Primary Attribute
262 episodes
(Actual number of episodes significantly different than number of episodes as recorded in database.)
Tell me about it.
Web <link> from RSS feed:
https://primaryattribute.com/series/primary-attribute/
Database link:
RSS Feed:
https://primaryattribute.com/feed/podcast/primary-attribute
Creator from RSS feed: Primary Attribute Cast
Database Creators: Primary Attribute
Synopsis:
Primary Attribute is a Castles & Crusades actual play podcast where our cast unravels the mysteries of Arx Moltimus, a mountain fortress that contains the last surviving city, as it flies through the sky above a world consumed by a supernatural corruption and attempts to hold out for just a little longer. Battles are fought, romances blossom, secrets are uncovered, and city infrastructure is maintained against all odds.
Language: English
Format: Audio RPG
RPG System: Castles & Crusades
Continuity: Longform
Writing: Improvised
Voices: Full cast
Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Maturity: Mature
Creator demographics: / Disabled / Female / LGBTQ+ / Neurodivergent
Content warnings: / Alcohol and drug abuse / Explicit language / Sexual content
Country of origin: United States
Not tagged: [Transcript]
Click here to update these tags.
Episodes:
223 – The Return of Skeleton Puppetry
Sun, 08 Feb 2026 04:04:03 +0000
The party's quieted down the city's core for now, and they even all lived to tell the tale. Unfortunately, being alive means they now have to do things like "make decisions" and "plan." Eugh. Maybe getting microwaved by magic would have been better.
Cool Vons plays "what's that smell?" Steamboat Willie tries to keep a friend out of trouble. Jyessi wants to know what's in a name. Wealdroa turns down valuable building materials. Grickx does a heroic level of peer review. OG Vons has a revelation.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 28 Jan 2026 08:01:00 +0000
The party is going to get this core locked down or die trying. Let's see which one they go with.
Cool Vons has that mid-air energy. Jyessi ponders reaction intensity. Wealdroa warms up. Grickx drives the magic bus.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. The diagram mentioned in our episode is up on the site for your viewing pleasure! Check it out at https://primaryattribute.com/core-concepts-maps/
Sun, 25 Jan 2026 00:01:54 +0000
The core proves resistant to the party's attempts to fix it, but they won't let a little magical bolt of energy here and there get them down! Unless it kills them. I guess they'd be pretty down if that happened.
Best not to get hit, then. Easy!
Jyessi slices and dices. Cool Vons does a flip. Grickx gives clear instructions. Wealdroa gets a little hug.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. Would you like some clarification on how the core is laid out? We got you! See this post on our site: https://primaryattribute.com/core-concepts-maps/
220 – Too Hard for The Great Squirrello?
Wed, 14 Jan 2026 20:49:17 +0000
Into the core! It's finally time to see the heart of the Arx, and what can be done to maintain it. It probably just needs a little spackle and some fresh paint, right? Maybe a dusting?
Grickx faces his greatest maintenance challenge yet. Wealdroa and gravity duel once again. Cool Vons bodyguards. Jyessi makes a breakthrough.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 08 Jan 2026 04:33:53 +0000
After finding out that The Great Wizard Dave has come down with a rather nasty case of skeleton-itis, the party gets ready to wreck his graduation orb. And possibly steal his bones. No respect, these people.
Wealdroa tries to resist peer pressure. Cool Vons infodumps. Grickx makes sure there's no pressure, man. Jyessi cuts the Davian knot. Steamboat Willie's cool out here. Original Recipe Vons sprays his sticky stuff all over everyone.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
218 – The Inevitable Kind of Surprise
Thu, 01 Jan 2026 00:53:36 +0000
The secondary facility is back online and it's time to find the Great Wizard Dave. And more importantly, meet back up with Grickx and Steamboat!
Grickx is back, baby! Vons finds a shiny. Jyessi knows how to talk to teens. Cool Vons wants to know what's hot and what's not. Steamboat Willie knows the rules of the game. Wealdroa tries to squeeze truth from a stone.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA023 – Solstice 2025!: A Bubble of Candied Whimsy
Thu, 25 Dec 2025 20:58:29 +0000
It's time for our 2025 Solstice Special! The party has a sweet cozy time on the Solstice where absolutely nothing goes wrong.
Just kidding. The CK would never let that happen!
Vons feels a little stiff. Jyessi gets an unenviable designation. Wealthy faces an old foe.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
217 – Oh No The Conses of My Quences
Thu, 18 Dec 2025 06:43:43 +0000
Each party member sees their reflection in the eyes of the Nonocculus. There's a brief moment of eye contact, where it seems the two sides of this fight might finally understand each other and find peace.
It shoots deadly magic at them, instead.
Cool Vons sets fire on fire. Wealdroa feels sick. Jyessi gets hype. Original Recipe Vons ponders parenting.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sun, 14 Dec 2025 22:16:55 +0000
The party tries to regroup, which is going to be tricky given three of the four of them are holed up behind barricades. Good communication is the only thing that can save them.
…They're doomed.
Original Recipe Vons makes some noise. Wealdroa pokes something with a stick. Jyessi needs to work on her scene framing. Cool Vons explains a classic.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
215 – There’s A Children’s Song Coming Closer
Fri, 05 Dec 2025 06:27:54 +0000
The dreaded creature gives chase! To one squad. The others, meanwhile, bravely take advantage of the distraction and keep exploring to figure this place out. Clearly equally perilous situations.
Weldroa goes down the hatch. Cool Vons has a very close encounter. Jyessi doesn't sugar coat the truth. OG Vons is an old man.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 29 Nov 2025 22:10:53 +0000
The split party moves swift and silent as they search the facility for clues on how to get it back up and running, all while being stalked by sinister creatures. Or, at least, they try to.
OG Vons tries to build a sense of safety. Jyessi hears a chorus cry out. Weldroa frets about friends. Cool Vons goes under the clothes.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
213 – Evil Glow In The Dark Stars
Wed, 19 Nov 2025 08:01:00 +0000
The party enters a place full of the signs of struggle, magic gone wrong, and death. Then a strange song drifts up from the depths…
Original Recipe Vons searches for a smackerel. Wealthy has a theory. Cool Vons finds a reference volume. Jyessi asks for directions.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 13 Nov 2025 04:16:35 +0000
The party arrives at the secondary facility and attempts to get inside. Easier said than done. I'm sure there's no good reason for these barriers. Or the written warnings. It's fine.
Wealdroa has a bone to pick with everyone. Cool Vons gets methodical. Jyessi does forensics. Original Recipe Vons finally finishes off Billy.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA022 – Halloween Special 2025!: Vons’s House of 1001 Spirits
Fri, 31 Oct 2025 07:01:00 +0000
It's our annual Halloween special! Vons is on the beach. The skies are grey, the rocks are alarmingly non-slick, and he has no idea how he got there. It begins to rain. But there's a familiar building nearby. Surely it's safe in there.
Vons tries a subscription model. Jyessi pushes a ball. Grickx knows pool as she is played. Wealthy sucks someone in.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. Given we did two episodes this week to make sure this was out for Halloween, there won't be a new episode posted next week. See y'all again on November 12th!
SA021 – Punch Buddies Club (Part 2)
Wed, 29 Oct 2025 07:01:00 +0000
We finish out Punch Buddies Club(house)! There is: a twist. Also, violence!
Vons only wants what's best for his buddy. Jyessi feels left out. Driving goes poorly for everyone. Gex is something beautiful. Philadelphia makes an appearance.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. Our Halloween episode should be out later this week!
SA020 – Punch Buddies Club (Part 1)
Wed, 22 Oct 2025 07:01:00 +0000
We're taking a quick break from our regularly-scheduled adventure due to irregular schedules! In its stead we present another fine Acting for your enjoyment. I'm sure you'll never guess what it is from the title.
Jyessi is defined by stuff. Vons is so cool he gives Cool Vons a run for his money. Lucky gives into player bleed. Gex has faith in people's critical thinking skills.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 17 Oct 2025 05:26:01 +0000
The party scrambles to secure the flooded crystal chamber as cracks in its magic core threaten a breach that could kill them all. All they have to do is kill the enemies threatening to crush them, fix several subsystems, try to pump out a few hundred thousand cubic feet of water, and make sure the core doesn't explode while they do it. Easy.
Steamboat Willie has spear-it. Vons sticks to tested solutions. Jyessi anticlimaxes. Weldroa attempts heroics. Grickx knows every bit helps. Cool Vons goes Looney Tunes.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 09 Oct 2025 03:49:52 +0000
Fights in whirlpools and on treacherous catwalks, forgetting to take care of yourself, extreme sports, and plumbing issues. It's like college all over again.
Original Recipe Vons finds an AOE sympathizer. Jyessi grooves to good vibrations. Steamboat Willie isn't a loon; he's a gannet. Weldroa gets Vons's good shit. Cool Vons cuts a lifeline. Grickx is The Great Communicator.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Bonus animal corner! Gannets are nuts!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8vaFl6J87s Loons are cute!: https://www.reddit.com/r/birding/comments/i2exvn/underwater_shot_of_a_common_loon_taken_while/ Both!: Are very good.
Sat, 27 Sep 2025 03:20:32 +0000
As they delve on towards the core, the party encounters a large room full of water. Historically, nothing bad has ever happened in these, so there's nothing to worry about. Oh wait, was that the highly-immersive sound of someone being pulled under the water???
Cool Vons pulls a knife. Weldroa embraces the Iron Age. Steamboat Willie drinks underwater. Original Recipe Vons shoots his shot. Jyessi makes herself the center of attention. Grickx definitely knows what he's doing.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA019 – The Number Grid (Part 3)
Sun, 21 Sep 2025 01:52:55 +0000
We conclude The Number Grid! With the lobby successfully conquered, Shades and Trio take flight to rescue Mephistopheles. Will the pair reach them before Agent Blacksmith can break them and get the access codes to The Narrows? Who will turn out to be The Guy? How far off the rails can the plot go in a single session? Listen to find out!
Grickx joins the rotary club. Jyessi gives critical feedback. Wealthy doesn't mind the gap.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA018 – The Number Grid (Part 2)
Wed, 10 Sep 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The Number Grid continues! The party is heading to meet Delphi and find out if Shades truly is The Guy. What will she see in his future?
Jyessi knows what's a thing. Grickx misuses cleaning equipment. Wealthy channels the power of anime. Vons has his mouth full. Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA017 – The Number Grid (Part 1)
Wed, 03 Sep 2025 07:01:00 +0000
We take a break from our regularly-scheduled delve towards the core to do an acting! Fan Favorite Gex directs as we tell the story of Mr. Grickx Koboldson, a simple computer programmer...
Grickx is like woah. Wealthy makes heart eyes at a professional level. Jyessi gives directions. Vons wears a white suit.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. Scheduling note: The Number Grid will run for about two more episodes and then we'll be back to the main story. We hope you enjoy the interlude!
Fri, 29 Aug 2025 05:16:58 +0000
Having finally mastered time itself (in a very specific way in a very small area), the party resumes their journey to the core of the Arx. It's time to regroup with the rest of their delve crew, cement their plans, and most importantly of all: figure out how to best transport the goat.
Steamboat Willie tries out for The Moth. Jyessi shows the wisdom of asking for help. Original Recipe Vons hears a brilliant proposal. Wealdroa thinks about hunger. Grickx knows exactly what he's doing. Cool Vons opens a box.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
207 – The Locker Room is Just a Cool Place for Dudes to Hold Hands
Wed, 20 Aug 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The temple has become unstuck in time, and the party's determined to fix it while also averting a potential apocalypse. It's all very stressful! At least there's snacks?
Steamboat Willie holds hands. Jyessi socially defaults. Cool Vons asks how someone's doing. Weldroa learns a new trick.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
206 – When You Sit on Somebody’s Face and They Just Won’t Shut Up
Thu, 14 Aug 2025 03:17:41 +0000
The party tries to puzzle out the mysteries of this dark and eldritch temple. Buttons are pressed, notes are taken, blobs are blorped, and more! They even hatch a plan to try and take advantage of this place's strange ways to not just survive, but thrive.
Steamboat Willie takes a side. Cool Vons leans on his charisma. Wealdroa falls down. Jyessi wins a race.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 09 Aug 2025 16:57:03 +0000
The temple is dark and deep and full of strange things. Mysterious crystals, collapsed passages, and an all-encompassing mist are just the start. The party isn't deterred, though. Let's see how they do.
Cool Vons feels around. Steamboat Willie pushes through. Weldroa uses the rubber band technique. Jyessi opens a drawer.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 02 Aug 2025 04:29:49 +0000
The party attempts to escape an anthill: part 2 in an ongoing saga. Including a couple more firelit hangouts!
Steamboat Willie falls with style. Jyessi's mom-senses are tingling. Grickx follows the leader. Cool "Baja Blast" Vons sees the signs. Wealdroa wants in. Original Recipe Vons attempts The Talk.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 26 Jul 2025 05:07:04 +0000
The ants have been defeated, at least for now, by the mighty power of bad smells. The party tries to find their way out of this anthill and back down towards the core. Tries.
Grickx asks the question everyone's been thinking about. Jyessi bumps a shoulder. Cool Vons assesses the damage. Weldroa wonders what happened to an old friend. Vons and Steamboat Willie catch some zzz's.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA016 – Sword Sprinter (Part 2)
Sat, 19 Jul 2025 20:52:32 +0000
It's time for the thrilling conclusion to Sword Sprinter! Our sword sprinters survived a construct attack and took down one suspect, with only an 80's-movie-acceptable number of bystander casualties, but they still have the remaining three to catch. Including the most dastardly of all: their ringleader, Mit.
Lucky considers the gravity of the situation. Vons brings an electric energy to the EDM scene. Wealthy coins a catchphrase.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA015 – Sword Sprinter (Part 1)
Sun, 13 Jul 2025 05:20:54 +0000
It's time for another acting! Whit takes the CK chair as we explore a dystopia... A *different* dystopia! Where a pack of rogue constructs is on the loose, and three of the best sword sprinters in history are brought out of retirement for one last case.
Vons notices the wrong thing. Wealthy definitely knows how to approach a suspect. Lucky goes off-script with her sympathies.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
202 – This is How You Get Ants
Thu, 03 Jul 2025 02:18:33 +0000
The party fights giant ants while perched precariously at the edge of a chasm. It must be a day that ends in y.
Vons has an unfortunate sleepytime. Steamboat Willie, in a shocking departure from party procedure, checks his firing angle. Grickx, in fact, dealt it. Cool Vons does a cool flip. Jyessi has basic food safety standards. Wealdroa teaches someone the magic word.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 28 Jun 2025 06:26:22 +0000
The party works their way deeper into the maintenance tunnels and finds strange passages cut into the stone. What could be on the other side? Will it be hazardous to life and limb? Safe and boring? Drive them mad? Take their lunch money?
