The Second Bat Guano War
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Creator: J.M. Porup on Podiobooks.com
Synopsis:
From former Lonely Planet author J.M. Porup comes this classic South American noir... Rats ate his baby daughter while he partied in a disco. Now Horace “Horse” Mann is a drugged-out expat teaching English to criminals in Lima, Peru. Oh, and doing the odd favor for the CIA. When his Agency contact, Pitt Waters, goes missing, Horse's desperate efforts to find his only friend lead him to a Buddhist ashram on the shores of Lake Titicaca. There Horse uncovers his friend's involvement with a group of Gaia-worshipping terrorists who want to kill off the human “disease” infecting the earth. Can Horse find his friend in time? And when he does—will he want to stop him?
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Episodes:
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:43:00 +0000
A rope pooled at my feet. Wicked view. Dude, you look frozen. Show some enthusiasm already. What's wrong? I'm on no one's side but my own. I'll drink to that. Front row seats to the end of the world. Guilty as charged. Hobbes would be delighted. Is this for me? Like spaying a stray dog. On the count of three. Well boo fucking hoo. And your own mother. There's guilt enough to go around. All your sins magically disappear? Sure fooled 'em good, eh? Quite likely. There is no clean slate. Bros forever? Fucking wuss. Finish it. Goodbye. Maybe even joy.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:31:00 +0000
Pitt was waiting for me. Snacks! Pitt? Or the world? A photo fluttered in my hand. I didn't ask for this. I am not ready. Necrophiliac pimps. The pain woke me. The final assault, bucko. There you are.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:27:00 +0000
Blow the world to kingdom come. How many people had died because of me? Something snapped. Incompatible with life. I taught him. Showed him. What monster of the deep had I awoken? It's not your fault. So sorry. Maybe I'm the one who'll push the button. Missed the banzai, sir. Something I have to ask you. I don't want you to die! You're our secret weapon. A fashion model. Please! Tell me about your feelings! This infection that's destroying Gaia. Are you crazy? We have burned in hell for long enough. Hush now. One way or another.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:17:00 +0000
Fast-forward. An Uzi appears in Victor's hands. Pitt need disappear. Conspiracy to commit first-degree Gaiacide. It was a job. Don't you see? That would have been an acceptable outcome. Remember Sergio Salazar? A deliberate red herring. There are worse things than death. What is he waiting for? What did you tell him about me? That's a low blow. What would she say if she knew? What if you could end the guilt? A high's no good without the gutter in between. There is one person whose forgiveness you must have.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:08:00 +0000
Hak Po? Kill. Hold your fire! We. Have. Not. A could of freshly dead vulcanologist. I didn't kill Lynn. This isn't a DSU case. Suppose I told you... The mouth of a volcano. That's a live feed, son. War's off, Horse. There faction of monks in Tibet. Why is that a problem? Big fault line under Salar. If Victor say, dynamite right spot...This transcends petty national interest. Want to watch?
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 05:01:00 +0000
Pitt is dead. It sinks in now. To friendship. It's not your fault. What's the worst thing you've ever done? Gooey. Is that what I am? Somebody sabotaged the engine. We could both die here. Is that lipstick? You wanted me to what? Touche. The motorcyclist filled the frame. Jumping jacks. This flare gun. Queen takes pawn. Have you lost your mind? Konichi wa! Will you let us have your jeep? Tanks! You make false assumption. And...action! Ten thousand suns going nova. End of the line, folks.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 04:43:00 +0000
Sprechen zie Deutsch? A cuckoo clock. You are Fritz? Go to Paraguay, my advice. Suicide mission. We want a jeep. World's highest ski resort. Kate was here? Empty the larder. 11:37 tomorrow morning. You know what you're getting yourself into?
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 04:33:00 +0000
The City of Rats. Can you handle this? On the bus the night before. Who was your loss? Haggling with a coca vendor. What then? Was it jealousy? Or just business? Calle de los Brujos! A butcher. More llama fetuses. Wee-skee! Colt .45 Peacemaker. Pay me so I can go! Why did you have to kill that guy? We find Fritz. We do not belong here.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 04:21:00 +0000
I think we got a problem. A high-pitched whistling noise. The boat threw itself onto the beach. Llama mothers. The van. Take a bus? As long as I kill one man first. The man I intend to kill. So you guys in or aren't you? Who is this Ambo? Bring a gun. Maybe a car battery. Destroy his career. Subanse. Bolivian immigration. Spotter. I don't think I'll ever sleep again.
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 03:56:00 +0000
I had my soccer-mom closure. What was Pitt's secret? Gentleman of the jury, the facts are simple. Time to go back to Lima. Aurora. You find your friend? I'm coming with you. Every general needs cannon fodder. You did this. This is real. This is happening. Maggoty cadavers lower property values for everyone, not just you. What war? Cover up the inconvenient truth. What war?
