Audio Fiction Dot C O Dot U K
A library of fiction podcasts, including audio dramas, books and RPG actual plays.

NPC Incorporated


224 episodes


Full cast Urban fantasy Longform Audio RPG


Synopsis:

A podcast about Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition, set in an office building. Roll for a coffee break! https://www.machineculture.com/desks-and-dayjobs/


Format: Audio RPG

RPG system: Dungeons & Dragons

Continuity: Longform

Writing: Improvised

Voices: Full cast

Genres: Urban fantasy

Not tagged: [Maturity] [Creator demographics] [Character demographics] [Country of origin] [Transcript] [Completion status] [Content warnings]

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Episodes:

Thirst for Adventure Live: Best of the Beach

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 11:00:10 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Please enjoy this audio version of our latest live show, Thirst for Adventure. This sunshine-y quest takes our heroes to the far-flung island of Lancalo, where an annual challenge is held to decide who is Best of the Beach! Can the heroes win this competition and impress the Sunlord? Or will traps, sentient beachballs, and their own problematic views on elves keep them from winning the prize from a dastardly contestant who seems just as determined to kill them as to beat them? Download this live ep into your shellphone or seagull (depending on your service provider) and soak in some summer fun! Starring Kelsey Blackwell as Gertie Goliath Beckett Kenny as Chewii Obi Ehn as Obi Okoma Meadow Kei Lillium as Betti the Yeti

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 60: Lizard Lunch

Fri, 02 Aug 2024 11:00:20 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are reunited after their hunt for Brother Will’s treasure, and it’s time for lunch! After noticing a mysterious food truck in the parking lot of NPC Inc’s warehouse, The Green Team figures out their strange ordering system and sits down for some delicious tacos slathered in a potent sauce to discuss what to do about the rumors being supposedly spread by Dimetra. Then it’s back to business as usual, Quinn wanders off to look at birds, Matt makes a discovery, June looks for a shower. When Dimetra discovers the identity of the culprit, will the party be too lost in the sauce to help?? In this episode Dimetra orders sauce on the side June is taking classes at Second Citadel Matt glitches during fast travel Quinn rolls to wood check, if a wood check could check wood And the pigeons prepare for what comes next Tacos Misticos theme - “El Lobo” by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass Band

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 59: Celestial Conflict

Fri, 19 Jul 2024 11:00:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Matt and June are on a treasure hunt! Can they survive the heat and darkness to find the treasure of Brother Will, and also complete a side quest to cool down the warehouse for Bill Bonetusk? And while they’re away, will Quinn and Dimetra stay out of trouble (and the supply closet?) or will trouble find them in the form of strange rumors going around the office, spread by one of the Green Team? In this Episode Quinn finds a “flying broom” Dimetra has to have Quinn put down Matt is having a looney toonsday And June has an Entmoot

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Thirst for Adventure Live: High Noon June

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 11:00:22 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Please enjoy this audio version of our latest live show, Thirst for Adventure. Sorry about the audio quality on this one, we were in a different theater with a different set up, but it’s still a rootin-tootin’ good time! In this gunslingin’ adventure, four heroes with scores to settle showdown against a gang of evil sheriffs in a dusty desert town. Get ready for hot coffee, cool denim outfits, and a gunfight that will have you chanting “Piss, Piss, Piss!” Starring Casey Larwood as Dervhle Ned Jorts as Jobe Job Whitney Chitwood as Ricki Springfoot And Ryan Trimble as Mary-Anne Sullivan

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 58: John Rainbow: First Blood

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 11:00:38 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Another Wednesday begins for our heroes as they wake to a heat advisory from their favorite unhinged public radio DJ, John Rainbow. Can our heroes beat the heat and start another day at NPC Inc, or will they be pushed to the edge and discover that no amount of charitable donations to public radio can slake their thirst for vengeance? Find out as a new day dawns, complete with evil forms, ominous new coworkers, and a call to find a long lost treasure, somewhere deep in the warehouse! You’re listening to WCPR, home of hot hits and hostage crises! In this episode June quickly breads Matt might want to actually kill his boss Quinn crafts a pickle potion And Dimetra throws in a couple of tsks

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Thirst for Adventure Live: Fey May!

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 11:00:11 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Please enjoy this audio version of our latest live show, Thirst for Adventure. In this magical installment, four somewhat-helpful heroes are teleported to the fey realm to help a princess find her stolen smile so that Spring can begin. Can a rebellious druid, a goblin who might be a king, a devilish warlock, and a capitalist cleric solve the mystery in a world where everything is quirked up and hella silly? Is cocaine ok for unicorns? Does apple sauce get you drunk? Find out in this magical live show that will have you coming back for more! (repeat customers are very important to our business model) With Alexa Jaeger as Goblin King Jareth Clayton Margeson as Shava Liadon Daryn Robinson as Amazonia Prima And Diya Basrai as Beebs Whackstaff

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 57: Meat, Pray, Love

Wed, 22 May 2024 23:17:30 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! The dudes of NPC Inc are hangin’ out! Join Matt, Bill, Sean, Ray and Durzek as they head to the Firepit Bowl-o-Rama to face off with a trio of challenges: Food, Drink, and Bowling. Can these fellas take a break from the stress of modern life to enjoy a game and a drink with some new friends, or will we quickly lose interest in what they’re doing and start to follow the story of a beleaguered bartender and his cigar-loving friend? Why not both? Grab some meat of Sal Manderberg’s grill and fill a glass with three kinds of scotch, let’s roll! In this episode Durzek drinks for free Sean is a super spy Ray wrecks stuff at work Matt rolls some dammy And Bill is nerfed by poppers

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 56: Speaking Dramatically

Fri, 10 May 2024 12:49:17 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Dimetra is in trrrrrooouble! As Mr. Lowe and Quinn remind her of the company’s very obvious attendance policy, Matt and June head to the hot, smokey office of Sean Burns, hoping to find some clarity on the recent employee survey and to continue to explore Matt’s well-established hatred of surveys. Get ready for a miraculous save via high-two and to hear our cast pull off a dizzying combo of movie, music and gaming references that would make Tony Hawk’s head explode. In this episode Matt tests his eye speed June pitches Die Bard Quinn brought their own torture tools And Dimetra is saved by a high five Featuring music by Komiku

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Thirst for Adventure Live: The Opposite of Dracula

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 11:00:25 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Please enjoy this audio version of our latest live show, Thirst for Adventure. In this topsy-turvy adventure, a team of adventurers set out to help the Opposite of Dracula, a kind sunflower farmer who just wants to make his hometown of Helsing a better place, but a cruel land developer and his treacherous former servant want him dead! Are they ready to defend Sunshine Farm from mean ol’ Mina Harker, or will the allure of cruel capitalism cause them to turn on the reverse-vampire they were paid to protect? Find out in this tale of blood drinking, bird vomiting, and a final battle that will have you saying “well, technically none of this happens in Dracula.” With Kerry Stevens as Kate Shrub Michael Serio as Dirk Steele John Stockwell as Grotsaac And Jessica Mance as Fristina Fragulera

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 55: Coin Toss

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 11:00:34 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Whew, there’s a lot going on with the poor Green Team! June’s escaped Mama’s Records Department, Quinn’s gone survey-mad, Matt’s sore from answering questions, and Dimetra and Alan are trapped by the Lunch Bunch! Sure would complicate things if these disparate threads came together in a big warehouse brawl! And guess what? That’s exactly what happens! Tune in to as worker turns on worker turns on Lunch Eater turns on team mate! Also tune in for a discussion of Steve Urkel’s many war crimes. In this episode DM Hobert gets coin brain Quinn goes for a gnome roam Matt asks for a pat June points at a pen And Dimetra faces some repercussions Drum sample by Nicholas The Octopus Camarena

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 54: The Benefits of Soda

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 11:00:31 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have finished lunch and resumed their tasks on a Tuesday afternoon. While most of The Green Team tries to make it work with Dimetra split between two teams, June submits to her punishment from Mama Storybrook. Can June survive her time in the dreaded records room? Will Dimetra be able to find a fashionable accessory for her dinner party with the Bloodskulls? And what happens when you leave an enthusiastic surveyor alone with an unwitting participant? Grab a soda, light a smoke, and tune in, adventure is a drug, and we’re your dealer, baby! In this episode Dimetra is done dirty by digital dice Matt has an American Spiritual Experience June meets “Eh” and “Uh” And Quinn has the Summertime Hots

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Thirst for Adventure Live: Hail Caesar!

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 11:00:39 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! We hope you enjoy an audio version of our latest live show! In this installment, four heroes set out to free the beautiful city of Bella Fine from the iron grip of a terrible Caesar. How bad of a Caesar is he? Well, he made wine illegal, fun forbidden, and all bar games banished! With the help of the citizens of city (the audience) they come up with a plan to kill the hated leader and save the day, or maybe just sleep with him. But will an encounter with a mysterious spider-woman make them reconsider their course when they find out Caesar is more than he seems? If you could change yer fate, would yer? With Elsie How as Paula Dune Jarrell Scott Barnes as Thom Oprah Kevin Budnik as Havarti Smeltheart And Dylan Carey as Dr. Scunch

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 53: Engage-Mint

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 13:00:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes’ strange Tuesday continues, but at least they get a chance to relax and consider their pasts and futures over lunch. Will some food and drink clear their minds and help them figure out what happened during the blur of the previous week? Or will they sink deeper into their new tasks, getting lost in supply room clean-ups, bowling plans, and survey distribution? Perhaps the advice of an older worker might come in handy, but everyone knows she hates being disrupted during lunch. Actually, she might just hate everything, all the time... In this episode Dimetra looks at her bad memento June almost becomes June-loney Matt is the Penguin now And Quinn gives and gets all fives

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Thirst for Adventure Live: Gnomeo Mustn’t Die

Wed, 28 Feb 2024 13:00:22 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Here’s another edition of our live show series Thirst For Adventure! In this adventure, four heroes have to help a hopelessly-romantic gnome who’s looking for love in all the wrong places! Like, really dangerous places. With the help of a god of chaos (and temporarily love) the heroes head to meet Gnomeo’s date, and hopefully not a terrible fate! Oooo, I love to rhyme! Get ready for an exciting and adorable adventure filled with passion, bloodshed, a magic goose, big boyfriends and one very cute squirrel. With Kendall Klitzke as Roger “Sher-not” Holmes James Fisher as Rai Mogwai Jason as Jax Whitney Chitwood as Ricki Springfoot And Scott Meyer as Bucket

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 52: Ones on a Tuesday

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 13:04:52 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have awoken to a brand new day, but not in the week they expected! What will they learn about what they did last week? Was everything super chill and there’s not rebellion forming, pissed off middle managers, social obligations and a terrifyingly boring employee engagement survey waiting for them at NPC Inc.? Or are all those things definitely waiting for them, plus some other problems I didn’t list?? It’s the second option! If I insinuate there might be a problem for our heroes, there usually is, I’m such a scamp! In this episode Matt missed taco week Quinn missed Maraschino the pigeon Dimetra missed going out with the team And June misses when her watch worked

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 51: Master & Commander: The Far Side of Monday

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 12:00:21 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! The Green Team is back, right where we left them in the heart of the sinister Elder Brain Symposium. If I remember correctly, everything was going great, right? Hahaha, just kidding. Dimetra and Daniel were in the clutches of the Shell Corp., Quinn was off with the Mad Doctor of Corporate Cohesion, and Matt and June were wrapped up in team building exercises with Bernard, who remains very hard to read! Whew, that’s a lot. I’ll let you discover the rest of the story in this thrilling episode, with an ending that will change the Green Team’s week forever (or at least a week). In This Episode Matt rolls for taco memory Dimetra checks her hands Quinn says “hello!” And June makes a deal for a friend Original music by Liz Getty

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Welcome Back, Green Team! (A recap & discussion minisode)

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 12:00:32 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! The Green Team is (almost) back! Before we resume our tale of work and friendship, DM Hobert and the cast sit down to talk about the story so far, the characters, the NPCs, and all our beloved big bads. Tune in to reconnect with our story, I wonder whats going to happen next??

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Thirst for Adventure Live: The Dragon’s Eye

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 13:31:50 +0000

Greetings, listeners! First off an update, new episodes of NPC Incorporated are on their way! Until we check back in with the Green Team, here’s another tale of adventure from our new live show, Thirst For Adventure! In this one, four heroes join a pair of tiny treasure hunters to seek out a treasure in a lost tomb. Can they dodge traps and solve the most dreaded enemy in D&D: a simple puzzle? Find out in this surprisingly horny, lava-filled adventure! Apologies for some mic trouble we had with our NPCs! With Claire Favret as Horntilda Magazine Erik Morrison as Kug the Nasty Josh Zagoren as Ramrod Englewood And Becca Nix Tham as Catrina the Chaotic

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Thirst for Adventure Live: Silent Night, Deadly Night

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 12:00:10 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Sorry for being so quiet recently, but due to some travel and holidays and life in general, we had to take a pause on our NPC Inc story. We’ll be back soon, and miss playing around in the warehouse. Until we check back in with the Green Team, here’s another tale of adventure from our new live show, Thirst For Adventure! In this thrilling tale that is NOT A CHRISTMAS SHOW, four heroes set out into a dark, snowy forest to hunt a fearsome beast. Prepare for allyship, snow crime, and goblin juice! With Mary Fiala as Garf Speederson Chris Higgins as Zaunoth Vuma-Thukate Cassidy Kulhanek as Lae Rideat And William Paik as Froffins the Kid

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Thirst for Adventure Live: The Thankswishing Day Feast

Wed, 06 Dec 2023 12:00:27 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Sorry for being so quiet recently, but due to some travel and holidays and life in general, we had to take a pause on our NPC Inc story. We’ll be back soon, and miss playing around in the warehouse. Until we check back in with the Green Team, here’s another tale of adventure from our new live show, Thirst For Adventure! We’re still figuring out how to record in a huge room, so apologies for the rough audio, but we thought this tale of food and friendship (and then ditching your friends to be famous) was worth a listen. Tune in for some chaos, some shots, some cocaine, and a whole lot of wishing! Also, our next live show is Tuesday, December 19th. Hobert says the 21st at the end, and he is wrong. With Andrienne Stout as Truck the Bard Izzy Salhani as Galar the Druid Joey Bednarski as Bongrass-Bongrass the Monk And Sohrab Forouzesh as Vito the Fighter

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Halloween Interlude: The Deer King

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 11:00:24 +0000

NPC Incorporated, Halloween Interlude: The Deer King Happy Halloween, Deer Listeners! See what I did there? Well, you’ll get it after you listen to this very spooky Halloween episode! In this thrilling installment of our annual Call of Cthulhu game, four ne’er-do-wells venture forth to check out a really fun renaissance faire! But is the Crystal Faire hiding a dark secret? What roams the woods around the park, and why does it seem like a part of the show, but also so terrifyingly real? Give into fantasy and follow the Path of Crooked Bones in this haunting tale from Spooky Chicago, 1975! In this episode Wart salutes Fang’s hot for Wa-Tina Stink saves their magic points And Scratch gets kicked in the shins a lot

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 50: GoldenEye (1989)

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 11:57:58 +0000

The Green Team is scattered across the vastness of the Elder Brain Symposium! Separated from each other, they face the difficult decision of “continue with the escape plan” vs “see what these people are up to over here.” Guess which one most of them pick? As Dimetra and the newly statuesque Daniel try to exit the way they entered, June and Matt join some of the inner circle of Bernard’s Shield Society for some puzzles and memory games. Meanwhile, Quinn takes a trip to the secret lab of Dr. Orwing, who wants to teach them a new game… In this episode June meets pepper Matt puzzles Mr. Stubbs Dimetra tries a blunt distraction And Quinn plays some Nintendo products

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 49: Nerfect Pobodies

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 12:18:45 +0000

It’s a Monday, somewhere in the depths of the Shell Corporation and our heroes are about to share their secrets with Mr. Holder in exchange for some mid-level blended scotch, dear listeners! Can they trust the menacing executive with their secrets? Eh, they’ll figure that out later! For now, it’s time to infiltrate the symposium and find Daniel amongst the tables of team building villains. Pour some whiskey in your mug and tune in for big reveals, annoying co-workers, and baby-girl energy. In this episode June really needs the Int. advantage Dimetra has an OnlyHands Quinn trades some game facts And Matt sees a pirate

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Thirst for Adventure Live: King of the Hill Giant

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 12:00:13 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! We have some party members on vacation, so instead we thought we’d give you an audio taste of our new live show at Lincoln Lodge theater in Chicago! In this monthly show, four comedians put away their material and take up character sheets for an adventure set in and around the Wishing Well Tavern. Drinks will be had, quests will be accepted, and thirsts for adventure will be quenched! Enjoy our first ever show featuring Amy Do, David Carter, Caito Aase and Sage Huston, in which the “Apostrophe Bos” come to the aid of a big boy and take on his bigger bully! In this episode Izumi is our designated centaur Rakki’s got a gun Trick fulfills the bard’s obligation to flirt And Hera worships Mike

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 48: Inside the Shell

Wed, 06 Sep 2023 12:00:19 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are taking the stairs, accompanied by new party member Bernard Holder. Can our heroes trust the sinister business guru to lead them into the symposium to find Dimetra’s brother? What secrets is Bernard keeping from them as they descend into the depths? The true mission of H & H Business Solutions? The location of a super-bland break room? His favorite band and album? Find out in this exciting, pigeon-filled descent into Shell Corp! In this episode Dimetra bargains for damage June invents the Fit Bit Matt needs you to get off his back Quinn serves up a BLP And Bernard invites the party into the Court of the Crimson King

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 47: Shell Games

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 09:00:09 +0000

Happy Weekend, dear listener! I hope you had a good Saturday and Sunday, I know our heroes did! Fresh off their success at The Genie Bottle, the Green Team grows in power, reconnecting with loved ones and facing off against sports rivals. Will the boost of confidence give them the tools (and weapons and armor) they need for the Elder Brain Symposium? Find out as our heroes head to the Host Building to see what’s going on at Shell Corp. And what happens when a malevolent force of management suddenly wants to help? In this episode Jane almost loses her mind Quing crafts a paper plate party Dim-Dim studies for the test And Mott gets a last minute use of his new class feature in

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 46: Skeptical Spectators

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 11:00:36 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are ready to help The Crushed Skulls impress the Fey Wilde crowd at the Genie Bottle. Can they help a rowdy punk band impress a synth pop audience, or will Fang and the boys be unable to win over these skeptical spectators? Get ready to dance, dodge pyrotechnics, and remember how basses work in this thrilling installment. Don’t forget to stretch for a punk show, folks! In this episode Matt introduces the extended Meat Family Universe Quinn turns into a spider June basically crowd surfs And Dimetra gets as spicy as she thinks she can be