At least it's a nice direct route.
Original Recipe Vons leaps across the depths. Steamboat Willie has an elegant shaft. Jyessi deflects. Cool Vons maintains formation. Grickx uses the Skate Park Editor. Wealthy has disastrous aim.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 20 Jun 2025 00:52:19 +0000
It's our 200th episode! We take a break from our regularly-scheduled adventuring to check the mailbag and answer the questions inside. Thanks for being with us for 200 episodes. We hope you join us for many more to come!
Ian makes everything sad somehow. Whit conducts the Question Ritual. Adam talks Skittles. Erin reflects on character contrasts. Kelly provides clarity on the matter of hypothetical guilt.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 11 Jun 2025 07:01:00 +0000
It's time to fight some ghosts! Well, some *more* ghosts! How many could there possibly be? Not that it'll be a problem. It's not like they're scary or anything.
Grickx weighs in on the eldritch vs. undead debate. Vons considers alternative medicine delivery systems. Wealthy lacks structure. Steamboat Willie handles the shaft of his slick spear. Cool Vons does a cool slash. Jyessi knows no fear.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
198 – I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost
Wed, 04 Jun 2025 16:00:30 +0000
The party starts their descent towards the mysterious core of the Arx. A path is chosen and final tactical decisions are made. Hopefully it'll be like every road trip: easy, fun, and nothing going wrong. That sounds like this game!
Vons doesn't learn from history. Steamboat Willie predicts disaster. Weldroa always makes things chunky. Jyessi knows how to get down. Grickx shows off a very special item.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
197 – Heavy Metal Meets Hard Rock
Wed, 28 May 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The party meets with Those of the High Mountains, a mysterious rock construct built by The Great Wizard Dave. They grill it for information about its creator, and it is very straightforward and helpful and not evasive at all.
Grickx clarifies. Cool Vons waves hello. Steamboat Willie conducts a chill hang. Original Recipe Vons brews a concoction cornucopia. Jyessi asks probing questions. Wealthy plays it cool.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up! Want to have your questions answered or comments considered on the show? Drop us a line at letters@primaryattribute.com or use the Send Us A Rat form on our website!
196 – Get In Loser, We’re Going Shopping
Fri, 23 May 2025 05:10:15 +0000
It's time for some upgrades! The party picks out new gear in preparation for their long delve to the core. Will they pick wisely?
Jyessi's heart protects her. Original Recipe Vons learns how to make a hole. Steamboat Willie puts on a dance belt. Cool Vons gets ready to be the coolest kind of sneaky. Wealthy chooses the weirdest potion. Grickx is all natural, baby.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up! Want to have your questions answered or comments considered on the show? Drop us a line at letters@primaryattribute.com or use the Send Us A Rat form on our website!
195 – Group Therapy With Wealdroa
Wed, 14 May 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The party circles up and decides which big world-ending problem they want to address first. Or maybe they can Have It All and fix everything at once? Dare to dream!
Cool Vons aspires to an archetype. Jyessi keeps the peace. Wealthy praises someone's utility. Grickx packs light. Original Recipe Vons believes in getting support where you can.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up and you should write us letters! You can use the Send Us A Rat form on our website, or email us directly at letters@primaryattribute.com
Wed, 07 May 2025 21:16:24 +0000
The party re-enacts Stand By Me and goes through the woods to see a dead body.
Cool Vons knows a great shortcut. Wealthy attempts a daring rescue. Original Recipe Vons shows normal climbing is a sucker's game. Grickx knows safety is an illusion. Jyessi has maxed out Visual Calculus.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up! You should write us a letter! letters@primaryattribute.com
Wed, 30 Apr 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The party makes plans to go dramatically rescue Wealthy. Meanwhile, Wealthy quietly gets a bite to eat elsewhere on the Arx.
Cool Vons swallows his terror. Wealthy covers things up. Vons delineates creatures and ingredients. Steamboat Willie remains unconscious. Jyessi calls in backup. Grickx has a schedule to keep.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up! Write us letters and send them to letters@primaryattribute.com, or head to our website and use our Send A Rat form. They may be (will likely be) read on air!
Wed, 23 Apr 2025 07:01:00 +0000
We interrupt your regularly-scheduled programming to find out: What did Jyessi, Original Recipe Vons, and Grickx get up to while Wealthy and co. were out in the storm? It couldn't have been nearly as nuts as everything outside. They probably partook in only the finest art and educational activities, edifying themselves as they waited patiently for the all clear.
Jyessi breaks genre conventions. Vons offers to steal a child. Grickx floods a living room.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Our 200th episode is coming up! You should write us a letter at letters@primaryattribute.com with questions, favorite moments, or whatever else tickles your fancy. We might (read: will probably) read it on the show!
Wed, 16 Apr 2025 07:01:00 +0000
We discover the aftermath of the bloody battle. It's fine. Everything's fine. Definitely. Yep. It has to be. Right?
Wealthy's fate is revealed. Cool Vons travels there and back again. Steamboat Willie channels a sack of potatoes. Everyone is very patient with the POV split, and the CK is very grateful.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryttribute.com
Wed, 09 Apr 2025 07:01:00 +0000
Hey everyone, there's no new episode this week! We had some scheduling snafus and weren't able to record as originally planned. However, this just means you have some free time to get in touch with us for our 200th episode! Give us your questions, your comments, your praise, your good-natured teasing! You can write to us at letters@primaryattribute.com, or head to our website where you can use the Send Us A Rat link to submit via a rat-tastic form.
If you're craving something to listen to this week, might we recommend our backlog? If you're new, episode 179 - Bad News Beers or episode 001 - Civil Service for Fun and Profit are a great place to start off. If you're a seasoned adventurer, you could revisit some of our favorites, such as: - Ep 119 - Mr. Regretful (with Mikey Neumann!) - SA004 - Halloween Special 2022! - SA002 - Halloween Special 2021! - 59 - Tentakitten's Day Out - XA01 - Welcome to Fomalhaut, the first episode of our 13-episode sci-fi spinoff series!
Thanks for being such great listeners, and we look forward to seeing you next week.
As always, you can check us out online at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 02 Apr 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The fight with the Emissary of the Corruption charges towards its exciting conclusion! The party does their best to Just Say No to dying, even as they're already beaten, bloody, and exhausted. Their dedication is admirable. But dedication doesn't guarantee results.
Steamboat Willie powders his snout. Cool Vons has an exit plan. Aramythe takes a second look. Wealthy loses control.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Also, our 200th episode is coming up! Send us your comments, questions, snarky jokes, whatever you like to letters@primaryattribute.com
190 – A Metal-As-Hell Pegasus With Its Wings On Fire
Thu, 27 Mar 2025 05:25:00 +0000
Negotiations have broken down, mostly due to fireballs. The Corruption takes exception to this behavior and makes its displeasure known.
Wealthy goes airborne. Cool Vons gets tactical. Steamboat Willie renounces his privilege. Jyessi, Grickx, and Prime Vons probably have a very nice time off-camera.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Also, our 200th episode is coming up! Send us your questions, comments, wild conspiracy theories, and/or heaping piles of praise! Email us at letters@primaryattribute.com
Fri, 21 Mar 2025 04:41:52 +0000
The party attempts diplomacy with a giant corrupted creature wielding a sword taller than most people. It's a bold move, I'll give them that.
Cool Vons does a cool slide. Steamboat Willie channels the Big Dog shirts of his youth. Wealthy shares a hypothesis. Jyessi plays lockdown games. Grickx gets an odd feeling. Vons has a scheduling conflict with the shoot.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. You can check out the SNL sketch we mentioned here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmd1qMN5Yo0
Wed, 12 Mar 2025 07:01:00 +0000
The party is hunkered down against the storm outside, but they can't stay in one place forever. Half the party tries to find the other half. The other half makes a break for it.
Steamboat Willie is ready to go pro. Cool Vons gets a grip. Wealthy yells "representative!" at the customer service line. Grickx cashes in on clout. Vons is basically Coco Chanel. Jyessi messages her spouses.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
187 – The Historians, the Archaeologists, and Me
Wed, 05 Mar 2025 08:01:00 +0000
The party puts on the Steamboat Willie Rescue Fun Time Revue! One portion of the party tries to escort him down the mountain, the other tries to go up to meet them, and the CK tries very hard to avoid talking to themselves.
Cool Vons pokes at pottery. Steamboat Willie sees a bird. Wealthy sneaks a peek at a diary. Grickx and Jyessi awaken. Prime Vons still slumbers.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 28 Feb 2025 21:39:56 +0000
The party tries to find each other during a treacherous lockdown, winding their way through the wilderness of caves and old maintenance tunnels in the top portion of the mountain. But certain creatures have made their home there, and won't make it easy for them.
Steamboat Willie finds a fish. Wealthy pulls a Superman. Cool Vons is bashful. Grickx, Jyessi, and Vons sleep.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 19 Feb 2025 15:30:17 +0000
The party pulls together as Steamboat Willie takes flight with his handmade glider. They're the sort of friends that you can call at 3 a.m. for help and you know they'll come...right?
Steamboat Willie touches the heavens. Vons snoozes. Grickx lives out a fantasy. Cool Vons goes out on the town. Jyessi piles in. Wealthy hears something.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 12 Feb 2025 08:01:00 +0000
It's time for the party to decide how to spend those valuable hours between the end of the work day and slumber. Maybe they'll work out and do the dishes? Or go to the library to learn about abhorrent magical practices. That works too.
Vons has disparaging opinions about children. Grickx listens to the needs of the people. Jyessi asks a big question. Cool Vons spreads the good word about corn. Wealthy takes clear notes. Steamboat Willie gets some fresh air.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 06 Feb 2025 03:49:29 +0000
The party works hard to do a good job on Grickx's first day as the new Overseer of Engineering. It's time to learn the ropes, see if the previous person left behind any good snacks in their desk, and read the employee handbook. And learn terrible secrets!
Vons pressgangs himself into service. Jyessi gatekeeps. Cool Vons learns the meaning of character. Grickx manages managing. Wealthy sweeps the room for bugs. Steamboat Willie gets creative.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
182 – Prison Politics Pipeline
Thu, 30 Jan 2025 06:18:13 +0000
The party gets back together, and Grickx reveals his master plan to deal with the pressures of his new position. Everyone is suitably impressed and has no doubts at all. Oh, and it's time for a certain long-awaited introduction…
Grickx prepares to zag on 'em. Cool Vons bullrushes illiteracy. Jyessi dares to do better. Vons brews beautifully. Wealthy dresses up. Steamboat Willie goes out on the town.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
Wed, 22 Jan 2025 08:01:00 +0000
While Grickx cools his heels in a jail cell, the rest of the party goes with Agent Pearl to get the down low on what's been happening on the Arx since they left. Turns out, it's quite a lot.
Grickx welcomes visitors. Vons notices the missing piece. Jyessi embodies a side table. Steamboat Willie theorizes on the physics underlying the universe. Cool Vons (Gatsby) gets up to speed. Wealthy checks on old friends.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 15 Jan 2025 20:01:00 +0000
The party's tragically split between drinking, reuniting with loved ones, and getting arrested. Life tests us all in different ways.
Wealthy insists she's got it handled. Gatsby compares and contrasts. Steamboat Willie notices something is missing. Grickx is the bigger kobold. Vons attempts introspection. Jyessi writes a note.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 08 Jan 2025 08:01:00 +0000
Welcome, new listeners! This is the start of a new arc and we've done our best to include recaps and extra context so you can jump on here without needing to archive binge. We hope you enjoy the ride.
The party makes it back to the Arx after a slightly wonky teleport, and it's time to figure out what's happened there in the three months since they went to the ground. They head for the Fermenting Fox, Vons's brewery, to catch up. Hey, why does everyone look so sad?
Vons reunites with his sister. Grickx goes for a quick run. Gatsby gets a new nickname. Steamboat Willie confuses people. Wealthy smells something pleasant. Jyessi gets snuggles <3.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 01 Jan 2025 08:01:00 +0000
As the party heads back to the Arx, they also level up! In this episode, we go through new hit die, spells, and abilities, with lots of tangents along the way. We hope you enjoy it, and please come back next week for the start of a new arc!
Check us out online: We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA012 – Primary Attribute Presents: A Touch of Magic (Solstice Special 2024!)
Wed, 25 Dec 2024 08:01:00 +0000
It's time for our 2024 Solstice Special, everyone! This year, we join Wealthy as she heads back to her childhood home for the holiday with family and friends. She's not feeling the spirit of the season, but maybe with a little help from her friends (and a touch of magic) the solstice spirit can bloom anew.
Wealthy vows revenge. Steamboat Willie thinks information is ethically neutral. Jyessi lifts, bro. Vons explores novel methods of snow redistribution. Grickx deals with broken glass. Gatsby is a good match.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. On January 8th we'll be starting our next arc as something like a new "season," with a few short primers and extra efforts made to help people who haven't listened before get into the story. Our goal is to make episode 179 a point for new people to hop on, so we hope you enjoy it and share it with anyone you think might like the podcast!
XA13 – So Long, and Sorry to All the Fish
Wed, 18 Dec 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The crew's made their decision, risking their credits and careers in the process. Now to see if they made the right call, doomed themselves, or if the situation spins wildly out of control in a brand new direction!
Dr. Rae submits a paper. Damir sends email. Paul has a business proposition. Oz reveals his dark past.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
Sat, 14 Dec 2024 20:08:56 +0000
The party's tried their experimental cure on one subject, and now it's time to see how well it works on Shad. Fingers crossed.
Jyessi keeps a watchful eye. Vons eats nachos. Grickx counts the seconds. Wealthy remembers her training. Gatsby and Steamboat Willie observe.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 04 Dec 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The crew is being threatened by eco-fascists! Who are also asking for the crew to trust them? These negotiations are off to a fantastic start.
Dr. Rae tries to mind meld with a rock. Damir decides on the death penalty. Oz hears the harmony of the spheres. Paul just wants to get paid.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
The story Adam mentioned was "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bison. You can check it out here: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
177 – Feeling Up the Situation
Sat, 30 Nov 2024 02:16:06 +0000
The party makes it back to the lab and it's time to do research! Half the party immediately decides research is Not For Them and wanders off to do something else.
Steamboat Willie explains what's in a name. Gatsby gets under under someone's skin. Jyessi has a discrete locker room conversation. Vons does Science! Wealthy also does Science! Grickx does Even More Science!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
XA11 – Where There’s a Willis, There’s A Way
Wed, 20 Nov 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The crew gets the planetoid moving back towards useful space. Do they have a plan to stop it once it's there? Eh, one thing at a time.
