Wed, 20 Apr 2022 17:45:21 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling: Evil - Yay or Nay?
Acclaimed yarnsmith of Satanic chillers, Sir Desmond Stirling, ponders the existence of evil.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
Warning: contains Evil.
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
A Long Day’s Journey Into Knighthood
Mon, 07 Mar 2022 17:41:54 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - horror author and nudist - wistfully recalls the events which led to his ennoblement and doomed fifth marriage.
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Thu, 24 Feb 2022 16:38:03 GMT
I was asked to contribute the following article to a worthy tome edited by an old school chum. Apologies for the crass language used within, but, frankly, my experiences with Chisel Films - the self-styled Creepy Cottge of Chisel - oft reduced me to a rather ‘blue’ vernacular)
Chisel Films
From ‘You Never Had It So Bad: British Horror Films of the 50s & 60s’ edited by Henry Burge (Professor of Movie Studies, Greenford Polytechnic)
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & perf by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling’s My Night With a Bender
Wed, 09 Feb 2022 14:18:40 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling rummages in his archives and retrieves a restaurant review he wrote for a 1971 issue of Manly Monthly in which he discovers the delights of the Wimpy Bar!
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Tue, 08 Feb 2022 15:44:04 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - author and bon viveur - tells us about the new gymnasium he has discovered in London's fashionable Old Compton Street.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Wed, 02 Feb 2022 15:09:55 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - best-selling author of spooky yarns and Bon viveur - waxes lyrical about his gentleman’s club - Abaddon’s of London.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2022
Sir Desmond Stirling's A Christmas Carol: The Next Day
Sat, 25 Dec 2021 17:00:00 GMT
Did the three self-righteous Ghosts visit Sir Desmond as they usually do on Christmas Eve?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keech 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling's A Christmas Carol episode 1
Thu, 23 Dec 2021 23:00:00 GMT
Acclaimed author and nudist Sir Desmond Stirling tells us of his annual visits from three self-righteous ghosts.
Sir Desmond Stirling is wriiten and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
While Writers Drank Their Plonk By Night…
Wed, 22 Dec 2021 21:03:39 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - acclaimed yarnsmith - reminisces about literary Christmas parties in days of yore.
Warning: contains anecdotes about disgraceful behaviour. If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this podcast, please consult your local exorcist.
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Satan's Claws Are Coming To Town episode 5
Mon, 13 Dec 2021 15:53:46 GMT
The final installment of Sir Desmond Stirling's creepy chiller for Christmas?
What will Boxing Day bring for Charles? The hangover from hell - or Hell itself!? Will his fiendish enemy reveal themself - even more than in their current state of nudity? And whose side is Dr Wimpybar really on?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Satan's Claws Are Coming To Town episode 4
Wed, 08 Dec 2021 15:28:33 GMT
The latest chapter of Sir Desmond Stirling's Noel Goredom!
Get your manservant to draw up your favourite armchair in front of the fire, pour you some whisky, and simultaneously warm and chill your bones.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Antony Keetch 2021
Satan's Claws Are Coming To Town episode 3
Sun, 05 Dec 2021 18:00:00 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling's Yuletide chiller continues....
Will Charles avoid being grabbed by the gargoyles? Ad what awaits him at stately Daryl Hall?
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Satan's Claws Are Coming To Town episode 2
Fri, 03 Dec 2021 13:00:00 GMT
Episode 2 of the latest festive fearfest from the World's Greatest Teller of Terrifying Tales - Sir Desmond Stirling!
Charles finds out that he is doomed to hellish oblivion and he isn't very happy about it...
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Satan's Claws Are Coming To Town episode 1
Wed, 01 Dec 2021 15:47:34 GMT
The latest frightful Yuletide chiller from the master yarnsmith, Sir Desmond Stirling.
Listen to the opening chapter as Simon, Viscount de Bourbon a Bisquit, sets off on what he thinks will be a relaxing Christmas in the country...
"The Sven Hassel of Horror!" TitBits 1973
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling's SATAN BABY episode 4
Mon, 15 Nov 2021 15:58:37 GMT
The final bowel-freezing chapter of Sir Desmond Stirling's festive shocker SATAN BABY!
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2020
Sir Desmond Stirling's Satan Baby episode 3
Mon, 15 Nov 2021 15:54:36 GMT
The third hair-raising chapter of Sir Desmond Stirling's bloodcurdling serial for Christmas SATAN BABY.
Written& Performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2020
Sir Desmond Stirling's Satan Baby episode 2
Mon, 15 Nov 2021 15:25:39 GMT
The second chapter of Sir Desmond Stirling's festive fear-fest SATAN BABY as read by the old Master himself.
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2020
Sir Desmond Stirling's Satan Baby episode 1
Mon, 15 Nov 2021 14:57:16 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling, acclaimed author of Satanic chillers, reads the first chapter of his spooky yarn for Yuletide.
Sir Desmond Stirling is written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch
Sir Desmond Stirling’s My Fifteenth Birthday!
Sun, 07 Nov 2021 16:55:59 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - acclaimed author of Satanic chillers - recalls the events of his fifteenth birthday and the unusual gift he received from his Uncle Bertram (ye, that one, the journalist renowned for his notorious ’In Which We Perve’ column in Tit-Bits magazine).
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling's The Film of My Life
Wed, 27 Oct 2021 17:42:29 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - war hero and acclaimed yarnsmith of the macabre - ponders who would play him in a film of his life.
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in Blyton Rock
Fri, 24 Sep 2021 15:10:22 GMT
Sir Desmond recalls the time when he so nearly collaborated with a famous children's author.
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in 'Nude With Pencil'
Fri, 17 Sep 2021 14:42:28 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling, acclaimed author and proud nudist, remembers the day when - both trouserless and legless - he may quite possibly have been persuaded to partake in an early film which championed the delights of nudism.