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 45: Impossible Uncle

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 11:00:46 +0000

Greetings, listeners! The Green Team is spread across the Genie’s Bottle bar like spilled chips on a green room craft services table! Quinn and Dimetra make their way to the dance floor to generate some buzz for their co-workers’ band while June wanders the mirrored hall/bathroom. Meanwhile, Uncle and Wife locate Barry the Flirt to retrieve their lost names. Can the team whip up the crowd’s enthusiasm for punk music at a pop show? Will Uncle be able to solve Barry’s latest fiendish boyfriend riddle? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Dimetra leaves Jeff Foxworthy at the altar June loses a pissing contest Quinn goes on a wig search Matt has coconut-head disease Maria whistles dryly And we take some time to check our star charts

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 44: “Monday Problems for Friday People”

Wed, 12 Jul 2023 11:54:18 +0000

Greetings, listener! Our heroes have been reluctantly crowned Team of the Week, but that’s a problem for another day! For now they just need to make some cat-themed headwear and make their way to The Genie Bottle, a venue that promises a night of music, drinks, and hopefully some answers. Can our heroes locate Barry the Flirt inside the surprisingly spacious, black-light-lit bar? Wait, who is that at the bar? She looks familiar! In this episode Dimetra checks out the latest Economancer Quinn leaves no crumbs on their hats June rolls snake-nines Uncle experiences the Pina Colada song in real life And everyone wants to be a tiefling

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 43: Games for Goblins

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 16:11:44 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are back from lunch and ready to work. Jumping on their jobs, the Green Team makes quick work of their afternoon tasks, leaving some time to design hats for punks, seek out creepy business books, and take turns being the baby. But as the day draws to a close, the heroes are drawn to the lair of Mr. Lowe, where the sinister boss has a game he’d like to play... In this episode Uncle has some picklebacks and wifey meat Dimetra LOVES SOOODA! June spells out her strategy Quinn rolls a sequin check And we pitch NPC Babies

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 42: Stronger Than Names

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 11:54:25 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are back, and are hungry for lunch! Leaving behind the warehouse (and one of their names), they head to Blue Star Hotdogs for some restorative pop and onion rings. Will these nourishing noshes help them power through the day (and remind them of their names)? Or will sugar and grease only make the heroes feel and smell worse? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Uncle Lubyss remembers he’s a wife guy June tastes corporate lingo Demetra has a youth crisis And Quinn says a swear

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 41: Lift/Haul

Wed, 19 Apr 2023 12:44:39 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have volunteered to help clean up after the collapse of shelves and firing of John Boneshatter, and now have to deal with doing a little heavy lifting while exhausted. Can they figure out how to wake up and clean up? Will the wreckage of the shelves reveal any lessons about teamwork, or will they uncover a possibly sinister plot? Will they triumph in time for lunch, or get stuck cleaning up someone else’s mess? Find out in this exciting episode of coffee, gloves, and sing-a-longs that’ll have you asking, “where’s the beep!?” In this episode Quinn falls into a glove trap Dimetra hits the slay button June doesn’t mean to be threatening Uncle offers to kill again And everyone get hungry for snowballs

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 40: T, But D

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 12:19:45 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! As Friday begins, our heroes rise, exhausted from a late night out. After getting ready with some sandwich making and light crafts, our heroes are back in the NPC Inc warehouse, tired but determined to have a good day. When an accident rocks the sleepy morning, are our heroes ready to jump in and help? And as one sinister plan comes to fruition, does that mean more are on the way? Tune in and toss a coin to see if June stinks, it’s Friday! In this episode June lets a 20 ride Dimetra blows the dust off her mind palace Quinn skips, carefully And Matt had to do his own sandwich

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 39: Butt, Ass, Posterior

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 12:12:41 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are searching for June in the crowded Lair bar, and only one thing stands in their way...a door. Can they solve the riddle of the door? Or will they stand outside the Green Room, smashing their butts against the door while chanting? Well, probably that for a little bit, but after that it’s to the rescue of June, who’s trying to find out the story of what happened to the old Green Team from its old leader, a mysterious guitarist who can’t remember what his job was before being swept up by Faye Wilde’s band. Will our heroes discover the truth? Find out, and be ready to cross off squares on your “hole bingo” card! In This Episode Matt jangles his Ki’s over his head June picks Brother Will’s memory Dimetra enters her ass mind palace Quinn strikes a pose And the party throws it back on the door

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 38: Devils on My Shoulders

Wed, 08 Mar 2023 12:00:38 +0000

The work day is finally over, dear listeners, but if you think Thursday is done with our heroes, think again! After heading to the local dive for a Thirsty Thursday drink, the Green Team finds themselves in the midst of the loyal fans of pop-star Fay Wilde! As Quinn and Matt chat hats with Fang and Dimetra hears about Alan’s machinations, June is led from the path by a charming consort of the chart-topping Wilde. What awaits June in the Green Room Court? In this episode Quinn is daddy now Matt takes waving lessons June rings some Belles Dimetra has two devils And Fang & the boys get dressed up

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 37: Trolls & Holes

Wed, 22 Feb 2023 12:00:37 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are wrapping up their day and Matt and Dimetra have summoned Queen Marta’s dread second in command, the dreaded Tonia. They quickly realize this tall haired terror is as sharply critical as she is long-winded. Can they escape the warehouse with the help of June, Quinn and gentle shelver Peter? Get ready to dodge boxes and climb through some holes on a quest to make it to after-work drinks! In this episode Quinn is always counting Dimetra’s got skin in the game (and on the floor) Matt uses his karate chop action June belts from the ballpark And Peter is very brave

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 36: The Dryness of Cookies

Wed, 08 Feb 2023 12:00:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! It’s lunchtime for our heroes, so it’s time to grab a pop and rest up for an afternoon in the currently-ominous warehouse. Can our heroes navigate the dark vibe in the warehouse and find what they need to ship? Or will they be drawn into the shippers’ web of self-evaluation and sacrifice? Find out as how our heroes ship, stealth, and sing their way into Thursday afternoon! In this episode Quinn brings a cookie through a rainstorm June hits dirty thirty Matt hits dirty thirty one And Dimetra sings Le Wiz

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 35: Souper Friends

Wed, 25 Jan 2023 12:00:28 +0000

Greetings listeners! As our heroes head to lunch, a conversation (battle) breaks out between June and Quinn. As the soup chat heats up, Matt and Dimetra find their way into the mix for a show down between the Green Team workers! Will they work out things between them in time to enjoy lunch? Will the bad vibe continue into the afternoon? Find out in this exciting episode and also find out which King of the Hill characters our PCs are! In This Episode Matt takes the dad route Dimetra has wet bones June is going to John Wick 3 somebody Quinn is bolstered by your kindness! And Colin Farrell meets Mothra

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 34: The Year of Thursday

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 12:00:21 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Welcome to 2023/Thursday! Our heroes rise on this new day to find the weather (and the vibe at work) a little dreary. Can they overcome wet clothes, cursed hats, and ominous co-workers to tackle this new day? I sure hope so! Otherwise this year, I mean day, will be ruined! In this Episode Matt is Unbreakable Quinn has +0 goggles Dimetra breaks the hat mold And June breaks the hat’s hold

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Matt Meat in: “Monks & Mayhem at the Mall!”

Fri, 30 Dec 2022 13:00:27 +0000

Ho Ho Ho, dear listeners! It’s the holiday season in Fantasy Chicago and all the kids want one thing: Malibu Gerbbi. With time running out, Matt Meat is at the Merrowind Mall to meet up with his frenemy Ray Mei for a shot at the elusive toy. When Ray introduces a second desperate dad to the quest, Matt and his new drinking buddy Jay must make their way across the mall to a busy toy store where a sneaky figure claims to have the goods. Can they get the gifts they need? Or will they have to fight, run and even fly to make their holiday dreams come true? In this Holiday Episode Matt is ready for tricky mouth stuff And Jay is ’bout to start drinkin’ And the Dads consider a Mansterpiece

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 33: The Most Dangerous GameFAQs

Wed, 14 Dec 2022 12:58:31 +0000

With the wild Wednesday over, our heroes are heading to Wickerman Park to watch June’s softball practice and wind down. But what if an unexpected gift from a familiar source changed the vibe of June’s weekly respite from work? Don’t even answer, dear listener! That’s exactly what happens! Can our heroes still find joy in their post work rituals? Make sure to stretch before listening to this exciting episode! In this episode June is bolstered by the power of dad Dimetra is a Mambo #5 Warlock Quinn wields a mighty softball fact And the Meat parents roast their daughter

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 32: Revenge is a Hotdish

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 12:00:33 +0000

In the wake of the Lunchtime Masquerade our heroes are back to work, but worried that one member of their party is getting too close to their sinister manager, Mr. Lowe. Can Matt, Dimetra and June come up with a plan to free Quinn from his influence? Or will they get distracted by mysterious statues, cursed houseware, and mixed metaphors? Find out in this exciting installment in our new arc: The Spilled Soda Conspiracy! In this episode Matt gets a wet slap Dimetra keeps collecting curses Quinn cleans their gun And June asks for a wish

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 31: Masks Off

Wed, 16 Nov 2022 02:41:19 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! The lunchtime masquerade is coming to an end and the Green Team is spread across the break room hoping to forward their personal goals before the dread Mr. Lowe calls them to return to work. Can Dimetra continue to poison the office against John? Will Matt and Fang escape from the sticks and stones of the rowdy conversational fight pit? Can June sway the office gossips to doing something about their awful boss? Will Quinn stop dancing long enough to get a bite to eat?? Find out in this thrilling conclusion! In this episode June will invite everyone to softball practice Matt is a strong adult catman, papa meow Dimetra uses the healing power of tomato Quinn had too much relish juice And the cast considers the turner

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The Factory of Fear! Part 2

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 11:00:45 +0000

As the Ruby Gang delves deeper into the dilapidated factory of Holder Industries, can they outrun the malevolent monster that haunts the factory floor, dodge their captors, and figure out how much of this mystery is real versus faked? Find out in this exciting part two that’ll have you yelling “Gerbbi-Derbbi-Goo!” In this episode Vera interviews for a job Shaunie flips a coin for violence Daniel will be your eyes/carry you And Lee almost gets away, gets away, then almost gets away

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The Factory of Fear! Part 1

Mon, 31 Oct 2022 11:00:37 +0000

It’s the swinging’ sixties and four groovy ghost hunters and their friendly dog are off to Holder Industries, an abandoned factory with a dark secret. Can the Ruby Gang solve the mystery of the strange sounds and lights seen in the old building? Or will they stumble on an even larger mystery that’ll have them questioning their very reality as a very real danger pursues them in the dark? Zoinks! In this episode Shaunie crits on cigarettes Daniel can catch hammers Vera hopes she doesn’t lose her lucky glasses And everyone ponders the orb

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 30: Marches On

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 11:00:37 +0000

The party rages, dear listeners, but the tune has changed! As Mr. Lowe’s favorite tape plays, our heroes still have business to take care of during this festive lunch. Will they join in the dance (of small talk with coworkers) as the masquerade builds to it’s frightening conclusion (returning to work)? Will they be able to squash old beefs, connect with friends and foes, and complete secret tasks? Or will they be drawn further into the machinations of their sinister boss, threatening the very fabric of the team?? In this episode June’s job is tables Quinn has a flask (for others) Matt makes a beeline for the feline And Dimetra doesn’t kill vibe with a Borat joke

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 29: Masks On

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 11:00:28 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! I hope you’re ready to party! After quickly accomplishing their morning shipments, with hot dogs ready to serve and decorations thrown together, our heroes are ready to welcome the denizens of NPC Inc. Shipping to the Lunchtime Masquerade. Will the other teams all follow Mr. Lowe’s very specific rules on attending the lunch? Will people have fun eating hot dogs provided by the very intense Mr. Verok? And what happens when a bunch of hungry co-workers have to face the (really unpleasant) music? In this episode Quinn’s gotta pocket full of nuts and betrayal Dimetra displays perfect Dimetry June ponders her secret-keeper face Matt becomes a supply-gathering shadow And we encourage you to order the NPC Inc Dog Featuring music by Dar Golan

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 28: Fool & King, Ghoul & Goose

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 11:00:22 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes are home after a long, strange day and after a little visit to some neighbors, they begin their most important tasks so far this week: arts & crafts. Can the heroes of the Green Team mold their masquerade masks to be the most impressive at tomorrow’s lunch, or will their own insecurities, bits, and children work against them? Find out in this exciting episode/pitch for our pilot, “Wot’s All This Then??” In this episode Quinn goes from bird to bat June pitches a baseball joke Dimetra is late, but not in the dead way And Matt gets a hand from an Angel

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Historical Interlude: Disco & Deceit, Pt. 2, “Case Closed”

Wed, 14 Sep 2022 11:00:20 +0000

In this tale from the timeline of NPC Inc., we leave behind the 80s warehouse of NPC Inc. for the 70s offices of Blackhorn & Bloodskull, where three devious lawyers are heading to court to do what they do best: argue. Can this dread trio use their wits to defend their malicious corporate client from Moonglow & Associates? Should they have maybe used more of their time planning and less doing cocaine with their bosses? Well you’ll just have to tune in to find out who wins, who loses, and who is closer to making partner in this thrilling conclusion, produced by Dick Direwolf In this episode Lorraine borrows some dice Seraphina wants to be a stepmom And Pearson loves to fuck around and find out

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Historical Interlude: Disco & Deceit, Pt. 1, “Stayin’ Alive at Studio 55”

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 11:00:29 +0000

In this tale from the timeline of NPC Inc., we leave behind the 80s warehouse of NPC Inc. for the 70s offices of Blackhorn & Bloodskull, where three devious lawyers are prepping for a very important case. But at B&B, disco and deceit are king, embodied by the cruel heads of the firm, Dan Blackhorn and Albert Bloodskull. Can a cold hearted legal inquisitor with a mysterious history, a malicious trial lawyer compelled to win at all costs, and a manipulative paralegal with a taste for torturing interns put aside their glaring personality flaws to prove themselves to their evil bosses? Or will drugs and dancing distract them from the case and give the most selfish people in the room an irresistible opportunity to ruin each other? In this episode Pearson is #1 Un-Dad Seraphina penetrates And Lorraine explains the benefits of knives and flames

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 27: Lift Off

Wed, 17 Aug 2022 11:00:26 +0000

Our heroes have caught up with the Lunch Eater in the warehouse and June is ready to face him in a lift off to win back the missing toaster oven fuse! Can the party’s softball superstar defeat the meat-fueled maniac before his ham-fed followers weird out the rest of the Green Team? And once they escape the warehouse, will out heroes be able to wrap up with day uneventfully, or will distractions, confrontations, and secret offers put them on a wayward course to an important Wednesday?? In this episode Matt forces a Con save Dimetra mulls gorgeously Quinn almost becomes a hampire And June checks in with a friend

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 26: The Mystery of the Twice-Folded Ham

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 11:55:19 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes have returned from lunch after successfully securing an order from Blue Star Hotdogs for the Lunch Masquerade. But as they head back to the warehouse they find their workplace a chaotic scene of disgruntled party guests and a recently ransacked break room. Can our heroes split up to both keep planning the bird-themed-if-you-feel-like-it masquerade and solve the mystery of who broke the toaster oven? find out in this exciting episode that will have you screaming “OPEN THE FOLDED HAM! JUST OPEN IT, IT’S CLEARLY A CLUE!” In this Episode Quinn reminds us you can make a mask from anything Dimetra buries the map lead June glitches through the break room And Matt eats the evidence

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 25: F.B.I.

Wed, 20 Jul 2022 11:00:22 +0000

Tuesday begins, dear listeners. Our heroes are ready to face the day with renewed strength, and for one of them, an unusual hunger. Can our heroes make it through a new day at NPC Inc and balance their usual tasks with bringing Mr. Lowe’s party plans to fruition? Will a sidebar to Blue Star Hotdogs smooth things over with Mr. Verok? What will happen when one of the party members is suddenly taken by a compulsion to wear a very very funny hat? Find out in this exciting episode filled with credit cards, tape guns, and the return of a familiar foe… In this episode Dimetra updates her wikifeet June pitches the Gay-kery Matt resists the urge to throw something and Quinn is just a lil bit different

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 24: Free As A Bird

Wed, 06 Jul 2022 11:56:30 +0000

Our heroes have escaped the warehouse after a truly draining Monday, dear listeners. With a strangely diminished Quinn in tow, our heroes head to Ol’ Wrigleytown to implore Matt’s old job to reverse their ban on Fang and The Crushed Skulls and also to make their plans for the Wednesday lunch masquerade. Can they infiltrate The Metro-opolis and speak to the enigmatic owner, Mr. Shanana, with help of Matt’s stealth and Quinn’s Birdbook? And more importantly, can they decide on a theme for a party that already has a theme? Hey, why not birds? Yeah, birds are a great theme for a party! Birds, Birds, Birds, Birds! In this episode Quinn introduces Pizza Pigeon Dimetra orders fries for the group June loses her baseball mitt And Matt rolls to defend birds

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 23: An Ass Out of U.S.

Wed, 22 Jun 2022 12:00:23 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes are wrapping up their Monday after a dramatic lunch. Time to get back to work and not think about the revenge that Fang might be planning! Can our heroes muster the energy to end the day strong, or did the Shipping Council’s extra assignments for the day put them too far behind? Find out in this exciting installment filled with surprise inspections, surprise encounters, and an end of day meeting with dire consequences for one member of the Green Team. In this episode June checks her sleeves Dimetra gets her Kubrick stare back Matt keeps rockin’ And Quinn gets a sword

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 22: Livin’ the Dream

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 12:00:24 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes (or at least two of them) have found the hidden statue garden of Jasper Basa, the manager of receiving. What wisdom does this extra tall employee have for June and Matt, and what does he know about the lost history of Green Team? After that and some truly exciting package taping (seriously!) our heroes head to the lunch room and witness a celebration for The Seekers’ most recent winning of Team of the Week. Will the pizza party stay chill? Or are the rowdiest employees of NPC Inc waiting to take a bite out of crust…and the Green Team? In this episode June wakes the Windfish Quinn names the tape gun Dimetra meets Stink Matt looks at the sun, for some reason And Jasper & Fang roll for history

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 21: Big & Bad

Wed, 25 May 2022 12:00:20 +0000

Monday continues, dear listener! Our party is split as Dimetra navigates the maze of paperwork after her fall. As the others try to pick up the pieces of a Monday that’s going off the rails, Dimetra delves deep into a dark maze of legalese and hides from a malevolent presence from long ago... Will Dimetra make it out of the maze and back to her team before lunch? What will the rest of the Green Team get into without their de facto leader? Get ready for a thrilling tale of middle managers, haunted documents, and mysteries of NPC Inc’s past coming to light... In this episode Dimetra rolls for resort Matt give tips to spot managers Quinn sits and kicks June finds the light And DM Hobert’s cat drops in

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 20: Man, Ick Monday!