Paul's legend grows. Dr. Rae asks for peer review. Oz channels Scully. Damir introduces a new ISO standard unit.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
176 – Metal That Looks Like Lace
Thu, 14 Nov 2024 06:01:10 +0000
The party sets out to thoroughly explore the valley, and they find a long-forgotten place.
Wealthy uses her GE credits. Steamboat Willie doesn't need directions. Green Day Vons looks behind something. Grickx interprets. Jyessi makes connections.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 09 Nov 2024 07:04:23 +0000
The crew is set to retreat to safety with the miners in tow. One of them does something incredibly stupid instead.
Paul forgets to mute his mic. Dr. Rae gets a 10 from the Russian judge. Oz wins at a crane game. Damir brings out the classroom TV cart.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
SA011 – Halloween Special 2024!
Wed, 30 Oct 2024 07:01:00 +0000
It's spooky season once again, and that means it's time for our Halloween special! The party finds themselves not where they're supposed to be, with their bodies transformed. The solution? Candy!
Grickx summons a horde. Jyessi makes people uncomfortable with basic facts. Wealthy sees a picture. Vons weaponizes water.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 23 Oct 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party's finally made it to their goal: a hidden valley teeming with bee colonies, where they can get the honey they desperately need for their attempts to cure the Corruption. They just need to find a way inside.
Steamboat Willie gets +2 to Cool. Jyessi pokes at something with a stick. Wealthy is driven mad by mysteries. Grickx throws a rock. Green Day Vons proposes a practical method of finding traps.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
XA09 – Slurping the Worm Juice
Wed, 16 Oct 2024 07:01:00 +0000
It's on to the labs and the mining site, and the crew tries to stay sharp as the stress burrows into their minds. Much like a barnacle might burrow into their organs if they drop their guard for even a second!
Oz has a big heart. Paul makes a problem for Future Paul. Damir loses a piece of themselves. Dr. Rae gets unsettled by core samples.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
174 – Discombobulating Diplomatic Relations
Sat, 12 Oct 2024 05:08:55 +0000
The party approaches the temple in Eddaru looking for answers (and maybe snacks). All they have to do is ask the right questions.
Green Day Vons finds something familiar. Jyessi has a nervous breakdown. Grickx demands a simple answer. Steamboat Willie is presumably present. Wealthy takes charge and it rules.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 02 Oct 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The crew arrives at the infirmary to find scared miners who are desperate for help. They, of course, handle it with professionalism and in no way embarrassingly undermine their own authority.
Damir technically gets repaired. Dr. Rae has his research rudely interrupted by patients. Paul takes the scenic route rather than turning around. Oz thinks saving people should take priority over corporate interests, like a weirdo.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
Wed, 25 Sep 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party has to take out the roc before it makes off with Wealthy in its clutches!
Jyessi takes a dust bath. Green Day Vons is thirsty. Grickx gives someone a ride. Steamboat Willie throws his sword. Wealthy hits 0% charge.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sat, 21 Sep 2024 06:03:53 +0000
The crew catches their breath in the administrative offices and plans what to do next. It's a shame no breather can last forever. They push on towards the infirmary, and all the dangers along the way.
Damir calculates acceptable losses. Oz gets gripped. Dr. Rae knows corporate policy. Paul scrapes the paint.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
Sun, 15 Sep 2024 01:45:57 +0000
The party faces down a roc, a hawk so enormous it eats horses as a snack. They're each significantly smaller than horses, so it'll probably just ignore them or be unable to catch them. I'm pretty sure that's how that works!
Jyessi gets slimed. Grickx does some fancy flying. Steamboat Willie provides first aid. Green Day Vons tries not to stab anyone he's not supposed to. Wealthy deals with a rich dude ignoring her contributions.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 04 Sep 2024 07:01:00 +0000
Barnacles have invaded the mining base, and the crew heads in to rescue whoever they can! With varying degrees of enthusiasm.
Oz gets spray foam everywhere. Damir makes someone depressed. Dr. Rae says a slur. Paul struggles with doors.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
171 – More Sahara, Less Arizona
Wed, 28 Aug 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party pushes forward into the desert in an attempt to lose the Corrupted closing in on them. They're going in with just the gear they have on them, and deserts are famously unforgiving places. How will they fare?
Green Day Vons has opinions about religion. Steamboat Willie shares and cares. Jyessi grabs a quick bite. Grickx isn't so sure about higher powers. Wealthy has a restless leg.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 21 Aug 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The crew works on jury-rigging a giant fusion reactor into a fusion engine, and makes plans to go examine the alien ruins. Are both dangerous? Absolutely. But what's life without risk?
Dr. Rae faces resistance. Damir provides enrichment. Oz picks up and drops rocks repeatedly. Paul freshens up.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
170 – Steamboat Willie Rains Terror From Above
Wed, 14 Aug 2024 07:01:00 +0000
Split into pairs and isolated among the watchtowers of the port, the party struggles to fight Corrupted creatures without their usual backup. They'll have to think on their feet to get out of this one!
Grickx slaps. Jyessi gets double-teamed. Green Day Vons puts his new skills to use. Wealthy makes swiss cheese. Green Day Grickx goes roofing. Vons presumably sits on a boat?
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
XA04 – Anything But the Metric System
Wed, 07 Aug 2024 07:01:00 +0000
Attack of the killer space barnacles! The crew fights back with bravery, wits, and guns. Okay, *one* of those. Guess which one!
Damir vibes out. Paul ponders Schrödinger's walker. Dr. Rae prioritizes. Oz does his job better than the rest put together.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute
Wed, 31 Jul 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party sails on towards Aea. Just a little further and they can finally get back on land, as long as everything goes smoothly. Don't jinx it. Wait, what's that in the ocean?
Vons has a capital idea. Wealthy seeks calm. Greenday!Vons goes for a swim. Grickx leads from knee height. Jyessi lifts someone by the ankle. Greenday!Grickx channels the itsy bitsy spider.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
XA03 – Don’t Lick the Space Cucumber
Wed, 24 Jul 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The crew are beat up, along with the Martell. That won't keep them from getting in a smaller, more-delicate ship to venture onto an alien world that's exiting the system! They have to stop it, after all, and how hard can wrangling a rogue planetoid be?
Damir pops their elbow. Oz suits up. Dr. Rae overpacks. Paul works as fast as he can.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com (or https://primaryattribute.com/xeno-attribute/ specifically for Xeno Attribute!)
Fri, 19 Jul 2024 00:30:41 +0000
The party leaves the island life behind and heads out onto the ocean in their quest for Aea. The high seas grant time for self-reflection, bonding, and being consumed by terrible fears. How relaxing!
Wealthy becomes an acrobat. Jyessi takes a long look. Vons compares forms of government. Grickx leaves an island behind.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
XA02 – Backrubs and Amphetamines
Wed, 10 Jul 2024 07:01:00 +0000
We rejoin the crew as they face down an onslaught of meteoroids threatening to smash the ship into stardust. There's tricky piloting, weapon firing, and even taking calls!
Damir transcends bluetooth. Oz pew pews. Dr. Rae analyzes tactically. Paul has a need for speed.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 03 Jul 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party's back together! They can finally put all this parallel universe nonsense behind them...or can they?
Grickx does some fine tuning. Vons is Eagle Scout-level prepared. Jyessi tries to show a friend the error of their ways. Wealthy gets some under-the-shirt action.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
Wed, 26 Jun 2024 07:01:00 +0000
Welcome to Xeno Attribute! It's a spinoff podcast GM'ed by Whit. With a mix of old and new players, we dive into some working-class space horror! Nothing will go wrong!
Today we meet the crew of the Martell as they're briefed on their latest job, a simple cargo run to a mining outpost in the Fomalhaut system. I'm sure it will stay simple. I'm sure nothing is going to eat our faces off.
Oz brings the banter. Dr. Rae nominally has an accent. Paul drinks a refreshing beverage. Damir gives a well-studied fist bump.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 19 Jun 2024 19:22:05 +0000
Wealthy struggles to cast the spell that can bring her back home. The rest of the party tries to align the universe just right to make it possible. There's a surprising amount of blood involved.
Wealthy rides in a sailboat. Grickx dials interuniversally. Vons liberally applies lube. Jyessi flexes on a problem.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 12 Jun 2024 07:01:00 +0000
In one universe, the lion's share of the party dives back into the underwater ruin and finds a promising lead. In the other, Wealthy looks inwards to have a consequential conversation.
Wealthy misses seed cake. Grickx comprehends a machine. Vons allocates scarce resources. Jyessi makes a long-distance call.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 05 Jun 2024 07:01:00 +0000
In the prime universe, the party grapples with the consequences of Grickx opening a box. In the other universe, Wealthy tries to fight off an assassin. It's a bad day for everyone, honestly.
Wealthy tests the effects of magic on kevlar. Grickx grabs a rubber. Vons puts himself in sharp relief. Jyessi gets her gun.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
163 – The Silence of the Shrimp
Sat, 01 Jun 2024 00:16:17 +0000
The party plunges into the ocean depths in their search for a way to get Wealthy back. Wealthy shops for tchotchkes and meets a mysterious stranger.
Wealthy remembers something. Grickx goes disco. Jyessi finds a sconce. Vons gets a pet.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 22 May 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party in the prime universe is struggling to figure out what to do next to get Wealthy back. Meanwhile, in the double-prime universe Wealthy debates the best convenience store snacks and goes on a road trip. Clearly she's in grave danger!
Grickx engages in nontraditional spellcasting. Vons philosophizes about himself. Jyessi teaches zoology. Wealthy combusts.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 16 May 2024 04:58:36 +0000
The party's still split across the planes, desperately trying to get Wealthy home. Vons, Grickx,and Jyessi dig around for a solution. Meanwhile, Wealthy gets in some light cardio.
Jyessi says the magic words. Vons communicates, in theory. Grickx finds a new shiny. Wealthy visits a park.
Want more background on the setting of Wealthy's current adventures? Check out our 2022 Halloween Special here: https://primaryattribute.com/podcast/sa004-halloween-special-2022/
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 08 May 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The majority of the party brings the fight with the ooze monster to a shocking conclusion. Meanwhile, Wealthy goes to a diner.
Vons is unstuck in time. Grickx isn't tired. Wealthy becomes a metalhead. Jyessi climbs a tree.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
159 – Ain’t Nothing Wrong With Quantum Leap
Wed, 01 May 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The fight with the terrifying tentacled ooze monster continues to continue, despite everyone's best efforts. Meanwhile, Wealthy goes on a fun road trip.
Wealthy casts a new spell. Grickx gets tricky. Vons makes like a tree. Jyessi does what Jyessis do best.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
158 – He’s Gorgeous, Thank You
Wed, 24 Apr 2024 14:04:46 +0000
The majority of the party continues the fight against a powerful monster made of ooze and demon skeletons. It goes *really* well for everyone. Wealthy learns more about the plane she’s found herself in.
Jyessi gets vacuum sealed. Vons observes. Grickx gets into the swing of things. Wealthy sees a friend.
Check us out online! We’re at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 17 Apr 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party's separated, one stranded on another plane as the other three hunt down a dangerous monster as part of a deal to save her. It's hard to tell which is more dangerous: a giant terrifying shapeshifting ooze monster or the emotional minefield of waking up in a strange universe where you're vividly confronted with the ghost of past tragedy.
I might go for the giant ooze monster, honestly.
Jyessi looks at a blade of grass. Grickx fist bumps. Vons climbs a tree. Wealthy joins a call.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. The title of this week's episode is sourced from the poem "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath.
Wed, 10 Apr 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party ventures further into this magma-filled cave, finding piles of gold and treasure out in the open for the taking. Sitting above it all, however, is a truly gorgeous urn. They should check it out...
Grickx hums. Wealthy lays down in a field. Jyessi wields a dagger. Vons distrusts physical currency.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 04 Apr 2024 00:16:18 +0000
In their quest to rid Wealthy of the creature infesting her bloodstream, the party ventures into a mysterious cave near the abandoned village. Fun fact: the ominous glow at the bottom of the stairs? Not just mood lighting!
Wealthy snuffs someone out. Jyessi stomps on her shield. Vons goes inside the minimum safe distance. Grickx shows that chaos beats flame.
Check us out online! We're https://www.primaryattribute.com
154 – Contract Law Simulator 2024
Wed, 27 Mar 2024 07:01:00 +0000
Wealthy stomps off into the swamp, leaving the rest of the party behind still asleep in their bedrolls. It's the middle of the night, and she's following people with torches, strange robes, and animal skull masks. I bet they're going to have a killer LAN party! Probably going to play Halo and everything! I know *I'm* jealous.
Wealthy finally lets someone in. Jyessi cuts deep. Vons nabs a strange sample. Grickx uses the highly advanced technology of fire.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 20 Mar 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party settles down for an evening in the abandoned village and tries to get some sleep. They're shortly disturbed by creaking noises out in the dark. Let's investigate, gang!
Grickx coos comfortingly. Jyessi shares her nickname. Vons makes cookies. Wealthy is led into temptation.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 13 Mar 2024 07:01:00 +0000
The party ventures out to explore the island and check for any Corruption presence along the way. Treacherous terrain, strange animals, and mysteries await!
Jyessi runs book club. Wealthy backs away from feathers. Vons tries to save versus hug. Grickx spots something with the setting sun's last light.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 06 Mar 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The party's defeated the kraken, but they're not safe yet. The ship is taking on water as the storm continues to hammer away. Will they manage to save the ship? Or do they get to figure out just how long they can swim?
Vons feels the pressure. Jyessi finds a perfect match. Grickx pitches. Wealthy is a beacon of hope.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA010 – A Bit Of Light Reading
Thu, 29 Feb 2024 05:16:53 +0000
(The cast has had a lot of Life Stuff happen all at once recently, which has affected our recording schedule. So no standard episode this week, though fear not, those will be back soon! Instead we offer some fine, fine bonus content for your listening pleasure.)
Once upon a time, an old elvish man with a very sharp mind and very poor relationship-building skills gave his granddaughter an assignment to compare two books. As he did, the universe tipped slightly, causing a single ball-bearing to roll off of that plane of reality, tumble through the endless void, and reappear at a very different time and place, where it promptly hit a certain Castle Keeper in the head. This inspired that CK to be a super-nerd, and actually write these in-universe books. Back in the original universe the process by which the books were filled was invisible, except maybe to the gods, or a creature named Gex. He's odd like that.
Now you can benefit from the CK's nerdery by enjoying the texts of two in-universe books, "The Aean Logbook" and "Kylandril: A Primer and Survey." The information in both has been underpinning the party's decisions for a while, and now you get the full context. There's tales of derring-do, weird date systems, societal division, and footnotes! Something for everyone. Probably.