Written and perfomed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling ponders old age
Wed, 15 Sep 2021 14:39:29 GMT
A luncheon date with his ailing publisher Archie Space-Oddity puts Sir Desmond in a reflective mood
Written & perfomed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in Scarhelldeath Hall
Fri, 03 Sep 2021 14:30:24 GMT
Sir DesmondSstirling - acclaimed purveyor of spooky yarns - reminisces about his schoodays.
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) Anthony Keetch 2021
Thu, 19 Aug 2021 15:18:14 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling, acclaimed author of best-selling Satanic yarns, recalls his early appearances on television - including the now notorious BBC2 programme for men called 'manhood!'
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling: Hampton Uncaught
Mon, 02 Aug 2021 17:52:03 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - best-selling author and bon vivant - relates the story of his less-than-successful foray into running a nudist colony.
Black Magic: a Gateway to Beastliness!
Sat, 24 Jul 2021 12:33:41 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling - acclaimed author of spooky yarns - recalls his first encounter with the Dark Side at a seemingly innocent orgy in London's fashionable Hanwell...
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in The Tell-Tale Nipple episode 5
Wed, 14 Jul 2021 15:10:28 GMT
The conclusion to Sir Desmond Stirling's ghostly encounter with the chilling Sir Jasper de Scornly. Or is it...?
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in The Tell-Tale Nipple episode 4
Thu, 08 Jul 2021 13:43:55 GMT
Is Sir Desmond Stirling any closer to solving the mystery of the Third Nipple? Will Darren Frognall do the manly thing and face the ghost himself - or will it require a couple of stiff ones down the throat before he will find the spunk to do so?
Listen in disbelief to the fourth hair-curling episode of The Tell-Tale Nipple
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in The Tell-Tale Nipple episode 3
Tue, 29 Jun 2021 14:12:00 GMT
The mystery thickens like spooky gravy as Sir Desmond Stirling finally encounters the legendary ghost of Abaddon's Gentlemen club!
Shiver at this third spine-tingling chapter!
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
(c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in The Tell-Tale Nipple episode 2
Tue, 15 Jun 2021 14:42:59 GMT
The second bone-shivering installment of acclaimed author Sir Desmond Stirling's quest to solve the mystery of The Tell-Tale Nipple!
Written & performed by Anthony Keetch (c) 2021
Sir Desmond Stirling in The Tell-Tale Nipple episode 1
Fri, 04 Jun 2021 15:22:20 GMT
Best-selling author of Satanic chillers, Sir Desmond Stirling, tells us the first installment of his new saga of menace!
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 10
Tue, 20 Apr 2021 17:00:00 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling, best-selling author of Satanic chillers, reaches the bowel-clenching conclusion of his epic adventure at Dread Rocks Lighthouse!
Written and performed by Anthony Keetch
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 9
Tue, 20 Apr 2021 11:00:00 GMT
Is acclaimed author of Satanic chillers Sir Desmond Stirling about to cash in his chips? Who is the Nazi who has just shown up underneath Dread Rocks Lighthouse? Is the Fourth Reich imminent and will Sir Desmond's blood be the milk which suckles the newborn? Listen in horror to the latest gruesome instalment of Dread Rocks Holiday!
To be concluded...
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 8
Mon, 19 Apr 2021 19:00:00 GMT
Acclaimed author of best-selling Satanic chillers, Sir Desmond Stirling's spooky adventures in self-isolation on Dread Rocks Lighthouse get stranger and stranger, and just when he thinks things can't get worse, guess who turns up...
Follow Sir Desmond on twitter @sirdesstirling
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 7
Mon, 19 Apr 2021 16:00:00 GMT
Sir Desmond Stirling, the foremost author of stylish thrillers and occult novels in the world, is self-isolating on Dread Rocks Lighthouse. But as usual his plans are hijacked by ne'er-do-wells, and inevitably he is facing a gruesome death...
Follow Sir Desmond on Twitter
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 6
Mon, 19 Apr 2021 10:56:46 GMT
Is this it for the nation's favourite purveyor of spooky chillers? Surely Sir Desmond Stirling can't survive? Or can he? Listen and find out.
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 5
Sun, 18 Apr 2021 20:00:00 GMT
Can things get even worse for Sir Desmond Stirling on Dread Rocks lighthouse? How did he survive the last cliffhanger? Will the next one be even worse? Perils galore for the plucky pensmith persist...
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 4
Sun, 18 Apr 2021 16:00:00 GMT
Best-selling author of Satanic yarns, Sir Desmond Stirling, continues his spooky adventures on creepy Dread Rocks Lighthouse.
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 3
Sun, 18 Apr 2021 11:11:29 GMT
Best-selling author of satanic chillers and devout nudist Sir Desmond Stirling encounters more unspeakable terror on Dread Rocks Lighthouse.
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 2
Sun, 18 Apr 2021 11:06:50 GMT
Acclaimed author of Satanic chillers Sir Desmond Stirling continues his spooky adventures in self-isolation on Dread Rocks Lighthouse.
Sir Desmond Stirling in Dread Rocks Holiday episode 1
Sat, 17 Apr 2021 16:02:55 GMT
I, Sir Desmond Stirling, am the foremost author of stylish thrillers and occult novels in the world. That’s not how I describe myself, I hasten to point out, that was in The Reader’s Digest Guide to Modern British Authors. Of course, they were right, even if one says so oneself. I may be a humble scribe, but I do rather think there’s something frightfully common about false modesty. And the hack who called me a ‘Purveyor of pot-boiling prurient piffle’ in the Times Literary Supplement is an alliterative arse.
And now you can enjoy my adventures in self-isolation on the eerie Dread Rocks Lighthouse. To be continued....