Wed, 11 May 2022 11:00:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are ready to start week two at NPC Inc! After resting their ankles, enjoying some ham and eggs, and visiting a very charming flower shop, the Green Team heads to work to find out about their new duties (courtesy of Quinn and Mr. Lowe) and start their work week. But in the delicate ecosystem of the NPC Inc Shipping facility, standing out makes you a target for extra chores and scrutiny. Can our heroes keep the peace while planning Mr. Lowe’s Wednesday Masquerade? Or will the weight of extra responsibility (and boxes) cause cracks to appear in their team (and spines)? In this episode Matt enjoys a worse Double-Down Dimetra is acid and assless Quinn is a cartoon character And June lies for a friend

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 19: Little, Stinky Business

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 11:00:21 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are ready to enjoy their weekends, but first we have a little business to get to: leveling up! Tune in to hear DM Hobert and the players going over their level four features before our heroes head off to do some day drinking to come up with a plan for “Operation Rawdog.” Can our heroes agree on a method for clearing their name with Steven Verok so they can be un-banned from Blue Star Hotdogs? Or will their tendencies to be nice, defiant, and/or conniving get in the way of coming up with a plan that won’t leave everyone feeling stinky? Guest starring Paul Dano as “The Riddler.” In this Episode Matt enjoys some fantasy dad-rock Quinn wishes for a less stinky world June gets a watch Dimetra gets some spiritual gains And the team beats up Paul Dano

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 18: That’s Chicago!

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 11:00:28 +0000

Our heroes are ready to enjoy the weekend, dear listeners! But before they can savor Saturday and Sunday, Dimetra has a dinner date with Daniel, her intensely menacing brother. Get ready for a quest to the heart of Chicago’s Giant Italy neighborhood, where soaring architecture looms as large as the pasta portions. Will Dimetra be able to navigate The Ring? Will she enjoy her promised pizza? Or will Daniel ambush her with prying questions, shocking news, and a glass of wine so dry it’s like drinking sand? Find out in this episode, I’m not going to spoil it here! In this episode Dimetra has an immersive train experience Matt’s a milky daddy June makes some bread And Quinn takes a hard look in the mirror

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 17: Perfect Packages & Pizza Prizes

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 12:00:33 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are so close to the end of Friday that they can almost taste it! Which is a good thing, because they’re definitely not tasting lunch after being kicked out of Blue Star Hotdogs. Can our heroes find food back the warehouse to sustain their afternoon of work, the final day of their first week? Get ready for action (finding and shipping packages) and adventure (talking to coworkers) as our heroes wrap up their work week. Who will be crowned Team of the Week? Will Tina freak out when she finds out her key is missing? And what awaits Quinn in Mr. Lowe’s office, and will they see him alone or tell the others about their plan to pay the sinister manager a visit? Find out in this exciting episode brought to you by Bits and Big Tobacco! In this episode Matt achieves package perfection Dimetra agrees on ham June becomes Blade And Quinn rolls to persuade…

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 16: Hot Guys & Hot Dogs

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 12:00:23 +0000

Hark, dear listeners! Our heroes have escaped the office of Mr. Lowe and are ready to finally start their Friday. Will their encounter with their intense boss sour the mood of the day? Or did the crazy-eyed, but charismatic, Mr. Lowe make a strong connection with one of the Green Team members? Find out in this thrilling installment in our tale, filled with twists, turns, statues, garnishes, and consequences of lunches past… In this episode Matt wants to know “why he frownin?’” Dimetra describes a hot dog June is lucid and dating And Quinn tips 100%+

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 15: Not Too Stale To Fail

Wed, 02 Mar 2022 12:00:20 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have quenched their thirst on Thirsty Thursday, and are ready for Friday (after spending some time icing their ankles and talking to dear ol’ Mom and Dad). But Friday has a sinister surprise for the Green Team in the form of an invitation to meet with the mysterious boss of NPC Inc. Shipping: Mr. Lowe. What evil lurks in the upstairs office, guarding the executive bathroom and waiting for unsuspecting employees to wander down the dreary hall to his malicious office chambers? Find out in this thrilling tale and learn a little about yourself by taking the Orwing-Gregsteen Test! In this episode June bumps a frame Quinn balances some cookies Dimetra is promised pizza with steak and shrimp And Matt gets Jellicle

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 14: Dance Macabre

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 12:00:14 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Dimetra is in peril! Lured into the dimly lit dance floor at The Lair, she’s been pulled into a dreary dance to the music of goth-y synths. Can the rest of the Green Team find her amongst the swaying bodies and twinkling lights, or will they too be pulled into the dance? And what happens when the music stops and the lively crowd wants a quick drink before the next band, the (locally) legendary four-piece GemDragon? Find out in this thrilling episode that’ll have you asking “who is Jim Dragon?” In this episode Quinn tries the empathy punch Matt has learned nothing, and has nothing to contribute Dimetra is good at dancing now And June tries the stankle ankle

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 13: In The Palace of Brewskis

Wed, 02 Feb 2022 12:00:25 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have wrapped a hectic day and are ready to quench their thirst for fun by joining the rest of the shippers for Thirsty Thursday, a weekly outing for drinks organized by Megan the Huntress. Can our heroes keep up with their NPC coworkers and their powerful punches? Or will a pint glass of booze spell disaster for the smallest bladders in the party? Enjoy this exciting night out adventure or be banished to the Far Realm! In this episode Dimetra is the leaky teifling Matt just wants to order a “beer” Quinn adds to the birdble And June learns that books are fun

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 12: Pranks for the Memor-keys

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 13:00:28 +0000

Greetings listeners! Lines have been crossed on the shipping floor and the secret council has chosen retribution to reset the sensitive balance of the work ecosystem. So it falls to Dimetra and the Green Team to come up with a prank that’ll teach Tina Tondren a lesson! Will they be able to pull off a prank that will impress the rest of the shipping department while balancing their daily tasks? And what will the prank be? The classic Lemon Cake? The Ol’ Two Key Mix-up? Lighting her on fire? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Quinn eats a bird’s lunch June’s ankle is hanging on by a thread Dimetra teaches us the lemon cake prank And Matt gets his kids out of the zoo

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 11: A Warlock Is Never On Time

Wed, 05 Jan 2022 12:00:22 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have finished their Wednesday work and head forth for a little down time before Thursday’s adventures. But life isn’t all craft drawers and dancing babies for the Green Team, sometimes you oversleep and injure your ankle and fall down! Both metaphorically and literally! And to make matters worse, as our heroes face a rough start to the day, a new threat to the peace of the shipping room rears its from the front desk! In this episode Dimetra T poses into the office June loses her car, ankle, dog and wife Quinn is energized by their crafts And Matt gives us more Baby Angel Meat lore

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 10: Suffering, With Snacks

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 13:00:16 +0000

It’s Wednesday afternoon, dear listeners, and our heroes are looking for some “W”s to make up for their previous day of “L”s. With their stomachs full-ish and their smoking needs satiated-ish, our heroes set out on adventure, and by that we mean an afternoon of hard work in the warehouse! Will their efforts pan out better this afternoon? Or will some poor rolls cause them to drift into the work area of a strange, off-tune new threat that even the Shelvers fear? Grab a tape gun and step up to the starting line of an exciting episode where we talk about nuts a lot! In this episode Dimetra confronts the chaos dragon Matt enjoys baby Brandon’s lunch June gives a spider a cookie And Quinn rolls a nut check

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 9: Bloody Fingers & Bushy Brows

Wed, 08 Dec 2021 21:18:56 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have survived their first day on their own and are ready for more shipping and receiving on what seems to be a pretty standard Wednesday. But Wednesdays can be deceiving! Will our heroes make it through the morning with their high spirits intact, or have their efforts (and mishaps) been noticed by the other shipping teams who might want to help or hinder? We recommend that you Google worms and cookies before listening to this episode, you’re going to need to know what both look like in order to understand some of the jokes. In this episode Dimetra takes the stage…sort of June hits some dingers Matt smells delicious cigar pie Quinn coins the term “mansplaining” And Bill contains multitudes

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 8: The Lunch-Eater

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 13:00:29 +0000

Tuesday continues, dear listeners, as our weary workers take a much-needed lunch break. But there’s something lurking in the break room, and its foul sandwich threatens to undo the peaceful respite for the bagged-lunchers of NPC Inc. Can our heroes dispel the foul smell? Or will they lose more than their lunch to this new, eerie, protein-gorging coworker? Find out in this exciting episode filled with bad smells, worse rolls, and cookie consequences! In this episode Dimetra eats the salad of sadness Matt dreams of a topless lunch June quests against undead smells and Quinn may or may not have a bathroom in their apartment

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 7: Night Caps & Knife Gaps

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 13:00:39 +0000

Greetings, Dear Listeners! A new day is about to dawn for the heroes of NPC Inc, but first they decide to have a drink at a friendly dive and figure out what their goals are as coworkers and people. Sounds pretty sweet, right? Like they might all be growing as friends and people? Sure would be a shame if the next day turned a little sour on them and they struggled with their workload and had to deal with hostile coworkers, right? Surely that won’t happen. Unless it does? Ah geez, I’m terrible at keeping secrets, it definitely does! Tune in to see how this Terrible Tuesday begins! In this Episode Matt mulls beer crafted beer Quinn is fueled by sugar June names her own coach Dimetra gets a spicy keychain And Quinn and Matt synchronize bathroom breaks

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Halloween Interlude: Under the Blue Stars, Pt. 2

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 12:00:24 +0000

Welcome back to Spooky Chicago and Happy Almost Halloween, dear listeners! When we left off, the Hoffman Planetarium workers were in a pickle! After being imprisoned in the library by the menacing Col. Verok, our investigators took some time to research the mysterious stone disc, steel their courage, and concoct a plan to escape the sinister soldiers. Will they be able to exit out of this eerie experience, or will circumstance (and annoying ghost brothers) push them back into the danger? Find out in this thrilling conclusion full of murder, mayhem, and marching band music! In this episode Flynn competes for floppiest boy May Jones gets to say the line Daphne summons her scotch and vodka strength and Mordecai plays some Smash Bros

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Halloween Interlude: Under the Blue Stars, Pt. 1

Wed, 20 Oct 2021 12:00:24 +0000

Muah-ha-ha, listeners! It’s time once again for us to put away our D&D stuff, turn down the lights, put on a spooky sound effects CD, and play some Call of Cthulhu! In this thrilling tale of terror set in 1940’s Spooky Chicago, four employees of a local landmark find themselves cornered by a group of mysterious soldiers with unfamiliar insignias on their uniforms and malicious intent for the hapless helpers. Will they be able to escape the clutches of Col. Verok and his men, or will the square-jawed jarhead take more from them than just an artifact from the museum’s collection? Find out in this exciting part one, filled with ghosts, guns, liquor and Home Alone style traps! In this episode Flynn just wants to get coffee May sips some Ol’ Man Meat Whiskey Daphne is bamboozled by handsomeness And Mordecai is the self-proclaimed fan favorite

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 6: It’s Time Time

Wed, 13 Oct 2021 13:00:27 +0000

The work day is over, dear listeners, so it’s time for our heroes to cut a little loose before heading home after a successful first day at NPC Inc.’s warehouse. Deciding between several options, our heroes make their way to The Lair, a bar where some of their friendlierish coworkers hang out and rowdy rock bands play. Will our party find solace and relaxation in this watering hole? Or do dangers lure beneath the surface of this chill hangout spot? Find out in this exciting episode that also features nuanced discussions of the critical reception of Time Dogs, gun safety in the workplace, and Mario movie hacks. It’s time time somewhere! In this episode: Dimetra rolls Wario-style June makes a stilt check Quinn was secretly Canadian the whole time Matt Meat meets Steel And we discuss the right way to watch the Mario movie

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 5: The Gift of Gab

Wed, 29 Sep 2021 11:00:36 +0000

Oh no, dear listeners! Our heroes have a difficult task to complete before the end of the day and find themselves at a disadvantage as they prepare to delve deep into the warehouse. Will our heroes be able to convince the prickly, seemingly self-appointed office manager to allow them into the supply closet, or will they toss caution to the wind and rush into the darkness with only their wits and some gifts to protect them from Marta and her shelvers? Oh, listener, I feel like we both know it’s going to be the later… Tune into this exciting episode to hear a tale of the cost of working hard vs. hardly working, and maybe get a glimpse at the light at the end of the warehouse and some familiar (future) faces! In this episode: Matt rolls with rubberbantage Dimetra is taken out by the NPC snipers Quinn asks some threatening cookie questions June offers some piggy-back rides And Bill reveals he’s a pot roast Gundam

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 4: Sixteens & Shelving Queens

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 01:36:55 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Our heroes are caught in the caution tape webs of the mysterious Shelvers, who demand a tribute before they let them go. Can our heroes appease the eerie employees who’ve spent too much time in the dark? And what’s the deal with Queen Marta, the seemingly self-imposed leader of this area of the warehouse, and will they be able to earn her favor? Find out in this exciting, bit-filled episode that’ll have you on the edge of your seat, wondering hold much blood could fit in a cowboy hat. In this episode June does some boxkata Matt reveals his greatest fear Quinn asks about allergies Dimetra makes her plan to collect the six Business Stones And we learn valuable lessons about labels and blood

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 3: Carts & Cubes

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 11:00:25 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Our heroes are back from lunch and ready to start their first assignment, which takes them deep into the warehouse for the first time. Can our heroes fulfill their five orders and prove their worth to NPC Inc? Or will they discover that trouble lurks within the dark, confusing labyrinth of shelves and boxes? Also, who are the mysterious “Shelvers,” and why did none of the managers warn them of the ongoing conflict between Shipping & Receiving? Get ready for a whole lot of box-based action, listeners! In this episode Dimetra regrets calling for a group check June rolls our first ever “0” Matt askes questions first and names never And Quinn blesses the cube catchers

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 2: All Tomorrow’s Lunches

Wed, 18 Aug 2021 11:00:25 +0000

Greetings listeners! The heroes of NPC Inc. are finished with training and ready for their ultimate reward: a lunch break! Setting out across Fantasy Chicago’s scenic industrial area, the new co-worker’s find Blue Star Hot Dogs, a local joint where the decor is out-dated and the employees seem eerily optimistic. Can our heroes get some lunch and take some time to rest (and level up!) or will the placid smiles and stern management of the humble hot dog stand pull them into a deeper mystery (or just the bathroom)? In this episode June wonders WWJHD? Matt is familiar with little shits, big pisses Dimetra deals some “mamma mia!” damage Quinn suffers from cantrip envy And the party spends a lot of time on Terry

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 1: Training Day, Pt. 2

Wed, 04 Aug 2021 12:00:24 +0000

The new NPC Inc. employees are ready to continue with their training, Listeners! After acing their shipping test, it’s time for them to grab a drink and a chair for their all-important warehouse safety training with Bill Bonetusk. Can our heroes make it through the deadly serious warehouse manager’s training without dozing off or insulting his passion for safety? And once the training is over, can they pass the final test in time for lunch? Find out in this exciting part two! In this episode Dimetra introduces “Sparro,” the Fighter’s mall pizza June goes behind the screen Matt rolls for band lore And Quinn confesses to some dice crime

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Shipping & Receiving, Episode 1: Training Day, Pt. 1

Wed, 21 Jul 2021 11:00:20 +0000

Greetings, Listeners, and welcome to Campaign 2 of NPC Incorporated. Let us tell you a story about more heroes of the mundane realm. A new day dawns in Fantasy Chicago as four new heroes set off for the first day of their new careers at NPC Inc. These heroes - a mighty baseball fan, an ambitious middle child, a small town friend, and a cool kid adjusting to fatherhood - arrive at the NPC Inc. shipping facility to begin their training and meet each other for the first time. Can our heroes at least make it to lunch? Or will boring paperwork, an overload of information, and a looming safety test cut their careers short? And who is watching them from the offices above, and what is his deal?? In this episode Dimetra has “resting hustle face” June has a lovely laugh Matt tries to turn this show into a smoking sim And Quinn needs to prove they’re not a cop and say “fuck”

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DM in the PM: Employee Evaluations, Pt 4., Brandon Kirkman

Wed, 14 Jul 2021 12:07:09 +0000

*Sorry about the audio at the start, we had a little mic trouble during our livestream, but it gets better after a couple of minutes!* In this episode of DM in the PM, DM Hobert sits down with cast member (and IRL co-worker) Brandon Kirkman to talk about Matt Meat, his character for our new campaign. Brandon and Hobert chat about Matt’s backstory and work together to create the “mundane version” of Brandon’s tabaxi monk, figuring out how best to translate D&D’s martial arts class into a chatty dad who used to be cool. Afterward, Hobert and Brandon talk about danger and damage in the game, and how the characters will have to battle the ennui of the workday on top of any foes they might encounter. Finally, Matt meets the man behind the Mysterious Voice, and he asks Matt some important questions. Also, check out new episodes of DM in the PM, a chat show for DMs and the TTRPG curious, and our bi-monthly Mandatory Work Outing one shot D&D adventures on the NPC inc. Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated

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DM in the PM: Employee Evaluations, Pt 3., Sadie Lancrete

Thu, 01 Jul 2021 15:15:16 +0000

In this episode of DM in the PM, DM Hobert sits down with new cast member Sadie Lancrete to talk about Dimetra Kubrick, her character for our upcoming new NPC inc. campaign. Sadie and Hobert chat about Dimetra’s backstory and work together to create the “mundane version” of Sadie’s tiefling warlock. Get ready to get into the nitty-gritty of warlockin,’ as Hobert and Sadie talk pacts and patrons, and design Dimetra’s version of the fiend patron: her demanding, competitive parents. Afterward, Hobert and Sadie talk about the best place for after-work drinks near the NPC inc. facility and meet a group of punks who definitely play harder than they work. Finally, a Mysterious Voice asks Dimetra some important questions. Also, check out new episodes of DM in the PM, a chat show for DMs and the TTRPG curious, and our bi-monthly Mandatory Work Outing one shot D&D adventures on the NPC inc. Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated

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Mandatory Work Outing: One Night at the Double Curse, Pt. 2

Wed, 23 Jun 2021 12:13:37 +0000

Get ready to Yee, Haw, and break a couple bottles, cuz the staff of the Double Curse is about to brawl in Part 2 of our Rowdy Roadhouse one shot! On one side of the bar, we have Phallax the alchemist, Petunia the monk, Tex the barbarian, and Durzek the rogue, and on the other side the full might of the H.O.G. Gang and a host of opportunistic criminals (and Glorg). Will our heroes be able to bring peace to the bar before other, more powerful parties join in the fray? Or will tonight’s shift be their last? Find out in the thrilling, all combat conclusion! In this episode Petunia really wants to get shot Phallax give Crunch a very nice birthday gift Tex swings away Durzek spends some turns hangin’ out, doin' drugs And The Dude is loose… Join us for the next Mandatory Work Outing on https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated and check out our new Discord server where you can get VPI (Very Professional Intern) clearance and check out behind the scenes info on our new season, chat with cast members and other fans, and see lots of pictures of our pets. Music by Mike Scipioni

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DM in the PM: Employee Evaluations, Pt 2., Liz Getty

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 12:14:03 +0000

In this episode of DM in the PM, DM Hobert sits down with cast member Liz Getty to talk about Quinn Larkin, their character for our upcoming new NPC inc. campaign. Liz and Hobert chat about Quinn’s backstory and work together to create the “mundane version” of Liz’s gnome paladin (who puts the “pal” in paladin). Afterward, Hobert and Liz talk about the work they’ll be doing at the NPC inc. facility, the yet-un-named Fantasy CTA, and meet a sly shipping manager whose laid-back attitude might make them a good ally. Finally, a Mysterious Voice asks Quinn some important questions. Also, check out new episodes of DM in the PM, a chat show for DMs and the TTRPG curious, and our bi-monthly Mandatory Work Outing one shot D&D adventures on the NPC inc. Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated

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Mandatory Work Outing: One Night at the Double Curse, Pt. 1

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 12:45:56 +0000

The Double Curse is the roughest, rowdiest roadhouse in King City. Known for its nightly brawls, loose rules, and heavy pours; the bar is hub for villains and crooks, and the staff isn’t much better. In this two-fisted, hard-drinking one shot, a rabbitfolk monk running from her heroic pedigree, a human alchemist with a passion for weird science, a human barbarian with a cool ‘tude, and a duergar rogue with sticky fingers and a poor work ethic team up for a night at the infamous wateringhole to see if they can once again make it through a shift in one piece. With so many criminals and magic villains in one room, how long will it be before one of these rough customers starts something? In this episode: Petunia meets an old friend of her mom’s Durzek recalls the women of Duergar bard, Lou Bega Tex doesn’t know wine from a hole in the ground Phallax is thinking about armor made of teeth And everybody wants to be a “dude” Join us for the next Mandatory Work Outing on https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated and check out our new Discord server where you can get VPI (Very Professional Intern) clearance and check out behind the scenes info on our new season, chat with cast members and other fans, and see lots of pictures of our pets. Music by Mike Scipioni

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DM in the PM: Employee Evaluations, Pt 1., Meadow Kei Lillium

Wed, 02 Jun 2021 12:27:03 +0000

In this episode of DM in the PM, DM Hobert sits down with new cast member Meadow Kei Lillium to talk about June Esmond, her character for our upcoming new NPC inc. campaign. Meadow and Hobert chat about June’s backstory, and work together to create the “mundane version” of Meadow’s firbolg cleric. Afterward, Hobert gives Meadow some insight into the world and office setting for the campaign, and a Mysterious Voice asks June some important questions. Also, check out new episodes of DM in the PM, a chat show for DMs and the TTRPG curious, and our bi-monthly Mandatory Work Outing one shot D&D adventures on the NPC inc. Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated

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Mandatory Work Outing: Across the Endless Waste, Pt. 2

Wed, 26 May 2021 12:21:50 +0000

The Weedian monks continue to proceed in Part 2 of NPC Incorporated’s Mandatory Work Outing one shot based on “Dopesmoker” by Sleep. Our heroes continue to guide the procession toward the holy mountain as more eerie signs of the end of the world add to the din of the desert’s endless drone. Get ready from some real “wizard-van shit,” this adventure culminates in an epic battle up the steps of the temple of the Weedians! In this episode Grandy fights an IRL battle Boots shares his technique for getting ladies Les isn’t very reassuring Trey learns that not all that glitters is gold And Father Night breaks his one rule Join us for the next Mandatory Work Outing on https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated and check out our new Discord server where you can get VPI (Very Professional Intern) clearance and check out behind the scenes info on our new season, chat with cast members and other fans, and see lots of pictures of our pets.

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Mandatory Work Outing: Across the Endless Waste, Pt. 1

Wed, 19 May 2021 12:27:46 +0000

Pardon our dust! While NPC inc. prepares for our new campaign, enjoy the audio from one of our latest Mandatory Work Outing D&D one shot adventure! In this non-canon adventure based on the heavy metal classic “Dopesmoker” by Sleep, DM Hobert leads Liz Getty, special guests John Fowler and Sadie Lancrete, and new NPC inc. cast member Meadow Kei Lillium across a stoner-rock infused desert adventure. Join the procession of the weed priest as a laid-back monk, a nebbish wizard, a lovestruck druid, and a gruff barbarian set out for a holy mountain in the middle of the Endless Waste, a vast desert tinged with demonic magic… In this episode Grandy knows her way around a boulder Boots takes a bite out of jackalwere crime Les is the proper amount of whelmed Trey should have been a ninja tortle or vampire And the team makes Jackalopes extinct Join us for the next Mandatory Work Outing on Mon https://www.twitch.tv/npcincorporated and check out our new Discord server where you can get VPI (Very Professional Intern) clearance and check out behind the scenes info on our new season, chat with cast members and other fans, and see lots of pictures of our pets.

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Out of Office - Auto Reply

Wed, 03 Mar 2021 15:31:16 +0000

Please listen to this quick minisode for some important information about the Desks & Dayjobs podcast, and thanks for listening. - The Staff

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 25: Lunch & Order: Split Party Unit

Wed, 03 Feb 2021 14:45:17 +0000

It’s lunch time and our heroes are scattered to the wind, trying to save Gerbbi and Rory from the clutches of HR. While Tory tries to remember who she is, Agnes and Maxwell set off to find out the extent of Gerbbi’s (alleged) crimes, and Stuart heads off for his side quest at Chimera Software. Will our heroes be able to save those closest to them before they face the scorn of an HR inquisition? Will Tory be able to break free from the allure of simple life of record keeping, or will she fall into a spin off show we’re calling ToryVision? Will Agnes and Maxwell be able to mount a defense for Gerbbi, or did they already intimate all the witnesses and destroy all the evidence, as good guys are want to do? And will Stuart make his meeting? And what office cultures will he discover deeper in the office of Chimera? Find out if they ever get to enjoy their lunches in this exciting episode! In this episode Hobe is on the case! Maxwell really would rather text you Agnes walks away, like a badass Stuart joins in The Harvest And Tory is saved by Big Tobacco

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 24: No (Fire) Escape

Tue, 19 Jan 2021 15:50:08 +0000

Hello dear listeners! Our heroes are hot on the trail of the mysterious corporate spy and they have a solid, well thought out plan to capture him while he eats his lunch. Surely our heroes won’t get distracted as they split to cut off the spy’s escape from the stairwell! That’s not the kind of people they are! Just kidding, they pretty much do that immediately in this thrilling episode filled with stairwell sneaking, Records room raiding, and prisoner taking! Will Agnes and Maxwell be able to stomach each other’s company, or will the smells of lunches on the other companies’ floors lure them off-track? Will Tory and Stuart’s attempt to lead on Mama Storybrook lead them to the K files, or will it lead one of them into a trap? And what’s up with Gerbbi’s solo mission? Find out in this exciting episode of “Files & Folders”! In this episode Maxwell smells the stairs Stuart stares back shields Tory is weak to heart-to-hearts Agnes experiences the opposite of sex And DM Hobert makes a game ruining accidental cum joke Featuring music by Liz Getty

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 23: A Know Too Guy

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 15:36:23 +0000

Welcome to 2021 and welcome back to Thursday, dear listener! Our heroes are still on the hunt, looking for the mysterious corporate spy they hope will derail Mr. Holder’s plan to terminate one of their co-workers. As Special Projects makes their way to the Sales floor to hunt for their strangely forgettable prey, Tory marches down to HR to demand the release of her brother from their punishing anger management training. As Tory nat-1s herself into the clutches of Mr. Kammen, will she be able to make a deal with the self-described Pharaoh of Forms to free her twin? Can the Special Projects group find anyone who’s seen the strange spy, or is the whole point of invisibility that you can’t see the invisible person? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Gerbbi is a talker, technically Stuart shows off his one page crush book Maxwell visits his old pal “Jeeeaaahhhnnn?” Agnes finds new knuckles to crack Tory makes a Freudian Ferris slip And everyone wants to take Dennis to the Sales Floor Dance

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A Miracle on NPC St. 4: We Wish You a Merry Meatstick

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 15:46:36 +0000

Ho ho ho! Seasons Greetings, dear listeners! It’s time for our Holiday episode! If you thought a RPG podcast that pretends to be in an office had become a fanatical concept in 2020, wait till you hear us pretend to be at an in-person company holiday party! In this year’s exciting secret Santa, our heroes once again gather in the third floor bedroom to enjoy some cookies, beverages, and camaraderie before turning against each other in the gift exchange. Get ready for a cookie-munching, mulled-wine-pounding, no-holds-barred festive free-for-all! In this holiday episode Hobe makes one of his vegan mistakes Stuart rolls against himself Tory debuts a new “wine-drunk Mrs. Claus” look Gerbbi tries to get us a vodka sponsorship Agnes resists some cookie damage And Maxwell is nervous about his new accessory

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 22: GD, L, GD

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 15:41:55 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Desks & Dayjobs is back! Our heroes awake from their busy Wednesdays tired, hung-over, and ready to spring into action to stop the sinister machinations of Mr. Holder. Get ready for a day filled with mystery, intrigue, and coffee, dear listeners! Prepare to see the effect of hat promises made, and see if they’re hat promises kept!! Steel yourself against the threat of missing co-workers, office miscommunication, and an eerie new employee!!! All these mundane terrors and more await our heroes as they begin…THURSDAY. Welcome back to Desks & Dayjobs: come for the opening bits, stay for the famous cameras in the basement. In this episode Agnes picks a good t-shirt Gerbbi had too many poppers Maxwell makes the jump from Uncle to Grandpa Tory/Gwen achieves total immersion And all Stuart wants to do is tell you about his date!

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The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 2: A Bit of a Situation

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 14:13:51 +0000

The moon is rising and the machinations of Dr. Gregsteen, Sgt. Harrison, and the mysterious Mr. Kammen are coming to fruition! With our investigators taking on their tasks to help the sinister sergeant with his scheme, they take some time to secretly plot a way out of this kooky, spooky science experiment. Ramona minces her meat but not her words with the menacing marksman, Mr. Kammen! Dr. Gestalt learns the tricks of his trade and tries not to trip up his backstory or accent! Arnie meets Pamela Godfrey, reporter for the Chicago Moon-Times, and tries to make sure she knows his muscly arms are the ones she should run to when trouble starts! And Stephen really, really, really wants a gun. Will our rag-tag group of strangers pull together to stop a beast from being summoned to Bray Road, or will they all end up as meat cubes in its fiery jaws? Find out in the thrilling conclusion to our Halloween Call of Cthulhu one-shot! In this episode Dr. Gestalt is real America funny boy Stephen dreams of a good hamburger he ate once Arnie is a good bartender/band-aid boy Ramona makes bare handed cobbler And everyone pushes it, real good

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The Incident on Bray Road, Pt 1: Nun of Your Business

Wed, 21 Oct 2020 14:33:02 +0000

Muahaha! Turn down the lights and crank up the volume, it’s time for another Desks & Dayjobs Halloween Special! Our fantasy-office heroes are putting away their D20s and taking out their D100s as we dive back into the grim mysteries and scary settings of Call of Cthulhu! In this year’s trip to “Spooky Chicago, 1936,” our “heroes” are all down and out characters who turned to a mysterious “nun” named Mother Storybrook for help. When the favor they promised her comes due, they’re all sent - with secret missions and identities - to a hunting lodge in “Spooky Wisconsin” where the unthinkable is about to transpire. The heir to the Harrison Cheese fortune, Sgt. Einrich Harrison, has gathered a hunter, a scientist, and his assorted (and strange) staff to complete a strange and terrible experiment in supernatural science. Join us as a butcher, a baseball player, a bank robber, and a “psychologist” take a trip North and experience the terror of…THE INCIDENT ON BRAY ROAD! *Pipe organ car horn sound* In this episode Dr. Gestalt is still basically Maxwell Ramona pushes her cooking skills to the max Stephen pronounces it “Wis-con-ston” Arnie explains what his name is short for And everyone enjoys some chunked meat

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 21: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 3

Wed, 14 Oct 2020 14:27:05 +0000

Drinks have been drunk, apps have been eaten, and our heroes are ready for their respective date/boys’ night main events! At Drugan’s Pub, Maxwell and Tory split up with their coworkers to throw some darts, figure out what Tony’s deal is, and hopefully not irk the Keeper of Darts, Big Bruce. At Mangofly’s, Agnes and Gerbbi dive deeper into the mystery that is Loro McMorgan and her hard to understand (and hear) motivations. And at Puzzlebox Cinemas, Stuart and Amy’s date continues as they struggle through the boring and riff-able moments of Batgoblin Triumphant. Get ready for the exciting conclusion to our heroes after works plans, the full Brux Wings backstory, and an introduction that will set a new tone for our heroes’ Thursdays. In this episode Maxwell went to dart college Stuart gets wrist deep (in some ice-cream) Gerbbi is more of an Olive Domain guy Agnes learns the history of the hat Tory uses “are you ok?” but it’s not very effective! And our heroes are invited for a nightcap with a familiar foe

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 20: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 2

Wed, 07 Oct 2020 04:54:08 +0000

Date/Boys’ Night continues and our heroes are seeing new, somewhat ominous sides of their coworkers! Join us in this double-stuffed installment of our adventures for a continuing saga of stolen ride shares, cryptic movie tickets, cocktail sword fights, and so many alcohol-related constitution saving throws. Will our adventurers achieve the ultimate goal of this quest: to just have fun and enjoy themselves? Or will terrible corporate music, demons among them, and deadly door puzzles turn their merriment miserable? Tune in for this exciting episode, featuring a whirlwind tour of European erotic comedy classics and a lot of confusing sexual tension! In this episode Hobe feels what it means to be a puppet Agnes wants to play a game Gerbbi feels Cheerful Maxwell whispers in a lot of ears Tory spreads some more Maxwell/DM Hobert rumors Stuart takes in some erotic cinema And we roll a surprising amount of Fun Batural Twenties

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 19: Bad Boys’ Night, Pt 1

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 05:00:34 +0000

The Wednesday is winding down, dear listeners, and our heroes have finally reached their long awaited (made three days ago) after work plans. With just a little juice still in the workday, our heroes find themselves confronting each other for ditching duties, flirting with co-workers, and calling in favors with dangerous people - ya know, normal work stuff - before heading off for a night of food, drink, camaraderie, and perhaps romance. Will Maxwell and Tori be able to stomach the first stop of the Boys Night revelry? Are Agnes and Gerbbi walking into a chain restaurant trap at Mangofly’s? And can Stuart overcome his nervousness and enjoy his first IRL date with Amy? Take a shot of a hot sauce and tune in to find out! In this episode Gerbbi ruins his sneak streak Tory hopes to be a “Gloom Doom” Agnes wants the wingless bones Stuart experiences a hatless date Hobe feels the thrill of HR again Maxwell tries for Miss Congeniality And there’s some light Stuart and Hobe slash fiction

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 18: Pizza & Pantsuits

Wed, 09 Sep 2020 13:43:36 +0000

Our heroes are barely holding on to their Wednesday work ethic, dear listeners. The excitement and terror of the lunch hour has thrown the afternoon into disarray! While Agnes and Tory take a quick (or so they think) trip to the Merrowwind Mall for some new outfits and some extra-greasy ‘Za, Stuart tries to rally the wounded (pride-wise) Maxwell and a particularly grumpy Gerbbi to run a secret training session for the Gray Guard. Can our heroes still accomplish their Special Projects tasks with a split party? Will Agnes and Tory find something fun and fashionable at the decaying mall, or will they be too creeped out by the languid mall workers and bail? Will Luke Goodboy be able to help Maxwell find the missing Management manual, or will Maxwell regret getting the incompetent assistant involved? In this episode Maxwell is just like those two scenes from Mean Girls Tory has greasy little fingers Gerbbi continues his sneak-streak Stuart strains to make his own reality Agnes says Argus’ catchphrase And DM Hobert really nails an OutKast joke

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 17: Are You There God? It’s Me, Maxwell

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:37:52 +0000

It’s lunchtime, dear listeners! Our heroes have left Chimera Software with READMEs in hand, and can now confidently take a little time to eat. Or, maybe a sudden barrage will of well-timed phone calls will distract them away from life-giving food and send them down a spiral of sudden shopping trips, mentor/mentee meet ups, and secret stairwell swaps. Will our heroes ever get to take their lunch breaks? Who is calling our heroes, and do they mean them well? Find out in this exciting episode where DM Hobert is suddenly asked to fantasy-up some brands he never thought would be mentioned, and also something transpires that will change the tone of this workday forever… In this episode Tory just has to go to Bop Topic Agnes wears cool black pants and a cool black shirt Stuart wants to privatize the fire department And Gerbbi and Maxwell share a moment in the stairwell Featuring music by Liz Getty

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 16: Highlights for Adults

Wed, 12 Aug 2020 05:00:33 +0000

Our heroes continue their quest to “get over” hump day, dear listener! The Special Projects crew has ventured down to Chimera Software to find guidance on how best to teach their older co-workers and Tory is continuing to struggle to lead her team while battling nicotine withdrawals. Perhaps help will come to our heroes in the forms of a helpful assistant, a strangely involved security guard, and a little goblin that just keeps disappearing. Pick your favorite savory flavor of La Crouch and step into the smoking library, it’s time for another chapter of Desks & Dayjobs! In this episode Agnes finds some secret phallic symbols Gerbbi stealths his way out of existence Stuart wishes you a Happy Solstice Maxwell takes the cake And Tory becomes Vice Manager