We hope you enjoy!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 21 Feb 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The party battles a kraken on the high seas! Dives are done dramatically, swashes are buckled, and ships are battered and broken. Also: cephalopod snuggles!
The Great Squirrello gets caught up in personal problems. Wealthy makes an opening. Vons practices proper potion safety. Jyessi wrangles a rodeo stunt. Grickx does some cetacean creatin'.
Check us out onine! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 14 Feb 2024 20:01:00 +0000
The party arrives and Harper's Fleet and tries to negotiate passage to Aea. Their great and fearless leader pops in to help.
Jyessi leaves her sea legs in her other pants. Grickx does a polar bear swim. Wealthy tangles with her old nemesis, gravity. Vons tries to make calamari. Squirrello regards fish with appropriate suspicion.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 07 Feb 2024 20:01:00 +0000
The party goes off to find Harper's Fleet. They just have to take care of a few things before they leave. It goes about as smoothly as it does for most of us.
Vons packs magic snacks. Grickx is ready to goooooo. Wealthy gets a health check. Jyessi's just so excited to be here.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 31 Jan 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The party engages in some pharmaceutical testing. Or they will, if they can find their way back to base. Orienteering is hard!
Vons causes immeasurable sadness. Grickx ruins a door. Wealthy turns down a prime offer. Jyessi hears something coming.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 26 Jan 2024 01:41:00 +0000
The party works on plans for a new base and attempts to subdue a dangerous corrupted creature caught in their cunning trap. There's daring! There's danger! There's logistics!
Jyessi uses a specialty tool. Grickx ties the knot. Wealthy suffers the Air Bud precedent. Vons makes draft picks.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 17 Jan 2024 15:07:18 +0000
The party made it down to the ground, and now it's time to do research! And learn what the ocean smells like!
Jyessi takes in the view. Grickx offers a ride. Wealthy doesn't think through all the angles. Vons feels secure.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 10 Jan 2024 08:01:00 +0000
The party's beat up as hell, Grickx is a popsicle, and they're not sure what to do next. But there's a shiny object nearby! They should look at that.
Grickx takes a deal. Wealthy finally uses her history lessons. Jyessi sets some boundaries. Vons doesn't learn.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 03 Jan 2024 08:01:00 +0000
It's time for the party to head back down to the ground, and that means traveling through the maintenance tunnels and caverns below the city to reach a teleportation circle. The real question is: how many Arx-OSHA noncompliance tickets will they file before they get there?
Vons takes decisive action. Jyessi does a press-up. Wealthy flaps her hands. Grickx is a chill dude.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA009 – Solstice Special 2023!
Wed, 27 Dec 2023 08:01:00 +0000
It's time for our 2023 (Winter) Solstice Special! The party's been cursed with some last-minute gift shopping, and things quickly get even more complicated than the usual weighing of potential jail time versus your child's disappointment as you knife fight over the last Playstation.
Grickx ruminates on loofahs. Vons engages in some 1st grade science. Jyessi points at a child. Wealthy does some flashy baking.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 20 Dec 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party encounters a prospective member! Will they recruit this new person? Or will the episode be a shaggy dog story? Ooh, the fake suspense!
Grickx designs a game. Wealthy makes some space. Vons struggles with personal bias. Jyessi corrals children.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 15 Dec 2023 05:11:29 +0000
It's time for the party to engage in everyone's favorite activity: mourning! They're going to throw a wake for Aracyne. And read the letters she wrote them in case of her death. Cheerfulness all around!
Vons goes climbing. Grickx works the room. Wealthy gets support from an unlikely source.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
P.S. Ian feels the need to let y'all know the title is referencing this song by Radical Face: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR3AvvGr28Q
140 – Looter? I Hardly Knew-er!
Wed, 06 Dec 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party watches to see if even more familicide is in the cards tonight, conducts a cover up, raids a place for documents, and tries to do some emotional processing. Big night!
Vons goes through someone's bag. Grickx provides an excellent Acting. Wealthy endorses a statement.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 29 Nov 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The aftermath of the shipyard battle is a giant tangled mess, and it's up to our party to help detangle it. Or make the snarl worse. One of the two. There's no way Inspector Pearl will regret letting them get involved.
Grickx is difficult. Vons assumes a certain kind of relationship. Wealthy gives a much-needed hug.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
138 – Anyway, Here’s Mirrorwall
Wed, 22 Nov 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party's back together as Wealthy and Grickx return to the secret shipyard to save Vons, who's a little tied up at the moment. An altercation ensues. Illusions abound, missiles are magic'ed, and Vons pursues an old lady. No, not that kind of pursue.
Grickx ramps up. Vons has fun with foam. Wealthy makes an unfortunate discovery.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 15 Nov 2023 08:01:00 +0000
Wealthy and Grickx are cold and lost, and Vons is held captive by some truly awful people. They need to find a way out of their dire predicaments, and that might require some drastic measures.
Grickx knows what a creek is like. Wealthy relinquishes legal authority. Vons calls on a friend.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 08 Nov 2023 15:11:28 +0000
Shit gets real.
Aracyne challenges authority. Grickx practices poor fire safety. Vons makes a pamphlet. Wealthy takes a leap of faith.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA008 – Halloween Special 2023!
Mon, 30 Oct 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party wakes up to find the Arx abandoned and slowly falling to the ground. It's not ideal! So they set forth to fix things and get the Arx back to normal, with the help of the most magical substance of all.
Grickx laps up some milk. Wealthy gardens aggressively. Aracyne has an Entrapment moment. Vons blows someone's mind.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
135 – Tinker, Tailor, Alchemist, Spy
Wed, 25 Oct 2023 07:01:00 +0000
Scheduling Note: Keep an eye out for our Halloween special, dropping on Monday next week!
The party goes to rescue Wealthy from her precarious hiding spot in a giant scary secret shipyard. They just need to find the shipyard. And her. And get her down. And slip in and out of a highly secure area without anyone noticing. Easy!
Grickx gets tricky. Wealthy pines for snacks. Aracyne turns on the waterworks. Vons would like to leave now, please.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com/
134 – The Episode About Nothing
Wed, 18 Oct 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party takes a little time to chill out and do a little bonding. The plot surely can't find them and wreck their day. Right?
Vons actually contributes to his business. Grickx tries to find a cart. Aracyne has some Girl Talk Time (tm). Wealthy takes a peek.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 11 Oct 2023 07:01:00 +0000
Honey (somewhat) obtained, most of the party goes to visit Wealthy's parents. Meanwhile, Grickx turns illusions for cash.
Vons follows his nose. Aracyne advocates. Wealthy has an old favorite book. Grickx works on branding.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 04 Oct 2023 08:14:53 +0000
The party is going to do some NERD stuff. Reading! Research! Entomology! Also they visit some BEES.
Vons tries to take a nap. Wealthy send a parental missive. Aracyne drops some names. Grickx furthers his quest to Quarkdom.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:09:01 +0000
It's time to engage in a little corporate espionage! The party is determined to obtain the now-buried research done by Bjartell's back in the day. Will it be a cunning break-in? A con job? A time loop caper???
Vons takes on a stony countenance. Wealthy threatens someone. Grickx wants to be included. Aracyne hangs out with her boyfriend's ex.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 20 Sep 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party tries to chase down more sources of honey, which involves talking to everyone's favorite person: Nara! Also Vons gives a presentation to a room of politely interested people.
Aracyne loans a handkerchief. Wealthy follows along. Vons asks for volunteers. Grickx dodges the question.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 13 Sep 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party decides on a direction for their research efforts as they attempt to find a cure for the Corruption. It immediately devolves into arguments about milking bees. Or juicing them. It gets weird, is what we're saying.
Vons has creative entomological ideas. Wealthy talks shop with a shopkeep. Aracyne tracks down an acquaintance. Grickx is down for ground bees.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
128 – Dark Beginnings (Corruption Myth Redux)
Wed, 06 Sep 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party...doesn't show up in this week's episode! :O
We realized that the Corruption's creation myth a few episodes back was presented in a really confusing way. So this week we're bringing you a hopefully-clearer and expanded version of the myth. This will also be the version Grickx received, retroactively, so all the player characters have this same information going forward.
We'll be back with a standard episode next week. We hope you enjoy the show!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 30 Aug 2023 08:34:26 +0000
The party levels up! Twice! We take a little breather to power up everyone's characters and get ready for the next arc of the campaign now that they've made it back to the Arx.
Vons chooses mobility over being good with his tongue. Aracyne is able to take a few more hits. Grickx dreams up a new business opportunity. Wealthy learns how to be Big Brother.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 24 Aug 2023 06:59:00 +0000
The party's finally in a position to do some Science! Time to see what they can learn about how to treat the Corruption. Maybe they'll discover something previous researchers didn't...
Aracyne leads a deep breathing exercise. Wealthy keeps everyone in line. Vons knows that the gods gave him two perfectly fine spreaders already. Grickx has a list and he's checking it twice.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
125 – Third Arx Convention, Section 3.1, Article 17
Wed, 16 Aug 2023 07:01:00 +0000
*Content Warning*: Discussions of torture and non-consensual medical experimentation.
The party pauses and realizes there might be some ethical issues with their master plan. Debate ensues.
Aracyne doesn't see the problem. Grickx is solutions-oriented. Vons wants to preserve his customer base. Wealthy takes a stand, and it's incredible.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 09 Aug 2023 18:33:20 +0000
The party keeps exploring the underground settlement they've found themselves in, and ponder asking the well another question. Oh, and panic about Grickx's unconsciousness. There's also that.
Grickx uses a quill. Aracyne breaks the news. Wealthy administers first aid. Vons finds a tasty snack.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
You too can finally see the Wells for Boys sketch! Follow this link to unlock the sacred knowledge of what the hell we're talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BONhk-hbiXk
Wed, 02 Aug 2023 07:26:49 +0000
We take a moment to dive inside Grickx's mind in a special episode! He's going to solve his own insanity, brought on by his psychic contact with the Corruption, or die trying. Hahaha, the CK wouldn't actually kill him if he died in his mind, right?
...Right?
Grickx irrigates some dirt. The CK gives at least one confusing lore dump. Vons, Aracyne, and Wealthy all hang out off-camera playing cards or something.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
Wed, 26 Jul 2023 07:16:23 +0000
The party heads out from the hidden village to recover their satellite lab teammates and get down to studying the Corruption. It's just a few days travel through the woods. Surely nothing interesting or unexpected will happen. What is this, some sort of collaborative improvised narrative?
Grickx wells well enough. Vons gets annoyed at an interruption. Aracyne opens a door in a really cool way. Wealthy takes charge.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 19 Jul 2023 16:03:23 +0000
The party spends some time exploring the village nestled away in the narrows, hidden from the Corruption that roams the earth. It's a chance to tell stories, trade information, and finally find someone as grossed out by the idea of eating insects as Erin is.
Wealthy cooks an onion. Vons gets an F in basic physics. Aracyne knows politics ain't easy. Grickx shares a sobering maintenance report.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 12 Jul 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party has been safely guided by Jelsum Squab to a hidden village in the woods that has somehow survived the corruption all these years. Now it's time to make new friends. God help them.
Vons eyes market expansion. Aracyne has a limited social vocabulary. Grickx growls grumpily. Wealthy needs a towel.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
119 – Mr. Regretful (w/ Mikey Neumann!)
Wed, 05 Jul 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party's rested up after their brush with death fighting off the swarm of corrupted creatures that nearly discovered their base. Now they go to keep an appointment, and see if perhaps they aren't so alone on the ground after all.
Please welcome our special guest, Mikey Neumann! He's hella cool and you're all going to have a great time with him this episode. We know we did recording it. :D
Vons violates a burn ban. Aracyne has a type. Wealthy gets guts everywhere. Grickx discovers what's more valuable than gold. Jelsum is going to get everybody killed.
Thank you again to Mikey Neumann for guesting on this episode! Please go check out his wonderful work: The Filmjoy Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/filmjoy Twitter: https://twitter.com/FilmJoyMedia Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/movieswithmikey
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
118 – Leave Your Friends Behind
Wed, 28 Jun 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party contends with a swarm of corrupted creatures that could find their secret base any second. They review their cunning plan before bursting out into the fray to save the base and themselves. But no plan is flawless, and it looks like not everyone might be saved after all.
Um...have fun?
Grickx takes a peek. Vons gets sticky all over the place. Wealthy wields a wizard's wand. Aracyne screams.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Fri, 23 Jun 2023 17:09:21 +0000
Our party is reunited, just in time for everything to be terrible. At least they can face it together! All they need is a cunning plan, and perhaps a new haphazard device or two...
Wealthy volunteers for a scary thing of her own volition. Aracyne gets an answer. Grickx creates a new communication protocol. Vons is back, babyee.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 14 Jun 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party's holed up in an extra dimensional space and has six hours to figure out what to do about the army of shadow creatures outside or they're toast.
Tick tock.
Grickx sits on a bench. Aracyne sticks an eye out. Wealthy reminds everyone she can cast more than Magic Missile. Vons gets some on-camera time!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 07 Jun 2023 13:47:05 +0000
The party's captured one of the corrupted creatures and now tries to make good their escape. They have to outrun a tireless army through unfamiliar territory. It's a lot, but they're determined, and that counts for something.
Aracyne yeets. Wealthy fails to wake someone up. Elara makes small talk. Grickx takes a hell of a risk.
Check us out online! We're https://www.primaryattribute.com
114 – Mugged, Rugged, & Bugged
Thu, 01 Jun 2023 06:52:00 +0000
After managing a successful retreat from the seaside fortress, the party regroups and tries a new strategy to corner and capture one of the Corrupted creatures. Scouting parties are arranged, traps are set, and Wealthy is questioned about her relationship status because she can never have a moment's respite.
Wealthy blushes hard enough to start a fire. Grickx throws some glitter. Elara engages in Schrodinger's flirting. Aracyne gets axed.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
113 – Full-on 90s Broad Comedy
Wed, 24 May 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party's quickly learning that exfiltration is a whole skillset unto itself. Luckily they're good at learning on the job, because shit's about to go sideways.
Grickx gives a spanking. Aracyne does her best to be inconspicuous. Wealthy gives in to low-brow humor. Elara falls.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
112 – Battle on the Battlement
Wed, 17 May 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party's in a sticky situation, but as long as they keep their heads about them and stay stealthy they might be able to get out of this. Maybe. I'm sure it'll all go smoothly. But if it doesn't, they can just go full action movie. You can't lose, dear listener!
