Audio Fiction Dot C O Dot U K
A library of fiction podcasts, including audio dramas, books and RPG actual plays.

A Brief Conversation with My Hair



Synopsis:

A Brief Conversation with My Hair is a collection of short literary humor pieces that have been previously featured on such websites at McSweeney's, Yankee Pot Roast, The Big Jewel, Opium Magazine, and The Science Creative Quarterly. Some of the titles (which may give you an idea of the content) are: "The Calls of Cthulu", "All I Need to Learn, I Learned From Kindergarten Cop", "Diary of a Grocery Cart", "Dionysus: Party Clown", and "A Brief Conversation with My Hair". The forty-plus pieces in this collection find the bizarre in the everyday or some bit of the everyday in the already bizarre. If you ever wondered if Allen Ginsburg could have put his considerable talent to writing pay-per-click ads or how Calvin and Hobbes may have responded to reading Hemingway, you will find the answers here.


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Episodes:

ABCwMH 39

Fri, 08 May 2009 01:03:00 +0000

Last Episode - Interview with a Butler - Richie Rich's butler, Cadbury, has been through a lot with Master Richie. But now comes his most difficult adventure: being accused of murdering the young rich boy. And yes, this is the last episode. Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed the book. I'd love to hear your feedback - rbcarlin@gmail.com.

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ABCwMH 38

Fri, 08 May 2009 00:58:00 +0000

Dionysus: Party Clown - Dionysus loves to have a good time. He brings drink, food, fun and an up-beat attitude everywhere he goes. So, of course, Dionysus would make the perfect clown for your child's next party. Right?

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ABCwMH 37

Fri, 01 May 2009 01:09:00 +0000

I Am Glad My Childhood Dreams Did Not Come True - When I was a child, I wanted to be the Six Million Dollar Man. I also wanted to own a pair of x-ray specs and be able to use the force. Here's what would have happened if each of those dreams had come true.

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ABCwMH 36

Fri, 01 May 2009 01:05:00 +0000

So Now You're a Therapist - You've gone through years of high school, then college. Now you've finished graduate school and you're ready to get out there and begin your career as a therapist. But no one probably explained to you the importance of having frizzy hair and wearing scarves, huh? Everything you need to know is contained here.

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ABCwMH 35

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:28:00 +0000

The Coyotes... - The full title of this story: The Coyotes Who Sometimes Hang-Out in the Woods Near Frank Stellgard's Home. A tale of coyotes and beer.

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ABCwMH 34

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:20:00 +0000

Happy Birthday From The FutureĀ  - What will be the ultimate geek gift in the future? Sending letters to the past. Cool! But you need to be very careful or a quick divorce could be in your present.

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ABCwMH33

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 11:15:00 +0000

Two Very Short Pieces - Two short pieces: If Allen Ginsberg Had Written Pay-Per-Click Ads and There Must Be Fifty Ways to Heave Your Brother (or Seven, at Least).

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ABCwMH 32

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 11:11:00 +0000

The Gummy Bear Survival Guide - Gummy Bears: seemingly innocuous yummy treats. Or, Gummy Bears: scary and organized hordes with a deadly agenda. Don't take any chances, be prepared.

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ABCwMH 31

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:33:00 +0000

All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Kindergarten Cop - The 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Kindergarten Cop is actually a beautiful road-map for life. Who knew? Well, at least one person knew. And he will walk you through the distilled messages for changing your meager and boring life into something....something clearly less boring.

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ABCwMH 30

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:27:00 +0000

Today's AA Speaker: Mr. Tom Waits - If Mr. Waits is actually like the people he writes songs about, and he is currently sober, he would make a very interesting, dynamic, and kind of loopy AA speaker. Listen to his fictional pearls of wisdom here.

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ABCwMH 29

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:24:00 +0000

Magician Doug Henning Has Something on His Mind - Doug Henning was, at one point, the most famous magician in the world. He was the face of and spoke for the entire magic community. Times have changed. The world of famous magicians has grown. And, recently, magicians have made a resurgence into popular culture. Doug Henning has some thoughts about all of this.