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 15: Big (Your Name Here)

Wed, 29 Jul 2020 13:50:09 +0000

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes wake to greet a new day at NPC Inc. and there’s excitement on the horizon. With plans for date/Boyz nights ahead of them and pockets full of Gundam models, our heroes arrive - only slightly hungover and going through nicotine withdrawal - to face a day of secret software lessons, new faces, and a dreaded disruption in the mystical Work Flow. Can our heroes put their noses to the grindstone and get through their workday so they can enjoy their Wednesday night plans? Or will a quest for knowledge lead them to a world (and floor!) like they’ve never seen before? In this episode Gerbbi chalks up a couple of “whoopsies” Maxwell pulls off a bare-minimum lie Agnes gets emails IRL now Tory gets some bad news about smoothies And Stuart gets some emails from Hunter’s Mark(et)

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 14: No Nudes is Good Nudes

Wed, 15 Jul 2020 13:42:55 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are once again scattered across their office finishing up Tuesday business and celebrating their victories over a day watering plants, making speeches, and…stealing cakes from old people. Will the end of the day turn their triumphs against them? Will prolonged exposure to Hobe Shadetree cause Maxwell to reveal his secrets? Will Tory’s decision to lead the Marketing department make a riff between her and her twin? Will series of unfortunate rolls lead to a mess for Agnes and Gerbbi? And who the hell is this strange new employee that’s watching everyone and who do they report to? Find out in this exciting episode that’s also a pitch for a savory version of La Croix! In this episode Maxwell pitches “Boy Day” and “Nat 2” Agnes makes a cake mistake Gerbbi avoids being a cake tracker Tory takes a look into the Portal of Time Stuart Little meets Dennis the Menace And everyone can take a handful from the Pickle Bucket

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 13: The Angels & Devils on Your Shoulder

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 13:39:17 +0000

Our heroes have eaten and rested, dear listeners, but there’s still some work to do before their Tuesdays concludes! As most of the Special Projects group heads to the Sales floor to finish watering plants, Agnes goes to visit Mama Storybrook and Tory confers with her brother and the Marketing team about her impending speech. Are you ready for an end of day heist, dear listeners? Are you ready for a motivational speech that breaks all the rules? Are you ready for a lot of jokes about angels shitting on shoulders? Well if you are, go ahead and press play on this exciting episode! In this episode Maxwell gets really, really focused Tory excepts Jesus as her anti-smoking savior Stuart takes a big whiff of Sales floor Gerbbi have book? Or Gerbbi no have book? And Agnes does some coven shit

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 12: A Queek Peek

Wed, 24 Jun 2020 13:42:45 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! The heroes of NPC Inc. are back, and happy birthday? It might not be your birthday, but for some reason the cast really wanted to wish you one anyway. To catch you up, our heroes triumphed over some of the accounting department’s meanest employees only to watch in horror as their manager Hobe Shadetree was pulled deeper into the foul-smelling, brutally cold accounting department. Can our heroes come up with a plan to pull Hobe from the “stink zone”? Or will they spend so much time experimenting with holding their breath, hacking the AC, and using plants to purify the air that Hobe is lost forever? Also when are they ever going to have time for lunch?? In this episode Agnes drops some Danny Devito based lore Maxwell becomes Static Shock Gerbbi makes a confession Tory learns what a fob is And Stuart bets it all on a coin toss

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 11: Don’t Dream & Drive

Wed, 27 May 2020 13:42:35 +0000

I hope you’re ready to get rowdy, dear listeners! Because in this all-battle episode, our players, much like the tides of battle, get pretty “turnt.” With Stuart and Tory already lured into the stinky hallway of the Accounting department, the others quickly scramble to fend off the aggressively singing receptionists, Ada and Brady, and a host of damp-looking clerks. Insults will be hurled! Commands will be commanded! A party member will experience a moment of bliss while looking at a painting! Gwen will misremember the plot of Jumanji! And a dreaded Natural 1 will lead to a shocking conclusion that might change the Special Projects division forever… In this episode We get some max-damage from the Gerbster Agnes discourages dreaming while driving Tory won’t grapple till marriage Maxwell is chaotic-horny Stuart gets pressured into saying “Bozo” And we “stink” Hobe is going to be ok

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 10: If a Palm Frond Falls in an Office…

Wed, 20 May 2020 13:41:58 +0000

It’s off to the Accounting floor for our heroes, dear listeners! With Tory in tow, they take a dive to the first floor of NPC Inc. to water some plants and hopefully glimpse the noble King of Numbers. But it’s a perilous journey two floors down, and danger may or may not lurk around every corner in the coastal-themed lobby of the newly renovated floor. Can our heroes water and prune all the plants in time for lunch? Or will a pair of fashionable receptionists lure them to their overpoweringly-scented graves?? And yes, listener, the sounds you’ll occasionally hear in the background are the sounds of record-setting rainfall in Chicago and a room full of birds. Enjoy this episode that also doubles as a relaxing “sounds of nature” meditation podcast! In this episode Agnes rustles up some trouble Maxwell has a Gundam model in his pocket (and he’s happy to see you) Gerbbi rolls so high he ceases to exist Stuart defends natural numbers DM Hobert shows off his stamps and says “Pottycast” And Tory trades smoking for whippets and birds

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 9: Bruce Springcheeks

Wed, 13 May 2020 13:57:56 +0000

Our heroes are off on a safari, dear listeners! Well, really they’re just watering the plants around the office, but playing make-believe makes everything more fun! It’s whimsical! As most of the party tends to the offices’ many plants, courtesy of Hobe Shadetree, Tory takes some time to continue her quest to become the leader the marketing department needs and feels the first symptoms of her decision to quit smoking. Can Tory resist the urge and still remain her normal knife-sharp self? Can the others successfully pour water onto plants without damaging them or themselves with pruning shears? Will Luke Goodboy ever get to check his email?? Who is the mean intern who looks great in jeans, and why is he leading an incursion onto the third floor??? IS THE KING OF NUMBERS SANTA CLAUS??? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Agnes finally says her guitar’s name aloud Stuart goes to jail for time theft Fleena is declared Fan Favorite Maxwell fills out a backstory like an ass filling out jeans And Tory is playing dolls while we play D&D

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 8: If You Seek Amy

Wed, 06 May 2020 13:40:14 +0000

Tuesday dawns, dear listener, and our heroes are heading in for a bright new day at NPC Inc. Probably too bright if you’re hungover like several of our adventurers are! As the works day begins anew, new challenges quick amass on our heroes’ to-do lists. There’s rallying speeches to give, new email systems to figure out, plants to care for and whispers of a strange darkness gathering on the Sales floor to investigate. Lots of chores, right, dear listener? Isn’t this show, in a way, like the hit video game “Animal Crossing: New Horizons?” And don’t forget, the secret D&D word of the day is “Vampire” so scream when you hear it! In this episode Stuart celebrates DonuTuesday Maxwell mulls selling his soul a second time DM Hobert refuses to learn about Animal Crossing Agnes does a little drunken reading And Tory needs you to back up

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Episode 7: To Moonwalk From The Heart

Wed, 29 Apr 2020 13:53:05 +0000

Whew, dear listeners! It’s been a long Monday at NPC Inc. and the special projects department is ready for happy hour at The Bone Zone. While they wait for a special DJ set to begin, our heroes take time to heal, drink and menace handsome orcs. As the masked DJ takes the stage and the music beckons our heroes to feel the beat drop and the jams get pumped up, is the dance floor a respite from the day’s work, or yet another trap?? In this episode Gerbbi reveals a dancer’s secret Tory echoes the real Gwen Stuart tries the “regular” whisky Agnes crosses something off her “to-doodledoodle” list And Maxwell becomes Dancewell Featuring music by Michael Scipioni

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 6: Showdown in the G Aisle

Wed, 22 Apr 2020 14:07:01 +0000

Stuart and Gerbbi are on a mission, dear listeners! They have five files to file to fulfill their final task of the day, and Mama Storybrook and her bored-to-death staff are all too willing to help. Can Agnes guide them via walkie-talkie as they fight their way through the interns? What is up with Dean, the Filing Machine? Can Maxwell keep Thaddeus and the hobgoblin headhunters from finding the last H&H book? Does Tory own her own walkie-talkie? I know you have a lot of questions, but I assure you the answers to most of them are in this exciting installment! In this episode Maxwell says “rats!” just like Garfield Tory talks walkie-talkies Gerbbi reveals his unpopular Jim Carrey opinions Agnes tries some radio telekinesis Stuart considers a wall and makes a mess And DM Hobert becomes a human Roll20.com “Battle Theme” by Komiku

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 5: Daves and Davejobs

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 13:48:50 +0000

Stuart is trapped in the HR dungeon, dear listeners! But at least he’s trapped with the strangely warm and gentle accountant, Dave. Dave seems great, right? And Stuart’s going to need all the help he can get as Dr. Gregsteen stages an uncomfortable meet ’n’ greet for Ted, the Perfect Employee. From the HR copier room, Agnes and Gerbbi plan a jail break for their IT friend, while Maxwell takes a trip to the basement storage with Jill Tan, the hobgoblin contractor, and Tory takes a well deserved smoke break. Can our heroes escape with their sanity intact? Will Maxwell fulfill his promise to bring Thaddeus the box of H & H Business manuals? What’s the deal with this Dave guy? Why is he so chill? In this episode Gerbbi keeps changes sizes Agnes rushes in and turns off the lights Tory experiences an ass-related time paradox Maxwell struggle to remember any other employees’ names And Stuart learns a valuable lesson about not making friends

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 4: The Randall Miracle

Wed, 08 Apr 2020 14:07:32 +0000

I hope you like improv, dear listeners! Because the Mercita twins are ready to spread the gospel of “Yes, And” and the employees of the marketing department are…sort of ready to receive it. As the terrible twosome teach, the rest of our heroes find themselves wrestling with the consequences of their various actions. Stuart struggles against the clutches of Dr. Gregsteen and the HR monsters, Maxwell reluctantly offers his service to Thaddeus Warman, and Agnes tries to embrace her dark side by bullying the salesman with a bad haircut. Will our heroes ever see each other again? Where the heck has Gerbbi been? Are you, the listener, ready to hear a mandatory improv workshop that somehow, against the laws of nature, goes well? It’s all here in this probability-defying episode! In this episode Maxwell teams up with the hobgoblins Stuart is in bondage and loving it Gerbbi desires a chicken parm Agnes consults “Bullying for Dumb Dummies” And Tory sees herself through the eyes of others

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 3: The Two (Computer) Towers

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 14:00:02 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have completed their quest to tame Trevor the Troll and successfully passed out the new catalogs, so now it’s time for a little side business while they have lunch. While Maxwell, Stuart, and Agnes set out to check out their official offices, Tory and her twin plot to punish the marketing department employees for…not figuring out what Tory is supposed to have them do, I guess? But as our heroes spread out to take a break, choose desks, take some ominous phone calls, eat some toast, and play some games of “Tabaxi, Tabaxi, career,” one of them might be wandering into a trap… In this episode Maxwell posts some Gundam cringe Stuart looks out at city that will one day be his Agnes seeks some bullying advice Luke Goodboy makes his annual good joke And Tory plots an improv/torture class

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 2: We Sell Smiles

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 14:04:04 +0000

The adventure continues, dear listeners! Our heroes have their marching orders from the increasingly militant new sales co-manager, Thaddeus Warman, and are off to pass out the new catalog/brochure/pamphlet/post-it note. Whatever it is, they’re on the case! But as our heroes draw closer to the desk of Trevor the Troll, danger looms and the grumpy, messy employee might be a challenge our heroes can’t “Queer Eye” their way out of. Will they get the terrible Trevor to try tidying? Will they all officially make plans for Wednesday night? Will they have any spell slots left after they start using them purely to mess with each other? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode: Stuart is M Bison DM Hobert’s brain is broken by brochures Tory engages in some aggressive Post-it-noting Maxwell puts the “cat” in “alog” Agnes takes the wrong path and finds her new path And Gerbbi goes down

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Our Story So Far…and Live From F1C2E2!

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 12:00:30 +0000

Hey, Listener? Did you roll a Nat 20? Because you doubled your Bonus Episode damage! It’s…It’s a double bonus episode, ok? In our first half, DM Hobert recaps the previous seasons of Desks & Dayjobs to catch you up for our brand new season: “The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2.”**** In the second half (Start 52:30), we have a special one-shot episode, live from the floor of C2E2! Our heroes have passes to F1C2E2, and they set off in their best BatGoblin cosplay to seek a chance to meet George Clooney (who is canonically built into our game’s universe, somehow)! Will they navigate a line full of eager nerds in The Choker (BatGoblin’s popular nemesis) cosplay? Or will they come short of the ultimate treasure: shaking a celebrity’s hand! Thanks to C2E2 and Podcast Central for having us! ***If you are new to Desks & Dayjobs, and would like to learn more about our show, this is a great place to start! The first part is rich in spoilers, so feel free to skip ahead after the show introduction (End 04:45). Otherwise, enjoy DM Hobert trying to recap the last three years of gameplay!

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2, Chapter 1: Cat’s Got Your Cat’s Tongue

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 13:08:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Monday dawns for our heroes, and the dust is still settling from the events of Friday’s concert. As the Special Projects team arrives back at NPC Inc. refreshed, they’re quickly reminded that, yes, they do need to occasionally do some work. Can our heroes manage a task as simple as passing out some new catalogs? Can Tory, interim manager of Marketing, lead her department into their poorly defined next task? Will this mundane start build into an adventure?? You know it will, dear listener!!! WELCOME TO A NEW SEASON OF DESKS & DAYJOBS!!!!!! In this episode: Maxwell makes some pants related skill checks Gerbbi winks Agnes is followed by DevilBaby666 Stuart speaks in tongues And Tory manages her employees

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The Hoffman Chronicles, An Interlude: Dating & Drinking

Wed, 19 Feb 2020 13:16:27 +0000

It’s the weekend, and at NPC Inc. romance is in the air. Honestly, it smells sort of like brandy and vomit! Agnes has gathered her four favorite coworkers and a selection of her most charming friends (and Reagan Longsocks, who grows on you) to do a little speed dating in their favorite dive bar, The Bone Zone. Will our heroes find romance? Platonic friendship? Someone they can at least stand to sit with for a minute? Find out in this exciting interlude to our NPC Inc adventures! In this episode Gerbbi debunks magic Stuart winks ’n’ drinks Tory just wants to meet someone who makes her throw up Maxwell unveils his Season 2 catchphrase Agnes engages in a shot for shot vomit off And an old friend reveals a new career path

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Unititled Agnes Song

Fri, 14 Feb 2020 21:59:30 +0000

Kaos Records presents a live EP by Satanic Panic, Live at the Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall Featuring: Reagan Longsocks on Bass/vocals Agnes Hellman on Guitar/Vocals Brant Beardkowski on Drums Hobe Shadetree on Vocals/a mandolin that wasn’t plugged in Sound by Mike Scipioni

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Rainforest

Fri, 14 Feb 2020 21:53:14 +0000

Kaos Records presents a live EP by Satanic Panic, Live at the Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall Featuring: Reagan Longsocks on Bass/vocals Agnes Hellman on Guitar/Vocals Brant Beardkowski on Drums Hobe Shadetree on Vocals/a mandolin that wasn’t plugged in Sound by Mike Scipioni

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Barnyard Bloodbath

Fri, 14 Feb 2020 21:50:27 +0000

Kaos Records presents a live EP by Satanic Panic, Live at the Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall Featuring: Reagan Longsocks on Bass/vocals Agnes Hellman on Guitar/Vocals Brant Beardkowski on Drums Hobe Shadetree on Vocals/a mandolin that wasn’t plugged in Sound by Mike Scipioni

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 34: The Pit & The Proscenium, Pt.2

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 13:25:32 +0000

It’s showtime, dear listeners! Satanic Panic takes the stage to open a rowdy rock show as their friends descend from the balcony seating to dive into the tumultuous pit. Will our heroes be able to “rock steady” against a grumpy crowd that’s unsure if this folk-punk band is to their tastes? Will Agnes lead her band to glory, or will this night be the end of the line for her music ambitions? Grab a shot of the famous Fantasy Chicago liqueur “M’lord” and enjoy this exciting, semi-musical season finale! In this episode Maxwell regrets Tory/Tony is nobody’s baby Stuart has a strong reaction to being slapped Al attacks a zombie’s father issues Gerbbi gets Spider-Manned And Agnes gets an offer she may not be able to refuse Featuring “Pirates Libertaires” by Komiku and original music by Satanic Panic (Liz Getty, Hobert Thompson, Michael Scipioni)

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 33: The Pit & The Proscenium, Pt.1

Wed, 22 Jan 2020 13:48:31 +0000

Oh dear listeners, here we are at the long awaited Satanic Panic concert! The stakes have never been higher for our heroes! As Maxwell decides what to do about his entanglement with The Cult of the Blue Eye, Agnes navigates a chaotic backstage of gruff roadies, clingy co-workers, and a reunion she never saw coming. Will our heroes be able to make it to the stage on time? Will Stuart be able to fit in amongst some undead fans of a certain upbeat, horn-laden music genre? Will Tory ever get to smoke inside?? Find out in this exciting episode with consequences that will change our game forever! In This Episode Stuart finds acceptance & failure with the Ska-letons Agnes makes a deal with a very needy devil Gerbbi goes Tory really, really wants to wants to break some rules And Maxwell treads water/lightly Featuring “Fuzz Walkabout’” by Teknoaxe (http://www.reverbnation.com/teknoaxe), “Pirates Libertaires” by Komiku, and “Blue Ska” by Kevin MacLeod

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 32: The Dual Duel

Wed, 08 Jan 2020 13:12:18 +0000

It’s mere hours before the Big Concert and our heroes are split between the green room at The Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall and the nearby country-western bar Possum Jones’ Bar & Grill. Get ready for some action, dear listener, as our heroes leap into two simultaneous battles: The Green Room Scuffle and the Barroom Brawl. WOW! Two battles in one episode? I hope everyone’s ok! It would really put a damper on the concert if half the cast died on their way there! Who do you think will be battle MVP? Maxwell? Tory? Thaddeus? Stuart? Gerbbi? Agnes? Hobe? Beardkowski?? Tune in for exciting conversational combat and maybe you’ll learn the true meaning of friendship! In this episode Tory is the DM now! Look at her! Stuart slams Drake (the Drake) Agnes undercuts a dramatic moment for drink tickets Maxwell finally takes down Jon, Garfield’s enemy And Gerbbi gets critical…and critical again Featuring “Fuzz Walkabout’” by Teknoaxe (http://www.reverbnation.com/teknoaxe), “Rural Stride” by Josh Kirsch