Aracyne shows an opponent a shortcut. Wealthy quintuple taps, just to be sure. Elara has a mean right hook. Grickx wappity wap waps.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
111 – A Simple Scouting Mission
Wed, 10 May 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party finally makes it to Reinyalango, and start their recon operation. There's only so much they can do from high up on the cliffs surrounding the city, however, and soon they decide to do a quick infiltration to get some better intel.
Aracyne learns knife safety is more difficult when you're invisible. Wealthy wants to cut the cord. Grickx explores mechanophilia. Elara and gravity have a minor disagreement.
Vons is probably safe and sound while he's off camera. Probably.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Thu, 04 May 2023 03:34:28 +0000
It's not every day you find yourselves in a divinely-hidden village where the sun is shining and there's no Corruption to be found. The party handles it the way they usually do: heavy drinking and suspicion. Would you have it any other way?
Wealthy doesn't have any secrets. Elara blurs some boundaries. Grickx shows off his magic wand. Aracyne's wiles are of no use. Vons suffers a contract violation by not getting a scene.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 26 Apr 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party's established their base camp on the ground, so now it's time to go out on their very first expedition! A romp down to a town by the sea, what could go wrong? It's not like the world ended or anyth--oh, wait.
Vons thinks traditional equipment is overrated. Aracyne passes notes in class. Grickx guides the invisible hand. Elara makes the opening credits. Wealthy finds a really weird place to pee.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 19 Apr 2023 07:01:00 +0000
Having reunited with Professor Jenkins, the party sits down to ask him a few questions. And have more tea. Tea is important.
Vons talks about a dream he had once. Aracyne questions a daring action. Grickx plans a road trip. Wealthy takes the lead.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
107 – The Truth About Professor Jenkins
Wed, 12 Apr 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party, along with their mini army, have a little sitdown with their new hosts to ask a few questions. Everything promptly gets...complex? Complex. Let's go with that.
Aracyne has tea. Vons finds a nice place to sit. Wealthy sees an old friend. Grickx chills.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
106 – Blinding Light in a Dark Place
Wed, 05 Apr 2023 07:01:00 +0000
The party descends into a dark hatch on a corrupted planet to an uncertain fate. Beats going to work.
Vons throws some dirt. Aracyne sticks her head through something. Grickx perceives the truth of reality. Wealthy's reputation precedes her.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 29 Mar 2023 07:01:00 +0000
It's the big day! The party heads down to the ground, beneath the storming clouds, away from everything they know and love, to try and find Professor Jenkins. Somebody's desperate for co-author credit.
Grickx demonstrates why they banned lawn darts. Vons pushes pills. Wealthy struggles to be brave. Aracyne sticks, branches, and trunks the landing.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA007 – Episode 105 Special Preview!
Wed, 22 Mar 2023 07:01:00 +0000
Hey everyone! This is the second week of our two week hiatus from full-size episodes. To tide you over, please have this fun little preview of our next episode, 105, where the party is going to make it the ground or die trying.
I'm sure they'll be fine? Yeah, let's go with that.
See you next week!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primary-attribute.com
Wed, 15 Mar 2023 07:01:00 +0000
Hey all, we're taking a quick two week hiatus to rebuild our recording buffer and give ourselves a bit of a breather after life came at a few of us quite fast lately. There won't be a full-sized episode this week or next week, but we didn't want to leave you high and dry. So here's a gift, just for you! A chunk of our conversation as the players leveled their fine characters up to level six!
If this doesn't sound like your jam, fear not: we'll be including the bullet points basics of their level up at the start of our next main episode. This version however, has dice rolling, HP increases, and debate about which spells to select. So if you're in for some peeking behind the scenes we're here for you. :)
Stay tuned next week when we'll release a little trailer for our next full-size episode!
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
104 – Corkboards Equal Legitimacy
Wed, 08 Mar 2023 08:01:00 +0000
While the party rounds up their allies and makes final preparations for their expedition to the ground, Vons takes some time to chase down an investigation that's near and dear to his heart.
Vons hits a piece of metal. Wealthy calls on a friend. Aracyne has questions about a totally random dagger. Grickx tempts a dragon.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
103 – Lying to Authority: Two Case Studies
Wed, 01 Mar 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party's interrogation by security continues while Vons pursues the greatest treasure of all: files. Knowledge? Knowledge files.
Aracyne acts like a horror movie monster. Wealthy suspects she has a problem. Grickx has an idea for an art project. Vons takes a conversation down so many cul-de-sacs the GMs brain overheats.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 22 Feb 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party's been detained by Arx security and has to figure out just how they're going to handle a tough interrogation about their recent activities. A couple of them have big surprises in store...
Grickx alphas. Wealthy plays it cool. Aracyne lays it on thick. Vons pokes around some shelves.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 15 Feb 2023 08:01:00 +0000
Having met one of the city's most experienced engineers, the party gets into doing what they do best: badgering someone relentlessly until they get what they want. They also ride an elevator!
Vons thinks (and drinks) fast. Wealthy pokes a door. Aracyne runs some tests. Grickx can't believe this bullshit. Everyone loots the room.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 08 Feb 2023 08:01:00 +0000
It's our 100th episode! To celebrate, we answer questions from our wonderful listeners in our very first mailbag episode. Get ready for some sweet behind the scenes insights, hints at future developments, and answers directly from the characters in addition to the players.
Thank you all so much for listening. We're looking forward to making it to episode 200 with y'all, and beyond! :)
Adam brings the beer knowledge. Erin has some opinions about Gex. Kelly reflects on evil cars. Whit has some modest plans for Grickx's future. Ian can't take a compliment.
Check us out online! We're at www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 01 Feb 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party faces down a brightly lit room. Lucky for them, blinding light has never, ever, EVER been a sign that something bad was about to happen. Ever. Especially when there's magic crystal cores involved. It'll be fine, and definitely no one will get hurt at all.
Aracyne stars in a facial cleanser commercial. Vons asks an important question. Grickx encounters a big red button. Wealthy thinks someone's a jerk.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
098 – Swolopus Solves the Hole Problem
Wed, 25 Jan 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party starts their delve into the deepest maintenance tunnels to try and recover hazardous-environment suits. There they encounter their natural predator: a ledge. How will they best it this time? Will there be rope? Will there be...rope MATH?
Grickx finds help in chaos. Aracyne reties a knot. Vons supervises. Wealthy pulls off an amazing trick.
Please note that this is *not* coming out before we record episode 100 (I was wrong in the bit moved to the stinger section), so we can't accept any more questions for that episode. We'd still love to hear from you, though, and we will read your messages on air in a future episode!
If you want to check out Castles & Crusades, the Player's Handbook is currently free on DriveThruRPG! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/307737/Castles--Crusades-Players-Handbook--Fiction-BUNDLE
You can also get the Player's Handbook AND Monsters and Treasure, everything you need to play the game, for free on Troll Lord's site! Player's Handbook: https://www.trolllord.com/tlgstore/#!/Players-Handbook-7th-Pr-Digital-FREE/p/89198209/category=11639170
Monsters and Treasure: https://www.trolllord.com/tlgstore/#!/Castles-&-Crusades-Monsters-&-Treasure-3rd-Printing-Digital/p/195477571/category=11639170
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 18 Jan 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party gathers allies to go to the ground, comes up with more of a plan, and even asks for advice. They'll need every advantage they can get to survive this, and they plan on doing it right.
Grickx plays darts. Wealthy comes face-to-face with a wolf. Vons has a stiff drink. Aracyne doesn't know why she likes someone.
You have only a few days left to submit your letters for the 100th episode! Mail us at letters@primaryattribute.com, contact us through any of our social media, which are listed on www.primaryattribute.com and at the end of the show, or send us a rat through the form on the site. You don't even have to be caught up. :D
Check us outline! We're at www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 11 Jan 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party digs into what the ground's like before they head out, and explores options for (relatively) safe transportation. They also start looking into possible defenses against The Corruption, and maybe even researching a cure.
Grickx goes to the archives. Wealthy thinks about the weather. Aracyne learns about fancy preppers. Vons is vindicated.
Our 100th episode mailbag is drawing close! Submit questions to us at letters@primaryattribute.com, via sending a Rat through our website, or on our social media. They can be for the cast or the in-world characters, and no question is too small, too big, too silly, or too serious. Data is still be gathered on maximum sauciness content.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
095 – What Do You Pack for a Suicide Mission, Anyway?
Wed, 04 Jan 2023 08:01:00 +0000
The party's decided to go to the ground, so now it's time for them to do everything they can to make sure it's not a one way trip. Wacky wizards, building gear from scrap, and being threatened by a scary old man are but three of the challenges they'll need to face to get ready.
Grickx gets a location marked on his map. Wealthy bravely asks for someone's contact info. Vons conducts a survey. Aracyne asks a straightforward question.
Write in with your questions for our 100th episode! You can reach us at letters@primaryattribute.com, or on any of our social media (linked on our website). There's only a couple weeks left to get yours in, so chop chop! No question is too big, too small, too weird, or too basic.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 28 Dec 2022 14:43:14 +0000
The party has some downtime and reviews their progress, picks at loose threads, and starts to make a good plan to do a normal chill thing that definitely isn't dangerous or scary at all. Crimes against god(s) are also considered.
Grickx edges towards Terminator. Aracyne starts her invite list. Wealthy provides collateral. Vons won't take wiener for an answer.
Shoutout to Jo Ladzinski, who's @LadzWriting on Twitter!
Send us your questions for our 100th episode mailbag! Email letters@primaryattribute.com, or you can send a message through the form on our website or any of the social media we're on (links also on our site).
Check us out online! We're a https://www.primaryattribute.com
SA005 – Solstice Special 2022!
Wed, 21 Dec 2022 08:01:00 +0000
It's our second Winter Solstice episode! Yay!
On the longest night of the year, the party finds that the children of the Arx aren't getting their presents. So our heroes leap into action to save the Solstice, even if it means negotiating with their most hated enemies. For the children!
Aracyne sings a little song. Vons is decked by boughs of holly. Grickx invents a terrible beer. Wealthy brings down the house.
Our 100th episode is coming up and you should send us questions for the mailbag! You can write us at letters@primaryattribute.com, send us a rat through the form on the website, or message on Twitter @primeattribute, on Facebook at facebook.com/primaryattributepod, or on Tumblr at https://primaryattribute.tumblr.com.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Extras and Bonus Notes
- The Doug podcast Ian and Erin are referring to is The Funnie Papers: https://thefunniepapers.podbean.com
- There is a peppermint sour out in the world, though it sounds better than what we propose in this episode: https://untappd.com/b/marble-beers-ltd-raspberry-hibiscus-and-peppermint-sour/3391523
093 – The Old Man and the “See?”
Wed, 14 Dec 2022 08:01:00 +0000
The Maefynwes have their confrontation about Aracyne's adventuring and certain set of skills. Everyone else has to awkwardly overhear it in the next room. And then: long late-night chats! It's like a slumber party, except not at all like that.
Wealthy uses her word of the day. Vons remembers to read his sign. Grickx pitches a business idea that scales well. Aracyne damages the finish.
Reminder that our 100th episode is coming up and we'd like to do a mailbag segment! Write us at letters@primaryattribute.com, reach out to us on our social media, or send us a rat through the form on our website. No question is too big or too small, too strange or too straightforward.
Check us out online! We're at https//www.primaryattribute.com
092 – Research and An Explosion of Sorts
Wed, 07 Dec 2022 15:00:36 +0000
Sometimes you just want to have a nice day of research and then something comes along and ruins it. Deadlines, books being checked out, erroneous citations, someone fucking up on accident… There's all sorts of thrilling possibilities!
Vons gets in the gravy. Wealthy's really out of it, man. Grickx delves into the secrets of the soul. Aracyne watches things fall apart.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 30 Nov 2022 08:01:00 +0000
During an apocalyptic storm the party turns to the true struggle: answering an unsolvable philosophical question being asked by a cold, calculating, terrifying patriarch. Honestly, they might rather be back outside. At least killing that shadowy giant bird was straightforward. Sort of. Maybe that's where the secret passage leads, if they're lucky.
Grickx mismeasures. Wealthy gets carried. Vons goes outside his specialization. Aracyne goes downstairs.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Wed, 23 Nov 2022 08:01:00 +0000
The storm still rages outside and traps the party in the Maefynwe estate, a gilded cage if there ever was one. Full of treacherous snakes. Elf snakes? Snelfs?
They'll have to play it cool and keep their wits about them as they bond with the elder Maefynwes and try to find out everything they can about their mysterious motives. Snacks and secrets must also be found. Snacks are important, and secrets are part of a balanced breakfast!
Grickx just fucking goes for it, and it actually works, to the CK's disbelief. Vons shows that reading really does open new doors for you. Wealthy gets left alone. Aracyne can't believe what she's seeing.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Sweet Russian 6 Pack gameplay can be viewed here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yergSkyASwE
Wed, 16 Nov 2022 08:12:47 +0000
The party holes up at the Maefynwe estate as the storm howls outside and the lockdown continues. They might be stuck, but there's an investigation to do and with a little ingenuity they could crack the case and find Professor Jenkins. Or destroy a bunch of expensive stuff. Or both!
Grickx is the host with the most. Wealthy turns on Find my Friends. Vons has a million-gold idea. Aracyne tries to follow a map to her grandfather's heart.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
088 – The Redistribution of Wealthy
Thu, 10 Nov 2022 05:57:40 +0000
Crammed into a small emergency bunker after barely escaping the storm with their lives, the party tries to figure out what to do next. Meanwhile, they search for more tolerable long-term shelter, and the lockdown drives them to get at each others' throats.
Wealthy doesn't want to go, but she can't stay here. Vons has a stirring conversation. Grickx looks for a sublet. Aracyne gets punchy.
Check us out online! We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
087 – Falling is a Free Action
Wed, 02 Nov 2022 07:01:00 +0000
On the outside of the Arx during a howling storm, the party tries to take down an enormous bird-creature made of shadow that falls off of it like smoke as it threatens to shred the party to pieces. On top of that it already has Vons in its grip, Wealthy's having a little bleeding out trouble, and there's a bunch of civilians around. Because nothing can ever be easy, it seems.
Aracyne picks up a feather. Wealthy comes back to herself. Vons mends something right into the ground. Grickx saves the day.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com
SA004 – Halloween Special 2022!
Wed, 26 Oct 2022 07:01:00 +0000
It's time for our second annual Halloween special! We're old enough to have annual traditions now! Aaaaaaa!
Wealthy wakes up. Things go downhill from there.
Wealthy is trapped in a metal box. Wealthy is tied down. Wealthy is trapped in a metal box. Wealthy hears singing. Wealthy is trapped in a metal box. Wealthy doesn't know how she got there. Wealthy is trapped in a metal box. Wealthy is blinded by light. Wealthy is trapped in a metal box.