Sun, 09 Jun 2013 03:47:00 +0000
A Bolivian sister act in camouflage drag. Can you get us off? Everybody saw him. Disgraceful. The Escalera de las Incas. A Swede. You filthy pig! Do unto others, and all that. The fucking Finski. Boom. Looking for a friend. No passport? An unwanted party in my pants. We don't want your money, gringo. Only one body was left.
Fri, 24 May 2013 14:50:00 +0000
Across the lake on the island. One of those AK-47s. Goodbye. Kumbaya. And where is Kate? Fuck that. You saw the size of that bomb, Horace. The boat slid into the lake. Ever think that we could try again? Two Bolivian gunships. A Cubs cap.
Fri, 24 May 2013 04:11:00 +0000
The dinner hour. Have you seen Pitt? Is that what he told you. Vow silence, Michael. When you learn? The beach. Later. Cockroaches. Gaia will punish us. How she howled! What a seriously downer take on life. Cross the border. Let's party! Baby, what's going on? Two impotent monsters.
Fri, 24 May 2013 04:05:00 +0000
What do you know about bat guano? Chess. Maritime Day. The oil is running out. A plot. A war. Pitt had you kidnapped. The screams...they made me watch. Just one man, Horace. They want to kill each other? I say, let them.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:57:00 +0000
Mother Earth's in danger. Patience, Blessed Jonathan. Why don't you take some sacred sustenance? Let the Blessed Victor explain. Two percent. We have much to thank you for! A postcard.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:51:00 +0000
Right on time, Horse. Take your clothes off. I'm not CIA. Mister Pimples had burst. Do it, Gaia damn it! Six Buddhist monks. Llama fetuses. Ditch the van. A boat ride. Pitt Pitt Pitt! The welcome wagon plum forgot to teach you manners. I didn't come here to see you.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:41:00 +0000
Arriving in Cuzco. Call the police! The fuck, man? It's been how long? Come into my lair. Need a favor. A grave. Was this all there was? Dinner out. Wanna spit roast? A miracle. Come on, ya bloody pikers! Two train stations. A gun.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:33:00 +0000
You mean like a spy or something? Anticucho. A failed escape. The day I met Kate. Lili's grave.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:24:00 +0000
In Hak Po's frying pan factory. Special place I show. Bugs bad. A Coca-Cola. You no want me make you nice sausage? You drop button. Blackmail starts, it never ends.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:14:00 +0000
Are you threatening me? Hak Po. So what am I supposed to do about it? I was never very good at spelling. Whoever said life was fair? Do it for a bro. For a friend.
Fri, 24 May 2013 03:04:00 +0000
On a patio. Don't you never eat? Ceviche. Take a toke already! We need your help.
Sat, 30 Mar 2013 20:39:00 +0000
Have to. Stay. Awake. The rustic cabin. A salad shooter. Tomorrow's surfing. What the note said. By the light of the moon. What I am. Don't you ever knock?
Mon, 25 Mar 2013 22:06:00 +0000
A mutant grapefruit. Pretend? Or for real? Far out. Pimp my ride. A molotov cocktail. Red Cap.
Wed, 20 Mar 2013 04:00:00 +0000
The warden's office. Pitt is not your friend. How old am I? Guangzhou Higher Polytechnic. I have a rule. Do you really hate the world so much? Then God help us all. Melodramatic!? Get comfortable. Oh thank God.
Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:49:00 +0000
A friendly chat with a bucket. A length of heavy rope. Shower scene. A pair of snakeskin boots. It was Ambo. A swarm of ghosts. An unlooked-for reunion. Mom?
Sat, 16 Mar 2013 02:34:00 +0000
Volcanic Volunteers. Your parents called you Echo? No War For Ore. Gaia will never allow it. Wait, Paco? Rubio. A man on vacation. Picture of a lake. The arm bounced, fell back, lay still.
Sat, 16 Mar 2013 02:25:00 +0000
Yes, like that. He quoted Camus. You're so strong!
Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:06:00 +0000
The address. A woman in a niqab. Purple rabbit. His secret shadow. Cat on fire.
Wed, 06 Mar 2013 21:32:00 +0000
A picture and a postcard. What would Ambo say? Cat'o'nine tails. Bat guano. His what???
Wed, 06 Mar 2013 20:57:00 +0000
Anglo-Dutch Mining, Ltd. Ten tons of baggage. Shanti. Who deserves some pain?
Wed, 06 Mar 2013 19:13:00 +0000
Bros forever, dude? Welcome to Happy Frying Pan Store. Turned out he wasn't a liar.
Wed, 06 Mar 2013 04:05:00 +0000
English for criminals. Horse's camel toe. Lynn's problem. Scars.