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A Miracle on NPC. St. 3: Merry Pissmas

Wed, 25 Dec 2019 01:13:27 +0000

Ho Ho Ho! It’s me, Santa Claus! I know you’ve been trying to be good all year, and guess what? You failed! But that’s ok, I can tell you really tried and so I have this special gift for you: another Desks & Dayjobs Holiday Special! Oh Ho Ho! The look on your face! You seem, happy? Confused? That’s ok! I think you’ll enjoy this year’s holiday party at holly, jolly NPC Inc. Our coworkers have assembled with a couple of special guests to exchange gifts, drink frosty beverages, eat ham, and honestly, talk about piss way too much. It’s a festive free-for-all once again that doesn’t end in a brawl, but briefly devolves into one. We’re sorry for the title of this episode, Ho Ho Ho! In this episode Rainforest takes another level in girlfriend Maxwell manga-splains his gift Gerbbi decks the halls with Godzilla Agnes designs a fantasy footwear brand Tory’s just here for the ham Hobe wins his War on Christmas And Stuart goes full, jingly elf

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 31: Perception is a Skill

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 13:53:08 +0000

Ding Dong, that’s the bell that signifies the work day is over, dear listener! There’s not an actual bell in the episode, but I thought you might enjoy the flood of school memories. Did your school have the rectangle pizza? I wonder if it’s as good as I remember it being. Anyhoo, back to our tale of a Friday night, a concert, and five co-workers on a quest to have some fun and tie up some loose ends from a week of questing. As out heroes prepare for the night, hard decisions are made, hearts are broken, hairstyles are changed, and there’s almost a robbery. It pretty much goes off the rails immediately. Can our heroes get their gear to The Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall and enjoy some pregame drinks with some upper-management heroes? Or does danger (in the form of uncomfortable conversations) lurk around every corner? In The Episode Stuart is both waxed and wane Gerbbi is our series’ Baby Yoda Agnes leads some cathartic screaming Maxwell picks a drink to reflect the changes in his life And Tory tries to charm/rob a liquor store

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 30: Whistle While You Run

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 13:55:39 +0000

Our heroes are still cast to the wind like so much…seeds, or whatever, as their work day is starting to come to a close. Maxwell takes some time to enjoy his delicious lunch at Kirin Sushi with Felix Fox and talks about his options/Dragon Ball Z, Agnes and Gerbbi take on an easy task, Tory makes a phone call, and Stuart sneaks deeper into Gemstone Designs. Pretty easy adventures, right? Wrong! Traps, contracts, intense security guards, executives, and a really pissed off CEO stand in the way of our heroes and their quest to “work for the weekend.” Can our heroes reunite in time for their Friday night festivities? And when they finally do, will they still be a team, or are the forces around them turning heroes against each other? In This Episode Maxwell is between a something and a something place Stuart criticizes some monster poetry Tory recalls an affair that never happened And Agnes and Gerbbi rock-paper-scissors

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 29: Aloha Means “I Love You”

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 13:17:01 +0000

It’s lunchtime, dear listener, and our heroes have successfully thrown a birthday party for Loro McMorgan, the most popular goblin on the sales floor. With victory in their hearts and Hawaiian food in their stomaches they take the lunch break to do some adventuring on their own. Agnes, with some supernatural help and Tory in tow, sets out to deliver a reminder of happier times to Mama Storybrook, only to find the past is a prickly subject for the menacing matriarch. Stuart takes a trip to Gemstone Designs to deliver Pam’s letter, but finds a horde of designer kobolds and an eerie security kiosk in his way. Finally, Maxwell meets with the mysterious voice from the hotline, only to find that the Cult of the Blue Eye has more than sushi waiting for him for lunch. Oh, I almost forgot Gerbbi! Gerbbi does his Gerbbi thing. In This Episode: Stuart is now Stu-Bucket Tory takes three cookies Gerbbi does his Gerbbi thing Agnes makes awkward small talk with a ghost And Maxwell hates how much he cares

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Deco & Demons: It’s The 1920’s

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:28:25 +0000

It’s an eerie Friday the 13th at the offices of the shady shipping syndicate: National Parcel Co. The employees are used to moving contraband, but on this dark, spooky night the moon is full and there’s a mysterious package they need to guard. The package is due for The Hoffman Institute, a local research center for the paranormal, but some botched paper work has left it stranded with money due. Can a crooked accountant, a sleazy salesman, a secretive secretary, a scared bartender, and a disgraced paranormal expert keep this curious crate safe for a night? Or will fate’s fickle fiendishness lure them to open the box and seal their doom? Listen to our tale of terror for a yarn of murderous spirits, malevolent Mickeys, and a familiar harbinger of doom! In This Episode: Leonard just wants to read his books and loses his head Dr. Richardson almost gets Gerb-stomped and horny Maxwell takes a trip on a steamship and performs poorly with pistols Argus will find you if you’re crying and makes a blood sacrifice Zelda signals for help from above and smokes…frequently And everyone goes a little coo-coo-nutso Episode Art by Brandon Kirkman

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The Hoffman Chronicles: Kaos Beach Blanket Bingo, Pt. 3

Wed, 16 Oct 2019 12:10:23 +0000

Our heroes’ lakefront vacation is coming to an end, so it’s time to leave the beach and head to the ballroom for once last night at Kaos Manor. With a lot on the line for Al, Deb and Tim team up to support their old friend. Just kidding, Tim runs off with Tippy to buy some beach weed, and Deb makes moves to reignite her dormant photography career. With our heroes scattered across the beach like so much sand, what can possibly bring them together for a satisfying ending? A dance competition fulled by booze, passion, and “special” pudding? Yeah, actually, that should do it! Tune in to this conclusion to the Kaos Beach Blanket Bingo saga, which is basically Rashomon. In This Episode Deb does a photoshoot for a crab and eats a bowl of pubes Tim defends The Fire Beatles and does a dune stunt And Al argues with a cubist painting and dances his truth Music by Komiku “Pirate Libertaires” and “A Good Bass for Gambling”

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The Hoffman Chronicles: Kaos Beach Blanket Bingo, Pt. 2

Wed, 02 Oct 2019 12:05:05 +0000

Our 1960’s adventurers are back in this continuation of their Kaos Beach adventure! In this installment our heroes Tim, Deb, and Al hit the beach in their finest beachwear. With Stan Cardealership flopping joyously in the water and Carla entertaining guests, our friends finally have some time to catch up and kick back in the sun. Drinks are had, crushes are flirted with, and Tim gets closer to his familiar mystery date. But as the day progresses, trouble drifts ashore as a group of hippies with malicious intent demand to use the beach. Can our heroes continue to navigate these increasingly choppy social waters? Will danger inspire Deb to take back up her camera? What’s Al going to do as Carla draws him closer? Where the hell is Tim going? In This Episode Tim debuts his beach look and wows Deb breaks down on the beach And Al argues his politics and for a flask

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The Hoffman Chronicles: Kaos Beach Blanket Bingo, Pt. 1

Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:06:53 +0000

Earlier in our tale, dear listener, Agnes Hellman found a photo of her mysterious patron, Al Buchanan, and his oldest friend, Deb Hammer placed between the pages of her precious guide to conversational mastery, How to Talk to Anyone. Instructed to take this photo to Deb, now known to our heroes as the menacing Mama Storybrook, Agnes set out to conquer her Friday. But on a weekend a long time ago, Al Buchanan and his friends set out for a weekend at the lake house of his friend, mentor, and lover for a weekend of fun in the sun they’d never forget. This is a that story. In this installment, Tim Tim the reporter, Al Buchanan the ad man, and Deb Hammer the photographer reconnect a year after Tim and Al were fired from Feyboy to drive up north in the car of Deb’s new blockheaded beau. Once they arrive in Tarraesque, WI, they face grim butlers, spooky paintings, and drinks with their devilish hostess. Can our heroes make it through this first night? Or will one night at Kaos Manor send them screaming back home with tears streaming from their eyes and their legs all blurry, in this, the anime of our story? In This Episode Al crushes some scotch/on a handsome barkeep Deb drinks a big glass of Weeb-Juice And Tim “Hunters” his way to a discovery of weed and adventure

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 28: Surf’s Up, Buddy

Wed, 04 Sep 2019 11:59:28 +0000

It’s a very special birthday party for a very special goblin, and our heroes are in charge! Quickly abandoning their plan to let the goblin interns set up the party, they get really excited and start tricking their coworkers to go off and get gifts for Agnes. In context it…sort of makes sense. Finishing up the job the goblins started, our heroes are confronted with one of their biggest challenges ever: lighting a can of Sterno! Can our heroes put together a feast worthy of NPC Inc.’s best salesperson? Can they convince Quinn the Medicine Goblin not to tell on them? Mix yourself a “Surf’s Up, Buddy” and count how many brands will our players reference in this exciting episode! In This Episode Agnes plays some Catan Gerbbi criticizes some Tik-Toks Maxwell sexualizes the Bluetooth mascot Stuart uses premium Bardify And our heroes meet a familiar group of podcasters Music by Komiku "I got 99 broadswords but this one isn't one (store's theme)"

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 27: Bossy Blonde

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 12:15:18 +0000

It’s Friday, dear listener, and our heroes are waking up, bleary eyed from the night before to see their day laid out before them. With Agnes’s confidence in herself and her band on the line, they must ask themselves a deadly Friday question: work hard? Or play hard? Can our heroes face the last day in this long, eventful week? Can they make it unscathed through the day and rock out at The Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall? Where the hell is Gerbbi? Hanging out in his clocktower apartment? Maxwell is feline Nermal (feeling normal) Stuart reveals his bed preferences Agnes becomes a haunted house And Gerbbi shows off his scamp stamp

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 26: The Theme From Fiends

Wed, 07 Aug 2019 11:00:25 +0000

Time for our heroes to gather on the field of mental battle and face their foes in a spirited game of bar trivia! After making some bets and pissing off their competition, they settle in to face Maurice Feather’s BoneZone Trivia. With a paid-for tab on the line, our heroes test their minds versus a two teams of spooky monsters and one of their old foes, The Heroic Herd. Can our heroes win, or are they going to have to…*gasp* pay for their own drinks the rest of the night? Tory’s ass is lawn Gerbbi becomes the Gerbbibreadman Maxwell wins MPP, “Most Polite Player” Agnes casts a charisma smell And Stuart has to settle for Specter Featuring “Battle Theme” by Komiku

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 25: Not Trivial

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 12:06:31 +0000

Oh, dear listeners, our heroes are still reeling from the sudden loss of their friend and have to face more bad news to end their Thursday. What are our heroes to do? Go drinking at the Bone Zone, obviously! With their new party member, the difficult to read Tory Mercita, in tow they head down into the Crypt for the Ripped. Will it be a night of happy hour drinks, or will it be another chance for them to make enemies, alienate lovers, and make a wager with a menacing, trivia-loving monster? Maxwell calls Hotline Bling Stuart critically loses his ID Gerbbi debuts his erotic watch Agnes teaches Rainforest the ol’ plastic bag trick And Tory reveals her butt was cigarette packs this whole time

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Yakuzar’s BBQ Labyrinth (LIVE from Bit Fest)

Wed, 10 Jul 2019 12:10:01 +0000

Hello dear listeners! Our heroes are taking a sunny afternoon off from office work to go to the BBQ cookout of a friendly, Buber driving Minotaur they met in a previous episode! Can they navigate the metaphorical maze of conversational traps at this party full of damp vampires, flirty sphinxs, mad hermits and a quartet of familiar, grill-loving giants? Can Agnes find a way to win the sauce contest? Can Maxwell get someone to try his Japanese dessert? Can Stuart get laid? How drunk will Gerbbi get? Check out this exciting live episode, recorded at Bit Fest! at Chicago’s The Crowd Theater! Gerbbi introduces “Gerbfeld” Stuart tries to solve the riddle of romance Maxwell dissects the flawed logic of Ben Harpiro And Agnes sets a new record for Nat-20s

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 24: Bang Time

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 12:02:02 +0000

Hark, dear listener! Our heroes are on their way to run some basement errands for their boss, Joanie Hoffman, and maybe help the security guards along the way! Well, not all of them. Brube takes some time for a solo adventure so she can pay a visit to her secret office-within-an-office. What is Brube looking for in there, and who else might be lurking around the marketing floor? Tune into this exciting episode for moments of whimsical beauty, and a goodbye that requires no rolls, only waving. Agnes is just a silly little girl, yikes Maxwell calls Michael Caine Stuart is hairy-d and looking ruff Tory takes some alone bang time Gerbbi writes a short story about a guy who makes him mad And Brube reflects on all her jet skis and the sea Featuring “Credits, thank you for playing” by Komiku

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 23: Elevator Storytelling Device

Wed, 12 Jun 2019 12:13:36 +0000

Taking a brief pause from their busy Thursday, our heroes take some time to reflect, connect, and bother Tory. I hope you like art, dear listeners, because this part of my tale uses a very clever storytelling device that is later abandoned and never mentioned again! Get ready to write a 1000 word essay on the use of this, again, really cool narrative structure! I expect the essay by the next chapter, ok? Very good. Enjoy the show. In this episode Maxwell takes his lady to the Shirt Store Brube makes a messy entrance Stuart wants to be catfished Gerbbi is sweaty, sneaky And Agnes can’t read, but she sure can play guitar

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 22: Coolgames.gov

Wed, 29 May 2019 12:48:08 +0000

Our heroes continue on their Thursday adventures, dear listener! Outside the office, Agnes, Brube and Gerbbi work to convince mystical photographer Stevi Smoothstone to turn in his work. Inside the office, Maxwelll and Stuart turn to an old friend for advice on their manticore problem. Looks like our heroes are going to have to really rely on their persuasion skills in this installment of our story. Hopefully they won’t roll horribly, making all these conversations tense! Support the efforts of the Library of Congress by listening to my exciting tale Maxwell tends his victory garden Agnes tries to book a photographer Stuart manifests for a butt joke Gerbbi keeps his options open And Brube counts her nickels

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 21: Swords & Solitaire

Wed, 15 May 2019 14:22:00 +0000

It’s a split party party, dear listeners, and you’re invited! Agnes, Brube and Gerbbi are hot on the trail of Stevi Smoothstone, but a sudden storm pushes them into their local CVS (Cures, Vitamins & Swords) to find some rain gear… and danger. Meanwhile, Maxwell and Stuart plead their IT case to Mr. Cortez, the very intimidating and very boring supply manager. Can Maxwell and Stuart, who aren’t heal boys, survive a run in with this surly solitaire lover? And will Agnes’ new power over others, and the influence of Gerbbi, make her turn to a life of crime? In This Episode Maxwell clicks some manticore mantiporn Brube is tied up in receipts Stuart. Loves. Planning. Gerbbi swordsplains And Agnes does some real crime

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 20: Doors, Dogs, and Danger!

Wed, 01 May 2019 12:27:33 +0000

Hello, Dear Listener! Sit down and hear my tale of a Thursday morning! Our heroes have gathered in the office of Hobe Shadetree to get their day’s assignment only to find the Heroic Herd have assembled to “help.” Under orders from the stern hobgoblin middle-manager Thaddeus Warman, they divide to conquer, with one group setting out to help install some supply ordering software on the computer of a sinister employee, and on group following the Herd’s trail, hoping to beat them to Stevi Smoothstone. In This Episode Brube’s cranie senses are tingling Gerbbi wipes out on his heelies Stuart tries to make “Mean Wolf” work Agnes gets deep in some eyes And Maxwell gets into SoulCycle

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The Hoffman Chronicles: Oh No…It’s a Leveling Up/Live Show!

Wed, 17 Apr 2019 13:48:02 +0000

Greetings, Dear Listener! Our heroes have completed another day of work and quests at NPC Inc., so now it’s time for them to briefly drop character to talk with DM Hobert about some fun home-brew changes coming to the characters as they reach level 5. But we know that not everyone can get down with a leveling up episode (you should though, if you want to understand who Party Fred and Brains MacKenzie are!) so we’ve also included our live episode from the Chicago Podcasters Unite event at C2E2! Eat your D&D vegetables and then treat yourself to a some D&D dessert! In This Episode Maxwell introduces the world to Party Fred and Tenchi Meows Stuart gets into Sci-Fi and some fantasy door hijinks Gerbbi gets some heels and does a pretty good impression Agnes can call him Al and torments her bandmate And Brube gets crafty and leaves some Brube clues to avoid Bruce blues

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 19: The Heroic Herd

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 15:27:03 +0000

I hope you like arcade games, dear listeners! Because our heroes are determined to play them. With drinks in hand they head deeper into Horseplay and deeper into the clutches of Jackson Bloodskull-Williams. Is his invite to join him and some of his new pals in a little tournament of games a trick or a treat? And when faced with competition, will the heroes of the Apple Barrel Gang choose to fight dirty to protect Hobe? In this Episode: Maxwell keeps seeing Slenderman Gerbbi gives some gaming tips Stuart gets ghosted Agnes goes through puberty And Brube discovers a powerful magic object we all forgot

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 18: Maxwell in the Middle

Wed, 20 Mar 2019 12:12:08 +0000

Time for a little R & R for our heroes, dear listeners! After making their daring escape from the HR Dungeon, they’ve found their way to the Marketing department’s possibly snack-themed “Goodbye Tracy Vista” party. Can our heroes navigate the choppy waters of social interaction, or will the wounds they sustained during their HR trial make them cagey, flustered, and really bad at flirting? With a widening rift developing in the group, our heroes set out for the arcade bar, HorsePlay. Hopefully they can make it there in one piece (emotionally)! In this episode: Maxwell is touched by an angel (or DM) Gerbbi drinks the Goblort Brube is disturbed by bad candy Agnes is alone with her balone and Stuart sings “Literal Pinball Wizard”

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 17: It’s Lunch O’Clock Somewhere

Wed, 06 Mar 2019 13:12:59 +0000

Our heroes are between a ghoul and a wolf place, dear listeners! They have to tame the wild side of their friend Stuart and then fend off the terminally boring Norman and his HR co-workers, Bob and Suz. I believe in them, but do they believe in themselves? I guess you’ll find out in this next chapter of our tale, in which our heroes try to escape the paperwork pit, attempt some shopping montages, make and break deals with old foes, and discover a secret about Brube’s torso. In this episode: Maxwell reveals his mecha-form Agnes pulls from the public domain catalog Stuart gets puntastic Gerbbi fondly remembers a ficus DM Hobert ponders the strength of a scanner And Brube keeps track of her favorite alarms