Wealthy is utterly alone.
Check us out online. We're at https://www.primaryattribute.com
Boring copyright stuff: "Holiday / Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day is (c) 2004 Reprise Records. Please don't sue us for using a short clip.
Wed, 19 Oct 2022 13:13:16 +0000
The party risks life and limb as they try to find Grickx on the outside of the Arx during a storm. Through driving rain, harsh winds, and killer corrupted creatures, nothing will stop them from reaching their friend. Hopefully.
Grickx taunts a bird. Vons gets a grip. Aracyne only has one knife. Wealthy drops something.
Read 'The Most Dangerous Game' (1926) by Richard Connell. https://gutenberg.ca/ebooks/connellr-mostdangerousgame/connellr-mostdangerousgame-00-h.html
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 12 Oct 2022 12:58:08 +0000
The brewery opening is derailed! Grickx fights to get himself and his patrons back inside the Arx after lockdown while the rest of the party fights to get out of the locked down Arx to go find Grickx. They bring along enough NPCs to make the CK blush. We lose track of Gex, the hero of the story.
Wealthy grapples with gravity. Aracyne is just a little tipsy. Grickx doubles down on dragons. Vons keeps it together.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 05 Oct 2022 13:48:09 +0000
Note to new listeners: Hey, if you're new this is like the start of our Season 2, if we did seasons! This or the previous episode are solid jumping off points if you don't want to binge the archive. The previous episode would be the cold open and this would be the first scene of the season proper, if that helps you choose.
We join the party at the brewery's grand opening! They're level 5 and nothing can stop them from slinging beers and finally getting introduced to some of their allies in the revolution. Also, dragon rides!
Grickx wants you to know it wouldn't be the same without you. Wealthy plays a dangerous game. Aracyne wingwomans. Vons doesn't look like a cop.
Content Warning: There's some alcohol-related peer pressure in this episode. No worries if you gotta skip it because of that <3
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
083 – All Dream Copse are Bastards
Wed, 28 Sep 2022 07:01:00 +0000
Note to new listeners: Hey, if you're new this is like the start of our Season 2, if we did seasons! This or the next episode are solid jumping off points if you don't want to binge the archive. This would be the cold open and the next episode would be the first scene of the season proper, if that helps you choose.
We catch up on Vons's dreams during the time skip! It's all fluffy clouds and rainbows and unicorns and terrifying shadow creatures and massive amounts of damage. Wait, what?
Wealthy grapples with a scared friend. Grickx needs a better improv troupe. Vons hurls a squirrel. Aracyne's reasonable proposition is vehemently vetoed.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
082 – Time Skip 2: Chekhov’s Wizard’s Milk
Wed, 21 Sep 2022 07:06:47 +0000
We finish our time skip! The party goes and does their best to wrap up their long-term investigations as the clock runs down. Will Aracyne get her grandfather's trust? Will Vons get the brewery up and running? Will Grickx manage to keep his honeypot scheme going? Will Wealthy ever manage to actually kiss the girl she's dating? We roll piles of dice to find out!
Vons lets two parts of his life meet. Aracyne cuts it close. Wealthy might have it all figured out. Grickx busts out the blueprints. The CK almost has the NPCs leave the PCs on read.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
081 – Time Skip 1: Who Knew Bridges Burned So Easily?
Wed, 14 Sep 2022 07:01:00 +0000
We start our time skip as the party levels up to 5! They figure out what they're going to do with all that copious free time when they're not training their asses off. Breweries are built (finally), dating is failed at, and clandestine operations are continued. Turns out time management is the greatest adventure of all~
Don't worry, there's only two level up episodes this time. :D
Aracyne spends time with family. Grickx goes steady. Vons does the hard thing and asks for help. Wealthy trips and falls on the way to first base.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
080 – Long Talks and Hard Knocks
Wed, 07 Sep 2022 13:44:12 +0000
The party heads down to the Department of Investigations with their arrested, handsome, and/or unconscious rogues and tries to get some answers. What they find out rocks them to their core.
Vons feels the gravity of the situation. Aracyne drops off a delivery. Grickx puts the pieces together. Wealthy struggles with setting priorities. Bartholomew commits to the bit.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Note: The first uploaded version of the episode was missing the stinger, the current one has fixed the issue!
Wed, 31 Aug 2022 07:01:00 +0000
Aracyne and Grickx are pinned down as they attempt to get back to the city from Dr. Groves's lab. Are the approaching people friend or foe? And, more importantly, are they attractive???
Meanwhile, Vons and Wealthy have a slumber party.
Wealthy doesn't consider jurisdiction. Aracyne's a chill bro. Grickx forgets all about opsec. Vons yawns.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 24 Aug 2022 07:24:03 +0000
The party investigates the whereabouts of one Professor Jenkins. They also try to recover the strange machine from Dr. Groves's lab. Shit's heavy, y'know?
Grickx blows something up. Vons gives someone a discount. Aracyne gets a hug from a sucker. Wealthy finds vintage clothes.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fun fact! Turns out you *can* make paper from mushrooms: https://fungi.com/blogs/articles/making-mushroom-paper
077 – Do Foxes Dream of Pristine Seas?
Wed, 17 Aug 2022 07:01:00 +0000
After collaboratively looting Dr. Groves's office, the party engages in capitalism by going shopping. And then argues about capitalist labor practices. We're on-brand, y'know?
Aracyne goes hard on an accent. Grickx leaves a message. Wealthy assembles a tower of knowledge. Vons tries to inspire The Youth.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 10 Aug 2022 13:54:08 +0000
Plots and schemes brew at the brewery when the party meets late at night to catch up with each other's progress. They hatch a plan. Turns out, not everyone agrees with that plan, and one of them decides to take matters into their own hands.
Grickx pulls a wire. Aracyne gets the spray bottle. Wealthy's left holding the rope. Vons has a unique take on fences.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
075 – Surprising Notes of Warmth
Wed, 03 Aug 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The legal trials are over so now the party gets back to what they do best: spying, sleeping, and freaking out about their relationships.
Grickx almost forgets something. Aracyne engages in mail tampering. Vons sleeps, perchance to dream. Wealthy gets book-blocked.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 27 Jul 2022 13:17:03 +0000
It's time for Wealthy to go to court! The party has her story all figured out and the inspector's accepted it, so it should all be smooth sailing. She might not even get executed for trespassing! As long as no one interrupts the proceedings...
Wealthy gives a speech about injustice. Grickx objects to the judge's judgement. Aracyne violates library protocol. Vons enjoys a front-row seat.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 20 Jul 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party boldly strides forward into Fantasy Sunday, an excellent day to plot, plan, and most importantly panic about their lives. They've got just 24 hours until Wealthy goes to court, and every second counts.
Vons has a relaxing time in nature. Grickx makes plans to canoodle over noodles. Wealthy guns for an enchanted item. Aracyne plans an exit strategy.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
072 – Wig-less for the Prosecution
Wed, 13 Jul 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party faces their greatest enemy yet: the legal system, as one of their most ridiculous actions to date catches up with them. Luckily they have an airtight story all ironed out.
Wealthy is a shining exemplar of poise. Vons forgets to file a requisition form. Grickx doesn't want to put labels on things yet. Aracyne encounters her boyfriend's past. The CK still can't do accents.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
071 – Off the Spire, Into the Fire
Wed, 06 Jul 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party makes it to the morning after a long and eventful night where the concept of a centrifuge was researched, and some other stuff happened. It was a struggle, where blood was shed and private places were infiltrated. But at least no one's dying, right?
Funny story…
Grickx updates his paperwork. Aracyne makes tea. Vons goes in for a hug. Wealthy gets tied to a bed.
It's our one year anniversary this week! Thanks y'all for sticking with us and we look forward to creating more Primary Attribute for you to enjoy for a long time to come. :)
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
070 – My Dog’s Got Jars on Jars
Wed, 29 Jun 2022 07:01:00 +0000
It's a long night for the party as they grapple somewhat bravely with their ongoing struggles. We pick up right where we left off, with fights, nightmares, getting laid, and Gex…
Grickx examines a bookshelf. Wealthy finds her rope. Vons commits violence to vases. Aracyne listens to her grandfather.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/ We mistakenly say the Book of Erotic Fantasy is out of print, but it is available in PDF! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/12195/Book-of-Erotic-Fantasy
Wed, 22 Jun 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The night isn't over yet as the party moves in on Corva. Or at least one of them is making moves on her. The others are sleeping peacefully, like cowards. Though that doesn't last long!
Grickx acts on impulse. Aracyne gets a cookie. Vons is on the beach.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Note: Kelly had to step out suddenly during recording, so there's essentially no Wealthy this episode. She's back next week! You do, at least, get a cameo from a different beloved character of Kelly's.
068 – Crouching Kobold, Hidden Halfling
Wed, 15 Jun 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party's stakeout of Corva continues, this time with wildly different results as Grickx and Wealthy take the helm. Paths are hiked, messages are sent, and cold is felt. Also spoiler warning for Jurassic Park III (2001), of all things.
Wealthy dreams of home. Grickx takes a nap. Aracyne has a check-in. Vons comes knocking.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Bonus Fun Links! Wikipedia article for Petra, the ancient city: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petra The William Shatner article (NY Times, not Esquire, it turns out): https://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/05/magazine/05Shatner-t.html The merely SEVENTEEN year old Penny Arcade comic: https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/08/05/the-nemesis Found footage of Grickx and Wealthy as spies (according to Whit): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNSNLXNnx-o
067 – Staking Out and Blending In
Wed, 08 Jun 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party finishes planning, and gets down to business. The business of a little lighthearted surveillance in the dangerous outdoors.
Vons gets out his blanket. Aracyne proposes a novel strategy for leaving one's job. Grickx grills an ally to determine their true allegiance. Wealthy gets a weave.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 01 Jun 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party figures some shit out. Like what they want to do with their lives! Y'know, little simple easy things like that. Vons shirks paternal responsibility. Aracyne wants to restrict access to books. Wealthy asks someone for the small favor of treason. Grickx just needs someone to be his Spiro Agnew. The time paradox makes a guest appearance. Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
065 – Ghost in the Gem: Goo Vats Complex
Wed, 25 May 2022 13:52:34 +0000
The party finishes recuperating from their latest misadventure, and learns some new things about everyone's favorite magic goop. Also, personal financial anxiety! Keeping it relevant over here.
Wealthy has a shoulder-based epiphany. Vons has something in common with baby boomers. Grickx doesn't need JSTOR. Aracyne has The Talk. The CK manages to fail to do an intended accent three different times.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Thu, 19 May 2022 04:55:27 +0000
The party drags their injured members to the clinic to get patched up and recover. While they're there, a social kerfuffle breaks out, they take advantage of local expertise, and a member attempts petty theft. Later, politics are discussed with someone's mom.
Aracyne misses an important introduction. Wealthy up and moves. Vons is a single issue voter. Grickx *doesn't* want to engage in wanton murder. Weird.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Support the West Seattle Food Bank With Us on May 14th!
Wed, 11 May 2022 07:02:00 +0000
Hey everyone, please join us in supporting the West Seattle Food Bank for their Instruments of Change event on May 14th, 2022! We've sponsored the event and will be there in person, if you want to come say hi, or you can attend virtually, with free tickets still available.
The food bank does a lot of important work in the community, helping provide food, clothes, and numerous other resources to folks in need in Seattle. They can always use more help to provide their services to as many people as possible, and that's where y'all come in.
If you attend, there are lots of extra fun ways to donate, including a silent auction with some truly cursed dolls among other, less terrifying items. However, even if you'd rather pass on the event, or you're getting to this past the event date, we'd still love it if you donated a little something to support their mission. (If you can, we know things are tough right now!)
You can donate, learn more about the food bank, and find information about virtual tickets at https://westseattlefoodbank.org/
If you do donate, let us know! We will give you 10,000 Cool Points to go with the warm feeling you'll have in your heart for helping out a great cause.
Wed, 11 May 2022 07:01:00 +0000
From the moment the desk walked into their lives, the party knew it was going to be trouble. But it had gorgeous hardware and a great set of legs. They couldn't resist trying to get in its drawer. So they made their move, with all the subtlety of a crowbar. And that's when everything went sideways.
Vons believes in the importance of hydration. Wealthy overspecializes. Aracyne pays it forward. Grickx acts as if all the world's a stage.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
062 – Spatchcocking the Lava Snake
Wed, 04 May 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party heads back down into the maintenance tunnels to search the facility nestled in the dark part of the grid, having now reached an agreement with the tentacats for permission to move through their territory. Turns out there's rather a lot to find.
Vons is *not* not all who wander. Aracyne has an almost-kiss. Wealthy accidentally overcharges. Grickx is concerned about timing. Elara's chill and stuff. The Castle Keeper is definitely not a fan of Prey (2017), how dare you.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 27 Apr 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party crawls their way back out of the maintenance tunnels to try and recharge before another day of descending into the deeps. Not everything that happens in the tunnels stays in the tunnels, however, and they find they have to deal with some rather sticky consequences. Also, donuts!
Wealthy has impure thoughts. Vons has a sleepover. Grickx has his concerns dispelled. Aracyne talks it out.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 20 Apr 2022 04:34:40 +0000
Hey everyone! No new episode this week. Sometimes life comes at you sideways, or at least prevents you from managing to release a podcast episode at its originally scheduled time.
We'll be back to our regular schedule next week! Until then, stay safe and well. We'll see you soon. :)
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com
Wed, 13 Apr 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party may be safe, but with tentacats you can never be sure. Especially when they keep saying you're food. Negotiations continue as the promised supplies arrive on the scene, along with a few unexpected guests.
Vons is invisible in social situations. Grickx sends someone to the Shadow Realm. Aracyne has Too Much of a Day. Wealthy assumes there's two sides to every conversation.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 06 Apr 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party's separated and held hostage by tentacats (or possibly holding them hostage, depending on point of view). Except for Vons and Wealthy, who are merely held hostage by BELOVED NPC Gex's snark. And rusty ladders. And their own curiosity.
Wealthy finds a situation where she *will* charge in. Aracyne explains it's not what it looks like. Grickx is congratulated. Vons lives the life aquatic.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 30 Mar 2022 14:22:22 +0000
The party struggles to find each other and escape their perilous situation in the lair of the tentacats. At the rate they're going, they might not even get any treasure at the end of this! But then again, isn't the real treasure the friends we made along the way?
Wealthy jumps at shadows. Vons is a thing. Grickx orders delivery. Aracyne meets an up-and-coming amateur Shakesperean actor. The GM never learns.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 23 Mar 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The party's fight against the tentacat concludes! They're down a few members, but they're scrappy, and that's what matters. Meanwhile, Vons and Wealthy try to figure out how to deal with being trapped in darkness, with a hungry creature breathing down their necks...