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ABCwMH 28

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:15:00 +0000

Language Aquisition and Poopie - How does a infant gain the ability to create and use words? Is it from something embedded in our brains at birth? Do we learn it from social interactions? And, more importantly, where did my son learn the word "poopie"?

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ABCwMH 27

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:02:00 +0000

Charles Dickens' Bleak House, Starring The Gremlins - Masterpiece Theater presents something new. Something more modern than our usual stodgy, flat productions. We've brought back some famous acting talent from the 80's and matched it up the storytelling powerhouse, Charles Dickens. We present a new and renewed classic - Bleak House, starring The Gremlins.

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ABCwMH 26

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 01:49:00 +0000

Ferris Bueller Fills in for NY Times Magazine's The Ethicist - The New York Times Magazine's The Ethicist is out sick. Who do you get to fill in and to respond to the nation's need for clear, ethical guidance? Bueller...Bueller?

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ABCwMH 25

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:37:00 +0000

Gilgamesh Responds to Advertising's Biggest Questions - Gilgamesh, king of Uruk in Babylonia (2700 B.C.) has some thoughts on a few of advertising's biggest questions: Where's the beef? Is live or is it Memorex? And, can you hear me now?

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ABCwMH 24

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:31:00 +0000

Clouds: Important! - Clouds appear to be fluffy and benign. But, there is a lot more going on when it comes to clouds. Did you know that if you are not careful, they will swipe the water out of your glass? Its true. Listen to find out more.

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ABCwMH 23

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:40:00 +0000

A Brief Conversation with My Hair - My Hair was had quite a career. There have been many high points and many low. Our interviewer was able to grab a few minutes with My Hair and go through a brief career retrospective. Everything is revealed - the perm, the complete shave, and maybe even some cornrows.

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ABCwMH 22

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:23:00 +0000

Hierarchy of Needs for Parents - Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs certainly applies to people in general. But what about parents specifically? They have needs, too. So, they need their own hierarchy.

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ABCwMH 21

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 01:56:00 +0000

Some Suggestions for the Next Film in the George Romero Zombie Series - Dear Mr. Romero: we've really loved your zombie films. You've put zombies on the map and helped make zombies the current rage. So, here are some suggestions for taking your magnificent series into new directions, perhaps ways that are a bit "out of the box" even. I hope you enjoy! Love, A Fan.

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ABCwMH 20

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 01:50:00 +0000

An Interview with Old Man Last Year - Everyone loves to focus on the new and the young, especially when it comes to a new year. But what about the previous year? Here is an interview with the 2008. What is he doing now? What advice does he have for 2009? Does he even understand what is going on?

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ABCwMH 19

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:00:00 +0000

The Absent Adults of Childhood Favorites Speak - Charlie Brown's mother. The parent's of the brother and sister in The Cat in the Hat. Peewee Herman's father. These "absent" parents, and others, reveal their thoughts on their children and the antics we read about or watched as kids.

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ABCwMH 18

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 11:55:00 +0000

Sugar and Demon's: A Scientist's Field Notes - An infant spins around on a bed after consuming sugar. Is this due to the effects of the sugar? Or could it be demonic possession? A scientist investigates.

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ABCwMH 17

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Pay the Rent: A Solo Play Exploring Gender Politics - Pay the Rent is already a classic of modern theater. You remember the piece of paper folded accordion-style. The taunt dialogue: "you must pay the rent", "I can't pay the rent". Here is a re-imagined version that adds a crucial new character: the Sociology Professor with a concentration in Gender Studies.

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ABCwMH 16

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:12:00 +0000

Introducing: Baby Talk - One of the biggest frustrations that a parent can have is not understanding what your baby is trying to communicate to you. What if someone invented a product that could translate gurgles, squeaks, and spitting sounds into pure unadulterated English? Well, here it is.

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ABCwMH 15

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:17:00 +0000

Masters of My Domain: My Vices as Characters from Seinfeld - An homage to one of the best episodes of one of the best television shows ever. Oh yeah, and an homage to some of my "best" vices, too.