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16also: Touch the Ghouls

Wed, 20 Feb 2019 13:22:53 +0000

Oh dear listener, our heroes are trapped in the Paperwork Pit! Will they escape the clutches of Weird Norman (no relation to Weird Al) or will the allure of looking at birthday cards draw their attention from their escape mission? Oh, I sure hope they can hold out against these spooky undead co-workers, listeners! I mean, surely this group of ragtag adventurers, when faced with a tomb of monsters, wouldn’t go up and immediately try to touch them, right? Ah jeez, you’re right. They’re definitely going to try to high five the monsters. Stuart schools a ghoul on Google Gerbbi refuses to explain “quonk” Brube earns a Bruby Snack for a dog story Agnes leaves a message for future Agnes And Maxwell smells a familiar AnimeCon scent

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 16: Ted Talking the Talk & Ted Walking the Walk

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 13:07:44 +0000

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have been hauled off to the ScenarioTron for a test of their business skills. Or is it a trap!? Ah, dear listeners, you know it’s a trap! Can our heroes escape the banal-yet-friendly digital clutches of Ted the Electronic Coworker? And once they do, how will they while away the time it takes to make it through Mr. Kammen’s seemingly endless line? Perhaps with a trip down memory lane, a battle with an old foe, and discussion of email body positivity? In this episode Brube leads a TedTalk on her favorite subject Agnes pens the paperwork song Gerbbi never gets horny Maxwell discovers a goblin’s Groundhog’s Day and Stuart solves the riddle of The Cactus, The Envelope, and The Picture Frame

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 14: Monster MasHR

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 13:16:28 +0000

Greetings, listeners! Good to be back here in 2019, telling you the tale of our heroes, the Apple Barrel Gang, as they begin their Wednesday adventure. Though they are well rested from their successful quest to destroy the S.I.E.G.E., they now have to face the gauntlet of horrors that await them in the HR department! Can our heroes keep themselves from being part of Dr. Gregsteen’s twisted management methods, or will they be crushed emotionally by his menacing underlings before they even make it to their appointment? In This Episode Brube discovers Meme-Waving Maxwell keeps an eye on Iraq Gerbbi makes a decision on his third-person speaking Agnes plays the Steal-Guitar And Stuart gets pretty excited about catching a curse

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.2

Wed, 16 Jan 2019 13:20:49 +0000

*Psychedelic Sitar* The Feyboy Gang is as high as they’ve ever been (in both drug and penthouse floor terms) but they still have work to do. Hot on the trail of the mysterious Prof. Gregsteen and the vivacious Salamander Cigarette scion Salleen Cindermander, they delve deeper into the penthouse. Can our heroes get the photos and quotes they need, or will they lose their sanity before they ring in the New Year? In This Episode Al makes a discovery amongst the tweed Tim wears something from the Tom Wolfe Collection And Deb is a scaly, but for one night

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Tip of the Golden Triangle, Pt.1

Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:59:31 +0000

*Jazzy Trumpet* The Feyboy investigations crew is back at it, baby! This Swingin’ New Year’s Eve our heroes have been dispatched by their magazine to attend the party of the mysterious and magnetic New Mind Guru: Professor Yohann Gregsteen. Tonight he is taking his closest colleagues and devotees on a journey to the Tip of the Golden Triangle. Stick out your tongue and receive the Professor’s blessing...and see if you mind can take the view. In This Episode Deb tries to use cartoon physics Al saves time for kissin’ And Tim tells some very LSD-innappropriate stories

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A Miracle on NPC St. 2: Gift of the Gerb-i

Fri, 28 Dec 2018 13:07:04 +0000

Ho Ho Ho! It’s me, Santa Claus! I’m here to introduce this year’s Christmas special! I hope you enjoy it - even though it’s just chock-a-block with swears, drunkenness, and anime references - and I hope you’ve had a very Merry Whateveryoucelebrateorchoosenottocelebrate. That’s a holiday this podcast is trying to make a thing. Do you think it will catch on? Ho Ho Ho, let’s check in with our heroes, who are spending a snowy evening in the festively decorated break room of NPC Inc exchanging gifts both sincere and shitty. Tis the season! In this episode Rainforest chokes back some sauce Gerbbi sings the hits (feat. David Bowie & Bing Crosby) Starp shepherds his flock Brube makes the most of the mundane Maxwell becomes a “2” of a person Agnes gets edgier Stu Skellington makes a dramatic exit Hobe connects with an old foe Luke fundamentally misunderstands the event And Stuart “rolls” a miraculous 20

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 13: Meatba1!s

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 13:18:44 +0000

Dear listeners, our heroes have locked Chris, Destroyer of Interns, out of his office and now they must face a spicy meatball of a battle! Can they handle the might of a middle manager? Will new friend Gerbbi Richardson prove himself as Agnes’ new intern? What secrets lie in the liar of the Destroyer of Interns? A way to save Starp and the Grayguard? Or just a not-to-shabby camp comedy sequel? In this Episode Brube serves up a meatball to a meatball Stuart really focuses on an ugly tie Gerbbi uses his confidence to pick locks Maxwell divides to conquer And Agnes give a pee-holding pep-talk

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 12: Carpe BM

Wed, 28 Nov 2018 13:08:23 +0000

Greetings, dear listener! Our heroes are in quite a bit of trouble! Jackson Bloodskull-Williams wants them to report to his office ASAP to reprimand them for absconding with his new intern. Oooh, he sure is mad! And scary! Our heroes better come up with a plan quick, or their new friends are going to face the might of S.I.E.G.E.! Listen now to my tale of soda machines, interesting hats, and Gerbbi, the goblin everyone’s talking about! Brube learns about fake friends Stuart hangs loose Agnes finally gets an intern And Maxwell critically fails at coffee

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 11: A Dab for the Dead

Wed, 14 Nov 2018 12:36:20 +0000

Hark, Dear Listeners! Listen to my tale of our heroes’ pre-lunch adventures! The dastardly Mercita siblings have begun their reign over marketing, and their first assignment is to transport a reassigned intern from Marketing to Sales. Will our heroes be able to navigate through the battlefield of the Sales floor and deliver Lugosh the Orc Intern (guest star Hart Wood!) to “Daddy Sales”? Or will they be waylaid by business goblins, oddly flavored vapes, and harsh “no clapping” policies? Stuart feels passionately about Daddies Brube thinks of a cool nickname for sheep Maxell inhales cotton candy Agnes calls out a tall lout And Lugosh reveals his ball point linage

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The CondoHouse of Horrors, Vol. 2: The One Where Everyone Rides a Giant Moth

Wed, 31 Oct 2018 12:07:47 +0000

Happy Halloween, dear listeners! Our heroes are taking a break from adventuring at NPC Inc to spend another night of terror and awkwardness at the condo of Orlando Jordan! Our heroes have invited some friends new and old to join them this year, but a sinister pall quickly falls over the party as they’re suddenly stuck babysitting a pair of eerie children. Can our heroes survive a night of sexy capes, nervous Pee Wees, human horsepedes, and dangerous Fort Night dancing? Or will they have…AN UNHAPPY HALLOWEEN?! The “stakes” (Ha! Vampire Joke!) have never been higher! Brube gets bored for the first time Rainforest Things her puppet Hobe fondly remembers a Gob joke Reagan leaves the White House Shadie berates a good boy Lyle finds his voice Maxwell pitches Zelda-edIn Agnes slurps that sucker down Creb pens “The Spine Who Loved Me” Stuart scolds Abraham Lincoln And Orlando is sexy Bart

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 10: A Unicorn I Gotta Meet

Wed, 17 Oct 2018 12:02:49 +0000

Dear listeners, the clock ticks ever closer to the arrival of Linda Drakonis and our heroes are running out of time. With a card in hand and a battle on the horizon, our heroes must fight for either Team Taco or Thai Team (not confusing names at all). Will they bring peace to the Dragon’s lair and Cry’aig and Pal’a’s troubled marriage? Or will the arrival of Linda spell doom for one of our adventurers? In This Episode Agnes solves her own pizza quest Stuart gets a little blue/brown Maxwell theorizes the “Bossy-Puss Complex” And Brube sings “The Birthday Song”

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 9: A.B.K (Always Be Kobolds)

Wed, 03 Oct 2018 12:09:11 +0000

Oh, dear listener, I hope you weren’t on the edge of your seat after our last episode, because if you were then this part of my tale will make you fall right on the floor! Our heroes are split, with Brube, Agnes, and Stuart being held captive by mundane conversation and Maxwell being caught up in a real pickle (not that pickles aren’t great! Let’s be fair to pickles, everyone). Listen now to my tale and hear a story of betrayal, envy, and Fantasy Netflix! In this episode: Maxwell is Mr. Mr. Salesman Agnes does her best Twisted Sister Stuart goes half-elf to half-elf And Brube kinda does a rope trick

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Episode 8: Journey to the Center of the Birthday

Wed, 19 Sep 2018 12:10:59 +0000

A new day has dawned at NPC Inc., dear listener, and our slightly hung-over, clown-haunted heroes are at it again. Can they conquer their most difficult task yet: trying to decide what to do with their day!? Oh, of course they will! We wouldn’t have an hour long story about people just shootin’ the shit in an office and trying to decide what to do with their morning! Or would we? Seriously, we wouldn’t! They finally get off their butts and go on a quest like, ten or so minutes in. And it’s a very exciting, birthday-based quest! In this episode: Brube puts two arms and two legs together Agnes shows off her cock pocket Stuart dabs for his life And Maxwell trips a tricky trap

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 7: The Rowdy Crowdy

Wed, 05 Sep 2018 12:08:37 +0000

Hark, dear listener, Satanic Panic is about to take the stage! Are you as excited as I am? I already know the story and I can barely contain my excitement and desire to spoil all the surprises. There’s a monster fight! And music! And a brief but wondrous puppet show! I can’t even go on or I’ll spoil it. Will our heroes end their night on a high note? Or is an evil force there to make them face the music? In this episode Brube takes out some rage on Sad Pete the Postman Agnes finds her little drummer boi DM Hobert plays with himself And Stuart dictates the rules of the band

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt 6: Happy Ho(u)rse

Wed, 22 Aug 2018 13:34:09 +0000

Hark, dear listeners! Our heroes’ Monday is coming to a close, which means it’s time for…*Thunderclap* **Scary Violin Sting** HAPPY HOUR!!! As our heroes descend into the BoneZone without the aid of their friend Maxwell - who has tummy trouble after too many lunch wines (but really Brandon is getting married! Congrats, dude!) - they are beset by rowdy friends, a stern bartender, and a gathering crowd of fans and foes of Agnes and Hobe’s band, Satanic Panic. Will they eat the bar…or will the bar eat them? In This Episode Maxwell “buries some treasure” Stuart gets (castle) freaky Agnes assembles her band And Brube reveals an in-Creb-ible secret

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 5: Robert Zombert

Wed, 08 Aug 2018 12:08:55 +0000

Oh, dear listener, our heroes have been cornered in the Records Department by the underpaid interns that haunt these dark corridors of files! They’ll have to fight their way through these tragic, ambitious youngsters if they want to find the information they need buried deep in the depths. But who knows what mysteries lurk in the dimly lit narrows! Perhaps one of our adventurers will stumble upon a lost item and unearth not just the information on the missing photographer, but also the secret of Mama Storybrook’s menacing friendliness? But will their friends wait for them…or leave them behind? In this episode Maxwell remembers his favorite mall cop Brube sees through some criticism Stuart consults a meta source Agnes gets shagadelic And Paul Wall faces his Moby-File Cabinet

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Wild Heart of Feyboy

Wed, 25 Jul 2018 12:13:35 +0000

Desks & Dayjobs: The Hoffman Chronicles, Interlude: The Wild at Heart Hark, dear listener! I know you’re probably so worried about your favorite four adventurers! When we last left them, they were about to be torn apart by interns! But wait, aren’t you curious about this big, giant records room? I bet a little, right? Well let’s take a little detour off our tale to learn more about this room. I know a tale from long ago that might put everything in context. A tale of intrigue, danger, and betrayal! It takes place in the year 1964… In this episode Al dreams of Genie Tim remembers MASH and Deb gets less rum than she deserves

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 4: Trick-R-Doodles

Wed, 11 Jul 2018 12:07:30 +0000

Dear Listener, our heroes, now known as the Apple Barrel Gang, have set off on their most pressing of quests: to find the work of the missing photographer! So they embark with the help of an old friend to find the Records Room. But what will they find there? Will it be traps? Will there be terrible college interns? Will there be an adorable old woman who only wants to tell their futures that they intrinsically trust for reasons beyond their control? Listen to my tale and find out! In this episode Brube wins a star for her star Maxwell sees a grim Thanksgiving Stuart rolls to trust an elder And Agnes leaves us with an orange-hanger

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 3: Apples, Am I Right?

Wed, 27 Jun 2018 12:08:24 +0000

Oh, dear listener, isn’t this story heating up? Our adventurers have ordered their reputation-saving donuts and decided to take a break from their quest to just kick it at a bar for a bit. You know, dear listener, normal workday stuff. Anyway, they venture into this bar looking for dirt on their nemesis, Alan Bloodskull, and discover a hard-drinking day bar full of colorful characters that they feel they must bother. Will they make some new friends? Will they ever decide what the best apple is? My money’s on Fuji! I love those apples… In This Episode Maxwell ranks apples Stuart meets a Stuart Agnes debuts a “Gothic Raffi” sound And Brube looks for a man with Skills AND Information

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Pt. 2: Hug a Teen

Wed, 13 Jun 2018 12:31:24 +0000

Hark, dear listener! This is the thrilling part of our adventure where our heroes set off on their quest to restore their reputation! In the lair of Tracy Vista, boss of the Marketing Department, our heroes are bedeviled by clowns, kitty-cats, triangles, and nudes before setting off to roust some donuts for noble Beardkowski! But they’re about to find out that a there’s a #GucciGang standing in their way… In this episode: Brube’s ass is both nice and sweet Maxwell is “The Percolator” Agnes puts the “Grand” in Grandma And Stuart mulls selling drugs to kids

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Chapter 1: The Long Coffee

Wed, 06 Jun 2018 12:16:59 +0000

Greetings, traveler! Now that you’ve gotten your coffee, I can finally start my tale of adventures most mundane! Of four heroes — or villains depending on who you ask — who set out to right the wrongs facing their humble company. Come, listen as I set the stage and introduce the players! For Agnes, Brube, Maxwell and Stuart are off on their quest to get a sweet bonus…unless an old foe cuts their lives (careers) short… In this episode Agnes drinks a cool beer/is cool Brube mourns a not-dead father figure Maxwell makes a special drink request And Stuart get his pin picked

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The Hoffman Chronicles, Introduction: “Oh Boy, Another Leveling Up Episode”

Wed, 30 May 2018 12:19:36 +0000

Greetings, traveler! Come and sit next to me at this coffee shop so I can tell you a tale of adventurers brave and bold! Four co-workers who set out on a quest! It’s really a very exciting story, and I know you’re going to love it. But first, can I tell you about leveling up our original characters and introducing the new characters? Come on! It’ll be fun! We make jokes too! In this episode Brube gets into her role Hobe takes up bonsai Stuart flames out of esports Agnes makes mad-libs and Maxwell masters micro-jokes

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Season 3, Episode 12: The Boss is a Vampire Pt.2

Wed, 16 May 2018 15:06:08 +0000

The battle continues to rage as The Bulldogs fight with Schuyler and his cronies. Will the tides turn against our heroes four? Or will a talking crowbar save the day? And once the dust of battle settles, will Brube, Hobe, Orlando and Stuart be able to pull the NPC Inc. shipping department back together, or is it too late for the workers? Find out in this exciting finale! In this episode: Stuart tries to hold everyone Brube wins an award for friendship/lovemaking Hobe bores a bird And Orlando wishes this crowbar was a real bar

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Season 3, Episode 11: The Boss is a Vampire, Pt.1

Wed, 02 May 2018 12:28:03 +0000

It’s time for a good ol’ fashion Boss Fight! Labor Distruptor Fight? Yeah! That one! Armed with the knowledge that Reno and Schuyler have been trying to rip off NPC Inc’s shipping department, our heroes only need to escape! But Schuyler and his beefy henchman have other plans. Will The Bulldogs escape, or will they face the vampire’s incredibly boring bite? In this episode: Brube trusts her pelican too much Hobe gets hot ’n’ spicy Orlando hassles a horny guy and Stuart is prone!

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Season 3, Episode 10: Blazing Saddles (a Sexual Euphemism)

Wed, 18 Apr 2018 12:15:54 +0000

The Bulldogs are on the hunt for the Best Lifter trophy! In order to siege the shipping facility’s tower (or two story building, depending on how you look at it) our heroes take a chance and split the party, sending Brube and Hobe to scale the heights and break into the Louis Gimbleglam’s office while Stuart and Orlando distract the workers with a good ol’ fashion forklift fight! Will our heroes find the trophy in time to save NPC Shipping from Schuyler Tantebo? Will history remember Hitch fondly? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Stuart handles his machinery Orlando meets some fellow Hitch-Bitches Hobe is save by weed and Brube finally remembers her job

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Season 3, Episode 9: Waiting for Godot With Horses

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 13:41:06 +0000

Having just defeated Orlac Stonebasher and his B-ball(tm) team, The Bulldogs are off to the gloomy warehouse to see what the deal is with the Loading Troll. What terrors—or horses—await them in the depths of this box-filled room? Will they be able to crack the case of why is this Troll is too sad to work? Will they find out who is systematically trying to make the employees miserable? And will Stuart’s Divine Portent ability EVER WORK? In This Episode Orlando eats a lot of dust Stuart acts like a total Horse Girl Hobe puts torture on the table Brube acts as trollanslator and DM Alex pulls off an hour long Snoop Dogg joke

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Season 3, Episode 9: Rad or Bad?