Elara has financial concerns. Aracyne is in the void. Vons reads thiefenscratch. Wealthy checks her inventory. Grickx overplays scritches as a negotiation technique.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 16 Mar 2022 07:01:00 +0000
The battle against the cat of shadow and tentacles continues! With Aracyne missing, the rest of the party tries to keep it together, take down the creature that took her, and weather the effects the magic goop. It's a stressful time inside the world's worst lava lamp.
Vons threads the needle. Wealthy can't find the right towel. Grickx is a good ferocious boy. Elara has mad hops. Aracyne's appearances-per-episode contract is violated.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
055 – The Floor is Made of Magic
Wed, 09 Mar 2022 08:01:00 +0000
The party faces off against a giant, tentacled cat in a room full of molten magic. Spells fly, people are picked up by other people, and magic goop is collided with as the fight gets rolling.
Wealthy didn't watch Willy Wonka. Vons can't read. Aracyne hears the ocean. Grickx frees his mind.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 02 Mar 2022 08:01:00 +0000
The party descends down into the maintenance tunnels to follow Grickx's investigation into the death of his friend. They actually remember to prepare this time, in flagrant disregard for on-site procurement SOP. They even remember to tell people where they're going! They don't get any codec frequencies, though.
Wealthy experiences a fear in her heart. Vons goes through a trial to survive. Aracyne tries not to melt into anyone or anything. Grickx guides the party through darkness and silence to new light.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
053 – Apparently We Do Negotiate with Distillers
Wed, 23 Feb 2022 09:02:52 +0000
Aracyne meets with Nara, and tries to plea her case. Nara isn't so easily moved, however, and will need some convincing. Meanwhile, the rest of the party has a perfectly pleasant time making new friends, training on their new gear, failing to understand business, and learning about the world around them.
Wealthy takes a quick continuing education course. Aracyne has lewd thoughts. Vons is tempted by the personal benefits of capitalism. Grickx sees pretty colors.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 16 Feb 2022 08:01:00 +0000
The party has gathered together, and we join them as they discuss overthrowing the government. They, of course, have no reservations and are ready to engage in the most radical acts and do anything necessary to achieve their goals. Definitely.
We also narrowly avoid at least one conversation about accounting. That's something, right? Totally anticapitalist move, right there.
Grickx considers making a polite request. Wealthy does some networking. Vons tries to get someone to flip on their dealer. Aracyne has a midnight rendezvous.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
051 – Montage 6: All Good Things Must End (After They Take Forever)
Wed, 09 Feb 2022 08:01:00 +0000
Our grand experiment in post-modern montage approaches its end. The party achieves some long-awaited goals and gains some new abilities. A sandwich atlatl is proposed. Most importantly, the Prophecy comes to pass.
Grickx considers becoming a god. Wealthy bakes bread. Aracyne outlines the conditions under which she'd volunteer to be a practice target. Vons faces off against feathers. Shield is accosted. Accosted by FRIENDSHIP.
If you'd like to learn more about atlatls, you can do so here!: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spear-thrower
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
P.S. Apologies for the sirens and/or road noise that snuck into the mix! We do our best to avoid it, but sometimes it can't be helped. The hazards of city living, I suppose. Time for us all to move to rural Iowa so in addition to quieter environs we can count as Real Americans whose votes matter and chill with presidential primary candidates!
SFX Credit: The record scratch sound effect is "Cue Scratch.wav" by Racche, from Freesound.org, used under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license (CC BY 3.0). Link to the source of the sound effect: https://freesound.org/people/Racche/sounds/160907/ Link to the license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
050 – Montage 5: There Wasn’t Supposed To Be Plot
Wed, 02 Feb 2022 08:01:00 +0000
It's our 50th episode! Thanks for sticking with us, and we hope you keep on enjoying our show for a long time to come. :D
We approach the end of our Bold Experiment in Montage That Transcends the Medium (BEMTTM). The party tries doing new things, like moving shop, engaging in this thing known as "work," and finding new books in the library. Only some of them turn out to be horribly regrettable!
Grickx gets distracted. Vons employs child labor. Aracyne doesn't keep her eyes on her own paper. Wealthy really needs a hobby.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
049 – Montage 4: Laying Foundations, Burning Bridges
Wed, 26 Jan 2022 08:01:00 +0000
Our prestige miniseries continues with the party pressing on in their training and putting down roots for further growth. There's study sessions, horrible grandparents, a friend waking up from a borderline coma, and the blowing up of spots! It's like Gilmore Girls by way of General Hospital!
Aracyne finally makes it as an unpaid intern. Vons gets real about his estate. Grickx provides the finest kibble. Wealthy is an excellent study buddy.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
048 – Montage 3: Getting Lucky
Wed, 19 Jan 2022 08:01:00 +0000
We wrap up week two of four of our montage! A speedy 3 episodes in!
Aracyne syncs back up with the time stream, and everyone meets at a bar to catch up. And be mad at each other. Or just awkward. Friendships are complicated, okay?
Aracyne violates the return policy. Grickx invests in R&D. Vons's past shows up on his doorstep. Wealthy hits the books.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
047 – Montage 2: Let’s Stop Searching for People, Huh?
Wed, 12 Jan 2022 08:01:00 +0000
(We recommend reading the title in Aracyne's voice for maximum effect.)
In the second episode of the montage (shush, you), the remaining party of Grickx, Wealthy, and Vons searches for Aracyne, who's gone missing on them. Everyone brings their own approach to the task at hand. Some of them even work!
Wealthy uses her hat-based powers to find the trail. Aracyne catches up on her correspondence. Grickx posts to the city BBS. Green lends a helping paw. Vons shows that, deep down in his heart of hearts, he cares.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
PS If you're curious about the Captain's Yacht, Wikipedia has you covered! It was in the finest Star Trek film of all time, Star Trek: Insurrection! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starship_Enterprise#Captain's_yacht
Fri, 07 Jan 2022 08:01:00 +0000
We cut away from the party's montage to cover what Aracyne's been up to. Turns out it's not just partying! Instead there's disguises, stakeouts, copious amounts of poison, and an assassination mission. Which goes completely smoothly and definitely doesn't break Aracyne's worldview. Totally.
Aracyne spills a drink and gets a new cloak. The GM is slow at math. Vons, Grickx, and Wealthy have a relaxing episode off-camera where the GM can't get to them.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/ PS: Timeline note: Takes place concurrent to the events of episodes 45, 47, and 48.
Whoosh sound effect by _Bepis: https://freesound.org/people/_bepis/sounds/414422/
045 – Montage 1: Expanding Horizons
Wed, 05 Jan 2022 08:01:00 +0000
We start our highly efficient 4-week montage where the party members train up, make connections, and improve their skills as part of leveling. And cover one whole week. It's a slow-motion montage. Very high-concept, very avant garde. 100% intentional. >.>;;;
Wealthy goes to office hours and meets a fellow researcher. Vons does the grossest thing yet. Aracyne slips away into her own episode (out Friday!). Grickx improves his reading skills. The GM gets to consult the org chart.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 29 Dec 2021 08:01:14 +0000
Everyone heads home, dirty and exhausted, after their rescue of Cog from the depths of the maintenance tunnels. The proper authorities are retroactively informed, loot is divided, some people pull off the transition back to daily life better than others, and we meet some delightful new characters on a date night.
Vons is vulnerable to a vixen. Aracyne is totally, definitely, absolutely fine. Grickx visits his local library. Wealthy researches a stick. Bob appears.
This episode's vocabulary word is "sporran!" See if you can find where it shows up in the episode! You can learn what the fuck they are here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporran
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
SA003 – Solstice Special 2021!
Fri, 24 Dec 2021 08:00:51 +0000
It's our 2021 Solstice Special! Or whatever winter-ish holiday of your choice!
This solstice we would like to formally invite you to attend a party at the home of Grickx and Wealthy. There will be dinner, drinks, the airing of grievances, white oliphant games, and general merrymaking! All you have to do is bring yourself. The party, though? They have to bring their best sweaters with them, too.
Vons gives a truly unique gift. Wealthy's past comes back to haunt her. Aracyne has a cunning plan. Grickx teaches important traditions, and is the best roommate. Almost every NPC gets invited, risking another singularity. The GM biffs a slant rhyme.
Check us out online at https://primaryattribute.com! And happy holidays, everyone! <3
P.S. Canon Note! This episode uses events up through episode 46 as canon, but is itself not canon. And you didn't miss any releases: episodes 44, 45, and 46 are actually coming out in the weeks following this episode. Sorry for any confusion this may cause while you listen, this was just how our recording schedule worked out. Think of any references as fun teasers of things to come! They're basically awesome solstice presents, if you think about it. :D
Wed, 22 Dec 2021 08:01:00 +0000
(Special Announcement! Be sure to keep an eye out this Friday (12/24) for our holiday episode! There are SWEATERS.)
With a pile of invisible monsters swarming towards them, and a new ally by their side, the party makes its escape from the underground facility. Will they make it out of the maintenance levels intact? More importantly, will they finally solve the riddle of the mystery square?
Aracyne fails to develop psychic powers. Grickx fully comprehends things that would shatter other mortal minds. Wealthy's university education fails her. Vons handles a job interview in one of the weirdest ways possible. A joke so terrible it has to be bleeped out is made.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
042 – Small Explosives, Big Consequences
Wed, 15 Dec 2021 08:01:00 +0000
The party's secured Cog and starts looking for a way out. But that turns out to be a tall order, and as trouble besets them on every side things get buck wild.
Aracyne wants up. Grickx proves himself to a certain someone. Wealthy hangs in there. Vons is surprised at the strength of his concoctions. Cog is still no help at all.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 08 Dec 2021 08:01:00 +0000
With Cog's life hanging in the balance, the party executes their rescue operation. It leads to Cog's life hanging in midair instead. It's all going according to plan, right? And they tightened all those knots? Right? Guys?
Grickx's plans go up in smoke. Wealthy tries to pull off a rope trick. Vons sticks the landing. Aracyne shows off her qualifications for Cirque du Soleil. Cog is no help at all.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
040 – Beauty, Grace, Both Landed On Their Face
Wed, 01 Dec 2021 08:01:25 +0000
After Aracyne's injury, the party stops to regroup, recuperate, and reconsider their plan of action. It looks like it's going to be a long night down in the maintenance tunnels.
Wealthy lives up to one half of her name. Aracyne and Vons have a heart to heart. Grickx readies for launch.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 24 Nov 2021 08:06:13 +0000
The party explores the room with the giant crystal column, searching for any more clues as to Cog's whereabouts. There's also the little matter of the disturbances in the water three stories down…
Wealthy worries wildly. Vons engages in outright heroism. Aracyne takes a header. Grickx makes a wish.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 17 Nov 2021 08:01:00 +0000
The party, having successfully saved Grickx from becoming Stabby-food, works out what to do next on their search for Cog. They press on through a dense thicket of horrible tongues to continue their quest further down into the darkness full of mystery squares, doors, and poor maintenance practices.
Grickx takes matters into his own hands. Wealthy learns her new trade. Vons ponders potential fillets. Aracyne trips hard.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
037 – Resolving the Grickx Buffet
Wed, 10 Nov 2021 08:44:11 +0000
We rejoin our hero, Stabby the (not-technically-a-)Roper, as they try to finish the delicious meal they started last week. Will they succeed at consuming a delightful kobold treat? Perhaps sample a second course of foxfolk, halfing, or half-elf? Or will these annoying creatures interrupt their meal?
Vons practices amateur surgery. Wealthy turns off her targeting computer. Aracyne shows off her knife mastery. Grickx uses the emergency confetti.
Editor's note: Apologies for the rough audio in today's episode! The original recordings had some strangeness to them, and I (Ian) wasn't able to get it fully filtered out of the edited version before release.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 03 Nov 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party's search for Cog continues as they try to find the best way down to the lower levels to keep following his trail. It's not all smooth sailing, however, like when they're interrupted by a mess of strange cables in a lower room…
Wealthy is light on her feet. Vons considers the snack to danger ratio. Grickx suddenly ascends. Aracyne scouts ahead.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
SA002 – Halloween Special 2021!
Wed, 27 Oct 2021 07:49:05 +0000
It's our Halloween special! We pause our party's dungeon delve adventure for a pleasant, quiet gathering of the party and friends at the Maefynwe estate to celebrate the Autumn harvest festival. Some claim the time of year is haunted, but that's all superstitious nonsense. Right?
Grickx brings enough to share. Wealthy struggles with affairs of the heart. Vons gives professional criticism. Aracyne steals her family members' stuff. Photios has a floop.
Content Warning: Due to the horror angle, things got a bit more grim than usual. This episode has graphic violence and gore beyond what's usually in our show. There's also mind control/brainwashing, with some accompanying consent issues touched on briefly near the end. If you need to sit this one out, no worries! Any big things that cross over into the main campaign will be explained within those mainline episodes.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
PS Behold, the promised maps! Note they are very much not to scale.
First Floor:
Second Floor:
Wed, 20 Oct 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party fully uncovers the breadth and depth of the mystery square as they investigate further the strange place they've found themselves in. They also talk to ghosts, but who cares about that when you're finishing a mini-map, am I right?
Wealthy lights the way. Grickx lives vicariously through others. Vons tries to collect some samples. Aracyne descends to depths unknown.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
034 – Ghosts Are Real… A Real Bummer!
Wed, 13 Oct 2021 07:01:00 +0000
As the party descends deeper into the mountain, they move away from the carefully constructed maintenance tunnels and into natural caverns riddled with OSHA violations. From holes to doors to poorly-described rooms, there's no end to the terrors they encounter!
Aracyne copes with a tragedy. Vons takes a moment to think. Jaaspar uses his degree. Wealthy tries to hold the world to a higher standard. The GM blows their spatial description check. Grickx is extremely rude.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 06 Oct 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party gets ready to descend into the maintenance levels of the city to search for Cog. They get armored up, grab their gear, and head on through the bead curtain of destiny to find out what lies beyond.
Aracyne helps a friend get dressed to go out. Vons finds out he'd hate the Haunted Mansion. Grickx remembers he was supposed to do something. Wealthy gets roped in.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 29 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party is drawn together by Grickx's note and heads to Otten Core, where they hatch a plan to find the missing Cog. First, though, Aracyne has some business to conclude.