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ABCwMH 14

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:13:00 +0000

"I Sound My Chlorophyll Yawp": One of Whitman's Leaves of Grass Responds - Walt Whitman certainly has had a lot to say when it comes to examining blades of grass. Well, now one of those "leaves" responds. And in verse, to boot.

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ABCwMH 13

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:11:00 +0000

The Secrets of Parenting that No One Will Tell You - Parenting is a mystery. No one gives you a manual. Everyone has tons of advice. But there are secrets, too, about parenting that are known to only a few. Secrets that everyone should know. These secrets have been kept hidden...until now.

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ABCwMH 12

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:00:00 +0000

Parents as a Narcotic - Parenting can be difficult. It can be amazing. It takes hard work and dedication. It can be the hardest job you'll ever love to do. But did you know that parents can be a narcotic, too - creating a sedative-effect on everyone who gets near one. It's true. The facts are revealed here.

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ABCwMH 11

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:36:00 +0000

Three Very Short Pieces - Three very short pieces in one relatively short podcast: 1) How to Frighten the Grim Reaper; 2) Future Broadway Hits (now that Spamalot is a hit with straight males 18-35); and 3) The Music Mash-Up Phenomenon Expands: Some Suggested Movie Mash-ups

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ABCwMH 10

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:28:00 +0000

Hill Like Stuffed Tigers: Calvin Discovers Hemingway - When Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes, discovers the "real" man's world of Ernest Hemingway's writing, an obvious affinity is born. Of course, Hobbes may not be so happy about the wild game hunting part of Hemingway's world.

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ABCwMH 09

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 11:48:00 +0000

How Are You Doing? - The world has been waiting a long time for a simple guide on how to respond to the simple but common question - How Are You Doing? And as you will learn from this teaching tool, the best way to learn how to do something, is to first learn how not to.

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ABCwMH 08

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 11:44:00 +0000

The Calls of Cthulu - H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulu, an Elder God of the Damned, may be able to strike absolute terror in those who behold his terrible visage, but when it comes to operating a simple telephone, the Elder God finds life to be a bit more complicated.

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ABCwMH 07

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 02:55:00 +0000

Walt Whitman's Guide to Cooking for Bachelors - The great venerable poet, Walt Whitman, was a consummate bachelor. He also had a flair for rustling up some hearty grub. Mr. Whitman offers up his favorite cooking tips for all you modern-day bachelors. In verse, too!

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ABCwMH 06

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:55:00 +0000

A Life Reviewed: A Collection of Blurbs - What if your life was held under the scrutiny of a series of reviewers? Then what if those reviews were reduced to a bunch of blurbs? Well here is the author's life reviewed in this highly unlikely and silly scenario.

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ABCwMH 05

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 22:22:00 +0000

Living The American Dream - A rare example of truth being stranger than fiction - and possibly funnier. This collection of quick tales are my true brushes with famous people. And isn't that really the American dream?

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ABCwMH 04

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:13:00 +0000

Random Quotes on Fame and Nostalgia from the Cereal Monsters - It has been a very long time since Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo-Berry were at the height of their fame. Now in their golden years, they have the time and perspective to reflect on this period of their lives. How has fame and nostalgia affected the cereal monsters? They reveal the answers in their own well-considered words.

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ABCwMH 03

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:09:00 +0000

Summer of Sam I Am - A darker and scarier take on a childhood classic: Green Eggs and Ham filtered through the summer of the serial killer Son of Sam.

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ABCwMH 02

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:00:00 +0000

How to Write Your Own Proverbs - Most people hold a deep desire to write their own proverbs. Many also have no idea what they actually are. Your helpful and knowledgeable narrator will illuminate you on every aspect of the amazing world of proverbs, and even a bit more.

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ABCwMH 01

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Diary of a Grocery Cart - From its initial journey to a Piggly Wiggly in Penopshaw, Indiana to its final days lost in the swamp behind the store, we hear the daily musings of a very eager and earnest grocery cart.

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