Wed, 21 Mar 2018 13:47:18 +0000

Y’all ready to take it to the rim? Heave that rock? Press that court fully? Well come on and jam with the Bulldogs as they take on their latest challenge: a game of pickup basketball against Orlac Stonebasher and his very tall friends. If they win, Orlac helps and if they lose he’ll just keep playing basketball. This guy is really into basketball! Will the Bulldogs manage to somehow beat real athletes? Or are they about to get majorly dunked on? In this episode: Stuart confuses cool with cruel Hobe is Hope-pen Brube shows off some crab-ball Orlando supplies our team with its Jordan And Dorn needs a win

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Season 3, Episode 8: The Wight Stuff

Wed, 07 Mar 2018 15:12:46 +0000

On their way to meet Orlac Stonebasher (and maybe to see a really cool horse), our heroes are waylaid by a new, deadlyish enemy: a wight in a windbreaker, flanked by very dull members of the undead horde. Can they fight their way through these part-time terrors, or will they be crushed by an onslaught of boring conversations, bitter retorts, and a lack of humor about a very funny Oprah GIF? In this episode Brube tells her two point story Orlando gives himself a shield Hobe reveals some of his origin story Stuart gets touchy-feely with the Dead

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Season 3, Episode 7: Take a Candy, Leave a Candy

Wed, 21 Feb 2018 14:47:35 +0000

As our heroes delve deeper into the bowels of NPC Inc’s shipping facility they discover a sinister mystery afoot! The shipping workers aren’t slacking, they’re being quietly replaced by more pliant part-time workers sent by some mysterious “labor disrupter” named Schuyler Tantebo. Will our heroes agree to help the shipping facility, or join Reno and Schuyler’s plot to make a quick buck off the outsourcing? Or will they just slack off for the rest of the day to play ping pong in the break room and give DM Alex a much needed confidence boost for his character voices? In this episode: Brube challenges the core concept of solitaire Orlando talks beers with bugbears Hobe beats Davy, not Darvy and Stuart’s disguise is a dead ringer for a scab

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Season 3, Episode 6: The "IT" "Crowd"

Wed, 07 Feb 2018 14:44:17 +0000

It’s time for our heroes to face DM Alex’s most devious puzzle yet…walking past a security guard into NPC Inc’s shipping facility. Will our heroes be able to muster the courage to walk right up to this very normal man and say “Hello”? Or will they spend a majority of this episode devising a terrible plan, only to see it immediately fall apart? Oh, you know it’s the second one! In this episode: Hobe fails to make a friend Stuart gives a hot take on dolls Brube questions the afterlife and Orlando apologizes to JD Salinger

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Season 3, Episode 5: Clorg Likes to Gorge

Wed, 24 Jan 2018 13:20:32 +0000

Time for our heroes to set off on their quest to the shipping facility! But the warehouse is far from the offices of NPC Inc, so it looks like our heroes are going to have to knock off work early and take their fair fantasy city’s public transportation system. Can they master the FCTA or will public transportation throw them just like a friggin’ stupid horse? Will they be able to navigate weirdly anatomical ticketing machines and the hell that is other people? And who is Clorg and what does he like to do? Tune in to this exciting episode and find out! In this episode: Hobe lives in his internal monolog Orlando confuses his life with Taken Stuart gets a lot of likes and Brube debuts her business card

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Season 3, Episode 4: Clarissa & Reno Explain It All

Wed, 10 Jan 2018 15:41:14 +0000

It’s time for the Bulldogs to go off on another quest, and we’re all fired up! Especially DM Alex, who’s full of piss, vinegar and cute lil’ sneezes in this episode. This time our mission comes at the behest of greedy executive Reno Jabroni. Will our heroes be able to follow default leader Orlando Jordan to get their instructions from Reno? Or will his cut-rate Cerberus of a secretary see through their clever disguises of “Air Conditioning Girl,” “Wifi Unplugger” and “Nervous Caramel Fan”? In this episode Stuart gets called out and walks out Orlando receives and maybe understands a task Hobe takes a bathroom break Brube disputes who’s best at sex and DM Alex defends the honor of Woody Paige

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A Miracle on NPC St.

Wed, 27 Dec 2017 14:48:40 +0000

Ho ho ho, Haaaaaapppppy Holidays from The Bulldogs! In this very merry episode, our heroes take a little break from their adventures to enjoy a little gift-giving. We also have a guest DM, as Stuart takes over the gameplay so DM Alex can play as Starp and Maxwell and also get plastered on nog. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or as we call it: the fantasy cat version of The 400 Blows. In this episode: Brube makes a nice, pretty crab joke Hobe is Hobe-propriate Orlando gets a new pet Stuart picks store-bought over homemade Starp’s gifts keep giving and Maxwell tries to be a good kitty

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Season 3, Episode 3: Yogurt Jeopardy

Wed, 13 Dec 2017 14:45:09 +0000

It’s time for the last act of our “Music Attending Extravaganza” quest! Glam-rocker/jerkbutt Frobisher Jehuty is trying to sabotage Agnes’ set and it’s up to The Bulldogs to save the day! By horribly sabotaging Frobisher’s set! Will they successfully stop this pretentious menace, or will they find that acting like a jerk to stop a jerk just makes you the jerk? Damn, does this quest conclude with our heroes earning a moral? Eh, not really. In this episode: Orlando meets his fans Brube hits mystery rock bottom Stuart hatches a plot to kill the Bartender and Hobe makes a deal with Chad

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Season 3, Episode 2: We Are Toilet Horse

Wed, 29 Nov 2017 13:49:14 +0000

It’s part two of our “Music Attending Extravaganza” quest and the band plays on! The band in question is, or course, Toilet Horse, and they’re…an acquired taste. As our heroes listen to the Doom-ska stylings of Toilet Horse, they take some time to meet the denizens of the Punch Bowl, and way more time roasting DM Alex for his STUPID emcee character. What a dope! In this episode Hobe discovers the horrifying secret of the green room Orlando makes his stage debut Stuart goes on a solo adventure and Brube snoops for scoops

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Season 3, Episode 1: Everybody Tolerates Skaz

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 13:28:57 +0000

The Bulldogs are back, and this time they’re taking their thirst for adventure / beer out to see their co-worker Agnes’ super hip rock concert. Will our adventurers be able to brave the depths of The Punch Bucket to see Agnes’ Bubis Thundercat and whoever the hell Frobisher Jehuty is? Or will they succumb to the horror of the very nice bouncer and the pressure of trying to seem cool in a room of people with denim jackets? In this episode: Stuart dresses up, like a good boy Hobe holds out for green room beers Brube asks a 14 question and Orlando sends Allan Kingsbury to Hell

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The Condohouse of Horror, Vol. 1

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 12:25:47 +0000

Happy Halloween, dear listener! Open up that pillow case and let us toss in our very first Halloween special! DM (Dungeon Monster) Alex has some tricks and treats for you and The Bulldogs! In this extra spooky episode, our adventurers keep a beleaguered-by-teens Orlando company as he hands out candy from his fancy condo. Will our heroes be able to stay sober enough to handle briefly talking to strangers? Will The Sweatshop Boys act on their threat against everyone·s favorite curmudgeonly middle-manager? Will Tim win best costume at the senior center anime convention?!? WE LOVE HALLOWEEN! In this episode: Stuart cosplays and coughs Hobe meets some sick widdle bears Orlando takes a selfie And Brube really commits to her costume

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Season 2, Epilogue: It’s a Leveling Up Episode!

Wed, 18 Oct 2017 18:27:40 +0000

The Bulldogs have quested their first quest! And now it’s time for our new friends Orlando and Brube to level up! Let’s go ahead and break the fourth wall here. This is going to be an episode where we just talk about our characters and roll some dice. But also! There’s jokes n’ bits! So give this a listen and hear how we’re developing the world of Desks & Dayjobs! In this episode: Brube gets a lil’ mustache Hobe gets a new animal friend Stuart’s a charmer now Orlando almost finds religion DM Alex gets his ass-ass in

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Season 2, Episode 14: Mad Maxwell, Furry Road

Fri, 06 Oct 2017 12:24:11 +0000

So it’s come to this. The Bulldogs may be triumphant in their quest to foil Alan Bloodskull, but who’s the blue cat man controlling this villain with their psychic ponytail? Remember how that was a thing they did in Avatar? Can’t believe they’re doing a sequel after all this time. Anyway, let’s not give away too much, but here is our climatic finale to the “To Unionize or Not To Unionize” story arc! Enjoy! In this episode: Stuart tries to rip a can a new one Orlando gets some digits Hobe surges toward friendship and Brube reveals the long-game

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Season 2, Episode 13: The Legend of Scratchy’s Gold

Wed, 20 Sep 2017 14:04:17 +0000

Time to face the music (and lines!). As The Bulldogs follow Alan Bloodskull deep into the bowels of the courthouse, they meet an adorable old man who may or may not have a lot of gold, wade through some greasy shag carpet, and finally corner their foe for a climactic showdown. Will they be able to stop Alan in time? Or will they realize when they get there they have no plan? Yeah, it’s that. In this episode: Stuart masters the DMV Orlando details his Clooney history Hobe makes a screaming friend Brube cracks the cube/tube​

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Season 2, Episode 12: Weaponized Starp

Thu, 07 Sep 2017 15:51:46 +0000

It’s time for a breakroom showdown (the one with the ping pong table, not the one with the busted espresso machine)! Will The Bulldogs be able to stand up to Alan Bloodskull and his two cronies? Or will this be the last rootin’ tootin’ adventure for our friends? Giddy-up, pardner! This episode is brought to you by Hard Cider. In this episode: Hobe defends anime Brube does a Western Orlando reveals a secret past and Stuart phones a “friend”

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Season 2, Episode 11: Permanent Vacation

Wed, 23 Aug 2017 12:12:49 +0000

It’s time for our heroes to gear up for the impending Battle of the Break Room (The One with the Ping Pong Table, Not the One with the Broken Espresso Machine)! Will they spend their time strategizing and gathering the full force of NPC Inc? Or will they spend a lot of time in the bathroom quoting “Down with the Sickness”? In this Episode: Brube ruins a cube Stuart is low on data (and confidence) Orlando has a well rounded breakfast and Hobe OOOOOOO-AH-AH-AH-AH

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Season 2, Episode 10: Knock Back

Wed, 09 Aug 2017 12:14:13 +0000

Things get weird immediately when our heroes confront Alan Bloodskull in the bathroom (it turns out scary lawyers don’t like being confronted in bathrooms) and they find themselves engaged in combat with their most dangerous foe yet. Will they get the information they promised Tracy? Or will they just bully an adult man into submission? This episode is brought to you by Cars. In this episode: Hobe asks the right question Stuart yucks a yum Brube plays bad cop/gross cop and Orlando tells a great dog joke

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Season 2, Episode 9: Alcohol & Trickery

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 15:41:07 +0000

The drinks and intrigue are flowing at the first meeting of the copywriters’ union! Is Alan Bloodskull actually there to help Tracy? Or is he all talk and no…legal advice? The Bulldogs are on the case, after they refresh their drinks! In the episode: Orlando smokes a noodle Stuart alphas Hobe argues for beer Brube reveals a gritty dark side

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Season 2, Episode 8: People in a Bar with Feet

Wed, 12 Jul 2017 12:12:40 +0000

A new day has dawned for our adventurers, and now it’s time for them to head to their clandestine meeting with the copy writers. Is something afoot at the Hammered & Sickle? Or do our heroes just have a real problem with looking for mysteries where there are none? In this episode: Stuart tries to be casual Hobe romances a post-it Orlando loves hump day and Brube brings her pet to a bar, the bar to her pet

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Season 2, Episode 7: Catman or Trashcan?

Wed, 28 Jun 2017 12:30:42 +0000

What is Maxwell up to in the bathroom? Is he scheming more ways to interrogate our heroes, or is there something more sinister afoot? It’s up to The Bulldogs to save the day/make a commotion in the kitchen…godspeed you glorious, pasta-eating idiots! In this episode: Stuart defends Chef Boyardee Hobe becomes The Predator Brube becomes a backpack and Orlando dines a la trash

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Season 2, Episode 6: Vault Important People

Wed, 14 Jun 2017 12:22:00 +0000

It’s lunchtime for The Bulldogs! Or is it TRAPTIME? As our adventurers set out with Maxwell for their fancy Italian victory meal, they struggle to keep up and keep Maxwell from learning about the copywriters’ secret meeting. Will they roll some twentos? Or will we all be tweeting #AreTheyOk, #No? In this episode: Brube dons a cape Stuart wants to see the manager Hobe gets perfectly drunk and Orlando has some very specific pasta needs

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Season 2, Episode 5: Reach for the Starp

Wed, 31 May 2017 12:03:57 +0000

Important news alert: Our heroes have finally discovered their fun group name. Listen to this episode to hear the complete non-sequitur that inspired the name, and also what happens when the team discovers a drought of work at the office. Will they spend their entire day bugging a fun co-worker, or will they decide to cash in a free lunch from an old foe? In this episode: Orlando is the Sour Brube is the Sweet Stuart is the Bread Hobe is the Meat

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Season 2, Episode 4: Don't You Forget About Trees

Wed, 17 May 2017 12:32:12 +0000

The gang is back! After being ambushed by Tracy in the last episode, Stuart is in a tight spot, and the only one who can save him is Orlando. Will he be able to snap him out of his tech-induced fugue state? Or will one our heroes get fired before they come up with a great team name? In this episode: Brube, as seen in Flipz(tm) Orlando gets the acting bug Hobe writes his Hamilton and Stuart is a pervert

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Season 2, Episode 3: To Cc and Bcc-een

Wed, 03 May 2017 12:14:34 +0000

Our heroes find themselves on another floor of NPC Inc, on the hunt for whoever is behind the copier crimes on their floor. Will they be able to find the info they need? Or will they have to kidnap someone? Boy, I really hope they don’t kidnap anyone, they just got done making friends with those dog-cops. In this episode: Stuart gets in too deep Hobe picks and grins Brube flips out and Orlando loves a good boy

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Season 2, Episode 2: No Paper, No Peace

Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:22:36 +0000

The gang (nickname pending) is at it again, sent on their most dangerous quest yet: to make and hang up a sign in the copier room. Will they find out who is using all the paper? Will they be drawn further into the copy writers' plot to unionize? Will Maxwell betray them, or will a sweet, sweet spaghetti lunch await them at the end of their journey? Oh, the intrigue! In this Episode: Stuart grins and bears it Brube discovers she's too interesting Orlando gives someone a son-burn Hobe melts some ice and the gang battles The Immortal Trevor

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Season 2, Episode 1: The Two Big Cs

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 21:04:13 +0000

It's time for a new season of Desks & Dayjobs! In this episode, veteran office goof-ups Hobe and Stuart meet their new co-workers Brube and Orlando and take them on a mighty quest...to learn how to use some of the office equipment. Will they be able to complete this simple task? Or will they have to beat up on a machine?

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Episode 24: (Blank)ception

Thu, 09 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Our heroes have finally found the missing file, but will they make it out of the basement alive? You'll find out the answer to that question, and also hear some really great sound effect work in this, the final episode of this quest!

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Episode 23: Latte for Work

Tue, 28 Feb 2017 01:59:36 +0000

In this thrilling episode our heroes try to escape Gemstone Designs' terrifying boss...or maybe try desperately to make her like them. Will they resist their sycophantic urges and make it to the basement, or will Lorraine be forced to do something desperate?

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Episode 22: Raising the Steaks

Wed, 01 Feb 2017 23:14:37 +0000

With their new knowledge in hand, our heroes set off to the dreaded basement storage of NPC Inc. and make a bold demand for delicious, delicious burritos from Mr. Fukes. Will an evil-but-adorably-accented spirit keep them from a perfect lunch? Or will a detour through a hip office set their sights on a sexier prize?

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Episode 21: Safe & (Fart Sound)

Sun, 22 Jan 2017 00:33:53 +0000

Will our heroes be able to escape the "Lair of Pat"? Or will the promise of hidden treasure derail their mission? And what will they do when Pat returns to his office? Kill him? I hope not...he seems like a really nice guy...

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Episode 20: The Case of the Hidden Hint

Tue, 03 Jan 2017 23:36:27 +0000

The Zu Kru is back, and still on the hunt for the missing file and/or the dead body hidden somewhere in NPC Inc. Will they be able to stop their in-fighting and trouble making long enough to find the file in Pat Salamonie’s office? Or will they pretend to have guns and steal a bunch of Charleston Chews from a hobgoblin? Listen to Episode 20 to find out!

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Episode 19: The Stairwell of Broken Dreams

Thu, 08 Dec 2016 03:56:38 +0000

Will our heroes be able to navigate their way to the records department? Or will one wrong turn make them make a big ol' scene and get kicked out of the building? ALSO, apologies of the return of the weird clicking, but we have identified the issue and it will be fixed by the next episode.

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Episode 18: Merger Most Fowl

Tue, 22 Nov 2016 00:30:32 +0000

Our Heroes attend a meeting, torment an old foe, and try to solve a mystery that probably doesn't exist.

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Episode 17: Praline Lazarus & The Kingdom of the Crystal Eyelids

Tue, 18 Oct 2016 02:26:09 +0000

Episode 17: Praline Lazarus & The Kingdom of the Crystal Eyelids by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 16: Life is a Cat's Beret

Wed, 05 Oct 2016 02:32:16 +0000

Episode 16: Life is a Cat's Beret by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 15: Lightning Round

Mon, 19 Sep 2016 01:38:00 +0000

Episode 15: Lightning Round by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 14: Zip-Zappy, But Not Happy

Tue, 23 Aug 2016 01:40:56 +0000

Episode 14: Zip-Zappy, But Not Happy by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 13: Love & Lasers

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:38:25 +0000

Episode 13: Love & Lasers by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 12: Escape to Mt. Laser Dome

Sat, 23 Jul 2016 14:51:12 +0000

Episode 12: Escape to Mt. Laser Dome by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 11

Thu, 07 Jul 2016 23:33:46 +0000

Episode 11 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 10

Fri, 24 Jun 2016 00:45:30 +0000

Episode 10 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 9.5

Fri, 10 Jun 2016 01:30:28 +0000

Episode 9.5 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 9: First Blood

Mon, 23 May 2016 01:13:12 +0000

After testing their mettle in a battle for the conference room, the heroes encounter an old friend.

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Episode 8: The Egg

Wed, 04 May 2016 14:33:49 +0000

The heroes encounter a ritual and the Chosen One enters an egg with the CEO of Neebly.

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Episode 7: The Chosen One

Sat, 16 Apr 2016 18:11:54 +0000

Our heroes get trapped in an elevator, but reach heights they'd never dreamed of.

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Episode 6

Wed, 30 Mar 2016 16:04:22 +0000

Episode 6 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 5

Tue, 15 Mar 2016 23:57:16 +0000

Episode 5 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 4

Tue, 01 Mar 2016 00:45:50 +0000

Episode 4 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 3

Mon, 29 Feb 2016 00:08:22 +0000

Episode 3 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 2

Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:56:36 +0000

Episode 2 by NPC Incorporated

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Episode 1

Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:52:30 +0000

Episode 1 by NPC Incorporated

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