Grickx hears a tale that chills him to the bone. Vons upcycles some utensils and makes a friend. Wealthy finds a table. Aracyne takes 2d6 feelings damage.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
SA001 – Secondary Attribute: Math is Hard
Wed, 22 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
Hey everyone! We weren't able to get a normal episode out for this week due to some technical difficulties, so we decided to do something a little different. We present for your listening pleasure a bit of cut content from the Dating Game episodes that we thought was very funny and interesting, but couldn't quite make fit into the final edit.
Sorry for the delay on the next episode! We'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming next week. <3
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 15 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
With Cog MIA, the party rushes to do all their side quests in the little time they have to spare before a potential rescue operation. After all, if you don't unlock the ultimate weapon and armor for every character, and finish all the social links, are you even really playing?*
Grickx rats people out. Vons destroys the upper crust. And the middle. And the lower. All of them, really. Aracyne researches the history of furniture. Wealthy auditions for the reboot of Numb3rs. The GM goes to the Bad Place.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
P.S. Sorry for the wonky audio quality, we apparently pissed off some gremlins or something and our mics did not behave. That or the several gods that have cursed Ian over the years decided to remind them who's boss.
*You ARE and we support you any way you want to play <3
030 – Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Fri, 10 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
Our party is out of lockdown and everyone heads home to get some space and figure out what their next objective is. It's a thrilling tale of terrible family members, fanciful correspondence, and trying to find one's place in the world.
Vons makes his mark. Wealthy's weekend woes suddenly increase. Grickx gets a roommate. Aracyne struggles with a broken record.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
029 – Lockdown 6: A Chaste Intimacy is Established
Wed, 08 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
We wrap up our lockdown arc with a brief episode concerning pancakes. Amazingly for this show, it's not a pancake breakfast fundraiser to repair a park or conduit or something. I'm just as confused as you.
Grickx plays a co-op minigame and gets S rank. Wealthy keeps a low profile. Vons is surprisingly sweet. Aracyne rides the snugglebus. The GM forgets words and deepens the time paradox. Everyone gets a prize.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fri, 03 Sep 2021 07:56:35 +0000
The party's evening in lockdown finally winds to a close, and everyone drifts towards bed, though not without some final shenanigans of both the criminal and heart varieties.
Grickx gives a pair of crack commandos a dangerous mission. Wealthy asks the hard questions. Aracyne and Photios bust out the luggage rack and unpack some baggage. Vons engages in fraud.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
027 – Lockdown 4: Just Like Middle School
Wed, 01 Sep 2021 07:01:00 +0000
It's episode 4 of lockdown, so we take a breather from Feelings with a pleasant conversation about anticapitalism, big pharma, and worldly awareness. Oooh, and there's party games!
Grickx is a good sport and a bad coaster. Aracyne makes drinking plans and auditions for the role of Sexy Count von Count. Vons opens up and shows some gaps. Wealthy pits her liver against her feelings, and doesn't name names.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
026 – Lockdown 3: The Search for Wealthy
Fri, 27 Aug 2021 09:49:11 +0000
It's time for Lockdown episode three, and we've now hit three cliffhangers in a row for Aracyne about Wealthy. Have the stars finally aligned so Aracyne can get her answers? We'll find out!
The party hunkers down as the evening grows late around them, and the conversations turn more serious. Confrontations are finally managed, and difficult topics finally broached. Also, there's cartoons.
Aracyne takes the road less traveled. Wealthy learns the shortcomings of houseplants. Vons considers all the possibilities. Repeatedly. Grickx shares a tale of mythical creatures. Most of the NPCs catch a breather.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
025 – Lockdown 2: Unhealthy Emotional Investments
Wed, 25 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
It's the second episode of lockdown, the alcohol's out, and things are heating up. They should probably try to get some ventilation going, because the party has zero chill.
Wealthy channels Mary Worth and gets her meddle on. Vons attempts to keep things on the down low, to the point he's risking breaching the mantle. Grickx copilots the AMS Chill Hang as it enters choppy emotional waters. Aracyne tries to crack the case but struggles to get these birds to sing.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fri, 20 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
Arx Moltimus goes into lockdown as a storm, and The Corruption, crash against the walls. The party, meanwhile, crashes in some friend's apartments. Is anyone ready to spend this long in close quarters together? Especially after the night they've been having? Probably not, but we're going to find out!
Aracyne suffers an internal organ malfunction. Grickx shows his age and makes a new friend. Wealthy finally catches a break. Vons demonstrates his apothecary alchemist skills and engages in some light looting. However, the true prize, nachos, stays out of his reach. The GM fully triggers the NPC Singularity.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 18 Aug 2021 08:34:43 +0000
The party spends the evening drinking with friends. They try to wind down, relax, and celebrate some recent accomplishments. They succeed at exactly one of these! Emotional Chaos ensues.
Vons looks for a helping paw for himself and society. Grickx is the only good listener. Aracyne asks for a big favor and tries to get her friends to open up. Wealthy gets absolutely, positively smashed, and that's the least of her problems. The GM digs themselves deeper into the Time Void and starts assembling the NPC Singularity.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Audio Credits:
Thunder Sounds CloseLightning20august2007.mp3 by Zoltan Csengeri, aka Csengeri on Freesound.org License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License Link: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Original: https://freesound.org/people/csengeri/sounds/39510/ The audio has been altered from its original version for use in this episode
Bell Sounds Large Bell Ringing by flarn2006 License: Creative Commons 0 (public domain) License Link: https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/ Original: https://freesound.org/people/flarn2006/sounds/147913/ The audio has been altered from its original version for use in this episode
022 – Downtime? More Like Downertime!
Fri, 13 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
Our party goes back to their daily lives after an exciting day of dates and adventure, in what is sure to be a light-hearted and breezy breather episode. Wait, I'm being handed a note. Oh...oh no.
Wealthy changes hats. Vons worries that by not taking Renegade points he'll get the bad ending. Aracyne fails to see the problem, and also D.A.R.E. Grickx engages in introspection, one of the most the dangerous activities known to man or god, as he examines an old wound. The GM damages the timeline.
Production note: Whit's microphone continued to cause trouble during this recording, so we apologize if you have the sensation that bees are attempting to see if your ears are flowers whenever Grickx is around. Also, Adam's recording was corrupted and had to be re-recorded, so if he sounds odd at times, that's why!
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com
Wed, 11 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party drifts home after a night at the bar and reluctantly resumes the trials of daily life. Aracyne visits a certain shop. Vons turns down a networking opportunity. Grickx's past comes back to haunt him. Wealthy looks at transforming the equation of her life. The cast barely prevents becoming unstuck in time.
Production note: In addition to Ian's continued haunting by the screams of children, Whit's microphone ran into some trouble during this recording. We had to cut in a piece of our backup, so if you notice the audio sounds a little weird for a minute, or two, that's probably what it is! Hopefully! Or you too are haunted???
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fri, 06 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
We rejoin our party while Grickx is away, as Aracyne gets called out and tries to explain the party's sudden presence in the distillery to Nara. Things get a little awkward, to say the least. Vons considers the better part of valor. Aracyne swears it's not what it looks like. Grickx lets Nara know where she stands. Wealthy puts a ring on it.
Production note: Ian would like to apologize for the random sounds of yelling children in their audio. This is, at least at the moment, not caused by them being haunted. However, they did live in an apartment complex where a bunch of kids, whose voices would not be stopped by such petty trifles as closed windows, were playing in the courtyard during recording.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
019 – An Independent Contractor
Wed, 04 Aug 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party finds themselves confronted by their foe, Nara, and hatch a clever plan. The plan, of course, immediately goes to shit. Wealthy tries to win friends and influence people. Vons makes small talk. Aracyne attempts desperately to play it cool. Devin lurks in the background. The players get separation anxiety. Grickx throws down for all the marbles.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fri, 30 Jul 2021 07:48:44 +0000
The party meets the most suspicious type of people of all: grad students. Grickx handles his lucky stick. Wealthy doesn't believe in independent field research. Defended Delves shows incredible restraint in their pushing of buttons. Aracyne makes an entrance. Vons tries to share his snacks. Some weirdo named Devin keeps hanging around for some reason.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 28 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
Our party is attacked by creatures in the dark who try to eat their faces. Or be their friends! Who can really say for sure? Aracyne uses her head. Vons proves the value of tactile labeling. Wealthy gives it her all. Grickx makes cotton candy. Defended Delves proves they're worth the money.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
016 – A Maze of Twisty Little Passages, All Alike
Fri, 23 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party decides to not confront Nara and instead tries to find another route to their destination. They press forward in a way that does not resemble wandering one bit, how dare you. Wealthy laments her footwear choices. Vons gets confused by the plan. Grickx bravely charges head-on into the unknown. Aracyne goes to geology class.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 21 Jul 2021 19:00:06 +0000
The party descends into the maintenance levels, escorted by Elara and Green of Defended Delves. Parts are scavenged, poop mold is gathered, and a surprise awaits them in the sewer levels. Aracyne goes incognito and fears entrapment. Vons gathers ingredients and is surprisingly level-headed. Wealthy runs into an old acquaintance and learns some new things from Vons. Grickx worries about city infrastructure and uses his keen hearing to detect trouble ahead.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
014 – The Dating Game (Part 2)
Fri, 16 Jul 2021 07:02:00 +0000
If you haven't listened to the previous episode, we heavily recommend you start there! This is essentially the second half of one very long episode.
Half the party wraps up their dates while the other half continue to work on self-actualization. Sort of. Vons tries to keep his shit together, despite having zero chill, on his date with Green. Photios learns that Aracyne has a particular set of skills, and a surprisingly high number of different lives. Aracyne continues to blow up her own spot. Wealthy takes on a freelance magic gig that promises to test those magical math skills. Grickx finds about some shady goings-on in the Kobold Warrens. And, finally, they all meet up at a coffee shop so they can go on a dungeon delve, the ideal after-date re-centering activity.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Music Attribution: Sneaky Adventure by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4383-sneaky-adventure License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Deliberate Thought by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3635-deliberate-thought License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Luminous Rain by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4007-luminous-rain License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Life of Riley by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3976-life-of-riley License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
013 – The Dating Game (Part 1)
Fri, 16 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
It's date time! As Vons and Aracyne get ready for their respective dates, Grickx and Wealthy do their best to go about their daily lives. Vons learns what a brush is. Aracyne dresses to match the lichen. Grickx tries to have hobbies and finds a lead on an upgraded arm. Wealthy works on a terrible hat.
If you would like to get in on our weirdly specific bullshit, the book we were referencing that has the Rach society in it is Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, which you can find out more about here: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780316246620. You can also check out Mission to Zyxx at https://www.missiontozyxx.space/.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Music Attribution:
Sneaky Adventure by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4383-sneaky-adventure License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Luminous Rain by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4007-luminous-rain License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Life of Riley by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3976-life-of-riley License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Wed, 14 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
BOY HOWDY we hope you like worldbuilding, Seattle references, and fox flirting. Romance is in the air and bugs are intentionally on the plates at The Dumpster this fine evening as the party spots an attractive vixen. Aracyne makes the group some new friends, wingmans erratically, and shares some family troubles. Vons maybe gets a date, no one is sure. Wealthy is socially terrified. Grickx does not get baby bjorn'ed, much to everyone's disappointment.
By the way, the prosthesis we were referencing is the prosthetic hand of Renaissance-era poet-knight Götz von Berlichingen, who you can learn about over on Wikipedia! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Götz_von_Berlichingen
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Fri, 09 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The party finds the source of the explosion and those responsible for it. They also engage in a light discussion about overthrowing their entire society. Wealthy finally gets to use her degree. Grickx takes someone else's device for himself. Vons demands another alchemist's research and bonds with Aracyne despite his best efforts. Aracyne has complicated feelings about privilege, and goes full career counselor at some people she just met. Again.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:40:00 +0000
The party commits the greatest crime of all, delaying nachos, in order to find the source of the explosion that rocked their world. Aracyne gets to use her special talent. Wealthy does a badass vault. Vons is made to stay quiet and to not have nachos. Grickx muddles through without his tools.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
009 – Gendered Clothing is for Other Fantasy Universes
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:39:00 +0000
Making new friends and evening plans as an adult is hard! Luckily, our friendly neighborhood socialite is on the case. Aracyne has Wealthy consult on an ugly hat, leaves a message for Vons with a new acquaintance, and has coffee with Grickx. Later, they all go out for drinks.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:38:00 +0000
In the wake of their last adventure, the party goes about their daily lives. Wealthy goes to the library. Vons meets with his alchemical ingredient hookup and retraces his steps. Grickx and the inspector catch up. Aracyne gets blasted.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:37:00 +0000
The party retreats to go get some responsible adults, and then try to bust a speakeasy full of rich and powerful people. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Vons hangs back. Grickx gets patched up. Wealthy gets awkward. Aracyne blows up her own spot.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:36:00 +0000
The party is discovered, and quickly things turn to blows as they fight to survive in the most dangerous of places, a distillery. Wealthy discovers the terror of magic. Vons makes for a very bad doctor. Grickx presses on against all odds. Aracyne gives career advice.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:35:00 +0000
After their harrowing encounter last session, the party takes a moment to breathe, gather themselves, and then head out into the rest of the underground. Strange voices and horrible smells lie around every corner as they explore, and it quickly becomes clear that not all is as it should be. Aracyne listens closely and has a sense of entitlement. Grickx actually fixes something. Vons finds a snack. Wealthy doubts her career choices.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:34:00 +0000
The party remembers they're supposed to be investigating infrastructure, not awesome glowing alcohol, and head down into the maintenance levels. Things get wet, then dangerous. Grickx shows off his magic wand, and Wealthy shows off her magic missiles. Aracyne loses a dirk. Vons gets under someone's shell.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
003 – Investigations and Flirtations
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:33:04 +0000
The party investigates the strange glowing drink that's suddenly popular in The Warrens, as well as the Gwendolou, the bar that's serving it. Vons and Wealthy go in the trash. Grickx slips away for a solo sneaking mission. Aracyne goes to get a drink and only ends up thirsty.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com
Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:30:46 +0000
Our party all finally meets each other and figures out how to work together. Sort of. They get to know each other over a drink, and then scout around The Warrens looking for clues as to the strange power fluctuations there. What they find instead is a glowing drink that gets you extremely high.
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/
001 – Civil Service for Fun and Profit
Mon, 05 Jul 2021 07:01:00 +0000
The gig economy always sucks, even on the flying city-fortress above a corrupted, apocalyptic world. Here we start the tale of the city of Arx Moltimus, and our motley crew of adventurers: Vons, Wealthy, Grickx, and Aracyne. Due to a lack of mysterious old men in taverns to give them quests, they are instead drawn together by a combination of just doing their jobs, needing some cash, covering for a friend, and getting asked to by a mysterious mentor. Little do they know how complicated their lives are about to get…
Check us out online! We're at https://primaryattribute.com/